True Crimes Against Wine

DEFENDANT: Vampire Wine

EVIDENCE: Vampire Pinot Noir

SCENE OF THE CRIME: Napa, CA

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Hey friend — welcome to our cozy, slightly spooky corner where we pair pop-culture deep dives with a glass of something fun. In this episode Judge Topher and Judge Rachel uncork a California Pinot Noir called "Vampire" and take a gleeful, rambling tour through vampire lore, wine bottle capes, 80s rock-star winemakers (hello Lisa Dominique), and all the ways the undead have stalked global storytelling. Expect laughs, awkward confessions, ridiculous quizzes, and a whole lot of wine-fueled speculation ab...

Hey friend—grab a glass and let's talk Halloween candy and wine like this is just us on the couch. This episode of True Crimes Against Wine dives into fun, easy pairings for those classic treats parents (and secret candy-stealers) might sip while handing out goodies. We cover gummy sweets like Swedish Fish and gummy bears with a light, fruity Gamay; chocolatey-carameled bars like Snickers with a friendly Chardonnay; and icebox favorites like Three Musketeers with a soft, earthy Pinot Noir. For tart, chalky Smarties, try a zippy New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc; candy corn? Just drink whatever you love—no r...

DEFENDANT: Hannibal Lecter

EVIDENCE: Frescobaldi Castiglione Chianti DOCG

SCENE OF THE CRIME: Chianti, Tuscany, IT

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Hey friend — grab a glass and pull up a chair. In this cozy, spooky episode of True Crimes Against Wine, Judge Topher and Judge Rachel uncork a breezy Chianti (Frescobaldi’s Castiglione DOCG) and take you on a trip through vineyards, vintage trivia, and one of cinema’s creepiest minds: Hannibal Lecter.

We wander through Italian wine regions, decode what “Chianti” really means (it’s a place, not a grape), and chat about Sangiovese —...

Join us for a candid, no-filter breakdown of the recent Sydney Sweeney ad for a sports betting app — the one everyone's talking about. We dig into the ad’s over-the-top sexualization (yes, it looks like porn), the predatory nature of online sports gambling, and the hypocrisy of moral posturing from conservative corners. We also talk about how celebrities profit from male-gaze-focused branding, why this kind of content is alarming when it airs during family TV viewing, and the broader advertising culture that allows it to exist. It’s part critique, part bafflement, and a whole lot of "did that just h...

DEFENDANT: M. Night Shyamalan's The Sixth Sense

EVIDENCE: Michael David Winery 6th Sense Syrah

SCENE OF THE CRIME: Lodi, CA

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  Hey friend — pour yourself a glass and settle in. This episode of True Crimes Against Wine pairs a bold California Syrah called Sixth Sense with M. Night Shyamalan's classic twist-filled film, The Sixth Sense. We chat about the Michael David Joint Winery (the creative minds behind Freakshow), their Lodi sustainability rules, the wine’s ripe-plum, chocolate-cherry flavors, and that sneaky 15.5% alcohol that keeps things interesting. Then we dive into movie talk...

Hey — if you love wine (or just enjoy weather drama), this episode dives into how this summer's brutal heatwave upended vineyards around the globe.

Short version: grapes ripened insanely fast. In places like Napa and Sonoma harvests wrapped in late August instead of October — some vines barely had a normal growing season because bud break happened late and then, boom, two months to harvest. That usually means riper fruit, higher sugars and alcohol, and a punchier, more "fruit bomb" style instead of subtle, old‑world finesse.

Different regions will feel it differently: cooler spots like Willam...

DEFENDANT: Alexander Dumas

EVIDENCE: Medley Rosé

SCENE OF THE CRIME: Languedoc, France

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Hey — we’re starting Season 6 with boxed rosé, bad accents, and a whole lot of literary chaos. Join Judge Topher (beverage boss) and Judge Rachel (pop-culture prosecutor) as they unbox Medley’s Languedoc rosé, gush over the pool-friendly packaging, debate whether boxed wine counts as classy, and taste notes of apple, pear, and a cheeky finish of strawberry. Spoiler: it’s an easy, drinkable crowd-pleaser and perfect for pool days and boat trips.

Then we stumble t...

Hey friend — this episode is a wild, messy ride through gossip, revenge, and the limits of grieving. We dig into a story about a daughter who publicly outed her best friend for alleged cheating, only to learn she was wrong and ended up destroying her friend’s life — and possibly contributing to her early death. The moms weigh in, judgments fly, and the question becomes: does someone who caused that much pain still have the right to mourn?

Think of this like a late-night chat with your nosy pals: we unpack motives (jealousy vs. trauma), community judgment, and wh...

DEFENDANT: The Odyssey

EVIDENCE: "Odyssey" Miner Family Winery Red Blend 2021

SCENE OF THE CRIME: Napa, CA

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Hey friend — welcome to our Season 6 kickoff of True Crimes Against Wine! We popped a slightly fancier Napa GSM, uncorked some ancient Greek drama, and laughed (and cried a little) our way through Polyphemus, Calypso, and the many questionable choices of Odysseus. We took this bottle on a little detective walk-through — sniffing eucalyptus, tasting red plums, and decoding why the wine felt lighter than expected. It’s a celebration-splurge kind of pour: balanced, food-friendly, and su...

Hey friend — dive into this wild episode where we unpack a meat raffle that smelled fishier than the prize cooler. We narrate an animated tale of suspicious organizers, awkward confrontations, and the kind of midwestern bar drama you didn’t know you needed. From people in charge winning prizes to an MC calling out their own victory, we react, joke, and pass judgement (literally) as things escalate to glares and a hasty exit. Whether you love a good steak or just crave juicy gossip, we keep it casual, hilarious, and oddly heartwarming as we debate etiquette, ethics, and the gold...

Hey — welcome back to the True Crimes Against Wine sidebar. This one’s a little embarrassing (false memories are real) but also delightful: Rachel and Fact Checker finally made it to Tori Amos in Atlanta, and I’m here to spill everything — the good, the ridiculous, and the emotional.

First, quick housekeeping: we both genuinely thought we’d already recorded this, so shoutout to Jamie for reminding us. Also, Rachel owes the producer a giant apology — she really put him through it and even promised to pay for therapy (but only once). True podcast drama, right?

OK, the sh...

A non-binary person with GERD keeps their medication in a Tylenol bottle at work. A coworker named Bob accuses them of getting high at work, then calls HR after they respond to his comment with self-deprecating humor, calling themselves "fat." The hosts discuss workplace harassment, the role of HR, documenting incidents, and whether the letter writer was in the wrong. Spoiler: they weren't. The episode turns into a lively chat about ageism, queerphobia, and toxic office culture, complete with hilarious side tangents about cat pageants and imaginary office soap operas.

Hey, Renee — and hey friend. If you’ve got a client dinner coming up and don’t want to look out of your depth (but also don’t want to be stiff and boring), this chat has your back. There are two main vibes you can lean into: the quietly sophisticated move or the casually cool cocktail move.

For the low-key, impress-without-trying option, go wine: a Pinot Noir, especially from Willamette Valley or Burgundy, is a safe, classy choice that says you’re worldly and confident without shouting it. Avoid polarizing picks like big Cabs or sweet Rieslings...

Hey friend — if you’re planning a pool day and want to bring something better than boxed rosé (but still chill and easy), this episode’s for you. We’re big fans of low-drama, high-fun batched drinks: think margaritas and mojitos as the MVPs. They’re simple to scale, super tweakable, and they won’t leave you with a sad, flat, sugary mess after a few hours in the sun.

Quick PSA: don’t bring Long Island iced tea to the heat. Also, please don’t do blue motherfuckers. Learned that the hard way — way too much alcohol with way to...

Hey — this episode is one for the books. A mom finds out her adult daughter has been secretly taking her grandchild to stay with the father’s religious, homophobic family after the dad came out and was disowned. She tells her daughter she’s disgusted, informs the dad, and now custody leniency is gone. Big feelings and bigger consequences all around.

Listen, I get it — there are layers here. The dad was forced into a life he couldn’t sustain and finally came out; his parents reacted terribly. The daughter’s hurt and anger after the breakup are real, bu...

Hey — quick catch-up: this episode dives into a husband who’s been the butt of his wife’s friend Megan’s “jokes” for months. Little digs about cooking, fixing things, and asking if he’s sulking turned into a pattern that felt less like teasing and more like deliberate bullying. He usually laughed it off to avoid awkwardness, but when it kept happening at a party, he finally said, “Can you stop? It’s getting annoying being the punchline every time we hang out.”

The room went quiet, Megan got embarrassed and left early, and later a few people scolded h...

DEFENDANT: Midsomar 

EVIDENCE: Sun Goddess Pinot Grigio

SCENE OF THE CRIME: A Maypole Near You... 

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Hey friend — welcome to our bonus midsummer episode! We kick things off with playful banter about time, podcast firsts, and then dive into the lushly sunlit weirdness of Ari Aster’s Midsommar while sipping Mary J. Blige’s Sun Goddess Pinot Grigio. Expect gossip, gross food talk, and the kind of movie chat that makes you want to rewatch with a notebook.

We nerd out on the Friuli region (hello rose-gold Pinot Grigio color...

Hey friend — welcome to this episode of True Crimes Against Wine! We spent a little time nerding out about what’s popping in the wine world this summer, and honestly, some of it is super fun and worth keeping an eye out for.

First up: rosé remains everywhere. It’s the easiest glass to recognize and the easiest choice when you want something fresh, fun, and usually dry. Sparkling rosé? Instant party. It’s the mood drink for warm weather and patio hangs — dangerously drinkable in the best way.

Also gaining steam: chillable, crushable reds. Think lighte...

Hey Miguel (and friends) — welcome to Atlanta! If you’ve got World Cup plans, here’s a friendly, no-nonsense run-down of how to actually enjoy the city without losing your mind.

First: traffic and transport. Do not rent a car. Atlanta traffic is terrible (think worse than LA in spots) and downtown parking/driving is confusing. Plan on using Uber/Lyft to get around — MARTA exists but can be tricky if you’re unfamiliar. And please, don’t rent an e-scooter unless you want people yelling at you.

Neighborhoods are the heart of Atlanta, so pick one (or...

Hey friend — this episode’s sidebar is a cozy, hilarious chat about Tori Amos’s brand-new album In Times of Dragons, a little tour gossip, and some very serious bagel bite nostalgia. We gush over favorite songs (the title track Shush, Strawberry Moon, and the joyous Pyrite), unpack the album’s political edge and clever dragon metaphor for concentrated wealth, and celebrate Tori’s poetic lyricism that reads like standalone poetry while also hitting hard as songs.

You’ll also get playful banter about live shows, family collaborations (her daughter and husband join in the music), and the delightf...

Hey — welcome back. We’re diving straight into a messy, emotional family moment that unspooled at the worst possible time: a middle-schooler is grieving the loss of a classmate, and the adults around her fall apart instead of showing up. This episode walks through a dad’s frantic return from a trip, a mother with a deep fear of funerals, and a grandmother who jumps in and calls out the mom — sparking a blowup over who should apologize and what real parenting looks like.

I’m with you: funerals are heavy, and kids need supportive adults who can put th...

Hey there, wine lovers and amateur relationship detectives! 🍷🕵️‍♀️ In this People’s Court episode of True Crimes Against Wine, Judge Topher takes on a juicy Reddit-style dilemma involving emotional cheating, workplace crushes, secret text messages, and a husband who’s gotten a little too attached to his 19-year-old coworker. 😬

When one wife notices her husband acting suspiciously around a much younger “friend,” alarm bells start ringing. Between private conversations, secret-sharing games, hidden messages, and a whole lot of vague explanations, what starts as a gut feeling quickly spirals into a relationship mess involving not one, not two, but three relationships...

Hey, friend — welcome back to another cozy, slightly cursed episode of True Crimes Against Wine. We read Melanie's letter (love you, Melanie) about falling asleep to our show and waking up with absolute wine-fueled nightmares, and honestly? Same. We dive into the weird world of stress dreams versus full-on nightmares: the classic bathroom-where-the-stalls-don't-fit, the endless-final-exam-that-you-never-studied, and the work-nightmare where the POS system is plotting against you. Relatable and chaotic.

We also swap true nightmare stories — slow-running to lock doors, doors that open when they absolutely shouldn’t, and the poor sleep-talker whose nightly mantra is so consistent it’s b...

DEFENDANT: Bruce

EVIDENCE: Jaws Amity Island Red Blend

SCENE OF THE CRIME: A Beach Near You

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Hey friend — welcome to the season finale of True Crimes Against Wine, where we drank a Jaws-labeled Napa red and then took a deep dive into sharks, sea-snail sex, and why Spielberg’s technical failures made cinema history. We’re sipping a 55% Petit Syrah blend with Merlot, Cabernet and a cheeky 5% Aligoté (yes, Aligoté!), talking oak and cinnamon, and wondering whether the grape’s fruit-forward nose would match the surprisingly soft, dry sip.

We remi...

Hey friend — welcome back to True Crimes Against Wine. Today we dive into a toothpaste-level messy Reddit post: a woman sleeps with a guy who flirted with her, later finds out (via an unsent text) he’s in a relationship, and now wonders if she's the asshole for continuing to hook up. Spoiler: the hosts have strong opinions.

We read the whole thing out loud — the creeping suggestive looks, the technical "I'm not married" dodge, the unsent confession, and that shaky justification that ‘‘if it's not me it'll be someone else anyway.’’ We call out the red flags: half-tr...

DEFENDANT: Scarlett O'Hara 

EVIDENCE: Southern Belle Jumilla, "The Mourner" 

SCENE OF THE CRIME: Jumilla, Spain, oddly enough

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Hey friend — grab a glass and curl up: this episode pairs a bold Spanish wine called Southern Belle with the messy, fascinating world of Gone with the Wind. We unpack the bottle (visually and taste-wise), the winery’s playful Southern Gothic art, and the surprising bourbon-barrel twist — then dive deep into Margaret Mitchell’s life, the book’s complicated legacy, and the movie’s glittering, problematic hold on culture.

We don’t shy aw...

Get ready for one of the wildest mother-in-law stories and family drama podcast episodes yet!  In this hilarious People’s Court episode of True Crimes Against Wine, Judge Topher dives into a shocking gender reveal gone wrong involving an overbearing mother-in-law, toxic family dynamics, pregnancy boundary issues, and a husband caught in the middle.

When a first-time mom’s special baby gender reveal is hijacked by her manipulative mother-in-law, who shares the baby’s gender news without permission, the drama escalates fast. From intrusive pregnancy behavior and public belly-kissing to emotional manipulation, disrespect, and serious boundary-crossing, this episode...

DEFENDANT: Leonardo DaVinci

EVIDENCE: DaVinci Pinot Grigio

SCENE OF THE CRIME: Renaissance Italy

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Hey friend — come hang out with us for a delightfully silly, slightly spicy stroll through art, wine, and history. We’re sipping an easy Pinot Grigio, dreaming up melon-and-prosciutto pizzas, and taking Leonardo da Vinci on tour: his notebooks, love life rumors, flying machines, and that massive (now-ruined) horse project. We gossip about museum wine nights, the chaos of the Louvre, and Michelangelo’s beef about buff bodies — all while drinking, cracking jokes, and treating the past like our...

Hey — let’s talk Gothic. If you loved the Wuthering Heights episode but aren’t sure what “Gothic” means, here’s a friendly, no‑pressure rundown: it’s a literary vibe that exploded in the late 1700s and early 1800s (part of Romanticism) and stuck around because people couldn’t get enough of spooky mystery, big feelings, and weird houses.

At its core Gothic mixes suspense and the supernatural with secrets from the past: ghosts (or things that feel like ghosts), hidden diaries or cursed heirlooms, murmured scandals, and the sense that history is still very much alive — and maybe...

DEFENDANT: PBS Kids!

EVIDENCE: A to Z Wineworks Chardonnay

SCENE OF THE CRIME: A TV near you! 

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Hey friend — grab a glass and settle in! In this cozy episode of True Crimes Against Wine, Judge Topher and Judge Rachel pair a bright, stainless-steel A to Z Oregon Chardonnay with a nostalgic deep-dive into PBS Kids. Expect lots of nostalgic tangents (Lisa Frank stickers, slap bracelets, and wishbone adventures), a warm appreciation for Sesame Street, Arthur, Reading Rainbow and more, plus a fun celebrity pop-quiz about famous folks who popped up on...

Hey, friend — we just finished hashing out the latest Bridgerton season and had too many thoughts not to share. Part one felt overly familiar, like a direct nod to Cinderella, but give it time: the second half finds its footing with sharper plotting, satisfying sleuthing, and some welcome emotional payoffs (yes, Sophie and Benedict get their moment).

The season leans hard into Queen Charlotte’s boredom, Penelope’s hard-won choices, and a sneaky new Lady Whistledown reveal that throws everything wide open — cue the credits read by a surprise voice. Eloise’s storyline is the one we’re most hype...

DEFENDANT: Frances Hodgson Burnett

EVIDENCE: Secret Garden Rose Gin

SCENE OF THE CRIME: The moors, darling, the moors!

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Hi — come sit with us while we get a little giddy and a lot floral. In this episode of True Crimes Against Wine we test a rosy Scottish gin called Secret Garden, riff on three garden-ready cocktails (a Rose Garden Spritz, a Strawberry Smash, and a Lavender-Lemon Stroll), and wander straight into the moody, magical world of Frances Hodgson Burnett's The Secret Garden. We talk sparkling cava vs prosecco, muddled berries, honey-lavender sy...

SpOoOoky episode; listen if you dare! 👻👻👻

DEFENDANT: Agent 007, Commander James Bond

EVIDENCE: Martinis

SCENE OF THE CRIME: Our Secret Lair

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Hey friend — grab a glass and settle in. In this episode we put the martini itself on trial: from the citrus-bright Vesper to a garden-fresh basil-cucumber twist, plus a yuzu-matcha surprise that doubles as our truth serum. We sip, argue, and nerd out about James Bond — the actors, the gadgets, the infamous "shaken, not stirred" debate, and the songs that make you feel like walking into a slow-motion title card.

Expect cozy bante...

 Hi, welcome to another episode of True Crimes. Against wine. We're doing a people\u2019s court today. The story: two 26-year-olds, six years together. Early on, she was diagnosed with vaginismus — a medical condition that made penetration impossible despite physiotherapy and dilators. For years, they tried oral and manual sex, but over time his desire and emotional connection faded. They fought about whose "fault" it was, he sought therapy, and they tried to end things gradually, but it ended more abruptly after a heated argument. Now she's telling friends he put her in an impossible situation; he's left won...

DEFENDANT: Emily Brontë

EVIDENCE: Goldschmidt Cabernet Sauvignon "Katherine" 2023

SCENE OF THE CRIME: The wild moors of Alexander Valley, Sonoma, CA

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Hey — settle in with a bowl of soup and a good glass, because this episode is equal parts wine tasting and literary sleuthing. We pop a bottle of Goldschmidt’s “Catherine” from Stonemason Hill in Alexander Valley (Sonoma), sniff out garnet color, black cherry and red‑plum fruit, a blueberry peak of ripeness, and a lovely stone‑like minerality with velvety tannins. It’s approachable, not pretentious, and sits in that sweet spot...

  Hi there. Welcome to another episode of True Crimes Against Wine. In this episode we dig into Bridgerton season 4 (first four episodes) with hot takes, spoilers, and a lot of laughs. We chat about the new heroine Sophie, Benedict’s surprise Cinderella arc, the show's heavy-handed nods to classic tropes (midnight, silver slippers, the whole shebang), and whether continuing the series past season three was a brilliant idea or a cash-grab mistake. We also talk casting, visual vibes, the recurring music covers, and the characters we wish got more screen time — especially Eloise. Join us as we rant, gush, and d...

DEFENDANT: Herman Melville 

EVIDENCE: Melville Estate Pinot Noir

SCENE OF THE CRIME: Santa Rita Hills, and the Big Blue Sea

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Hey friend — pour yourself a glass and come sit with us. In this episode Judge Topher and Judge Rachel finally introduce themselves (yes, really) and then proceed to hijack a $75 Santa Rita Hills Pinot Noir, talk glassware, sniff cherries, sage, pepper and a little eucalyptus, and declare that yes: this bottle is absolutely worth the fuss.

We wander from tasting notes (garnet color, plums, violets, forest-floor comp...

Hey friend — buckle up. This episode is peak messy and oddly heartwarming: imagine a Victorian house party with deceptive chocolate cocktails (they sneak up on you), a disco ball spin-off, and one of our hosts getting so tanked she ends up barfing in the shower. Classic.

We also dig into the restaurant trenches — you know the ones: forced prix-fixe menus, last-minute menu swaps, entitled Valentine’s diners who stiff servers and act like their big romantic show excuses everything. If you ever wondered why hospitality folks roll their eyes at Feb 14, this episode explains it in gruesome detail...

Hey — this episode unpacks a vacation that went horribly wrong: a 37-year-old narrator brings her partner, toddler and a 16-year-old dog to visit her parents, who are openly hostile to the aging pup. They repeatedly put the dog outside, dump its water, and make cruel comments about putting her down.

The partner withdraws and spends time apart to protect the dog and avoid blowing up, while the narrator freezes because she's conflict-averse and has a fraught relationship with her dad. After they get back, family gossip paints the partner as rude, and the narrator is lef...