Get Your Marriage On! with Dan Purcell

What do you do when intimacy starts to feel like an obligation? How do you rebuild desire when anxiety, stress, or past experiences get in the way? And how can you talk about what you really want without making your spouse feel criticized?

In this special bonus episode, Dan is joined by licensed professional counselor and certified sex therapist Dr. Lisa Elieson for a recording of our live Marriage Undressed Q&A!

They answer real questions from married couples about some of the most personal and challenging parts of sexual intimacy:

Why having...

Have you ever been intimate with your spouse, but instead of enjoying the moment, you're stuck in your head?

Wondering if they're enjoying it, worrying about your performance, or feeling pressure to make everything go just right?

What if all that effort to make intimacy better is actually making it worse?

In this episode, Dan shares a surprisingly vulnerable story from his own marriage about how his determination to be a great lover backfired—and what finally changed things for him and Emily.

You'll discover why trying harder isn't always the an...

Has sex started to feel more like a responsibility than something you actually look forward to?

Somewhere along the way, many couples stop playing together. Sex becomes serious, intimacy feels like work, and differences in desire create pressure instead of connection.

In this episode, Dan sits down with returning guest and relationship coach Tammy Camp to talk about building an adult playground in your marriage—a place where both spouses feel free to explore, laugh, and enjoy each other.

You'll discover why play matters in a healthy sexual relationship, how to bring back th...

Do Christians really have worse sex lives—or is that just a story we've been told?

After seeing conflicting claims online, Dan went straight to the data. What he found was surprising: churchgoing couples are having slightly more sex than those who rarely attend religious services—but both groups are having significantly less sex than couples did a generation ago.

So what's really going on?

In this episode, Dan separates Christian theology from the cultural messages about sex many of us grew up with. He shares three beliefs from Christian faith that can supp...

What if your sex life is good—but you still sense there could be something more?

Sex therapist Dr. Emily Jamea kept hearing this question from couples who had overcome their sexual struggles but still longed for the passion and intensity they once felt. Her search for answers led her to study sexual flow—the experience of becoming so immersed in intimacy that distractions disappear and time seems to stand still.

In this episode, Dr. Emily shares five research-backed skills that can help couples move beyond "good enough" and experience deeper connection, greater pleasure, and sex...

Has sex in your marriage become a yes-or-no question: "Are we having sex tonight?"

For one spouse, that question may bring hope and anticipation. For the other, it may feel like a test they're about to pass or fail. When every flirtation, touch, or attempt at closeness seems tied to one expected outcome, both spouses may eventually stop reaching for each other.

In this episode, Dan shares how this pass-or-fail dynamic affected his own marriage and introduces a different approach: the "menu mindset." You'll learn three practical ways to create more choice, flexibility, and genuine...

Does sex in your marriage ever feel like a race toward intercourse or orgasm? Dr. Lisa Elieson calls this "baseball sex"—rushing around the bases instead of enjoying where you are. In this episode, she joins Dan to explore sexuality as a creative art: something two people build together, moment by moment, without knowing exactly where it has to lead. You'll learn how slowing down, letting go of a predetermined outcome, and making room for each partner's unique desires can reduce pressure and create more pleasure, connection, and play. They also discuss the anxiety both higher- and lo...

The more you pursue your spouse for emotional or sexual connection, the more they seem to pull away—and the harder you try, the worse it gets. Certified sex therapist Dr. Laurie Watson explains why couples get trapped in this pursue-withdraw cycle and how vulnerable, blame-free conversations can begin to change it. We also discuss why trading emotional connection for sex backfires, what women's bodies actually need for pleasure, and why securely attached couples often have the most—and most varied—sex.

Resources:

Laurie's New Book: Brave Love, Great Sex

Couples Retreat

Next...

Why does one spouse keep reaching for more sexually while the other feels responsible for keeping things safe? Dr. Roy Myers, author of Playful Practice, shares what his research with long-term couples revealed about this common dynamic. We explore the relationship between faith and sensuality, why many couples don't actually have a communication problem, and what Roy means when he tells couples to "build a sex room."

Resources

If your marriage feels more like a roommate arrangement than a romantic relationship, the problem may not be that you've grown too far apart. It may be that you've become too merged, too careful, and too afraid to disagree.

In this episode, Dan explains how avoiding differences to keep the peace slowly drains honesty, intimacy, and desire from a marriage. You'll learn how to recognize the pattern keeping you stuck and use three practical steps—spot it, steady yourself, and switch your step—to begin rebuilding a relationship with room for both of you.

...

Welcome to Marriage Undressed—a live Q&A where Dan Purcell and marriage coach Tammy Camp answer real, anonymous questions about sex, intimacy, and marriage.

In this bonus episode, they discuss what to do when one spouse wants more adventure in the bedroom, how to express a desire without creating pressure, and how to handle differences in physical affection without constantly feeling rejected.

They also answer candid questions about oral sex, including whether it's necessary for a fulfilling sex life and what to do when one spouse wants it but the other feels uncomfortable. Finally, th...

Why does libido feel effortless during the honeymoon phase—and then seem to disappear?

After experiencing this pattern in her own relationships, Hannah Johnson, known as The Libido Fairy, set out to understand what allows desire to grow in a long-term relationship. In this episode, she shares practical ways couples can make intimacy more pleasurable, collaborative, and genuinely connecting.

You'll learn how to use a 1–10 scale to take the pressure out of initiation, create an intimacy menu, plan sx without making it feel obligatory, and build simple rituals that keep you connected. Hannah also explains some...

Is masturbation okay in a Christian marriage? It's a common question, but one many couples are afraid to ask—and few people answer directly.

In this episode, Dan offers two practical tests to help you and your spouse decide what is right for your marriage.

He also explores the difference between masturbation, lust, and fantasy; potential benefits for intimacy and body awareness; and how to navigate the conversation when you and your spouse disagree. This isn't about handing every couple the same answer. It's about replacing fear and shame with wisdom, openness, and honest communication.

When one spouse wants sex more than the other, both partners can end up feeling hurt—the higher-desire spouse feels rejected, while the lower-desire spouse feels pressured or inadequate.

In this episode, sex therapist Dr. Jennifer Litner explains what actually helps couples navigate desire differences. We discuss resentment and emotional repair, duty sex, hormonal and lifestyle factors, the pressure created by sexual scarcity, and why aiming for "good enough sex" can lead to more connection and desire. She also shares a counterintuitive shift for the spouse who is always initiating—and a creative "erotic Pinterest" idea for coup...

For years, I asked my wife to initiate sex more often because I wanted to feel chosen and desired. Instead, my requests created pressure, scorekeeping, and a cycle that made genuine desire even harder.

In this episode, I explain why I stopped asking, what I misunderstood about responsive desire, and how shifting from initiating sex to initiating connection transformed our intimate relationship.

We'll talk about desire discrepancies, obligation sex, sexual entitlement, emotional connection, and how to express what you want without treating your spouse's body—or desire—as something you're owed.

Resources:

Co...

When work, kids, meals, schedules, and the never-ending mental checklist take everything you have, intimacy can start to feel like one more task. Amy Nesbit knows that tension firsthand.

After nearly 20 years as a working professional—including time at Apple—she has learned how making the invisible load visible, asking for help before resentment builds, and protecting the parts of herself that bring her joy have strengthened her marriage.

Amy also shares the unexpectedly spicy habit that gave her and her husband something new to talk about, why support can be one of the sexiest gift...

Most couples think they know what's hurting their marriage.

Poor communication. Different sex drives. Parenting disagreements. Financial stress. Growing apart.

That's exactly what one couple thought, too.

After 18 years of marriage, they came to Dan convinced they knew what needed fixing. But as they peeled back the layers, they uncovered a deeper problem—one neither of them had recognized—and that discovery changed everything.

In this episode, Dan shares the surprising reframe that brought new hope to their marriage. Along the way, you'll discover why some conflicts keep repeating, how hidden stru...

Shame thrives in secrecy—but healing doesn't.

In this deeply honest conversation, Dan sits down with Craig Perra, a former attorney whose secret life of pornography, strip clubs, prostitution, and compulsive sexual behavior nearly destroyed everything he cared about.

After years of trying therapy, recovery groups, and identifying himself as a "sex addict," Craig reached a breaking point. What happened next completely changed how he viewed healing.

Together, Dan and Craig explore why destructive behaviors often serve as coping strategies, how shame can keep us trapped, and why true healing begins with self-leadership in...

What does the Constitutional Convention have to do with your marriage?

More than you might think.

As we celebrate Independence Day, Dan explores one of the greatest acts of collaboration in history—the creation of the U.S. Constitution—and uncovers surprising lessons for couples navigating differences in intimacy, communication, and connection.

The delegates in Philadelphia didn't create unity by forcing everyone to agree. They built structures that honored competing needs. Your marriage can too.

In this episode you'll learn:

What if the key to better orgasms, less pain during sex, and greater confidence in intimacy isn't in your head—it's in your pelvic floor?

In this episode, Dan sits down with pelvic floor physical therapist Kristin Damery to discuss the often-overlooked foundation of sexual wellness. Kristin explains how pelvic floor health affects arousal, orgasm, pain during intercourse, blood flow, muscle function, and overall sexual satisfaction.

You'll learn:

• Why painful sex is common—but not normal
• The difference between a weak pelvic floor and an overly tight one
• Why Kegels can sometimes...

What happens when you realize your spouse still loves you—but doesn't really like you?

After 20 years of marriage, that's the realization Matt Sallas faced.

In this episode, Matt shares how addiction, obligation-based sex, and emotional disconnection nearly destroyed his marriage—and the framework that helped rebuild trust, attraction, and intimacy.

We discuss emotional safety, emotional masculinity, the difference between reluctant and enthusiastic consent, and Matt's simple "Sex Sequence" for creating a marriage both spouses genuinely enjoy.

In this episode:

• The difference between love and like in marriage
• Why emot...

Has your sex life become a little too predictable?

In this episode, Dan shares 7 simple principles to help couples break out of routine, deepen connection, and bring more fun, playfulness, and excitement into their intimate relationship. From creating an intimacy menu to exploring new experiences together, you'll learn practical ways to stop having boring sex and start creating more meaningful connection.

Resources from the episode:

Most people think being a good spouse means being selfless, accommodating, and easygoing.

But what if those same habits are quietly creating resentment, frustration, and disconnection?

In this episode, we're joined by Stu Murray, a men's leadership coach, to discuss the "Nice Guy Pattern"—the tendency to suppress your own needs, avoid conflict, and hope your partner will magically figure out what you want.

Together we explore:

• What covert contracts are and why they create resentment
• Why people-pleasing often leads to less intimacy, not more
• How unspoken expectations damage emotional...

Differences in sexual desire can feel deeply personal. One spouse feels rejected. The other feels pressured. And both end up wondering if something is wrong with their marriage.

In this episode, Dan shares three principles that can completely change the way you think about desire differences in marriage. He talks honestly about the hidden power dynamics couples fall into, why conflict around sex is actually an opportunity for growth, and how sometimes "low desire" is actually a wise response to unhealthy meanings attached to sex.

You'll learn:

Better sex isn't just about what happens in the bedroom.

In this episode, Dan sits down with Zach Watson to unpack the hidden emotional and mental work happening inside many marriages — and why it has such a powerful impact on intimacy.

They talk about invisible labor, mental load, emotional safety, and the loneliness that can build when one partner feels like they're carrying everything alone. Zach shares practical ways couples can better share responsibility, communicate more clearly, and create more trust and partnership at home.

You'll also hear:

In this final session with Peggy and Steve, things feel different. 

The wall Peggy used to feel during intimacy—the fear, tension, and resistance that would suddenly shut everything down—is starting to soften.

And for the first time in a long time, both of them are beginning to relax.

In this episode, you'll hear Peggy and Steve reflect on the progress they've made over the last few months, what still feels difficult, and what they're continuing to work through together.

You'll also hear conversations about:

ATTN: Women's only coaching cohorts starts today, May 12! Don't waste another day wishing things were different in your marriage. Sign up here: 

Women's coaching: https://getyourmarriageon.com/womens-small-group-coaching/

In this fourth session with Peggy and Steve, something important finally clicks.

Peggy begins recognizing the exact moment her brain hits the "kill switch" during intimacy.

Not consciously.
Not intentionally.
Just years of conditioning kicking in automatically.

As the conversation unfolds, Peggy starts connecting the dots between anxiety, "good girl" conditioning, fear, pleasure, and the unconscious belief that enjoying to...

ATTN: Men's and Women's only coaching cohorts start this week, May 12! Don't waste another day wishing things were different in your marriage. Sign up here: 

Women's coaching: https://getyourmarriageon.com/womens-small-group-coaching/

Men's coaching: https://getyourmarriageon.com/mens-coaching/

***

In this third session with Peggy and Steve, the conversation shifts in a deeper direction.

What starts as a discussion about intimacy and confidence quickly turns into something much bigger:

👉 learning how to actually like yourself.

As Peggy opens up about body image, control, "good girl" cond...

Why do so many couples feel stuck, even when they're both trying their best?

In Part 2 of this real coaching series, Peggy and Steve come back after working on making intimacy more fun and less performative.

And for a while, it works.

But underneath the progress, a deeper pattern starts to surface—one that keeps pulling them right back into the same frustrating gridlock.

Inside this episode, you'll hear:

What if the problem in your sex life isn't a lack of effort…but too much effort?

In this episode, we're trying something completely new.

You'll get a behind-the-scenes look at a real coaching session with a couple (names and details changed for privacy) who are doing everything "right"—but still feel stuck.

They love each other.
They're committed.
They're trying hard.

But sex has started to feel… mechanical.
A little pressured.
More like something to get through than something to enjoy.

Inside this session, someth...

She didn't think sex could be for her.

In this honest conversation, Faith shares her journey from seeing sex as transactional, to walking away from it after finding Jesus, to struggling with disconnected, obligation-based intimacy in marriage.

But something shifted.

She began to understand that intimacy could be connective, meaningful—and even for her, too.

If you've ever felt like sex is something you do rather than something you enjoy, this episode will resonate.

You'll learn how she:

This is Part 2 of a special two-part series exploring the difference between having sex and making love.

If you haven't listened to Episode 300 yet, go start there—it lays the foundation for everything we talk about in this episode.

In this episode, we move from understanding the difference…
to learning how to actually create more meaningful, connected intimacy in your marriage.

You'll hear from:

This episode is a special one—episode 300.

That feels really meaningful to me. I'm grateful you listen, share the podcast, and care enough about your marriage to keep showing up for these conversations. I really do celebrate you and your commitment to building a strong, intimate, passionate marriage.

For this milestone episode, I wanted to do something a little different.

So I turned it into a personal research project around a question I've been pondering for a long time:

👉 What's the difference between having sex… and making love?

In this epi...

In this episode, I respond to a vulnerable question from a wife navigating desire differences, purity culture, and a husband who seems to always want more—more novelty, more frequency, more intensity.

If you've ever felt like:

You're not "enough" sexually

Your spouse is never satisfied

Sex has become a source of pressure instead of connection

…this episode is for you.

We'll talk about:

The three core drivers of sexual desire

Why anxiety can increase desire in one spouse and decrease it in the...

What if low libido, fatigue, brain fog, mood changes, or sexual dysfunction aren't just "part of getting older"?

In this episode, Dan talks with family nurse practitioner Shelly Wilkinson about hormones, libido, insulin resistance, and the role whole-body health can play in sexual wellness. Shelly shares her personal story, what led her into hormone education, and why she believes many men and women are missing an important piece of the puzzle when it comes to energy, desire, and long-term health.

They talk about common signs of hormone imbalance, what questions to ask when seeking help...

Low libido, erectile dysfunction, hormone imbalance, and sexual frustration in marriage are often treated like isolated problems. But what if they're actually connected to something much bigger?

In this episode of the Get Your Marriage On! Podcast, Dan sits down with Dr. Jerry Dugger to talk about the link between physical health and sexual health. They discuss testosterone, estrogen, cortisol, thyroid, gut health, inflammation, sleep, stress, and why the body has to be understood as a whole system.

You'll also hear practical insights on how better health habits can improve desire, energy, confidence, and connection...

What does your nervous system have to do with your sex life?

More than you might think.

In this episode, Dan sits down with nervous system specialist Morgan Starr-Riestis, who explains why feeling safe in your body is one of the most important ingredients for great intimacy.

Many couples assume sexual problems are about technique, desire differences, or communication. But often the real issue is something deeper: our nervous systems are stuck in fight, flight, or shutdown.

Morgan shares how our bodies are wired for safety, how dysregulation can show up i...

Marriages rarely fall apart because of one big moment—they erode through small daily disconnections.

In this episode, Dan sits down with author Lindsay Maestes to talk about how couples can rebuild connection, overcome sexual shame, and create a stronger marriage through intentional daily habits.

They discuss faith and sexuality, emotional labor, foreplay outside the bedroom, and why openness and vulnerability are essential for great intimacy.

Plus, Lindsay shares a fun "black belt" sex tip to help couples add novelty and excitement to their relationship.

Resources and Events:

We in...

In this episode, I sit down with my friend Jacqlin — published author and romance reader — to talk about something I've wanted to explore for a long time: how writing intimate stories can deepen connection in marriage.

We talk about:

Why erotic writing can feel more vulnerable than sex

The difference between sharing your body and sharing your private thoughts

How to overcome fear of rejection

Practical scaffolding and ideas for writing your first spicy story

Boundaries, motivation, and what NOT to do

Why your "why" matt...

In this bonus Q&A episode, I tackle some of the most vulnerable and complex sexual questions couples are asking right now.

We talk about:

Anal play and whether certain acts are morally wrong

Masturbation inside marriage — especially when your spouse is available

What to do when teasing doesn't lead to follow-through

How to talk dirty without feeling dirty

Stepping into sexual confidence when your spouse wants more intensity

Low desire that won't budge — even after trying everything

And the painful dynamic of feel...