Becoming Me

Episode 122   

This episode covers practical advice for individuals deeply invested in their integrated spiritual and emotional healing journeys. I particularly emphasise the importance of recognising when it might be time to change one's spiritual director or therapist and provide listeners with THREE signs that may indicate that it is time for a change.

There is often a natural evolution in such guidance relationships because progress in one's spiritual journey may necessitate change due to the different stages of personal development and the inherent limitations of any single guide.

Three main signs in...

Episode 121   

In this episode of Becoming Me, I delve into the contemplative heart of interior integration. I talk about the integration of spirituality, psychology, neuroscience, and other fields as essential in the journey of self-discovery. Using metaphors and reflecting on my own experiences, I emphasise the role of contemplation in managing life's paradoxes and challenges.

I explain how contemplation, or being with God, serves as a foundational point, helping us embrace our complexities and live out our faith deeply. I offer assurance that, despite the complexities of the interior integration journey, finding stability in...

Episode 120   

In this episode I highlight three common spiritual blocks: the inability to develop a close and intimate relationship with God, the struggle with being still and silent, and the challenges of discernment and decision-making.

We often think of these as spiritual blocks, but in my experience, they have a lot to do with attachment trauma. Spirituality rests on the bedrock of our humanity, it is part of our humanity not apart from it. Our nervous system, body, our emotions, our rational mind - they all form an organic WHOLE that is much mo...

Episode 119   

In this episode, I discuss the concept of spiritualising forgiveness and its implications in faith and daily life. I talk about how the struggles many people often face in integrating love and forgiveness in their lives are due to an insecure attachment with God and a fear of not doing the right thing.

I talk about the pitfalls of spiritualising forgiveness and how true forgiveness should lead to human flourishing rather than spiritual subjugation. I discuss the necessity of healing ourselves instead of just focusing on forgiving others, arguing that forgiveness is bo...

Episode 118   

In this episode, I dive deep into the topic of self-care, self-love, and how they relate to spirituality from a Christian perspective. I challenge the common misconception within some Christian circles that self-care may be seen as a sign of weakness or indulgence.

I emphasise the importance of recognising our individual, personal needs for care and suggest that neglect of self-care might stem from past trauma. I encourage listeners to understand self-care as an expression of accepting God's love and affirm our worthiness for care, taking time to meet our physical needs wi...

Episode 117   

In this in-depth discussion, I provide a Christian perspective on the journey of healing from complex trauma within a dysfunctional family setting. Six gentle reminders are shared for those trying to manage relationships within such dynamics: acknowledging the enmity; having a trustworthy third party; remembering self-abandonment is not love; not measuring up to an imagined ideal; grounding oneself in God's infinite love; and understanding that God sees the hidden suffering.

I emphasise the need for truth, self-protection, understanding the nature of abuse, the necessity of setting boundaries, and the importance of grounding on...

Episode 116 

In this episode I examine the connection between past emotional trauma and present conflicts in relationships. Aided by three personal stories, I illustrate how past familial conflicts have influenced my own internal emotional regulation triggering conflicts in my current relationships, especially within my marriage.

I also share how greater self-awareness can lessen the severity of conflicts, promote reconciliation, and foster greater empathy in relationships. I encourage listeners to explore their emotional patterns noticing how certain behaviours might be influenced by past experiences and unresolved issues.

Watch this recording on YouTube.

Episode 115 

In this episode I explore the concept of 'enmeshment', a term used in psychology to describe dysfunctional family systems marked by poor boundaries between family members and thus over-dependence (and co-dependence).

I reflect on how growing up in an enmeshed family has affected my own mental health, relationships, and understanding of faith, leading me to develop a 'Messiah Complex' - or feeling compelled to constantly help others to my own detriment.

I highlight the important role of understanding personal emotional health and trauma while practicing faith, and encourage listeners to b...

Episode 114 

If you're a people-pleaser, chances are good that you also have an insecure attachment with God and that your understanding of "pleasing God" comes from a place of anxiety rather than confidence.

This episode discusses the struggles of recovering people pleasers within the context of spiritual life. I  share some insights on a passage from 'Time for God' by Jacques Philippe, addressing the concept of pleasing God and how we can mis-interpret it when we lack healthy self-esteem and self-worth.

This is a particularly relevant episode to those struggling with pe...

Episode 113 

When those of us who never had boundaries start learning to exercise them, it can feel really "wrong" to us and this may keep us second guessing if drawing boundaries is the right thing to do.

In this episode I reflect upon the struggle of exercising personal boundaries in the context of faith, familial expectations, and societal norms. I delve into my journey of establishing an authentic relationship with God and how insecurities, trauma, and distorted perceptions can impact this process.

Watch this recording on YouTube.

Follow me o...