The Failing Writers Podcast

Writing competitions. Clearly they’re not all made the same.

Some are free, some are costly, some are actually impossible for mere mortals to enter due to their criteria.

The prizes vary too. From small cash prizes, to publishing deals.

Today, we’re asking the question… on the whole, if you’re serious about being a writer… are they actually worth it? Are they worth the money, the - let’s face it – likely disappointment, the effort and most importantly of all… the time?

And the biggest question of all - are there any qu...

Hang on... before we start... let us just fill you in on a very exciting evening happening on Monday the 6th of July, in Alton, Hampshire.

At 8pm in the lovely Goldfinch Books on Alton High Street, we are doing our first ever proper LIVE podcast.

Our guest will be the fabulous Costa-Novel-Prize-Winning Claire Fuller. We'll be talking about her brilliantly unsettling new book Hunger & Thirst and asking her all the questions you want to know the answers to but don't want to sound stupid. Whereas - we don't mind. We're used to it.

Come and see us LIVE!

We'll be at Alton Arts Festival on July the 6th, at Goldfinch Books, doing our thing in full colour, 4K, Ultra HD, real life.

There will be laughter. There will be genuine writing tips and insight from Costa Novel Prize Winner Claire Fuller. There will be a ditty or two. There will be give-aways, impromptu poetry and even Tom’s very-very-serious-wordy-writery-quiz-thing!

Get yer tickets here

Little warning, by the way. There are a couple of sweary-type words in this episode. So get ready to clap yo...

We're doing a live podcast at Goldfinch Books in Alton on Monday the 6th of July, with the brilliant Claire Fuller.

Come and join us!

CLICK HERE TO GET YOUR TICKETS TO SEE US LIVE AT ALTON ARTS FESTIVAL!!!

So what do we have in today's episode?

An absolute treat, that's what.

Philippa Perry, agony aunt, psychotherapist, artist, self-help-book writer and now cosy crime author.

How the heck does she do it all? She must be either:

A) Some sort of magic fairy-person.

OK, so you've written something.

Well done. *light applause*

That's nice.

But the next stage - getting it out into the world... that's a really tricky bit.

However... one sure fire way of doing that, if you can't persuade some other mug to do it for you, is to blummin'-well slap on some grease paint, don some tights and perform it yourself, on what we call...

... the stage.

Well that's what Jon and his wife Katie did with their play How to be...

Oh, you've listened to this episode already and you'd like to cross our palm with gold?

Well, you're in luck.... Simply click HERE to show your appreciation in a pecuniary fashion

And speaking of fashion - take a look at our merch HERE

and THANK YOU!

Now... onto the less grubby business of writing...

and this week we're lucky enough to be joined by the excellent Gareth Rubin, a writer whose career caught our eye recently from, of all things, an article about pensions!

Heeeey!

You’re back.

Well, that’s bloody joyful isn’t it?

Nice of you to join us again.

Now, let me ask you an impertinent question.

How seriously are you taking your writing this year?

The reason I ask is we’re looking at writing goals.  Last year’s first of all… see how we got on… and then… we’re all making new ones.  Yeah. You too.

Come join us in stating your targets and let’s keep each other accountable.

Send your writing goals...

Not long until we get this show back on the road!! Join us for season 6 when we interview some amazing writers, get stuck into some proper writing craft bits and bobs, and loads and loads and loads and loads and loads and loads more beside!!

Season 6 of the award-winning Failing Writers Podcast... coming sooooooon!!!!!

(Oh, and while you're here, check out our new merch store right here... https://the-failing-writers-podcast.teemill.com/)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How do you give your readers everything they're looking for?

And your agent? You have to feed the beast don't you? (Is calling agents 'The Beast' too offensive?)

It's your job as a writer to offer up precisely what your readership is looking for. Anything else and you risk losing your commercial edge.

And we can't have that can we?

Oh we can?

Oh... OK.

We met up with the wonderful Doug Johnstone, to hear how he refuses to be pigeoned-holed, writes what he...

The second stop on our literary whistle stop tour of Edinburgh is The Writers Museum in Makars Court.

Focussing on the three writers generally considered to be the great Titans of Scottish Literature: Robbie Burns, Sir Walter Scott & Robert Louis Stevenson.

We have a wander round, read some poetry and look into why these fellas are so revered.

We also go on a literary pub tour and have a chat with actor Mike Daviot, who just so happened to be an absolute font of knowledge about poetry and the Scots language.

T...

Ahoy there, you weary word-wanderer. You found us. Finally!  Thank goodness.

Welcome to the Failing Writers Podcast. Think of us as your writing harbour.

Your safe haven.

Your Lighthouse.

Come and moor here for a while and have your brain de-barnacled by the glorious mind of poet Michael Pederson.

Writer, linguaphile, Edinburgh Makar and all-round inspirational wordsmitherizer.

And once you’ve been inspired… time to get involved and write something wonderful yourself.

But hang on… before you do… you might want to consider the fantas...

Hello writers. Just when you thought the competition was all wrapped up… this week we look at the almost-winners of our big annual comp.

Yep, these are the brilliant writers who made the shortlist, but didn’t quite manage to snaffle a place on Sarah’s podium.

And here are those five wondrously wizard-like word weavers:

Kieran Ahern

Jonathon Davies

Steven Stilbech

Stuart James Taylor

Jasmine Sears

Well done to them all, and keep an eye out for them in future...

Lovers of flash fiction… prepare to have your ears blown into absolute blummin smithereens, because this episode is the big reveal of the winners of our annual writing competition, and there’s FIVE HUNDRED SQUIDS up for grabs. Which, as I’m sure you’ll agree, is a serious amount of squids.

Think of all the ink you could buy.

So, come on in, and hear the traditional ‘YOU’RE ALL WINNERS SONG’, listen to Sarah Lewis from Writers HQ pick a winner, some runner-uppers and a couple of honourable mentions to boot and then follow th...

So, here we are again for the actually now offically award winning Failing Writers Podcast.

You were perhaps hoping this was the competition reveal episode weren’t you?

Well, look, it’s not that one… not yet, however, we’ve got a little treat for you today. ’Specially for long time fans of the podcast.

Someone we’ve had on before and was a delight from start to finish.

Someone who's just self published a book, and has come to talk to us all about their experiences of putting a book out into the...

Maps? What's that got to do with writing?

Men? How are they relevant in 2025? Oh no… wait … Er.

OK... let me explain what’s going on today... by introducing you

to (another) 2 handsome and charismatic young men.

Jay Foreman – comedian, singer songwriter (bloody great songs-look em up!) & Map-enthusiast.

And Mark Cooper-Jones – Ex-geography teacher, producer & comedian. Both… now… primarily You-Tubers.  (Ha! because that’s a real job.)

Together, they are… Map Men.  An absolutely genius bit of infotainment, which I’m willing to bet my last rolo, that you will love:

htt...

You know those writers who seem to have managed effortlessly to harness the awesome power of social media to hook increasing numbers of readers into their gravitational pull?

Well good for them!

No but seriously, wouldn’t it be fascinating to talk to someone who’s become an actual viral sensation themselves and find out what their strategy was?

(That’s your cue to stop reading and crack on with listening to this episode btw.)

BUT WAIT, THESE CAPITAL LETTERS STOPPED YOU IN YOUR TRACKS DIDN’T THEY?

Well that’s g...

Finally.

I know, I know.

It's that time of year we all look forward to.

The leaves begin to loosen their grip. The sky is pregnant with it's autumnal offerings.

Jon gets poetic.

But aside from all that - it's the bloody Failing Writers Five Hundred Pound Flash Fiction Competition, in association with Scrivener!

That's the bit we're really all excited about.

That's when Tommy and I hunker down, curl up and bask in your beautiful little stories.

(I'm not even joking here...

Aaaaand PART 2:

This week we're looking at the extremes of the indie publishing industry.

From the fantastic BlueMoose Books...

https://bluemoosebooks.com

Where we speak to founder, Kevin Duffy about the highs and... well... mostly highs to be honest... of being a very successful indie publisher.

Right over to the very opposite end of the spectrum, where our second

guest, Janeen, tells us about the very ugly experience she had when approached

by a 'so called publisher'.

Followed by a discussion about...

PART 1… it’s double-bill time!

It suddenly occurred to us that we didn’t know much about independent publishers. And that doesn’t sit well with us - Not knowing stuff about the world of writing. So we reached out to our lovely online writer friends, and found a few people happy to talk about their experience of being published by a small press.

And what we found out was very eye opening!

About the pros and cons… How different publishers work with their writers… How widely they publish…  What to expect from the relationship...

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Bbbrrbuummmbbbb....Lift off...fffwwoooooooooshhhhhhh.

This week we launch into a good ole' natter with the brilliant Doug Naylor, co-creator & writer of Red Dwarf.

We talk about his excellent new children's book, and its space-ship based iterations.

We talk more generally about writing children's stories.

We talk about how Doug learned the craft of writing comedy.

We talk about how many times he and Rob pitched Red Dwarf unsuccessfully.

We talk about they went about developing an episode.

We talk about the abortive US version of R...

We've got Ben Aaronovitch on the pod this week.

I mean, what else do you need to know?

That's the important bit.

Just that.

Ben Aaronovitch.

On this podcast.

Oh, apart from to say THANK YOU to our amazing sponsor Scrivener.

Which you can get right now.. with 20% off - as long as you use our special code FAILING.

Just pop along to https://www.literatureandlatte.com/

Oh... and one other thing!

...

For many, the idea of having their book published is an actual dream. A beautiful, glorious, waking dream. But for others, perhaps even most writers, the dream isn't quite as dreamy as people might imagine.

So let's draw back the curtain and have a little peek at the actual, unfiltered, no-bull realities of giving birth to a beautiful baby book, with the supremely talented (and honest) journalist and author, Hamilton Nolan.

And if you too want to be all professional and authory, you could do a lot worse than getting yourself a copy of...

Well oh my gosh, haven’t we got a right proper banger for you today?

I know. We spoil you.

But it’s only cos you’ve been so good recently.

Yeah. Don’t be coy. You have.

So we thought. Oh heck, why not…

Let’s do an episode with the lovely Jessica Knappett. She of Inbetweeners / Drifters / Avoidance / Ghosts / Travel Man / Taskmaster and countless other stuff on telly- fame. BUT… also… you may not be aware... a very experienced and talented writer.

So pin back yer lug’oles an...

OK, first things first, before you read any more of this, go to https://www.literatureandlatte.com and get yaself 20% off Scrivener right now with the code: FAILING

Done that?

Brilliant. First step towards becoming a proper writer - DONE.

Perfect.

Now... it’s time to settle the score, turn the tables, slip the shoe onto the other foot. Tom sets up a chat with Samia Rida, who’s taking her one woman play to Edinburgh.  A cunning way of encouraging Jon and Katie to crack on with their play.

Will i...

Hello Children, welcome to another lovely wuvvly episode of The Failing Writers Podcast in association with Scrivener, a podcast for people who love to write and want to move ever closer to the elusive realm of success.

In this episode we’re looking at writing done especially for you.  Yes you, my Kiddiewinklepops. All the younger humans upon this little space rock we call Earth.

Why?

Because we are turning the spotlight on co-host Tommy Turner. He’s been a bit of a naughty boy and not been writing very much recently.  Can you beli...

Poetry, as Percy Bysshe Shelley once said, lifts the veil from the hidden beauty of the world, and makes familiar objects be as if they were not familiar.

And so, off we go, to try and defamiliarise the things which stare us in the face every blummin’ day. Relationships. Words. Coffee. Social Media. Prejudice. Siblings. Aging. Home. Industrial Estates. Nature. Sex. Love. Yep. We’re off to a poetry night, aren’t we? To find out what they’re all about. Who goes to them. What the poetry is like, and whether it’s something every writer should hav...

Right.

This week you're in for a treat. Cos, this week on the Failing Writers Podcast in association with Scrivener.... we've got a fantastic guest....

Pardon? Scrivener? You know! The brilliant writing app? Yeah. What's that? you've been thinking about buying a copy for a while?

Well... you're in luck! Just use our code "FAILING" and you can get 20% off right now! just go to https://www.literatureandlatte.com and make writing easier for yourself!

OK... where was I? Oh yes.... we've got a fantastic guest... Libbie Hawker. Writer of lots...

Welcome back to the Failing Writers Podcast - Sponsored by the brilliant and indispensable writing software: Scrivener.

Get 20% off Scrivener right now, by using the code FAILING at https://www.literatureandlatte.com/

OK. Now, People…  buckle up.

You’re about to enter the Murverse.

Cos our guest this week is the lovely Mur Lafferty. A scifi / fantasy writer and podcaster whose refreshingly candid insights into writing and publishing caught our eye a while ago.

Being a fan of all things brutally honest, we thought it would be a fascin...

First of all, thank you SCRIVENER for sponsoring Season 5!

You can try Scrivener free for 30 days. And if you love it, (which you will) you can use the code FAILING and get 20% off, you lucky, lucky duckies.

https://www.literatureandlatte.com/

OK... This week, be prepared to have your beautiful, unsullied little brain absolutely stuffed to the brim with a gigantic, Haribo party-bag of sugary treats.

We reveal our new sponsor - Did I mention it's the amazing writing app, SCRIVENER?

We welcome the wonderful ADAM BUXTON onto...

We nattered and we caterwauled 'bout lyrics, punk and bands,

and we shed a little light upon how melody can expand,

and we talked of books and words and how they sometimes change a man,

and by the end, our mate Paul Armfield had another couple o' fans.

Lyrics. Are they different to poems? Are they an art form all of their very own?

Is it best to write lyrics and then fit the music around them?

How do the words of songs develop?

...

Hello.

Come here.

A little closer.

Closer.

Don’t be afraid.

There. That’s it.

I’m going to tell you a story.

A story about an author called C.J. Tudor.

Who many years ago, waaay way back in season 1, episode 13, joined the Failing Writers Podcast for a harmless little natter.

Back when they were just podcasting children, playing down in the basement of obscurity.

Meanwhile, however, C.J. was on the way up. Climbing the stairs. Up, up she...

Aaaaaaand we're back.

Bet you missed us. Ah come on. Just a little bit?

Oh.

Well we're here now, so let's make the best of it.

Now... let's look at the menu.

What's for starters?

A delicious breakfast at Bettys Tea Rooms - a proper Yorkshire institution.

Then... the very antithesis of failing... Jennie Godfrey and her bestselling debut book: A List Of Suspicious Things,

All rounded off with a smorgasbord of excellent questions!

Bon appetit!

...

Hello Worldwrights, The Failing Writers are now on a little sabbatical, plotting, (or possibly pantsing) the next season of the podcast and maybe... maybe... even writing some stuff? I'd like to think so anyway.

In absentia, they've decided to bring you all 6 episodes of Anything 4 U, which some of you may remember being occasionally mentioned on the podcast.

Yes... it's the lost classic.... The cult hit that got away... it's Dave's radio sitcom! Here to entertain you while you wait for the new season, with a few familiar voices, so you don't miss us too...

Hello Worldwrights, The Failing Writers are now on a little sabbatical, plotting, (or possibly pantsing) the next season of the podcast and maybe... maybe... even writing some stuff? I'd like to think so anyway.

In absentia, they've decided to bring you all 6 episodes of Anything 4 U, which some of you may remember being occasionally mentioned on the podcast.

Yes... it's the lost classic.... The cult hit that got away... it's Dave's radio sitcom! Here to entertain you while you wait for the new season, with a few familiar voices, so you don't miss us too...

Hello Worldwrights, The Failing Writers are now on a little sabbatical, plotting, (or possibly pantsing) the next season of the podcast and maybe... maybe... even writing some stuff? I'd like to think so anyway.

In absentia, they've decided to bring you all 6 episodes of Anything 4 U, which some of you may remember being occasionally mentioned on the podcast.

Yes... it's the lost classic.... The cult hit that got away... it's Dave's radio sitcom! Here to entertain you while you wait for the new season, with a few familiar voices, so you don't miss us too...

Hello Worldwrights, The Failing Writers are now on a little sabbatical, plotting, (or possibly pantsing) the next season of the podcast and maybe... maybe... even writing some stuff? I'd like to think so anyway.

In absentia, they've decided to bring you all 6 episodes of Anything 4 U, which some of you may remember being occasionally mentioned on the podcast.

Yes... it's the lost classic.... The cult hit that got away... it's Dave's radio sitcom! Here to entertain you while you wait for the new season, with a few familiar voices, so you don't miss us too...

Hello Worldwrights, The Failing Writers are now on a little sabbatical, plotting, (or possibly pantsing) the next season of the podcast and maybe... maybe... even writing some stuff? I'd like to think so anyway.

In absentia, they've decided to bring you all 6 episodes of Anything 4 U, which some of you may remember being occasionally mentioned on the podcast.

Yes... it's the lost classic.... The cult hit that got away... it's Dave's radio sitcom! Here to entertain you while you wait for the new season, with a few familiar voices, so you don't miss us too...

Hello Worldwrights, The Failing Writers are now on a little sabbatical, plotting, (or possibly pantsing) the next season of the podcast and maybe... maybe... even writing some stuff? I'd like to think so anyway.

In absentia, they've decided to bring you all 6 episodes of Anything 4 U, which some of you may remember being occasionally mentioned on the podcast.

Yes... it's the lost classic.... The cult hit that got away... it's Dave's radio sitcom! Here to entertain you while you wait for the new season, with a few familiar voices, so you don't miss us too...

Hello and happy new year, you lovely lot.

Please allow us a moment of self indulgence now, as all three of us bring you a bonus episode looking back on where we were 4 years ago, when we first began this lovely little writing / podcasting project.

Because for some inexplicable reason, we've decided to take our first ever episode and provide a kind of 'director's commentary' over it.

There will be cringing. There will be self-reflection. There might even be the odd moment of pride - as we look back at just how far...

This week we have a look at the rest of our festive flash fiction competition shortlist.

Warning:  They’re upsettingly good.

Any one of them, frankly, could have won.

Which must rankle somewhat.

Thankfully though, this is the moment they can shine.

Here were the winners (Announced last week):

Katie Holloway:

https://loseyourselfbooks.wordpress.com/

James Montgomory

https://www.jamesmontgomerywrites.com

John R Preston.

And here are the incre...