Run Your Mouth

Ilhan Omar’s sham-marriage story is back. The New York Times now reports that federal agents found evidence her ex-husband was her brother, and her big answer on camera is “not to my knowledge.” Rob breaks down why he thinks she’s going down.

Also in this episode:

The empire's crumbling and everyone on the inside is grabbing what they can: Guilfoyle's Amex payment, the Secret Service drone-company guy, Trump staffers lawyering up, and Netanyahu teasing round two in Iran. Plus we were wrong about the hot iguana, France's mostly peaceful protests, rooftop Koreans as global peacekeepers, Trump's mental aptitude test, a Covid clinic's bogus new patient fee, Zelensky's interview eyes, Starshield going dark, and new alibi footage in the J6 pipe bomber case.

Porch Tour + FBI Entrapment Scheme tickets: thefiretix.com

Paywall episodes ($5/mo): RobBernsteinComedy.com

Merch...

Live in Austin after my FBI entrapment presentation, Scott Horton fact-checks the show and goes deeper. We get into:

Plus Scott’s top 5 deep state actors of all time: Wilson, Perle, the Dulles brothers, Kissinger, and Brennan.

Scott: scotthorton.org, antiwar.com, the Libertarian Institute, and Provoked with Darryl Cooper.
Rob: Rob...

Rob takes over as Chief Economist of BS and reports the indicators: hotels, airports, a 600mg cold brew, and a college show shut down by a hallway monitor. In the news: the Hormuz recovery that didn't last, Trump's ceasefires that only exist because he said so, the Russian diesel deal, Guilfoyle's $100K Amex ask, Schumer's midterm pitch, and a federal judge ruling a warrantless Flock search unconstitutional.

Bonus episodes: RobBernsteinComedy.com | Porch Tour: porchtour.com | Sheath Underwear, code RYM

Corporations are using AI to jack your prices, so it's time for the left to weaponize cheapness. Also: Sydney Sweeney's conversion, the new airport line before the line, California's breakfast cancer sign, Trump and Xi, taxpayer-funded Trump ads, Ossoff and Hawley's lane for the next election, insurance companies delaying care, and a Flock horror story straight from the Senate hearing. Full show at RobBernsteinComedy.com.

Live dates:www.porchtour.com

Sponsor: sheath.com promocode: RYM

The White House boots the press and launches Trump TV, and Rob pitches himself as program director with a lineup including Pardon Me, Front Running the Market and Trump's Tanning Hour. Also: the press pool was always an exclusive club, Leavitt admits it's all a show, Iran at the UN, the Greenland "deal," a Naperville cop accused of stalking a man with Flock cameras, what else those cameras can search for, Gemini going rogue, the AI civil war that might save humanity, and Bernie's Department of AI. Plus a Hyrox athlete whose bravery deserves its own Depends ad.

Big Tech says AI is too dangerous, so the government should step in and help them slow down. Rob argues it's really a play for an AI Federal Reserve: a protected cartel with a bailout waiting when the valuations fall apart. Also: James Comer auditions for Epstein cover-up guy, Trump blames the Biden FBI for Butler, and reality embarrasses him on Iran and Ukraine within days. Then the Lindsay Clancy holdout juror reveal breaks a news anchor's brain, and Oprah kicks off the victim-class Olympics.

Paywalled segments and full episodes at robbernsteincomedy.com ($5/month). Porch Tour dates...

Trump says the Iran war is "small potatoes" and has downgraded it to "intermittent" — the thing you say about a marriage you're riding out until the kids are gone. The White House wants it quiet until the midterms. Plus the arcade games that would actually fit this administration, the case for the great influencer ban, why I want a wifebot, what Iran does with the gear we leave behind, and a fact-check on our own tariff math.Full episodes and the paywalled segments: RobBernsteinComedy.comMerch: RobBernsteinMerch.comPorch Tour Dates: porchtour.com

...

A jury can't decide what to do about a woman who killed her three kids, so the women of TikTok have solved it for them: it was the husband, because husbands don't go to CVS. And given the Pluto placement that day, no Leo would have done this. It defies the science of all astrology.

Also in this one: Trump renames Lake Ontario to Lake America and somebody's getting rich printing the new maps. The Venezuela oil deal broken down as what it really is — a headline with no article attached — including the $80/barrel break-even, the $100 billion buil...

The government's pitch for Flock cameras is stolen cars and missing kids. So I priced it out. The share of your insurance premium that exists because of car theft comes to about six dollars a year — that's the entire upside you're buying with a permanent record of where you drive. And Amber Alert recoveries have sat flat at roughly 45 a year since before Flock existed, because most missing-kid cases are runaways and family abductions, not a stranger pulling a kid into a car.

Also this week: Bessent insists there's nothing magical about $40 trillion and the administration has a...

Google spent $10 million buying all of Spirit Airlines' back-end data — every corporate email, every flight route, everything — and they're using it to train their AI models. Rob explains why this, and not the singularity, is how the human race ends up back in caves.

Also: Nancy Mace's arm tattoos and the case against going goth in your 50s. Why shaming a dude for having a dad bod is the most feminine thing on the internet. An Iran war update from a guy who has officially reached the "okay, whatever" stage of Donald Trump, plus who's actually winning the...

Audio only road episode.

Covering The country has given up, SPLC arrests, DT IRAN, Ice Electric Gloves, Cops dressing like bushes, Lesbian Outrage over Lioness, WNBA including men, Aoc isn't woke anymore, trump hiding in food carts and Binface.

www.porchtour.com

www.robbernsteincomedy.com/events - White Plains Show

Sponsors:

Sheath.com (Promocode:RYM)

Yokratom.com

Eagan Painting - https://www.facebook.com/p/Eagan-Painting-100054401474488/

Nobody knows what's going on in the world, and this is the one show honest about the fact that we're making it up as we go.

Fifty thousand fighting-aged men invade a Spanish enclave, take a dump, and turn around and go home — and it remains genuinely unclear who got pranked. Rob offers some creative solutions for Iran, including outsourcing the whole invasion in exchange for half the oil. Trump calls off the biggest military action since World War II for roughly the eleventh time and says the Iranians are secretly begging, no matter what they say in...

www.porchtour.com for live dates. Episode starts with the latest from Iran and Trump grifting. Then we move onto the Fauci hearing and how the Dems want us to move forward, the republicans who got Fauci to repeatedly plead the fifth and how the Fauci Enablers in the media are spinning it.

Sponsored by:www.Sheath.com Promocode:RYM

Longer episode with more content at RobBernsteinComedy.com for $5 to sub. If you want to check it out I accidentally did the first few minutes of paywalled episode publicly on my site which starts of...

Audio only Short episode from the porches of Sandpoint Idaho. Back in studio next week wednesday. Covering the Stomach Bug, a political party of podcasters, The Saudia Arabia nuclear deal and the latest from Iran. www.porchtour.com for live dates. I recorded this yesterday. I have video but can't upload it from the road.

Episode kicks of with parody news intro. Not our classiest. Then we've got more on the Gram Man's passing. We move onto if taco bell is causing this nations loose stools. I know I sat on one. Then we've got how Tarrif's are getting in the way of your kids ability to play boring board games and why that might actually keep them from becoming patsies in murder trials. Get your porch tickets: www.porchtour.comHave your porch porched: TheFireTix.comwear my merch on your porch: RobBernsteinMerch.comSit on your porch and watch my extended extremely premium episode: www...

Rob breaks down Trump's full 720 back to war with Iran, the Taylor Swift wedding money-laundering theory, a cracked support beam in the old Pfizer building, and a sales-tactics analysis of why Trump's closing moves are finally failing him. Plus Patriot missiles to Ukraine, a Tyler Robinson trial check-in, and the sketchy US-Israel military arrangement.

Shorter mid-week drop. See Rob in Galveston Sunday — full dates at RobBernsteinComedy.com

Sponsor: Sheath Underwear — code RYM for 20% off.

Bonus content on RobBernstein.com — $5/mo.

Cold open News intro, then a long weekend recap — gas station idiocy, the roadside sandwich, and why every pool has become a strip club. Into the meat: the MKUltra congressional hearing, the CIA's refusal to be investigated, and a full breakdown of the Four Levels of Evil framework. Then Trump's financial corruption — the 600 tariff trades, the memecoin scheme that fleeced his own fans, the UAE's $250M "investment," and Trump's on-camera defense that his family can't help insider trading because the presidency is just too powerful. Closing with Trump storytime and Marco Rubio pitching a biometric face-scan passport process because that...

Back from the Porch and straight into the nightmare — a Newport storyteller show for liberals, a month-long dealership hostage situation, and the hotel industry's war on your dignity. Then we get into it: the Supreme Court dumped a pile of end-of-term rulings all at once, so we break down birthright citizenship in Trump v. Barbara (and why "it's not the baby's fault" is secretly an argument for total socialism), the Monsanto failure-to-warn case and the corporate immunity loop it creates, plus the campaign finance, trans sports, and presidential removal-power decisions. Also: a life-saving PSA about the summer diarrhea parasite, Fr...

Topics in order:

- In defense of porch people

- Lady who stole a garbage can

- Trump's botched pool job or vandalism

- Are you getting charged more then other people for goods online?

- Tulsi Gabbard/ Fauci

- Iran war coverage

============

Www.porchtour.com

Thefiretix.com - sub a porch

www.robbernsteincomedy.com - support the show

Sheath.com (Promocode:RYM)

The war's over — or there's a "memorandum of understanding," which apparently lets you end a war without resolving anything and still get celebrated for it. First, the nonsense: employees who just stare at you, Delta's baggage-claim betrayal in Minnesota, and Seamless getting officially condemned. Then UFC at the White House, the Iran deal read line by line, Gabbard's Ukraine bio lab receipts, censorship in England, my theory of society, and whether Jim Jordan will ever turn the criminal-informant question back on the FBI.

Porches at: www.porchtour.comSubmit a porch: TheFireTix.comMerch at: Robbernsteinmerch.comSPONSORS:Sheath.com (Pr...

The show's back after a week off, and the host has come to terms with the fact that being productive on weekends is what kills the podcast — so it's back to living like a slob for the good of the audience. Quick update on the move off StreamYard to all-OBS, a Porch Tour recap from Detroit where the crowd turned out to personally know half the Whitmer kidnapping plotters, and then the real story: the Iran war has looped all the way back to "Bridge and Tunnel Day," a ceasefire so durable that both sides keep bombing each other th...

Cold open news intro. Followed by the latest in Iran, the seeming DT walk back and you can totally trust them now, they learned their lesson after my spanking. After that we've got the latest nonsense news including Daylight Savings time, Trump Seeing A doctor and more. Closing out the show with NYC Gov supermarkets, Abrego Garcia charges dropped, cops writing tickets to handless drivers and Republican senators mad about the J6 Fun.

Support the show: RobBernsteinComedy.com

Porch Dates at: www.porchtour.com

Submit a porch at: TheFireTix.com

Merch...

Robbie the Fire is joined by Kyle Anzalone of the Kyle Anzalone Show and Antiwar.com for a wide-ranging conversation on conspiracies, war reporting, and the state of the Iran conflict.

We open with recent fringe stories — a journalist claiming to be targeted by directed energy weapons after reporting on Epstein's Zorro Ranch, the reality behind Havana syndrome and sonic weapons, the cluster of "missing scientists," and why the government keeps quietly feeding the alien/UAP disclosure narrative. Robbie lays out his FBI entrapment theory ahead of his live show, and we dig into the recent Iran-linked as...

The debut edition of THE NONSENSE TIMES hits the press — Trump pays himself $1.776 billion to apologize for being the government, a 94-year-old gets indicted as a pretext for war, and the Defense Department drops UFO files while the country quietly fights two wars.

Then: Trump's six-level subterranean palace, Iran handing out AK-47s on state TV, the IRGC busting US arms shipments into Iraqi Kurdistan, Tulsi Gabbard resigning as DNI, the Strait of Hormuz blowup, and a Creative Solutions blueprint introducing the Mega-Fan 9000 and the Trump Docking Station.

Plus Jim Jordan grilling the SPLC over $3 mi...

Trump posts an AI image of himself perp-walking a chained alien — one cuff, no caption, total chaos — while the New York Post tries to convince subway riders that four alien species have been pulled from crashed UFOs (the source: an 89-year-old who didn't see anything but believes the people who told him). The Epstein "suicide note" finally turns up, Rob runs through every unanswered question that note doesn't fix, and FBI Director Cash Patel apparently went snorkeling at Pearl Harbor — the scandal nobody will take credit for.

Plus: Trump's $750M in stock trades and the conflicts of intere...

The Hantavirus is back, the alien files just dropped, and questioning the Iran war is officially treasonous. Rob runs through the simplest solution to two world problems at once (military industrial complex + vermin), explains why the most transparent administration in history can't stop telling you its real-time thoughts, breaks down Trump's "nobody respects you without a nuke" foreign policy doctrine, watches Netanyahu try to "wean Israel off" U.S. aid live on 60 Minutes, and gets to the AI throuple ad targeting Thomas Massey. Plus porches, plenty of porches.

porch tour dates at: RobBernsteinComedy.com Submit porches at...

Day 60 of Operation Epic Fury — except it's not called that anymore. Or a war. Or active kinetic bombing. We track every name the administration has given this thing depending on who's asking and what court they're standing in. Trump tells Congress the ceasefire stopped the War Powers Act clock, calls the seized Iranian oil tanker situation "a very profitable business," and compares the U.S. Navy to pirates. We do the actual math on that profitable business — spoiler: $6 billion in denied Iranian revenue vs. $25-58 billion in U.S. costs, 13 dead service members, gas at $4.39, and Spirit Airlines becoming the...

Turns out the great big beautiful White House ballroom was just a roof for the elites' new underground bunker — and they tore out the OLD bunker to build it. Hilariously bad management if Iran takes a swing while it's still under construction. Robbie breaks down why elites should be legally barred from owning bunkers, the Iranian negotiation strategy of showing Trump their cards before the hand plays out, the indictment of Fauci's right-hand man for hiding COVID records, the SPLC/Charlottesville/FBI collusion theory now being floated by Jim Jordan and Trump himself, Pam Bondi prosecuting James Comey for a...

Sunday night emergency pod after the ballroom shooting. We break down the footage, the runner who moved at MK Ultra speeds, JD Vance's "can I finish my food?" face, and a peace sermon on why you shouldn't help other people.

Plus: Trump cancels Iran peace talks while claiming a "better deal" he can't describe, falls asleep mid-Oval Office meeting, and tells a reporter Vietnam took 18 years so don't rush him. Polymarket front-running, another dead NASA scientist (the aliens want their tech back), 24,000-year-old zombie worms thawed in a lab, and a closing argument for why Spirit Airlines...

Professor David Beito returns to pitch a path to peace in the Middle East that nobody's talking about: the Swiss Canton model. Two dozen self-governing cantons, a deliberately weak federal government, freedom of movement, and the rule of law — applied to a combined Israel-Palestine roughly the same size as Switzerland itself.

We get into why the two-state solution is dead, how privatizing the 97% of Israeli land owned by the government could compensate displaced Palestinians, what Arab Israelis already prove about coexistence, and why the US, EU, and UN are part of the problem. Beito also addresses the de...

The Iran ceasefire continues — or does it? Rob breaks down Trump's daily flip-flops, Iran's oil storage crisis, and the real game of economic chicken being played in the Hormuz. Plus: a former congressman explains how DC sexual blackmail operations actually work, Swalwell's $75K campaign bender and the hypocrisy of his "believe all women" pitch, kids are speedrunning the Scientology building, a streamer is getting $35,000 jaw surgery for 1.5 attractiveness points, JD Vance listening to Hasidic Disney ballads, Trump reads the Bible and wonders why God doesn't take more victory laps, Rogan gets Ibogaine FDA-approved by text message, and Mamdani's grocery st...

Rob heads into the demon realm because reality has become an AOL pump and dump email. Three days ago Trump said the Hormuz Strait would reopen itself. Now we're blocking it ourselves and picking a fight with China.

This episode: JD Vance walks into Pakistan negotiations like a demonic Mister Rogers and spends 20 hours demanding Iran accept terms they already rejected. Netanyahu confirms on camera that Vance was reporting to him the entire time. Trump celebrates shooting down 101 missiles as a win — the cost breakdown says otherwise ($4 billion, 15% of our annual interceptor missile production, one engagement). Roger St...

The Iran ceasefire is collapsing in real time — JD Vance says it never included Lebanon, Iran says it did, and Pakistan (who mediated the whole thing) is siding with Iran. Meanwhile Trump is charging Iran protection money for the Strait of Hormuz, Pam Bondi no-showed the Epstein deposition because she's "unprepared," and Melania held a surprise press conference distancing herself from a man she definitely never met.

This episode covers the Iran non-war ceasefire breakdown, the auto-enrollment draft, Hormuz petrodollar math, the Epstein deposition fallout, Bondi, Melania, Pakistan, Marco Rubio, JD Vance, Ratcliffe, Taiwan deterrence strategy, and wh...

Rob Bernstein debuts the new Run Your Mouth studio, fires Producer Man on day one, and declares war on being the biggest show on the internet.

This episode: the FEMA administrator apparently got teleported to a Waffle House by demons. A hot Iranian woman gets deported for calling America "the great Satan" and Rob pitches his immigration reform platform. Pam Bondi's replacement channels his inner Lil Wayne dodging every Epstein question. Rob uses AI to calculate what $2 billion could actually do for Americans instead of rescuing one downed pilot, tears apart a Wall Street Journal article pitching...

Rob Bernstein opens with a produced satirical cold open hitting Lindsey Graham, Hegseth purging generals, animals judging your kinks, and Israel's negotiation strategy of assassinating people mid-talks. The main show kicks off with the Kristi Noem husband scandal -- Rob wrestles with crossing his own "leave the guy alone" red line before diving into the bigger question: how does the political machine have a dirt folder ready on everyone the second they turn on you? From there, Rob gives a quick update on the Charlie Kirk shooting inconsistencies (inconclusive bullet match, sheriff resigning, trial pushed back), predicts the shooter...

Rob Bernstein opens with a produced satirical cold open recapping the full lunacy of the Iran war, then dives into why the Kash Patel hack was probably Iran flexing that they have more dirt where that came from. The episode centers on the growing case for breaking up with Israel: other countries are paying Iran for Hormuz access, creating a natural off-ramp to the war that only Israel loses from -- and Donald Trump might finally be cornered into choosing between Netanyahu and reality. Rob tears through clips of Caroline Levitt insisting Iran has "already been defeated" while Iran...

Rob Bernstein tears apart Donald Trump's latest Iran war claims -- from the mystery "gift" Iran allegedly sent Trump ("I can't tell you what it is, but it's worth a tremendous amount of money") to the moving goalposts on regime change, to the $1.5 billion insider trading allegations tied to Trump's war announcements. Rob breaks down the full timeline: Trump's 48-hour ultimatum that ended with him folding, the "negotiations" Iran says never happened, the two-minute daily video briefings where Trump gets cherry-picked war highlights, and Pete Hegseth's claim that "we negotiate with bombs." Plus Rob dissects Mark Levin's dirty tricks...

Rob Bernstein kicks off a rare Saturday night live stream by roasting Trump's commemorative "winning" coin, then tears into the DHS funding standoff where Trump threatened to replace unpaid TSA agents with ICE officers -- because apparently ICE isn't busy deporting anyone anyway. The bulk of the episode digs into the Iran war with devastating Hegseth clips where the Secretary of War insists "nothing could be further from the truth" about a quagmire, plus Netanyahu pitching oil pipelines through Israel as the spoils of war. Jerome Powell drops the bombshell that private sector job creation is effectively zero, and...

Rob Bernstein breaks down Donald Trump's never-ending "victory lap" as the Iran war spirals -- from the CIA briefing that Iran's new Supreme Leader might be gay, to Trump calling kamikaze boats AI-generated, to the President accidentally going full Yoda mid-press conference ("Dig, we must"). Rob covers Joe Kent's resignation from the National Counterterrorism Center, NATO allies refusing to join the war, Trump threatening to abandon the Strait of Hormuz, the Huckabee-Netanyahu "proof of life" video, JD Vance taking over DOGE, and the Comer subpoena of Pam Bondi over Epstein.

Plus Bobby the Bank...