Fragmented to Whole: Life Lessons from 12 Step Recovery

Send us Fan Mail

In this week's episode 375 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I'm sharing a deeply personal look at how learning to set boundaries helped me find something I never thought possible: a sense of peace and calm that has become my default at 63. After years of recovery, overthinking, catastrophizing, and trying to constantly improve myself, I've discovered what it means to have my own back and actually enjoy the life I've been building.

Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:

Send us Fan Mail

In this week's episode 374 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I'm talking about how to reclaim your peace when someone has hurt you, hasn't apologized, or still doesn't understand why you needed to set a boundary. Have you ever spent hours replaying a conversation in your head, trying to find the perfect words that would finally make someone understand? You're not alone. But what if your peace didn't have to depend on their response?

Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:

Send us Fan Mail

In this week's episode 373 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I'm talking about the difference between caring about someone and taking responsibility for their feelings. Sometimes what we call compassion is actually our inability to tolerate someone else's discomfort—and that can lead us straight into rescuing, over-functioning, and abandoning ourselves.

Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:

Send us Fan Mail

In this week's episode 372 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I'm talking about what happens when you know a relationship or situation is hurting you, but you still feel like you absolutely cannot stop participating in it. I’m sharing what happened when I hit my codependent bottom with my friend Dan, and the realization that helped me understand why walking away felt just as unbearable as continuing to rescue him.

Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:

Send us Fan Mail

In this week’s episode 371 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m talking about why workplace boundary advice can’t always be as simple as “just say no.” Workplace pressure isn’t the same for everyone, and not everyone has the same freedom to speak up without consequences. Sometimes the difficulty is coming from inside us, and sometimes the problem really is the environment we’re working in.

I share how being a fixer and overfunctioning shaped my own experience in toxic work environments, and how long it took me to recognize t...

Send us Fan Mail

In this week's episode 370 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I'm talking with Austin Rampt about addiction, recovery, shame, vulnerability, and the deep human need for connection. Austin shares his incredible journey from believing he had to achieve to be worthy of love, through years of addiction and relapse, to finally learning that he didn't have to perform, hide, or become someone else to belong.

Some of the talking points we go over in this episode include:

Send us Fan Mail

In this week’s episode 369 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m talking about why workplace boundaries often collapse—not because we don’t know what to say, but because of what happens inside us after we say it. Knowing how to set a boundary and being able to stay with it through discomfort are two completely different skills.

I explore the sequence that can happen when we set a boundary: external pressure, an internal reaction such as guilt, fear, or self-doubt, and finally the urge to back down in order to...

Send us Fan Mail

In this week’s episode 368 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m talking about the “corporate chameleon”—the version of ourselves we create at work when we’re constantly adapting to what we think other people need, expect, or want from us.

I explore how behaviors like being dependable, accommodating, helpful, and willing to go above and beyond can look like healthy professionalism while actually being driven by fear, insecurity, or the need to prove that we belong. The problem isn’t doing excellent work. It’s using our usefulness as a way to earn...

Send us Fan Mail

In this week’s episode 367 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m exploring what happens when life takes us somewhere different from where we thought we were going—and why different doesn’t automatically mean worse.

Using Emily Perl Kingsley’s Welcome to Holland metaphor as a starting point, I talk about the experience of grieving the life we expected while learning to notice what is possible in the life we actually have. Whether the transition involves a child leaving home, retirement, a relationship ending, a career change, a move, or another...

Send us Fan Mail

In this week’s episode 366 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m talking about why some of the biggest transitions in our lives also become turning points in how we see ourselves.

Transitions aren’t just about changing routines, schedules, jobs, relationships, or where we live. They can change our identity. In this episode, I reflect on several transitions in my own life—from graduate school and moving to New Haven to recovery—and what each one taught me about who I was becoming.

Some of the talking points I g...

Send us Fan Mail

This is my 365th episode! That means you could literally listen to one episode per day for an entire year!

In this week’s episode 365 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m joined by Shaun Enright, who shares his experience, strength, and hope of recovery and how learning to let go changed both his life and his business.

Shaun shares how he went from running a successful seven-figure business while struggling behind the scenes, to recognizing that alcohol was a problem, entering 12-step recovery, and learning to surrender cont...

Send us Fan Mail

As summer winds down, many of us start imagining the organized, disciplined person we're finally going to become in the fall. The problem is that we often create new routines for an ideal version of ourselves at the exact moment our lives are getting busier. When we can't maintain the plan, we don't question the routine. We question ourselves.

This week, on episode 364 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I'm talking about how to create new routines without setting yourself up to fail!

In this episode of the Fragmented...

Send us Fan Mail

In this week’s episode 363 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m talking about life transitions and why the biggest change often isn’t what’s happening around you—it’s the shift in your identity.

Whether you’re becoming an empty nester, changing careers, retiring, ending a relationship, or entering a new season of life, transitions often invite you to ask, “Who am I now?” In this episode, I explore a different question that can be even more helpful: “Who do I want to be?”

Some of the talking points I g...

Send us Fan Mail

In this week’s episode 362 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m talking about why so many people struggle to make decisions—and why the real issue often isn’t a lack of information. It’s a lack of internal safety.

Many of us spend hours weighing options, asking for advice, researching every possibility, and trying to predict the outcome before making a choice. But no decision-making method can guarantee that no one will be disappointed, that you'll never regret your choice, or that life will unfold exactly as you hope. This...

Send us Fan Mail

In this week’s episode 361 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m joined by my former private coaching client, Ilene, for a heartfelt conversation about what happened after years of doing the work of recovery and boundary-building.

Rather than focusing on theory, this episode explores what these concepts actually looked like in one woman’s life—how learning to honor her preferences, stop managing other people’s reactions, and build internal safety transformed the relationship she has with herself. The conversation was inspired by a thoughtful email Ilene sent after reflecting...

Send us Fan Mail

In this week’s episode 360 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing how my understanding of self-trust completely changed through recovery.

For years, I believed I had a "bad picker" when it came to relationships. But over time, I realized the bigger issue wasn't choosing unhealthy partners—it was staying long after I knew the relationship wasn't healthy. What ultimately changed my life wasn't trying harder to trust myself. It was learning to build healthy boundaries.

Some of the talking points I go over in this episode includ...

Send us Fan Mail

In this week’s episode 359 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m talking about something many of us have experienced but struggle to describe: what to do when someone makes you question your own reality.

If you grew up in an environment where your feelings were dismissed, your experiences were minimized, or your perception was constantly challenged, learning to trust yourself can feel incredibly difficult. In this episode, I share five simple responses that can help you stay grounded in your own experience without getting pulled into endless arguments or self...

Send us Fan Mail

In this week’s episode 358 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m talking about a question that comes up often: What is the difference between acceptance and boundaries?

Many people think they have to choose between accepting someone as they are or setting a boundary with them. But acceptance and boundaries are not opposites. Acceptance means seeing someone clearly and no longer trying to change who they are. Boundaries are about deciding what works for you, given that reality.

Some of the talking points I go over in this...

Send us Fan Mail

In this week’s episode 357 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m talking about social boundaries in a way that might feel a little different. Instead of focusing on difficult people or how to say no, I’m exploring something more foundational: giving yourself permission to be who you are socially.

Many of us learned that belonging required adaptation. We learned to read the room, figure out what other people wanted, and adjust ourselves so we could fit in. Over time, that can disconnect us from our own preferences, personality, and tr...

Send us Fan Mail

In this week’s episode 356 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m exploring a core insight that sits underneath so much of my work: you cannot create internal safety by focusing externally.

Many people spend enormous amounts of energy trying to feel safe by managing other people’s perceptions, reactions, emotions, and approval. But no matter how hard we try, external circumstances can never reliably provide the sense of security we’re actually seeking. This episode looks at what happens when we stop trying to create safety through people-pleasing, image manageme...

Send us Fan Mail

In this week’s episode 355 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m talking about social boundaries and what it means to stay connected to yourself while being connected to other people.

For much of my life, social situations were exhausting because I constantly overrode my own needs, limits, and preferences in order to make other people comfortable. I thought I was being accommodating and easygoing, but what I was really doing was abandoning myself—and it eventually led to resentment, frustration, and relationships that didn’t feel good to me.

Som...

Send us Fan Mail

In this week’s episode 354 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m talking about social boundaries, over-functioning in friendships, and what happens when relationships quietly become dependent on your emotional labor, effort, and self-abandonment.

When I first entered recovery, I thought my relationship struggles were mostly about romantic relationships. What I eventually realized was that many of the same codependent patterns were showing up in my friendships and colleague relationships too.

Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:

Send us Fan Mail

In this week’s episode 353 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing some of the biggest insights that emerged after analyzing 12 different coaching sessions with clients struggling with boundaries, self-care, guilt, resentment, and emotional overwhelm.

What became clear is that most people do not actually need more information about boundaries. Many already know what healthy boundaries are intellectually. The deeper struggle is what happens internally when boundaries become emotionally real.

I also share an important recovery resource called Survivors of Incest Anonymous (SIA) and why it’s so imp...

Send us Fan Mail

In this week’s episode 352 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m talking about burnout, compassion fatigue, and the deeper reason so many people struggle to consistently care for themselves—even when they know how important self-care is.

This episode was inspired by a conversation I saw online about self-care in the helping professions, but the truth is, this applies far beyond therapists, coaches, or healthcare workers. If you’re responsible for other people in any capacity, your internal state matters. Your nervous system matters. And your ability to stay connecte...

Send us Fan Mail

In this week’s episode 351 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m talking about a form of self-abandonment that many high-achieving people don’t recognize because it’s often disguised as ambition, productivity, or “doing it for yourself.”

This episode explores the difference between genuinely caring for yourself and organizing your entire life around a future version of you while neglecting the person you are right now. I share a conversation with someone pursuing a long-held dream and the important realization that even meaningful goals can become harmful when they’re built on co...

Send us Fan Mail

In this week’s episode 350 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m joined by guest Art Blanchford to explore the journey from workaholism and people-pleasing into recovery, purpose, and spiritual alignment.

Art shares his experience as a high-achieving corporate executive who spent decades in constant motion—running multi-billion dollar companies and staying in a cycle of overwork. When the pandemic forced everything to stop, it exposed what was really going on underneath. Through Workaholics Anonymous, he began learning how to let go of control and reconnect with himself.

Some o...

Send us Fan Mail

In this week's episode 349 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m zooming out on everything we’ve covered about time and energy boundaries to talk about the hardest part of all: the guilt you feel and the reactions you get when you start changing your patterns.

Because boundaries aren’t really about managing your life—they’re about whether you stay with yourself or abandon yourself. In this episode, I walk you through what actually happens before, during, and after you set a boundary, and how to support yourself through the discom...

Send us Fan Mail

In this week's episode 348 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m talking about one of the biggest hidden drains on your time and energy—and something most people don’t even realize is happening.

It’s not over-scheduling. It’s not poor time management. It’s what you’re tolerating.

In this episode, I walk you through how the small things you ignore, justify, or “put up with” are quietly draining your energy—and how shifting out of that pattern changes everything.

Some of the talking points I go over in...

Send us Fan Mail

In this week's episode 347 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I'm sharing a very real and practical look at time boundaries, what they actually look like in daily life, and how they changed everything for me.

Before recovery, I thought my issue was time management. But the truth was much deeper: I didn’t have boundaries around my time. That meant my time was constantly available to others, and I was unintentionally abandoning myself. In this episode, I walk you through the specific shifts I made to stop giving my time aw...

Send us Fan Mail

In this week's episode 346 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing a deeply personal experience that reshaped how I think about time and energy boundaries.

After a period of illness, I noticed something unexpected: my capacity had changed, but my expectations hadn’t. In this episode, I explore how misaligned expectations can quietly create resistance, frustration, and self-judgment—and how boundaries with your own time and energy help you reconnect with where you actually are.

Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:

•...

Send us Fan Mail

In this week's episode 345 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m bringing together the core ideas we’ve been exploring in this recent series on internal boundaries and explaining how they actually get built in real life.

Many people think boundaries are about what you say to other people. But internal boundaries begin inside you—when you stop abandoning yourself by rushing to rescue others or by attacking yourself internally. In this episode, I break down the practical steps that help your nervous system shift out of urgenc...

Send us Fan Mail

In this week’s episode 344 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing how internal boundaries help you stop the exhausting cycle of emotional over-responsibility and the urge to fix everyone around you.

This episode was inspired by powerful feedback from a listener and a member of my coaching community. Both stories point to a common pattern many people experience: when someone around them is struggling, their nervous system instantly jumps into fixing mode. But true boundary work isn’t just about what you say to others. It’s about what cha...

Send us Fan Mail

In this week's episode 343 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I'm sharing a powerful shift that changes the way we relate to other people’s crises. When you grow up feeling responsible for everyone else’s emotions, someone else’s chaos doesn’t feel like inconvenience. It feels like danger.

In this episode, I explain how internal boundaries allow you to care deeply without collapsing into rescue mode.

Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:

• Why people who were parentified or over-responsible growing up...

Send us Fan Mail

In this week's episode 342 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I'm exploring why adult friendships can sometimes feel surprisingly similar to middle school dynamics.

Many people stay in friendships where they feel like they have to stay quiet, avoid conflict, or shrink themselves just to remain included. In this episode, I talk about the deeper reasons we tolerate these patterns and how developing internal boundaries changes the way we show up in friendships.

Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:

Send us Fan Mail

In this week’s episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the origin story of my Inner Safety Skill Building Method and why most boundary work fails without internal containment.

I didn’t learn boundaries from books. I learned them as a byproduct of recovery. And what I eventually discovered is this: external boundaries only hold when internal boundaries exist first. If you’ve ever thought, “I know how to say no, but I still feel awful afterward,” this episode explains why.

Some of the talking points I go...

Send us Fan Mail

In this week’s episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m joined by guest Spencer T, Al-Anon member and host of The Recovery Show, for a deeply grounding conversation about what it looks like to practice recovery when life gets hard.

We talk about loving detachment, acceptance, grief, and how the principles of recovery continue to guide us through parenting, dementia, loss, and everyday uncertainty. This is a conversation about building emotional resilience that lasts long after the original crisis has passed.

Some of the talking points we g...

Send us Fan Mail

In this week’s episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m exploring what it really means to be whole and how emotional boundaries are what make that wholeness possible.

Inspired by the image of a plant that is always changing yet never fragmented, we look at the difference between being unfinished and being fractured. Wholeness is not about being calm all the time or having everything figured out. It’s about integration. It’s about not abandoning yourself as you evolve.

Some of the talking points I go over...

Send us Fan Mail

In this week’s episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m unpacking a topic that sits at the core of emotional healing and change: discomfort. Not all discomfort is the same, and confusing them is one of the main reasons people stay stuck far longer than they need to. One form of discomfort is the kind that keeps us trapped, the other is the kind that helps us grow.

This episode is about learning how to tell the difference between chronic, soul-draining discomfort and the finite discomfort that leads to r...

Send us Fan Mail

In this week’s episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m exploring what actually shifts when emotional safety stops coming from outside of you and starts being built internally. We talk about how our relationship with emotions changes when we stop using them as evidence about other people and start listening to them as information about ourselves.

Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:

Send us Fan Mail

In this week’s episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing a deeply personal realization about how long I treated myself like a project instead of a person, and how learning to tolerate ease required far more courage than pushing ever did.

This episode isn’t about productivity, optimization, or mindset. It’s about what happens when compassion reaches places that pressure never could, and how shame begins to release when the nervous system finally feels contextualized and safe.

Some of the talking points I go over in...