WHEN DATING HURTS

Tara Shuler managed to survive a dangerous marriage that nearly killed her.

What she learned she put into a book she calls, "Exit Strategy: The Conversations That Got Me Out Alive."

Her years as a sales trainer helped her survive abuse. And now she is bringing what she learned and teaches to us today.

"Exit Strategy" is the true story of a sales trainer who discovered that the negotiation framework she built for boardrooms was the exact system that got her out of a life-threatening marriage alive.

Tara Shuler did not...

This episode comes with a long list of warning signs. The graphic descriptions of domestic violence in this survivor story can be triggering to some. There are instances of "adult language", as well. But the scenes depicted needed to be included so listeners can hear what often happens in unhealthy relationships. Please decide carefully whether you should listen to this episode or not.

We decided to re-release this episode to underscore that domestic violence can touch anyone. It is all too common for any of us to think, "This only happens to someone else, it could never...

I have appeared on Michele Locke's "LoveLustLaw" podcast several times. She asked me to join her in October 2026 for Domestic Violence month.

LoveLustLaw is a true-crime and courtroom podcast that explores high-conflict divorces, custody battles, coercive control, and domestic violence.

Michele is a survivor, lawyer, and previously a judge. She is a wealth of knowledge about dating abuse and domestic violence.

This episode is a conversation recorded on October 5, 2026. We cover a wide range of topics you should consider sharing with those who need to hear it. I look forward to more chats...

This is a short overview about warning signs.

It is for the person who is still deciding whether the behavior of a partner is just bothersome or some kind of abuse. It is also information for friends who are worried that someone they know might be in a dangerous relationship.

The psychological traps that keep people stuck need to be talked about so we know when to make plans to leave trouble behind.

This is a short episode so you can listen to it all in very little time. It is also one...

Callie O'Reilly recently published a memoir about her experiences with domestic violence. It occurred during her time as a university student in Canada. But could have happened anywhere.

Her book, entitled, "Let Me Down: Reflections on Love and Abuse," was a way to explore the "less often talked about" nuanced aspects of abuse with a focus on consent and shame.

In fact, Callie has created the book she wish she had read back when she was 18.

We thank Callie for offering her story to us. We hope a book like hers is read...

This podcast exists because of my daughter Kristin. She was 21 years old when her ex-boyfriend stabbed her to death. She had already ended the relationship.

She thought she would be free. She was not.

LEAVING:

Today's episode is for the person who is still deciding whether to leave. It is also for the person who already left and is still haunted by the question: did I do the right thing.

We are talking about why leaving is so hard, the psychological traps that keep people stuck, and what it actually looks...

This story comes with warnings. If this episode becomes too intense, stop and do what is best for you.

Patricia Gordon Stevens knows what it is like o leave an abusive marital relationship. What she wants people to understand is that leaving is not necessarily the end of the abuse, or the end of the fear.

After leaving her own abusive marriage, Patricia experienced the psychological aftermath that can follow a woman long after she has physically left. The fear, the hyper vigilance, the shame, the erosion of trust in her own judgment, and the...

This is a blend of survivor-centered education, psychology, and clear red-flag guidance. And it's all grounded in research.

We call this: Loss of Self Esteem - How Abuse Steals Who You Are.

This is not an interview with a survivor. It is not red flags wrapped into a story. This is about the red flags you need to know so you will never be fooled by someone trying to use digital technology to control and stalk you in a relationship.

It is a fairly short episode, so it is easily heard in one...

This story comes with warnings.

There are descriptions of cruel violence, coercive control, high-conflict co-parenting, family court appearances, financial abuse, and trauma bonding. These can be triggering for some listeners.

If this episode becomes too intense, stop and do what is best for you.

This is part two of a two-part story.

Jocelyn is a mother, make-up artist, and domestic violence survivor.

She has spent several years navigating the process of leaving an abusive relationship as well as what can happen after leaving. What she has endured in the...

This story comes with warnings.

There are descriptions of cruel violence, coercive control, high-conflict co-parenting, family court appearances, financial abuse, and trauma bonding. These can be triggering for some listeners.

If this episode becomes too intense, stop and do what is best for you.

This is part one of a two-part story.

Jocelyn is a mother, make-up artist, and domestic violence survivor.

She has spent several years navigating the process of leaving an abusive relationship as well as what can happen after leaving. What she has endured in the...

This is a blend of survivor-centered education, psychology, and clear red-flag guidance. And it's all grounded in research.

We call this: Baby Trapping - When a Pregnancy is Used as a Leash.

This is not an interview with a survivor. It is not red flags wrapped into a story. This is about the red flags you need to know so you will never be fooled by someone trying to use digital technology to control and stalk you in a relationship.

It is a fairly short episode, so it is easily heard in one...

This story comes with many warnings.

There are descriptions of cruel violence, addiction, crimes and incarceration, trauma bonding, and abandonment. These can be triggering for some.

If listening to this episode becomes too intense, stop and do what is best for you.

This is part two of a two-part story.

Sunshine Faye (not her real name) is a survivor.

In her story, she never pretends to be a saint. She puts on full display her mistakes and many of them were huge. But here is someone who shows us...

This story comes with many warnings.

There are descriptions of cruel violence, addiction, crimes and incarceration, trauma bonding, and abandonment. These can be triggering for some.

If listening to this episode becomes too intense, stop and do what is best for you.

Sunshine Faye (not her real name) is a survivor.

In her story, she never pretends to be a saint. She puts on full display her mistakes and many of them were huge. But here is someone who shows us where poor choices can take us in life.

...

This is a blend of survivor-centered education, psychology, and clear red-flag guidance. And it's all grounded in research.

We call this: Mirroring - The Narcissist's Deadliest Trap.

This is not an interview with a survivor. It is not red flags wrapped into a story. This is about the red flags you need to know so you will never be fooled by someone trying to use digital technology to control and stalk you in a relationship.

It is a fairly short episode, so it is easily heard in one sitting. And so you can...

This story comes with many warnings. There are descriptions of cruel violence, rape, addiction, crimes and incarceration, trauma bonding, and abandonment.

If listening to this episode becomes too intense, stop and do what is best for you.

Lisa Ortiz is an author and the founder of a nonprofit foundation. These are recent developments.

In this story, you will hear how she rarely caught a break in life he received middle, if any, guidance and had to figure out so much for herself.

There were a long list of mistakes and her...

This is a blend of survivor-centered education, psychology, and clear red-flag guidance. And it's all grounded in research.

We call this: Safety Planning and Strategies.

This is not an interview with a survivor. It is not red flags wrapped into a story. This is about the red flags you need to know so you will never be fooled by someone trying to use digital technology to control and stalk you in a relationship.

It is a fairly short episode, so it is easily heard in one sitting. And so you can hear it...

This story comes with many warnings. There are descriptions of cruel violence, rape, and trauma bonding.

If listening to this episode becomes too intense, stop and do what is best for you.

This is part two of a two-part interview.

Rebecca Lazzelle is a domestic violence survivor. She is also an author and healer.

When Rebecca contacted me, she said her experience shows the kind of emotional abuse and betrayal that leaves a survivor questioning their reality. It has them losing themselves. They end up carrying invisible trauma long after the...

This story comes with many warnings. There are descriptions of cruel violence, rape, and trauma bonding.

If listening to this episode becomes too intense, stop and do what is best for you.

This is part one of a two-part interview.

Rebecca Lazzelle is a domestic violence survivor. She is also an author and healer.

When Rebecca contacted me, she said her experience shows the kind of emotional abuse and betrayal that leaves a survivor questioning their reality. It has them losing themselves. They end up carrying invisible trauma long after the...

This is a blend of survivor-centered education, psychology, and clear red-flag guidance. And it's all grounded in research.

We call this: Spyware - Detection and Removal.

This is not an interview with a survivor. It is not red flags wrapped into a story. This is about the red flags you need to know so you will never be fooled by someone trying to use digital technology to control and stalk you in a relationship.

It is a fairly short episode, so it is easily heard in one sitting. And so you can hear...

This is part two of a two-part story with Katie. Be sure you are ready to hear this story. As it proceeds, you will be hearing about horribly abusive physical violence and actual torture... Trigger warnings need to be expressed due to both the content and graphic descriptions.

If this story is too intense for you, please stop listening and take care of yourself.

Katie's Story

When Katie met Mark, he appeared as this attractive guy playing amazing bass fiddle in a rockabilly band. She loved his music and soon felt he was...

This is part one of a two-part story with Katie. Be sure you are ready to hear this story. As it proceeds, you will be hearing about horribly abusive physical violence and actual torture... Trigger warnings need to be expressed due to both the content and graphic descriptions.

If this story is too intense for you, please stop listening and take care of yourself.

Katie's Story

When Katie met Mark, he appeared as this attractive guy playing amazing bass fiddle in a rockabilly band. She loved his music and soon felt he was...

This is a blend of survivor-centered education, psychology, and clear red-flag guidance. And it's all grounded in research.

We call this: Gaslighting and Psychological Manipulation.

This is not an interview with a survivor. It is not red flags wrapped into a story. This is about the red flags you need to know so you will never be fooled by someone trying to use digital technology to control and stalk you in a relationship.

It is a fairly short episode, so it is easily heard in one sitting. And so you can hear it...

I met Jen Lee six years ago when she and I launched separate podcasts at around the same time. Both podcasts are heavily aimed at identifying and supporting survivors. Jen and I share podcast tips and have remained professional friends ever since.

Residing in Virginia, her first marriage ended amicably (really). She wanted a relationship that matched her energy and zest for life. While having an after-work bite with coworkers, she met a guy and instantly fell for him. A fast-moving, long-distance relationship ensued with Rob, a businessman from New York.

A trusting person, Jen...

This is a blend of survivor-centered education, psychology, and clear red-flag guidance. And it's all grounded in research.

We call this: Dynamics that Make Coercive Control Effective and Difficult to Escape.

This is not an interview with a survivor. It is not red flags wrapped into a story. This is about the red flags you need to know so you will never be fooled by someone trying to use digital technology to control and stalk you in a relationship.

It is a fairly short episode, so it is easily heard in one sitting...

We want you to hear from the mind of an abuser once more...

This episode, our eighth in this "Mind of the Abuser" series, comes with content and trigger warnings: Domestic abuse, domestic violence, language, and graphic violence.

We have heard enough about the minds and justifications of abusers to have insights into what we would probably hear.

It would sound like the excuses for actions taken only to gain control over another person. It would be a relentless pushback. There would be no apologies. That is what you will hear in this...

This is a blend of survivor-centered education, psychology, and clear red-flag guidance. And it's all grounded in research.

We call this: Isolation - Your Partner Wants You Away from Your Support Network

This is not an interview with a survivor. It is not red flags wrapped into a story. This is about the red flags you need to know so you will never be fooled by someone trying to use digital technology to control and stalk you in a relationship.

It is a fairly short episode, so it is easily heard in one...

Content Warning & Disclaimer

Please proceed with caution. This episode may be triggering for survivors of abuse and trauma. There is a description of a rape. There is drug usage and both knife and gun violence. There is both emotional and verbal abuse. There is physical violence and the use of adult language. Listener discretion is strongly advised.

This is part two of a two-part story with Emily. It illustrates how an innocent young woman can become, swallowed up when she's manipulated, groomed, and controlled by an abusive predator.

The ways she was taking...

Content Warning & Disclaimer

Please proceed with caution. This episode may be triggering for survivors of abuse and trauma. There is a description of a rape. There is drug usage and both knife and gun violence. There is both emotional and verbal abuse. There is physical violence and the use of adult language. Listener discretion is strongly advised.

This is part one of a two-part story with Emily. It illustrates how an innocent young woman can become, swallowed up when she's manipulated, groomed, and controlled by an abusive predator.

The ways she was taking...

This is a blend of survivor-centered education, psychology, and clear red-flag guidance. And it's all grounded in research.

We call this: Stonewalling - When Communication is Controlled by Your Abuser.

This is not an interview with a survivor. It is not red flags wrapped into a story. This is about the red flags you need to know so you will never be fooled by someone trying to use digital technology to control and stalk you in a relationship.

It is a fairly short episode, so it is easily heard in one sitting. And...

Content Warning & Disclaimer

Please proceed with caution. This episode may be highly triggering for survivors of abuse and trauma. Listener discretion is strongly advised.

Shael Norris is the executive director of SafeBAE, a youth-led nonprofit dedicated to stopping sexual violence before it starts. Their focus is on middle and high school students.

The mission of SafeBAE is to empower students to become peer leaders and advocates creating safer school cultures through consent education, training on healthy relationships, up-to-date curriculums, and resources that support survivors.

SafeBAE was founded 10 years ago with survivors...

This is a blend of survivor-centered education, psychology, and clear red-flag guidance. And it's all grounded in research.

We call this: Ghosting - When Your Partner Disappears to Control You.

This is a blend of survivor-centered education, psychology, and clear red-flag guidance. And it's all grounded in research.

This is not an interview with a survivor. It is not red flags wrapped into a story. This is about the red flags you need to know so you will never be fooled by someone trying to use digital technology to control and stalk you...

Content Warning & Disclaimer

Please proceed with caution. This episode may be highly triggering for survivors of abuse and trauma. Listener discretion is strongly advised.

Jena Jake is a licensed therapist, certified coach, and author. Some of her many areas of focus are: prevention, early warning signs, and self-awareness.

She will talk about personality dynamics, emotional blind spots, attraction patterns, communications styles, and more.

Jena Jake blends psychology with practical strategies to encourage lasting, healthy relationships.

• She can be reached at: JenaJake.com.

• For her offer to do an ass...

This is a blend of survivor-centered education, psychology, and clear red-flag guidance. And it's all grounded in research.

We call this: Dog Whistles - Covert Abuse Signals Abusers use to Control You

This is a blend of survivor-centered education, psychology, and clear red-flag guidance. And it's all grounded in research.

This is not an interview with a survivor. It is not red flags wrapped into a story. This is about the red flags you need to know so you will never be fooled by someone trying to use digital technology to control and...

This is a blend of survivor-centered education, psychology, and clear red-flag guidance. And it's all grounded in research.

We call this: Breadcrumbing - How We become Strung Along by Abusers

This is a blend of survivor-centered education, psychology, and clear red-flag guidance. And it's all grounded in research.

This is not an interview with a survivor. It is not red flags wrapped into a story. This is about the red flags you need to know so you will never be fooled by someone trying to use digital technology to control and stalk you...

Content Warning & Disclaimer

Please proceed with caution. This episode may be highly triggering for survivors of abuse and trauma. Listener discretion is strongly advised.

This is part two of two parts with Megan Margherio, author of "⁠Everwoven⁠."

Megan's upbringing included abuse at home from her stepbrother. Her mother and stepfather were no help when she came to them while dealing with her stepbrother's physical and sexual attacks. They never believed her pleas. Her description of those years is distressing, and our hearts go out to her for suffering as she did.

She...

Content Warning & Disclaimer

Please proceed with caution. This episode may be highly triggering for survivors of abuse and trauma. Listener discretion is strongly advised.

This is part one of two parts with Megan Margherio, author of "Everwoven."

Megan's upbringing included abuse at home from her stepbrother. Her mother and stepfather were no help when she came to them while dealing with her stepbrother's physical and sexual attacks. They never believed her pleas. Her description of those years is distressing, and our hearts go out to her for suffering as she did.

...

This is a blend of survivor-centered education, psychology, and clear red-flag guidance. And it's all grounded in research.

We call this: Pocketing - How We Become Hidden Out of View by Abusers

This is a blend of survivor-centered education, psychology, and clear red-flag guidance. And it's all grounded in research.

This is not an interview with a survivor. It is not red flags wrapped into a story. This is about the red flags you need to know so you will never be fooled by someone trying to use digital technology to control and...

This is a blend of survivor-centered education, psychology, and clear red-flag guidance. And it's all grounded in research.

We call this: Hoovering - How We are Vacuumed Back into Abusive Relationships

This is a blend of survivor-centered education, psychology, and clear red-flag guidance. And it's all grounded in research.

This is not an interview with a survivor. It is not red flags wrapped into a story. This is about the red flags you need to know so you will never be fooled by someone trying to use digital technology to control and stalk...

Content Warning & Disclaimer

Please proceed with caution. This episode may be highly triggering for survivors of abuse and trauma. Listener discretion is strongly advised.

I was invited to appear on the podcast, This Is Actually Happening, about four years ago. It was a breakthrough for me because it exposed my podcast to many thousands more listeners than I had back then.

The interview did well in bringing my family's tragedy out so people could hear and understand what happened. I wanted families to know what happened to us could happen to anyone's child...

Coercive Control.

This is a blend of survivor-centered education, psychology, and clear red-flag guidance. And it's all grounded in research.

We call this: Coercive Control - How to Detect It. How to Break Free from It.

This is a blend of survivor-centered education, psychology, and clear red-flag guidance. And it's all grounded in research.

We call this: Blame Shifting -- What It Is. How to Deal With It.

This is not an interview with a survivor. It is not red flags wrapped into a story. This is about the...