Pure Desire Podcast

If you keep going back to the same sexual behavior and have started to wonder whether you’re really saved, you’re not the only one asking, and you are not alone.

Nick Stumbo and Mike Maxwell sit down with Scott Bradley, lead pastor of As Is Church in East Portland, Oregon, author of The Forgiveness Factor, and a longtime friend of Pure Desire. Scott has walked with thousands of men and women in recovery, and he shares his own story of trauma, addiction, and healing along the way.

Together they look at why sexual stru...

If you’ve ever felt a wave of temptation and thought, what is wrong with me, this conversation will change how you see your struggle.

Nick Stumbo and Mike Maxwell talk with Dr. Jake Porter, founder of Daring Ventures and creator of Couple-Centered Recovery, and Dr. Windell Gill, a former pastor and crisis chaplain with more than 30 years of experience helping people grow through relationships, ministry, and recovery. Together they ask a question many people in porn addiction recovery are afraid to say out loud: why do we still struggle?

You’ll hear why temptation is n...

If you've ever been taught that your body is the problem, or looked in the mirror with shame and wondered how you could ever be free from porn, this conversation is for you.

Nick Stumbo and Mike Maxwell talk with Dr. Christopher West, author, speaker, and co-founder of the Theology of the Body Institute, who has spent more than 30 years teaching what Scripture says about our bodies and our sexuality. Dr. West grew up hearing that desire is something to repress, then swung toward what the culture promises. He explains why neither one satisfies, and what the...

In this episode we sit down for a conversation with Archbishop Joseph Naumann. Together, we explore the cultural roots of pornography addiction, its impact on youth and marriages, and why the church must break its silence to offer real healing.

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Can the Bible be used in ways that actually cause harm?

In this episode, Neil Schori and Tabitha Westbrook join us to unpack some of the most commonly misused passages about sex, marriage, submission, forgiveness, and abuse. We talk about what these verses mean in context, how Scripture can be weaponized in unhealthy relationships, and how to recognize coercion, establish healthy boundaries, and pursue healing.

If you’ve ever wrestled with where biblical submission ends and control begins, whether forgiveness means reconciliation, or how Christians should respond to abuse, this conversation offers a thoughtful path fo...

Many couples desire deeper intimacy but struggle with shame, silence, or confusion around sexuality. When faith and sexuality become disconnected, it can impact connection with God, ourselves, and our spouse.

In this episode, Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner explore how couples can reconnect spirituality and sexuality in a healthy, life-giving way. We discuss honest conversations about intimacy, healing after addiction and betrayal, and overcoming barriers that keep couples from experiencing connection. This conversation offers hope, wisdom, and practical encouragement for building a marriage marked by trust, healing, and deeper intimacy.

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Many couples long for deeper intimacy but struggle to talk openly about sex, desire, and connection. Avoided conversations can create distance, misunderstanding, and loneliness, even in marriages built on love and faith.

In this episode, Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn share insights from The Marriage Intimacy Project and explore what research reveals about sexual health in marriage. We discuss desire differences, honest communication, and why intimacy requires both biblical wisdom and practical understanding. This conversation offers hope and tools for building trust, reconnecting, and moving toward greater intimacy with grace and compassion.

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Many young adults wonder if their past struggles will prevent them from experiencing healthy, lasting relationships. Shame, secrecy, and fear of rejection can make honest conversations about sexuality feel impossible. In this episode, John and Haley Begeman share their journey of recovery, dating, and building trust through courageous conversations about sexual brokenness. They explore the importance of honesty before marriage, how to approach disclosure with wisdom, and why healing happens through community. This conversation offers hope that freedom is possible and that authentic relationships can be built on truth, grace, and trust.

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Many couples enter marriage with love, faith, and commitment but still feel unprepared for the realities of sexual intimacy. Unrealistic expectations, cultural messages, and a lack of understanding can leave couples disconnected and unsure how to build a healthy sexual relationship.

In this episode, Dr. Chris and Alisa Grace explore what it takes to cultivate sexual wholeness in marriage. We discuss desire, communication, intimacy, and the seasons of marriage, offering practical wisdom for couples who want to strengthen their connection. Discover how intentionality, vulnerability, and spiritual intimacy create a foundation for lasting love and deeper connection. 
 

Many people feel defeated when old patterns return, wondering why they keep struggling despite their desire to change. But relapse is not just a failure. It can reveal patterns that need to be understood and healed.

In this episode, Robert Vander Meer explores how lasting transformation comes through renewing the mind, understanding the relapse cycle, and embracing our identity in Christ. We discuss warning signs, the danger of isolation, and the power of authentic community, guardrails, and spiritual practices. This conversation offers hope and practical tools for breaking old patterns and building a path toward lasting freedom.<...

Good intentions aren’t always enough to overcome temptation, rebuild trust, or create lasting change. Without healthy boundaries, many people remain vulnerable to secrecy, compromise, and repeated patterns of hurt. In this episode, Brent Breining explains how guardrails are not about punishment, but protection: a reflection of God’s desire for freedom and healing. We explore how to identify personal “hot spots,” establish meaningful boundaries, and build rhythms of accountability, confession, and community. Whether pursuing recovery or healing after betrayal, this conversation offers practical hope for creating safety, trust, and lasting transformation.

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Secrecy and denial can quietly erode trust, intimacy, and connection in a marriage. But healing begins when what has been hidden is brought into the light with honesty, humility, and courage. In this episode, Tyler Chinchen explores what true repentance looks like beyond simply admitting wrongs. We discuss the difference between disclosure that harms and honesty that heals, the fruits of genuine change, and how couples can move toward safety and restoration. Through community, accountability, and God’s grace, this conversation offers hope for breaking free from denial and rebuilding what has been broken.

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Shame has a way of convincing us to hide, disconnect, and believe we are alone. Yet beneath every struggle is a deeper longing: to be fully known and loved.

In this episode, Dr. Curt Thompson explores how shame impacts our ability to connect, heal, and live fully through the lens of Scripture, neuroscience, and attachment theory. Together, we explore how God’s presence and the power of community restore what shame has fractured. This conversation invites us to move from hiding to being seen, known, and loved, and to discover how beauty and healing can emerge from br...

Recovery can feel overwhelming when you’re trying to rebuild after addiction, betrayal, broken trust, or deep personal pain. But healing was never meant to happen alone.

In this Summit Roundtable, Nick Stumbo, Ashley Jameson, and Heather Kolb explore the heart behind Pure Desire Summit 2026: Rise & Rebuild, inspired by Nehemiah 2:18. They share how this theme reflects every healing journey and offer a preview of the hope, connection, and transformation waiting at Summit. Whether attending in person or online, discover how community can help you take the next step toward lasting healing and freedom.

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When trust is broken, the impact reaches far beyond the relationship; it can affect the mind, body, and soul. Many partners navigating betrayal trauma feel confused, overwhelmed, and unsure how healing is possible. In this episode, Michelle Mays joins us to unpack the betrayal bind and help us understand the unique wounds created by relational rupture. Together, we explore how attachment, safety, and connection shape the healing journey. With compassion and hope, Michelle offers a pathway toward rebuilding trust, restoring security, and finding healing after betrayal.

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In this episode, Dr. Sean McDowell unpacks why so many Christians feel stuck in compulsive sexual behaviors and how cultural messages often shape our understanding of sexuality more than Scripture. He explores common deceptions believers adopt about their bodies, identity, and desire, and why sexuality is often disconnected from faith. Together, we discuss how to reintegrate sexuality into a holistic, biblical worldview, highlighting key Scriptures that ground God’s design. Dr. Sean also offers practical ways to unlearn harmful beliefs, develop a thoughtful apologetic around sexuality, and engage others with truth and grace.

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In today’s episode, we welcome Alan Hlavka for his first appearance and invite him to share a bit of his story and heart for recovery. Together, we explore how spiritual disciplines can serve as a powerful safeguard against pornography use and compulsive sexual behaviors—and why they’re about far more than willpower or religious routine. Alan shares real-life examples of transformation rooted in spiritual practices and offers encouragement for those who struggle with consistency, structure, or discipline. We discuss practical, accessible first steps for beginners, the role of shared disciplines in strengthening marriages, and how to adjust when a...

In today’s episode, we explore how our sexual behaviors are shaped long before any crisis moment—and why engaging our personal story of sexual formation is essential for lasting freedom. Our guest, Sam Jolman, challenges the belief that desire is dangerous, revealing how shame, purity culture, and distorted messages about the body often fuel the very behaviors we’re trying to escape.

We unpack the difference between natural attraction and consuming lust, and how learning to receive arousal with kindness and curiosity can build a more resilient, “porn-proof” internal life. Rather than self-contempt or behavior management, this conve...

In this episode, we dive into the connection between faith, identity, and sexuality, exploring why separating sex from our life in Christ can lead to confusion, brokenness, and misplaced identity. With guest, Joshua Broome, we discuss how today’s western culture often defines worth through sexual appeal, activity, and acceptance, while God offers a radically different vision rooted in dignity, covenant, and purpose.

You’ll hear why sexual objectification distorts how we see both ourselves and others, and how healing begins when our identity is firmly anchored in Christ instead of cultural approval. We also talk about the...

In this episode of the Pure Desire Podcast, we dive into the essential topic of emotional stability and its role in recovery, relationships, and personal growth. We explore how to assess whether we are managing our emotions or being managed by them, and why there are no inherently “good” or “bad” emotions. 

Emotions are powerful indicators of deeper realities and can reveal patterns that lead to relapse if left unchecked. Our guest, Heather Kolb, shares practical strategies for slowing down, analyzing emotional triggers, and reshaping patterns connected to fear, anger, loneliness, or rejection. 

We also discuss ha...

In today’s episode, we explore what it truly means to pursue a “porn-proof life” from a Christian perspective—beyond willpower, rules, or fear-based accountability. We discuss why many Christians turn to pornography or other compulsive behaviors in moments of pain, stress, or loneliness, and how these coping mechanisms distort God’s design for comfort, connection, and desire.

Our guests, Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith, offer practical guidance for recognizing the root trauma or past pain driving these behaviors, as well as ways betrayed partners can understand how old wounds may be triggered. We explore healthy approaches to processing...

In today’s episode, we dive into one of the most tender and complex challenges couples face after betrayal: rebuilding trust that lasts. Even when sobriety is sustained and growth is evident, many spouses still feel the hidden fear that the “other shoe” will eventually drop. Our guests, Tyler and Shari Chinchen, help us unpack why trust can remain fragile, what behaviors—often unintentional—can quietly undo months of healing, and how couples can avoid these subtle pitfalls. We’ll explore the markers of thriving couples who have restored trust over time and what practices consistently set them up for long-ter...

On today’s episode, Nate and Maggie Blaylock share their expertise in helping couples navigate recovery, with a special focus on rebuilding physical intimacy after betrayal. They discuss common mistakes couples make in this area and provide examples of what can go wrong, as well as the traits of couples who successfully restore trust and connection in their sexual relationship. 

The conversation explores how spouses can create a safe, supportive environment for renewed intimacy, communicate boundaries or discomfort effectively, and have constructive conversations about sex without shame or pressure. Nate and Maggie also address shifting expectations, acknowledging tha...

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Carol Jurgensen Sheets joins us again to explore the vital role of empathy in healing relationships affected by addiction or compulsive sexual behavior. She begins by defining empathy and explaining why it’s essential for rebuilding trust and connection after discovery. Carol also discusses why many addicts struggle with empathy, often due to past modeling or coping patterns, and offers practical guidance for learning this skill even when it feels unfamiliar. We cover strategies for communicating needs as a spouse or family member, navigating situations where the recovering partner may struggle to re...

Dr. Janice Caudill joins us for her first podcast conversation to explore one of the most challenging aspects of recovery: disclosure. She begins by sharing her own background and approach, then walks listeners through what an ideal disclosure process looks like in healthy recovery. 

Recognizing that most couples face partial, staggered, or even forced disclosures, Dr. Janice offers guidance for navigating fear, trauma, and missteps when the initial process doesn’t go perfectly. She discusses the importance of truthful communication during the gap between discovery and full disclosure, and how to balance a spouse’s desire for detai...

In today’s episode, Jason and Shelley Martinkus join us for their first podcast conversation to share their insights on navigating the ongoing challenges of healing in relationships impacted by addiction. They discuss how betrayed spouses can communicate triggers effectively, and how recovering addicts can receive this feedback without defensiveness. The conversation addresses common frustrations, such as differing paces of healing, lingering trauma, and the temptation to pressure a spouse to “get over it,” offering practical strategies for patience, perspective, and mutual support. Jason and Shelley also explore how couples can handle unexpected triggers—from new life events to routine...

In this powerful episode of the Pure Desire Podcast, Linda MacDonald joins us to explore the unique trauma of post-affair divorce—what she describes as a “spiritual car crash.” We discuss why the grief of being betrayed and then left carries a distinct and devastating complexity, including the deep shame, self-blame, and identity loss many survivors experience. Linda offers insight for betrayed spouses wrestling with worth, rewritten marital histories, and faith shaken to the core. We also address hard questions around forgiveness when reconciliation isn’t possible and what redemption can look like for those who caused the betrayal and now...

Dr. Gary Chapman joins us for a rich conversation about loving well through The 5 Love Languages®. We begin with a helpful refresher on the five languages and explore how personality shapes the way we give and receive love. Chapman also explains the idea of the “love tank”—what fills it, what drains it, and how couples can keep it healthy through consistency, practice, and intentional effort rather than striving for perfection. For listeners navigating recovery from pornography, compulsive sexual behavior, or betrayal, this episode offers compassionate guidance on using the love languages in healthy, non-manipulative ways that build trust instead...

In this episode of the Pure Desire Podcast, Dr. Andrew Bauman joins us to discuss why the church so often becomes an unsafe place for survivors of sexual betrayal. Drawing from his work as a licensed mental health counselor and his research with more than 2,800 women, Dr. Bauman shares what led him—from pastoral ministry into clinical practice—to expose the systemic sexism and abuse he documents in Safe Church. We explore how misogyny disguised as theology retraumatizes betrayed women, how men’s recovery spaces can drift toward self-protection rather than true repair, and why meaningful repentance must be victim...

In today’s episode, we explore the heart behind the book, When Hurting People Come to Church, and the growing mental health crisis impacting families, churches, and communities—including those navigating sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. Our guests, Shaunti Feldhahn and Dr. James Sells, explain why so many people struggle to find timely help and how the Church is uniquely positioned to respond. Rather than serving only as a referral source, churches can become places of relational care, where ordinary people learn to love well without needing professional credentials. You’ll hear practical ways to support others without burning out, a...

In this episode of the Pure Desire Podcast, we explore a radically different way of understanding desire in recovery, betrayal, and marriage. Rather than treating desire as the enemy, our guest, Jay Stringer, invites us to see unwanted behaviors as signposts pointing to deeper wounds and unmet longings. 

Drawing from Jay’s research with over 4,000 people, we discuss how fear-based restriction, shame-driven purity culture, and the pursuit of intensity often fuel addiction and emotional disconnection. We unpack how curiosity, compassion, and wholeness can help individuals move out of relapse cycles and support relational repair after betrayal. 

Fo...

In today’s episode, we’re joined by Dr. Jake Porter to explore the pervasive and often misunderstood role of shame in recovery. We begin by defining shame and examining why understanding its messages is crucial for lasting growth. 

Even after significant recovery, shame can persist—like background noise—resurfacing when we least expect it, especially when confronting the pain we’ve caused others. We discuss strategies for recognizing and responding to shame, including how to navigate triggers from loved ones, childhood experiences, or the fear of rejection. Listeners will learn practical ways to continue healing long after the i...

In this episode, Debby Flanagan dives into a common but often overlooked challenge in recovery: trying to control life by controlling other people. We explore how this pattern can undermine relationships, fuel relapse, and distract from personal growth. 

Debby outlines telltale signs that someone may be exerting control and offers strategies for self-reflection to recognize if we are doing the same. For spouses or family members, we discuss clear boundary language and how to set limits that protect your health while maintaining empathy. We also explore the freedom—and fear—that comes with allowing others to make their...

In this episode, we explore what it truly means to take full responsibility for the damage caused by addiction—and why minimizing, deflecting, or excusing that harm often keeps relapse close at hand. 

Joined by Eileen Fagan, we identify subtle signs of incomplete ownership, from defensiveness and justification to shifting focus onto the wounded spouse’s reactions. We also discuss why acknowledging pain we’ve caused is so difficult, even for those well into recovery, and how loved ones or group members can gently guide someone toward honest self-awareness without shaming or controlling. 

On the hopeful...

In today’s episode, we confront one of the most deceptive assumptions in the recovery world: the belief that sexual addiction is “just about sex.” With guest Robert Vander Meer, we unpack how this false narrative minimizes the emotional, relational, and neurological drivers beneath the behavior, making relapse far more likely because the real wounds go unaddressed. We identify common signs of this mindset—statements like “I just need more willpower” or “at least I’ve never crossed physical lines”—and explore how even those engaging only with pornography, fantasy, or lust can still be caught in the same trap. We also offer...

In this episode, Harry Flanagan joins us to unpack a subtle but critical danger in the recovery process: pursuing healing with less passion than we once pursued addiction. He explains how this mindset can quietly fuel relapse patterns, create emotional complacency, and leave individuals feeling stuck even while “doing the right things.” Harry also addresses why some people struggle to engage fully in recovery and what they might be missing when transformation begins to feel routine instead of urgent. 

We discuss the FASTER Scale and how overconfidence—one of the earliest signs of slipping—can disguise itself as stabil...

In today’s episode, Laurie Krieg shares her expertise on guiding children through some of today’s toughest conversations around sexuality, gender, and God’s design for relationships. From knowing the right time to talk to kids about sex, singleness, and marriage, to navigating confusing cultural messages—including rainbow flags, gender transitions in family, and the realities of pornography and trafficking—Laurie offers practical, age-appropriate guidance rooted in the Gospel. She helps parents understand why starting these conversations with God’s truth is essential and how to respond when kids ask difficult questions. Laurie also previews her upcoming book, providing a...

In this episode, Rodney and Traci Wright dive into the delicate and vital topic of parenting while walking a recovery journey. Drawing from their book How to Talk with Your Kids About Sex, they explore why honesty, timing, and boundaries are essential when navigating recovery with children at home. From common mistakes parents make to practical guidance on age-appropriate disclosure, they provide insights for protecting children from the emotional rollercoaster while fostering understanding and trust. They also address how sharing recovery experiences with adult children can support both personal healing and family transformation. Filled with practical “dos,” encouragement, and real...

In this episode, John Fort returns to share insights from his book Father-Son Accountability: Integrity Through Relationships, a practical guide designed to help dads engage openly and confidently with their sons about sex, boundaries, and character. He explains why these conversations are often difficult for Christian parents, the common hesitations dads face, and the positive transformations he’s seen when fathers step into this important role. John highlights what’s new in the second edition and offers encouragement for dads of pre-teens, teens, and even adult sons, showing that it’s never too late to start. Filled with practical tips...

In this episode, we’re joined by Ashley Jameson, the author of a powerful new book designed to help moms and daughters navigate one of the most important—and often most uncomfortable—topics: sex and healthy conversations about it. She shares what inspired her to write Girl Talk, how the book is structured, and what moms and daughters can expect as they walk through it together. 

We’ll explore practical ways to move past awkwardness, create a safe and judgment-free space, and adapt conversations to different personalities and comfort levels. Ashley also tackles the biggest barriers parents face when...