Pure Desire Podcast

Many people feel defeated when old patterns return, wondering why they keep struggling despite their desire to change. But relapse is not just a failure. It can reveal patterns that need to be understood and healed.

In this episode, Robert Vander Meer explores how lasting transformation comes through renewing the mind, understanding the relapse cycle, and embracing our identity in Christ. We discuss warning signs, the danger of isolation, and the power of authentic community, guardrails, and spiritual practices. This conversation offers hope and practical tools for breaking old patterns and building a path toward lasting freedom.<...

Good intentions aren’t always enough to overcome temptation, rebuild trust, or create lasting change. Without healthy boundaries, many people remain vulnerable to secrecy, compromise, and repeated patterns of hurt. In this episode, Brent Breining explains how guardrails are not about punishment, but protection: a reflection of God’s desire for freedom and healing. We explore how to identify personal “hot spots,” establish meaningful boundaries, and build rhythms of accountability, confession, and community. Whether pursuing recovery or healing after betrayal, this conversation offers practical hope for creating safety, trust, and lasting transformation.

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Secrecy and denial can quietly erode trust, intimacy, and connection in a marriage. But healing begins when what has been hidden is brought into the light with honesty, humility, and courage. In this episode, Tyler Chinchen explores what true repentance looks like beyond simply admitting wrongs. We discuss the difference between disclosure that harms and honesty that heals, the fruits of genuine change, and how couples can move toward safety and restoration. Through community, accountability, and God’s grace, this conversation offers hope for breaking free from denial and rebuilding what has been broken.

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Shame has a way of convincing us to hide, disconnect, and believe we are alone. Yet beneath every struggle is a deeper longing: to be fully known and loved.

In this episode, Dr. Curt Thompson explores how shame impacts our ability to connect, heal, and live fully through the lens of Scripture, neuroscience, and attachment theory. Together, we explore how God’s presence and the power of community restore what shame has fractured. This conversation invites us to move from hiding to being seen, known, and loved, and to discover how beauty and healing can emerge from br...

Recovery can feel overwhelming when you’re trying to rebuild after addiction, betrayal, broken trust, or deep personal pain. But healing was never meant to happen alone.

In this Summit Roundtable, Nick Stumbo, Ashley Jameson, and Heather Kolb explore the heart behind Pure Desire Summit 2026: Rise & Rebuild, inspired by Nehemiah 2:18. They share how this theme reflects every healing journey and offer a preview of the hope, connection, and transformation waiting at Summit. Whether attending in person or online, discover how community can help you take the next step toward lasting healing and freedom.

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When trust is broken, the impact reaches far beyond the relationship; it can affect the mind, body, and soul. Many partners navigating betrayal trauma feel confused, overwhelmed, and unsure how healing is possible. In this episode, Michelle Mays joins us to unpack the betrayal bind and help us understand the unique wounds created by relational rupture. Together, we explore how attachment, safety, and connection shape the healing journey. With compassion and hope, Michelle offers a pathway toward rebuilding trust, restoring security, and finding healing after betrayal.

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In this episode, Dr. Sean McDowell unpacks why so many Christians feel stuck in compulsive sexual behaviors and how cultural messages often shape our understanding of sexuality more than Scripture. He explores common deceptions believers adopt about their bodies, identity, and desire, and why sexuality is often disconnected from faith. Together, we discuss how to reintegrate sexuality into a holistic, biblical worldview, highlighting key Scriptures that ground God’s design. Dr. Sean also offers practical ways to unlearn harmful beliefs, develop a thoughtful apologetic around sexuality, and engage others with truth and grace.

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In today’s episode, we welcome Alan Hlavka for his first appearance and invite him to share a bit of his story and heart for recovery. Together, we explore how spiritual disciplines can serve as a powerful safeguard against pornography use and compulsive sexual behaviors—and why they’re about far more than willpower or religious routine. Alan shares real-life examples of transformation rooted in spiritual practices and offers encouragement for those who struggle with consistency, structure, or discipline. We discuss practical, accessible first steps for beginners, the role of shared disciplines in strengthening marriages, and how to adjust when a...

In today’s episode, we explore how our sexual behaviors are shaped long before any crisis moment—and why engaging our personal story of sexual formation is essential for lasting freedom. Our guest, Sam Jolman, challenges the belief that desire is dangerous, revealing how shame, purity culture, and distorted messages about the body often fuel the very behaviors we’re trying to escape.

We unpack the difference between natural attraction and consuming lust, and how learning to receive arousal with kindness and curiosity can build a more resilient, “porn-proof” internal life. Rather than self-contempt or behavior management, this conve...

In this episode, we dive into the connection between faith, identity, and sexuality, exploring why separating sex from our life in Christ can lead to confusion, brokenness, and misplaced identity. With guest, Joshua Broome, we discuss how today’s western culture often defines worth through sexual appeal, activity, and acceptance, while God offers a radically different vision rooted in dignity, covenant, and purpose.

You’ll hear why sexual objectification distorts how we see both ourselves and others, and how healing begins when our identity is firmly anchored in Christ instead of cultural approval. We also talk about the...

In this episode of the Pure Desire Podcast, we dive into the essential topic of emotional stability and its role in recovery, relationships, and personal growth. We explore how to assess whether we are managing our emotions or being managed by them, and why there are no inherently “good” or “bad” emotions. 

Emotions are powerful indicators of deeper realities and can reveal patterns that lead to relapse if left unchecked. Our guest, Heather Kolb, shares practical strategies for slowing down, analyzing emotional triggers, and reshaping patterns connected to fear, anger, loneliness, or rejection. 

We also discuss ha...

In today’s episode, we explore what it truly means to pursue a “porn-proof life” from a Christian perspective—beyond willpower, rules, or fear-based accountability. We discuss why many Christians turn to pornography or other compulsive behaviors in moments of pain, stress, or loneliness, and how these coping mechanisms distort God’s design for comfort, connection, and desire.

Our guests, Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith, offer practical guidance for recognizing the root trauma or past pain driving these behaviors, as well as ways betrayed partners can understand how old wounds may be triggered. We explore healthy approaches to processing...

In today’s episode, we dive into one of the most tender and complex challenges couples face after betrayal: rebuilding trust that lasts. Even when sobriety is sustained and growth is evident, many spouses still feel the hidden fear that the “other shoe” will eventually drop. Our guests, Tyler and Shari Chinchen, help us unpack why trust can remain fragile, what behaviors—often unintentional—can quietly undo months of healing, and how couples can avoid these subtle pitfalls. We’ll explore the markers of thriving couples who have restored trust over time and what practices consistently set them up for long-ter...

On today’s episode, Nate and Maggie Blaylock share their expertise in helping couples navigate recovery, with a special focus on rebuilding physical intimacy after betrayal. They discuss common mistakes couples make in this area and provide examples of what can go wrong, as well as the traits of couples who successfully restore trust and connection in their sexual relationship. 

The conversation explores how spouses can create a safe, supportive environment for renewed intimacy, communicate boundaries or discomfort effectively, and have constructive conversations about sex without shame or pressure. Nate and Maggie also address shifting expectations, acknowledging tha...

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Carol Jurgensen Sheets joins us again to explore the vital role of empathy in healing relationships affected by addiction or compulsive sexual behavior. She begins by defining empathy and explaining why it’s essential for rebuilding trust and connection after discovery. Carol also discusses why many addicts struggle with empathy, often due to past modeling or coping patterns, and offers practical guidance for learning this skill even when it feels unfamiliar. We cover strategies for communicating needs as a spouse or family member, navigating situations where the recovering partner may struggle to re...

Dr. Janice Caudill joins us for her first podcast conversation to explore one of the most challenging aspects of recovery: disclosure. She begins by sharing her own background and approach, then walks listeners through what an ideal disclosure process looks like in healthy recovery. 

Recognizing that most couples face partial, staggered, or even forced disclosures, Dr. Janice offers guidance for navigating fear, trauma, and missteps when the initial process doesn’t go perfectly. She discusses the importance of truthful communication during the gap between discovery and full disclosure, and how to balance a spouse’s desire for detai...

In today’s episode, Jason and Shelley Martinkus join us for their first podcast conversation to share their insights on navigating the ongoing challenges of healing in relationships impacted by addiction. They discuss how betrayed spouses can communicate triggers effectively, and how recovering addicts can receive this feedback without defensiveness. The conversation addresses common frustrations, such as differing paces of healing, lingering trauma, and the temptation to pressure a spouse to “get over it,” offering practical strategies for patience, perspective, and mutual support. Jason and Shelley also explore how couples can handle unexpected triggers—from new life events to routine...

In this powerful episode of the Pure Desire Podcast, Linda MacDonald joins us to explore the unique trauma of post-affair divorce—what she describes as a “spiritual car crash.” We discuss why the grief of being betrayed and then left carries a distinct and devastating complexity, including the deep shame, self-blame, and identity loss many survivors experience. Linda offers insight for betrayed spouses wrestling with worth, rewritten marital histories, and faith shaken to the core. We also address hard questions around forgiveness when reconciliation isn’t possible and what redemption can look like for those who caused the betrayal and now...

Dr. Gary Chapman joins us for a rich conversation about loving well through The 5 Love Languages®. We begin with a helpful refresher on the five languages and explore how personality shapes the way we give and receive love. Chapman also explains the idea of the “love tank”—what fills it, what drains it, and how couples can keep it healthy through consistency, practice, and intentional effort rather than striving for perfection. For listeners navigating recovery from pornography, compulsive sexual behavior, or betrayal, this episode offers compassionate guidance on using the love languages in healthy, non-manipulative ways that build trust instead...

In this episode of the Pure Desire Podcast, Dr. Andrew Bauman joins us to discuss why the church so often becomes an unsafe place for survivors of sexual betrayal. Drawing from his work as a licensed mental health counselor and his research with more than 2,800 women, Dr. Bauman shares what led him—from pastoral ministry into clinical practice—to expose the systemic sexism and abuse he documents in Safe Church. We explore how misogyny disguised as theology retraumatizes betrayed women, how men’s recovery spaces can drift toward self-protection rather than true repair, and why meaningful repentance must be victim...

In today’s episode, we explore the heart behind the book, When Hurting People Come to Church, and the growing mental health crisis impacting families, churches, and communities—including those navigating sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. Our guests, Shaunti Feldhahn and Dr. James Sells, explain why so many people struggle to find timely help and how the Church is uniquely positioned to respond. Rather than serving only as a referral source, churches can become places of relational care, where ordinary people learn to love well without needing professional credentials. You’ll hear practical ways to support others without burning out, a...

In this episode of the Pure Desire Podcast, we explore a radically different way of understanding desire in recovery, betrayal, and marriage. Rather than treating desire as the enemy, our guest, Jay Stringer, invites us to see unwanted behaviors as signposts pointing to deeper wounds and unmet longings. 

Drawing from Jay’s research with over 4,000 people, we discuss how fear-based restriction, shame-driven purity culture, and the pursuit of intensity often fuel addiction and emotional disconnection. We unpack how curiosity, compassion, and wholeness can help individuals move out of relapse cycles and support relational repair after betrayal. 

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In today’s episode, we’re joined by Dr. Jake Porter to explore the pervasive and often misunderstood role of shame in recovery. We begin by defining shame and examining why understanding its messages is crucial for lasting growth. 

Even after significant recovery, shame can persist—like background noise—resurfacing when we least expect it, especially when confronting the pain we’ve caused others. We discuss strategies for recognizing and responding to shame, including how to navigate triggers from loved ones, childhood experiences, or the fear of rejection. Listeners will learn practical ways to continue healing long after the i...

In this episode, Debby Flanagan dives into a common but often overlooked challenge in recovery: trying to control life by controlling other people. We explore how this pattern can undermine relationships, fuel relapse, and distract from personal growth. 

Debby outlines telltale signs that someone may be exerting control and offers strategies for self-reflection to recognize if we are doing the same. For spouses or family members, we discuss clear boundary language and how to set limits that protect your health while maintaining empathy. We also explore the freedom—and fear—that comes with allowing others to make their...

In this episode, we explore what it truly means to take full responsibility for the damage caused by addiction—and why minimizing, deflecting, or excusing that harm often keeps relapse close at hand. 

Joined by Eileen Fagan, we identify subtle signs of incomplete ownership, from defensiveness and justification to shifting focus onto the wounded spouse’s reactions. We also discuss why acknowledging pain we’ve caused is so difficult, even for those well into recovery, and how loved ones or group members can gently guide someone toward honest self-awareness without shaming or controlling. 

On the hopeful...

In today’s episode, we confront one of the most deceptive assumptions in the recovery world: the belief that sexual addiction is “just about sex.” With guest Robert Vander Meer, we unpack how this false narrative minimizes the emotional, relational, and neurological drivers beneath the behavior, making relapse far more likely because the real wounds go unaddressed. We identify common signs of this mindset—statements like “I just need more willpower” or “at least I’ve never crossed physical lines”—and explore how even those engaging only with pornography, fantasy, or lust can still be caught in the same trap. We also offer...

In this episode, Harry Flanagan joins us to unpack a subtle but critical danger in the recovery process: pursuing healing with less passion than we once pursued addiction. He explains how this mindset can quietly fuel relapse patterns, create emotional complacency, and leave individuals feeling stuck even while “doing the right things.” Harry also addresses why some people struggle to engage fully in recovery and what they might be missing when transformation begins to feel routine instead of urgent. 

We discuss the FASTER Scale and how overconfidence—one of the earliest signs of slipping—can disguise itself as stabil...

In today’s episode, Laurie Krieg shares her expertise on guiding children through some of today’s toughest conversations around sexuality, gender, and God’s design for relationships. From knowing the right time to talk to kids about sex, singleness, and marriage, to navigating confusing cultural messages—including rainbow flags, gender transitions in family, and the realities of pornography and trafficking—Laurie offers practical, age-appropriate guidance rooted in the Gospel. She helps parents understand why starting these conversations with God’s truth is essential and how to respond when kids ask difficult questions. Laurie also previews her upcoming book, providing a...

In this episode, Rodney and Traci Wright dive into the delicate and vital topic of parenting while walking a recovery journey. Drawing from their book How to Talk with Your Kids About Sex, they explore why honesty, timing, and boundaries are essential when navigating recovery with children at home. From common mistakes parents make to practical guidance on age-appropriate disclosure, they provide insights for protecting children from the emotional rollercoaster while fostering understanding and trust. They also address how sharing recovery experiences with adult children can support both personal healing and family transformation. Filled with practical “dos,” encouragement, and real...

In this episode, John Fort returns to share insights from his book Father-Son Accountability: Integrity Through Relationships, a practical guide designed to help dads engage openly and confidently with their sons about sex, boundaries, and character. He explains why these conversations are often difficult for Christian parents, the common hesitations dads face, and the positive transformations he’s seen when fathers step into this important role. John highlights what’s new in the second edition and offers encouragement for dads of pre-teens, teens, and even adult sons, showing that it’s never too late to start. Filled with practical tips...

In this episode, we’re joined by Ashley Jameson, the author of a powerful new book designed to help moms and daughters navigate one of the most important—and often most uncomfortable—topics: sex and healthy conversations about it. She shares what inspired her to write Girl Talk, how the book is structured, and what moms and daughters can expect as they walk through it together. 

We’ll explore practical ways to move past awkwardness, create a safe and judgment-free space, and adapt conversations to different personalities and comfort levels. Ashley also tackles the biggest barriers parents face when...

In this episode, Josh Andrew explores how the start of a New Year can be a fresh opportunity for growth and focus in recovery. Moving beyond avoidance-based strategies, he introduces the Three Circles tool, emphasizing the importance of the outer circle—practices and behaviors that support a healthy, fulfilling life while reducing the risk of acting out.

Josh explains how self-care, understanding your God-given identity, and thoughtfully designing your outer circle can strengthen recovery and make it sustainable. He also addresses common mistakes, shares practical ways to involve supportive people, and highlights how clear communication can foster ac...

In this insightful episode, Stuart Blade unpacks the power of the Commitment to Change—a practical tool designed to help individuals and couples experience real transformation in their recovery and spiritual growth. 

He explains what a Commitment to Change is, who it’s for, and how it can move people from good intentions to lasting change. Drawing from years of experience leading and supervising groups, Stuart shares common mistakes people make when setting commitments and the key habits that help them find traction. He also offers encouragement for those who feel stuck, showing how this weekly rhythm can s...

In this heartfelt episode, Rodney and Traci Wright share their powerful story of finding healing—both individually and as a couple. Long before discovering Pure Desire, their recovery journey began with a deep recognition of their need for help and God’s grace to rebuild what was broken. 

They open up about the early steps they took to survive as a couple, the community that supported them, and how joining a Pure Desire group years later helped them experience a new depth of healing and connection. Together, they reveal the truths and tools that have sustained their marri...

In this inspiring episode, we hear the powerful story of Brian Wolf’s journey toward healing and recovery. From the moment he realized he needed help to discovering the life-changing community of a Pure Desire group, this conversation explores how God meets us in our brokenness and leads us toward freedom. 

Through honest reflection and personal experience, Brian shares the pivotal moments when healing began to take root—through connection, accountability, and the support of others walking the same path. You’ll hear the truths and tools that helped him move from pain to purpose, and how he’s no...

In this powerful episode, we sit down with a courageous couple, Adam and Becky Bradley, who share their honest and inspiring story of healing through the Pure Desire recovery process. From the moment they realized their need for help to the transformative experience of being in a Pure Desire group, they walk us through the highs, lows, and breakthroughs that marked their path.

They reflect on the early days of struggle, the deep impact of community and accountability, and the life-changing shift that came when they truly began to receive the healing God had for them—both in...

In this powerful episode, we sit down with Randy and Leslie Bixby, the founders of The Family Reformation Project, to explore how their personal healing journey as a couple became a transformative mission to restore families everywhere. They share how pain became purpose, leading to a movement rooted in the belief that "family is God’s original government." 

Through their story, listeners will discover how healing—though deeply personal—can become a generational gift, restoring identity, order, and legacy. We dive into the six life-giving protocols they’ve created to help families align with God’s design, offering ho...

In this powerful episode, we sit down with Josh and Avonlea Roy who vulnerably shares their journey of healing after infidelity and betrayal. From the pain of discovery to finding hope through the Pure Desire podcast in 2023, they recount the insights that helped them take their first steps toward restoration. Transitioning into group work with Betrayal & Beyond and Seven Pillars of Freedom, they discuss how these experiences deepened their healing and reshaped their faith. With honesty and encouragement, they reflect on pivotal moments that helped them rebuild trust, reconnect emotionally, and rediscover joy in their marriage. They also share...

In this episode, we sit down with Dr. Juli Slattery, who has spent 15 years helping Christians navigate the complex terrain of sexuality in light of faith. We explore why so many struggle to surrender their sexuality to God and why the traditional church approach often falls short in addressing the real-life challenges people face today. 

Juli dives into how unresolved sexual issues can create barriers in our relationship with God and explains why identity—rather than behavior—is the key starting point for true transformation. She uncovers four common identity traps—self-discovery, shame, performance, and relationship—that can derai...

In this eye-opening episode, we sit down with Tabitha Westbrook, an advocate and expert passionate about helping individuals recognize and address abuse within marriage. Tabitha unpacks the often-misunderstood signs of abuse—both obvious and subtle—and challenges the dangerous belief that “it’s not abuse unless it’s physical.” She sheds light on how emotional, verbal, and spiritual abuse can deeply impact relationships, and how these patterns often overlap with addiction, including sexual addiction.

We also explore the complex dynamics that arise when both abuse and addiction are present and how the church and recovery communities can respond with...