Finding Mr. Height: The Podcast

Ali answers five listener questions that all share a common thread: the gap between wanting something and being able to follow through. A first-time manager grappling with imposter syndrome, a single mom navigating kid disclosure on the apps, someone processing timeline anxiety after leaving a relationship, a dater hitting a wall with the performance exhaustion of first dates, and someone three weeks deep in a texting situation who can't figure out how to suggest meeting up.

Patreon episode on being a good manager

In Updates, Ali shares a recent...

This week, Ali is joined by Sarah, a listener who reached out to share her journey with desire and intimacy. Sarah opens up about how her health anxiety quietly muted her desire for sex until she sought out a specialized sex therapist, and how that work helped her reframe arousal, communicate with her husband, and rebuild a sex life that works for both of them. They also touch on practical tools that helped Sarah in her work, including the book “Women on Top” by Nancy Friday and try the Unbound Intimacy Deck for cards like Sarah describes.

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TW: This episode contains a brief discussion of cancer and loss. If you want to skip it, the guest segment begins at approximately minute 13.

Brooke Janousek, founder of Someone You Should Meet, joins Ali to make the case for letting the people who know you best do the talking. Brooke and Ali dig into why apps fail to capture who people actually are, the courage gap between professional and personal life, and what inspired Brooke to start hosting in-person dating events (hint: it was attending a lackluster one herself). The two also chat about...

You're being interviewed, but you're also doing the interviewing. Most people forget the second part. Ali shares two episodes from the Finding Mr. Height Patreon in this special re-air, covering the interview process from both sides of the table. Part one is a practical guide to vetting a company before you accept an offer: how to use Glassdoor beyond the surface level, what LinkedIn can tell you about turnover patterns, how to interview your interviewer, and more. Part two covers your side of the table: how to tell a coherent, compelling story about your career, how to answer questions...

This week, Ali sits down with Sarah Vacchiano, author of Soft Launch, who got married at 21, divorced at 27, and moved to New York City to start over from scratch. Sarah shares what it felt like to leave a marriage that looked fine on the outside, how she navigated a world she’d skipped the entry points to, and what it took to finally build an identity that was genuinely hers. She remarried at 37, and the conversation gets into what was fundamentally different about love on the other side of all that work.

This week’s Me...

TW: This episode includes discussion of grief, miscarriage and emotional abuse.

This week, Ali is joined by a listener who shares her story of leaving a marriage rooted in cultural pressure, low self-worth, and years of emotional abuse. The conversation covers the internal voice she ignored while engaged, the compounding grief that finally pushed her out the door, and what it's looked like to rebuild on the other side.

This week's Media Mention is a video by @zkiaba on TikTok, where she pushes back on the idea that men...

Ali and Skyline are celebrating two years together! Together from Italy, they go deep on what two years actually looks like, covering how they handle disagreements, how intentional they've been about the relationship and whether that was by design or just who they are, what they've each learned about themselves through the relationship, and what surprised them most about each other along the way. Plus, listeners ask about their couple identity, the little habits that make each other smile, where things are headed next, and which annoying habits irk each other the most. But first, the two recap highlights...

Danielle McGeough joins Ali to talk about what happens after you hit the goal you've been chasing your whole career and realize it doesn't feel the way you thought it would (and how this relates to dating!). Danielle, a professor and creator of the RISE Ritual Method, unpacks the difference between burnout and demoralization, why habits alone won't get you out of a hollow season, and how to design rituals that actually move you from where you are to where you want to be.

In Updates, Ali and Skyline are officially in Europe, one...

Jordanne Sculler, licensed therapist, joins Ali to talk about dating burnout from the inside out. Rather than pointing to apps or circumstances as the culprit, Jordanne breaks down the internal patterns that are really driving exhaustion in dating, including the productivity trap of treating dating like a to-do list, people-pleasing and self-abandonment, and what it actually looks like to break a cycle that isn't working. The conversation gets practical with Jordanne's "do something different" framework, and Ali shares her own experience recognizing these patterns in both dating and long-term relationships.

In Updates, Ali shares...

Marriage coach Monica Tanner joins Ali to challenge the unwritten rulebook most of us absorbed about relationships without ever questioning it. Monica, the author of Bad Marriage Advice, breaks down why a lot of the advice well-meaning people pass down is not just unhelpful but actively working against us. The conversation covers why "never go to bed angry" is a recipe for sleep deprivation, what it actually means to teach your partner how to treat you, and why compromise is not always the goal. Ali also shares her own examples from her relationship with Skyline.

Amy Chan returns to the pod for an in-person recording with Ali, a conversation spurned from her own deep attachment work. The two chat about Amy’s new book Unsingle, where she leverages her personal experiences to help you identify your recurring patterns in relationships. The two get into why you keep choosing the same person in a different body (and how to actually change that), the mechanics of dating from first swipe to long-term commitment, and what healthy interdependence looks like.

In Updates, Ali shares a packed couple of weeks including a Broadway sh...

This week, Ali sits down with Julia, a listener who shares her experience discovering that vaginal sex just doesn't work for her body. She walks through how that shaped her early dating experiences, including a two-and-a-half year situationship, and what it was like to tell her current partner. They get into why penetration isn't the gold standard of sex, how societal expectations create feelings of unworthiness, and what it looks like to build a full and satisfying sex life on your own terms.

In Updates, Ali shares about her birthday week, including her first...

Relationship coach and author Meg Tuohey joins Ali to introduce her concept of the HeartPrint, the idea that each of us is as unique as our fingerprints in how we move through the world and relate to others. Meg breaks down why frameworks like attachment styles and love languages, while helpful, can only take us so far, and how real self-knowledge requires a deeper, more individualized kind of attunement. The conversation covers why we're drawn to familiar patterns in dating even when they don't serve us, what it actually looks like to move from awareness to change, and how...

Returning guest and Ali’s good friend Darcy is back on the pod, and they’re diving straight into the New York Times' crowdsourced list of 35 dating rules. Some of them? Genuinely solid. Some of them? Completely unhinged. And several of them directly contradict each other, which is so indicative of modern dating. Topics include how people treat servers, outsourcing your nervous system to a partner, paying on dates, the pacing of physical intimacy, whether you actually need to like someone's friends, and a $75 first-date filet mignon story.

Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or g...

Ali sits down with Ilana Dunn, host of Seeing Other People, for a conversation about the dating advice they both either ignored in the past or wish they’d taken sooner. They dig into the patterns that kept them stuck longer than necessary: from ignoring gut feelings and making excuses for bad behavior, to chasing potential over reality and performing chill they never actually felt. Listener submissions are woven throughout, and the conversation gets personal fast: secret relationships, toxic situationships, unreliable narrators, and the moment things finally felt different with the right person.

In Up...

We’ve got some amazing listener questions this week, and the thread running through all of them is a concept introduced in this week's Media Mention: high involvement, low attachment, inspired by a TikTok from @mother.of.a.dilemma.

From there, she answers three listener questions: one from a man who freezes before sending a first message, one from a woman who only swipes right when she already knows what to say, and one from a listener who is spiraling after learning a recent date is now dating someone who looks like his ex. Al...

TW: This episode includes discussion of grief, loss, and suicide. If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out. You can call or text 988 to connect with the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline — they're available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and it's free and confidential.

This week, Ali is joined by a listener who opens up about grieving the loss of a partner and navigating life (and dating) while healing from deep trauma. She shares what helped her through the hardest years, how healing unfolded in non-linear ways, and what it’s been...

Matchmaker Jackie Dorman joins Ali to break down the latest season of Love Is Blind through the lens of someone who has helped over 1,600 people get engaged or married. They dig into why the pod format rewards anxious attachment, what emotional over-functioning really looks like on screen, and how to tell the difference between genuine chemistry and chaos. Plus, couple-by-couple predictions on who actually makes it to the altar!

In Updates, Ali had some very exciting shopping adventures with Skyline plus a fun triple date. And, we hear from Katy & Tony for one last...

Dr. Paula Freedman-Diamond joins Ali to discuss people-pleasing and how it relates to control in dating and relationships. Paula, a therapist and author of Toxic Striving, breaks down how people-pleasing and rigid boundary-setting are two sides of the same coin: both are attempts to control outcomes and avoid uncomfortable feelings. The conversation explores how to identify when you're prioritizing external validation over your own values and what the middle ground looks like between being overly accommodating and overly rigid. Paula also shares insights on acceptance and commitment therapy, learning to hold your desires lightly while staying grounded in your...

Ali is back with another Hot Topics episode, starting with listener updates and reflections sparked by a recent listener storytime and a past Hot Topics question. She then dives into your submitted questions, covering losing interest once the chase ends, making sense of mixed signals when someone’s words and actions don’t align, receiving vague “executive presence” feedback at work, and navigating early dating when planning and consistency feel off.

In Updates, she is back from Mexico City and recapping her trip - including some brutal PMS symptoms that she’s still digging into and a...

This week, Ali hosts Anna Lecat for a conversation that reframes conflict as a powerful tool for connection rather than something to avoid. Together, the two unpack why so many of us fear uncomfortable conversations (especially in dating) and how that fear can quietly sabotage intimacy.

Throughout the episode, they’re exploring how to recognize meaningful early dating conflicts, communicate needs without blowing things up, and tell the difference between discomfort that leads to growth and misalignment that won’t work long-term. If you’ve ever worried that bringing something up might “ruin” a connection...

This week, Ali sits down with veteran matchmaker April Beyer (who has 25+ years in the industry!) to unpack why dating feels harder than ever and how to make it more human again. They talk about letting go of attachment to outcomes, loosening rigid “criteria,” and why going on more dates can actually lead to love faster than waiting for the perfect match.

April breaks down her idea of “relatability” as the real driver of chemistry, and shares practical ways to create connection on a first date without overperforming. Plus, tips for avoiding burnout and showing...

Ali sits down with FMH listener Allison for a storytime episode all about building a relationship that works for you, even if it breaks societal norms. Allison shares what it was like feeling like a late bloomer as she navigated finding her now-partner in her late 30’s. From dating a divorced dad with two kids to navigating mismatched timelines around moving in, engagement, and merging lives, Allison walks through how they used curiosity, therapy, and a lot of real conversations to get on the same page without defaulting to what relationships are “supposed” to look like.

I...

Did you ever think that improv could apply to dating? Repeat guest Miriam Katz is back this week, a fun, hands-on conversation about how to feel lighter, more confident, and more authentic on dates…using improv! They talk about tone and enthusiasm, how to practice presence in low-pressure everyday moments, and why “being good” is not the goal if you’re trying to connect like a real human. Ali flips the usual script and lets Miriam run a few playful prompts to demonstrate how loosening up and staying curious can pull you out of performance mode and into actual connecti...

In this New Year episode, Ali shares her word for the year, foundation, and the theme guiding how she’s setting up the year ahead: less chaos, more intention.

She explains her process for reflecting on the past year and talks through the unglamorous but powerful changes she’s focusing on in her daily life, including routines, work structure, habits, and health.

Ali also answers listener questions about building routines without burning out, staying consistent when motivation fades, and how to pursue stability without slipping into stagnation.

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In this episode, Ali is joined by Skyline for a continuation of last week’s year in review episode, this time focused on their relationship. Using a framework from her friend Talia, host of the Dating Intentionally podcast, they reflect on the past year as a couple. It’s an honest, conversational look at what stood out, what worked, what surprised them, and what the year actually felt like when you zoom out and look at it together.

They talk through big-picture moments, favorite memories, travel, routines, energy, and what quality time really means in d...

In this solo Year in Review episode, Ali shares an honest recap of 2025, including the wins, the messy parts, and why this year felt more like a quiet level-setting season than a highlight reel. She reflects on how Finding Mr. Height has evolved, what surprised her about self-employment, and what it looked like to grow “offline” while seeing online growth around her.

Ali also gets real about the hardest parts of 2025, from building confidence around consulting to navigating self-doubt and struggles. She closes with the biggest personal lessons from the year, how her perspective on p...

Ali is joined by her mom (aka Mama J) from their girls trip to Costa Rica for a real, funny, and super practical convo about holiday logistics when you’re dating someone. They start with trip updates (a crab in the hallway, a fully gluten-free resort, and the upcoming “48-hour travel day + cats” marathon), then dive into what listeners said in IG polls about where they’re spending the holidays, when people talk about plans, and what stresses everyone out most.

Ali and Mama J unpack how holiday decisions actually get made, why spending holidays...

Content note for this episode: we talk in detail about menopause, infertility and IVF, chronic pain, medical dismissal, and depression.

This week, Ali is joined by longtime listener Sara, who shares a powerful Storytime about discovering she was essentially in menopause at 36. After years of symptoms like debilitating periods, anxiety, depression, fatigue, Sara finally got answers when fertility testing revealed primary ovarian insufficiency likely caused by endometriosis.

Sara walks us through her journey from “something feels off” to tracking her cycle, being dismissed by multiple providers, finally landing in a fe...

Katy & Tony are back this week to share their updates from the dating trenches. First, Tony tells us about the guy he’s surprisingly started dating long distance - we unpack mixed signals, hookup-to-date pivots, and how long distance might work better for him.

Then we chat with Katy, whose dating life is serving a completely different flavor of excitement. Think: texting energy, red flags, self-check moments, friends meeting your date, and more. Plus, we send a follow-up text live on the mic!

In Updates, I’m reflecting on my f...

This week, Ali welcomes the brilliant and endlessly curious Miriam Tinberg, a content creator who describes herself (rightly so!) as a conversation starter. If you like discussions that make you say, “wait, I’ve never thought about it like that,” you’re in the right place. We dive into unspoken rules, etiquette, communication patterns, and the gray space we all actually live in - not just in dating & relationships, but in all of life!

The two also chat about this week’s Media Mention, “Good Conversations Have Lots of Doorknobs” by Adam Mastroianni: https://www.experiment...

In this episode, Ali sits down with somatic sex coach and author Rachel Overvoll for an honest, expansive conversation about divorce, desire, and learning to feel safe in your own body. The two talk about the shifting stigma around divorce, why “it might end” is not a reason to avoid marriage, and how women are often conditioned to over-function in relationships until they burn out.

Rachel also breaks down what it means to be relational in partnership, how to tell the difference between fighting for your relationship and staying out of obligation, and practical ways...

Ali is solo this week answering questions submitted by you, the listeners! Our question round up includes: navigating comfort vs spark chasing in a new relationship, starting to date when you’re still getting over your ex, how Skyline and I establish de-escalating tactics in every day life, finding a partner who appreciates your independence, and more.

In Updates, Ali had a wonderful time at the Red Door Community gala - plus we hear from Elyse!

Timestamps: Topic talk begins at around minute 25

If yo...

Therapist and creator of Detangling Divorce, Stacey Sherrell, joins Ali to talk about the role of self-trust in finding a strong partnership, her own path to divorce, and how couples can set themselves up for success long before a crisis. Topics also include: respect as a non-negotiable and how to spot corrosive conflict, the invisible mental load, when to start couples therapy, the questions to ask yourself before having kids, and talking money with your partner.

In Updates, Ali is recovering from food poisoning and reflecting on feeling safe to be triggered in a...

Katy & Tony are back on the pod for a deep dive into their dating app profiles (plus a sneak peek at some upcoming updates). In this Dating Diaries episode, Ali reviews each of their profiles - Hinge for Katy, Tinder & Grindr for Tony - and the three come away with some great updates to make. From dimly lit photos to making bios sound like your unique voice…there’s a lot to cover! And the vibe between these two friends as they review each other’s profiles is amazing, too.

But first, Ali recaps her ho...

If you haven’t come across the Hot Chef saga on Threads…first of all, how?! Second of all, you’re truly missing out. But not to worry - this week, Ali sits down with the woman at the center of it all, Katherine Wela Bogen. We dive into this joy-filled, captivating, and refreshingly real modern-day romance from start to finish. After a string of disappointing dating experiences, Katherine shares how a trip to Paris — and one bold move into a restaurant kitchen — led her to where she is today. In this heartwarming episode, we’re unpacking how intuition, risk-taking...

Ali is collaborating in the studio with Rory Uphold, host of the Crimes of the Heart podcast! The two set out to chat about their most and least favorite pieces of dating advice, but quickly realize that this conversation is the start of a new friendship. Topics range from who should pay on a first date to why dating is so hard right now to the specific difficulties women face in navigating today’s world. It’s their first time talking but certainly won’t be the last!

In Updates, Ali is coming to you li...

It’s the final part of our three-part series on new relationships! Ali is joined by Talia Koren, host of the Dating Intentionally podcast, to dive into navigating each phase of your budding partnership with confidence. Check out part one (ep # 234.5) and part two (ep # 238.5) for tips on navigating the first three months and first six months.

In part three, Ali and Talia explore what reaching the one-year mark in a relationship looks like. Topics include: moving in together, starting engagement conversations, navigating career shifts and family introductions, and keeping the spark alive after a...

We’re meeting two new Dating Diaries participants this week…and they’re recording together! Real-life friends Katy & Tony introduce themselves to the pod and give us all some background as we look forward to following their dating journeys. From divorces to scarcity mindsets to pattern breaking…we hear it all (and they chime in on each other too).

But first, Ali is preparing to leave for Japan and racing to get as much done as possible in her new shared space with Skyline before she leaves. Plus, a quick update on focus groups!

Did you know that perimenopause can start in your 30s and last up to 10 years?? Many people (your host included, until recently) do not and Mandi Dixon, LPC is here this week to talk about it. In her work as a therapist, she also focuses on navigating ADHD during this time of life and how those hormone swings can hit especially hard. Without us even realizing it! She sits down with Ali to break down why so many women are diagnosed with ADHD later in life, how estrogen impacts dopamine and executive function, and what all of this means...