Oz 9

First, if you haven't listened to Mission: Rejected, seriously, do you read these notes EVER? We've mentioned that show a brazillion times, so just GO LISTEN ALREADY. Look, I'll even make it easy for you: here is their website (https://www.missionrejected.com/). Here it is on Apple podcasts (https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mission-rejected/id1454748884) and on Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/5uhNkMlYaJmIg1GZU5LCl2?si=f62f29bb30cf4df3). There! Anything else I can do for you? Make you a sandwich, perhaps? Dust off your dainty toesies? Sheesh.

Second, this is Sarah...

Hmmmmmm? Wazzat? Oh, hello, are you still here? Goodness, you are patient. Yes, season 7 is still in the works. Here's a little something to tide you over until it splooches messily into your timeline.

This is one of those silly conversations between the glorious Sarah Golding and poor Kevin Hall (Greg, Felonius), who has died on Oz 9 more than anyone else, although not recently which may mean he's overdue.

Ignorance Was Bliss podcast by Kate Wallinga who is most desperately missed: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ignorance-was-bliss/id1341566170

See Privacy Policy at...

More 9ers because let's face it: little in life is as satisfying as someone else's world spiraling utterly out of control as they get deeper and deeper into a festering bog-swamp of bad decisions and regret.

Tim has an excuse -- it was hard to see at the beginning how truly ridiculous this train wreck was going to be. Chrisi joined up after it was abundantly clear that was a bad idea. We can only attribute it to pie-eyed optimism.

Anyway, listen up as Tim Sherburn (Colin and Emily) and Chrisi Talyn Saje (Julie) attempt...

Well, I'd say the fun never ends with this crew, but in truth, empires have risen, fallen, risen again, fallen again, and risen a third time to cries of "good god, will you just stay dead" and we're all still waiting for the fun to START. But these two are modestly entertaining, if you're feeling relaxed, have some good wine, and have recently been on the sharpish end of an icepick to the brain.

Just... listen. What else are you going to do? It's not like you have pressing business to attend to, now is it?

Who doesn't want to spend more time being utterly confused by the Idiots of Oz 9?

Don't answer that. PUT YOUR HAND DOWN.

Sarah Golding, who has zero time left in her busy days, couldn't resist adding one more spicy meatball to her heaping plate and decided to interview the cast and characters of Oz 9, in no particular order.

First up: the Perry siblings — Eric Perry, plus his alter egos of Joe (JESUS!), Dr von Haber Zetzer, Mr Southers, and Howard. Then Shannon Perry —accompanied as ever by the cough-syrup-induced twin hallucinations of Olivia and...

Who doesn't want to spend more time being utterly confused by the Idiots of Oz 9?

Don't answer that. PUT YOUR HAND DOWN.

Sarah Golding, who has zero time left in her busy days, couldn't resist adding one more spicy meatball to her heaping plate and decided to interview the cast and characters of Oz 9, in no particular order.

First up: the Perry siblings — Eric Perry, plus his alter egos of Joe (JESUS!), Dr von Haber Zetzer, Mr Southers, and Howard. Then Shannon Perry —accompanied as ever by the cough-syrup-induced twin hallucinations of Olivia and...

We assume our title will send tens of you dashing to Google Translate or similar to check Joe's [Jesus!] pronunciation, so spoiler alert, he's spot on. Or not. Apologies to Icelanders.

So.... 120's out. That's a thing we finally did. With it, season six concludes and begins its long trudge toward inevitable oblivion. But with goats, so it's not so bad.

Stay tuned for a special announcement at the end, and no, I'm not going to tell you here or even give you a hint. LISTEN TO THE SHOW. That's why we made it. Sheesh!<...

Hey, no one can accuse this crew of good taste in food, decoration, home furnishings, friends, leisure pursuits, career choices....

You get my point.

But there is one thing we know REALLY well, and that's good entertainment, particularly good science fiction. So trust us when we say, LISTEN TO THIS TRAILER.

Voyage Media, who brought us Sanctuary, are at it again with Hard Drive, a story about inheriting someone's memories - and what happens when memories of your grandpa "courting" grandma aren't the most horrifying things in there.

Priah Ferguson (Stranger...

NOTE: follow us on Bluesky (@oz9podcast.bsky.social) or join our Discord channel (https://discord.gg/4zXBRxH) for updates on our End of Season Six Live Listen!

Right, don't tell your parents we suggested this, but we kinda think the title of this episode would make a hell of a Halloween costume....

Ahem.

The away ship is basically nestled in the Oz 9's armpit, the ship's assassin is expiring faster than yesterday's dairy-based leftovers on the back seat of a hot car, the crew have to figure out how to hijack their...

Hello? Anybody out there?

Oh, yeah, hey. It's been a minute. Soooooooo... where were we?

Right. When last we left our crew, they had managed to make it on the Maggies II and III and blast off from Planet Bob. Just barely before Planet Bob sort of ... blasted. Now that word feels funny. Blasted.

Question is, did the ships and their contents survive the explosion? Well, considering this episode is, what, 26 minutes long, I'm gonna go with "probably," or this is gonna be a hella awkward silence.

If Nattertop and Phil...

Yes, you read that title correctly. We have a profound respect for gerbils up here and won't hear a word against them. If you take issue with that, or indeed with Rodentia in general, well, we would remind you that the characteristic that defines Rodentia is a "single pair of continuously growing incisors in each of the upper and lower jaws,"* so let THAT keep you awake at night.

And that podcast you heard at the top of the show? Mission: Rejected. Make sure you check it out and give it five stars and all that good...

Look, when your life is in the hands of someone who only recently gave up huffing glue, you keep your will updated and hope for the best.

Such is the situation our four guests find themselves in, but hey, they agreed to be part of this season of I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Off This Toxic Planet, so on their own heads be it, really.

Dr Theo (swoon) has sabotaged their escape "plan" for purposes that are hazy at best and really f*&king stupid at worst, and now the crew are stuck on a...

Y'all. Y'ALL.

Ok, we've given you no reason to respect our judgment, but we're not wrong on this one. Sure, OK, we were wrong about the forniculator — yeah, that's not a thing — but we're right about this. You are going to LOVE this show.

WTFKMS is super-smart, funny, and moves faster than Olivia making fun of Madeline's math skills. Give the episode here a listen, then trot on over to your podcatcher of choice to binge all eight eps.

Do remember, please, to subscribe, rate, review, and share. It's a nice wee gift for...

Stuck on Planet Bob where pretty much everything is awful all the time, the crew is freezing and desperate for a safe place to ... well, to screw up, if their past is any indication. Huddled for warmth, buffeted by high winds, they suddenly hear the faint sounds of laughter and applause. Because of course they do.

You've been listening to:

The crew are tramping aimlessly across the blistering and occasionally freezing surface of Planet KTAALNS (Kill Them All And Leave No Survivors, otherwise known as "Bob") and things are pretty grim. Like, not even Brothers Grimm, more Quintuplets Grimm, plus a few singles and a couple sets of Twins Grimm. Just very very grim.

I mean, they might survive, but even if they do, they're going to smell really bad, and does anyone need that right now?

You've been listening to:

Have you ever been invited to a party you really REALLY didn't want to go to? Like, you won't know very many people, you're not sure how to dress for it, and the atmosphere is toxic? But you're being frog-marched by an army of ants onto an away ship, so you don't really have a choice, and you're sure the chances of getting anything decent to eat are hovering at slightly below zero?

Yeah, well, welcome to our world. Planet KTAALNS (Kill Them All And Leave No Survivors, or, affectionately, "Bob") awaits our bedraggled little crew, and...

Brought to you by the team that brought you Wolf 359, you know it's going to be good.

Faith Adler has crossed the country to spend the summer in NYC. There she meets David, and the two of them quickly get mired in ... something. It's complicated.

Together with friends Tori, Matt, and Ginah, Faith and David navigate situationships, friendships, found family, and all the messiness of being young.

Faith is a DJ, and that pretty much describes how she approaches life — willing to scratch, skip, mute, sample, and even reverse until things start to ma...

I'M SORRY, WHAT? HANG ON, LET ME GET TO A QUIETER PLACE, JUST A SECOND....

Phew. That's better. Things have gone bananarama aboard the Oz 9, and the crew has spent the last few hours trying not to get dysentery or squashed crossing a digital freeway. A few folks are hanging out in Meanwhile, which is basically a Narrators' Neverland with a few extra lost boys, and someone keeps trying to stick a fish in my ear.

You're welcome to join the fracas, if you really want to, but wear a helmet and avoid Wiggy. He's...

To everyone who responded to our blurb writer last time, they've been sacked. I mean ... does this look like message-in-a-bottle time? Using our show notes to get attention and complain about your job.... Seriously, we've no time for whingers 'round here-

HA! April fool. Still me. It was lovely seeing some of you on the socials. I'd print out your comments, only I don't have a printer and the walls are too damp to post things on.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know it's "spring" on the Oz 9...

If you haven't yet discovered the podcast How I Died, you are in for a treat! A ghoulish, scary, maybe-listen-with-a-friend "treat," but yeah, a treat nonetheless!

How I Died follows the story of forensic pathologist (NOT coroner) Jon Spacer. New to the oddly fatal place to live, Springfield, Dr. Spacer has an interesting super power: he can talk with the dead. Actually, that's not that impressive, hell, I can talk to the dead, but his super power is that when they talk back, he can hear them. So maybe that's the super power: he...

Once upon a time, there was a blurb writer who dreamed of the back of book jackets or maybe even the inside front flap, or the little bit of copy under the picture in a catalog, or a word or two like "stunning!" or "ribald!" on a film poster, oooo ooooo, maybe even on the inside first few pages of a novel, somewhere just under Kirkus Reviews....

But no. Instead that blurb writer does...this. Gives hints on a podcast episode you're planning to listen to anyway so you probably don't even read it...

Oooof, who cranked up the gravity? Feels heavy in here....

It's spring in the bioswamp, as much as it can ever be "spring" in space. Things are flowering, other things are ... I dunno, fauna-ing? Whatever the case, it's a bit rude round there, so maybe don't take the kids in for another month or so.

And NO, I am not tearing up, I'm in the bioswamp in spring, these are allergies, for crying out loud. Or NOT crying out loud, more crying inwardly, little hiccups of despair-

Oh, forget it. You've been listening...

It's a Wednesday eve as I write this, and as I look out the porthole into the infinite recesses of space, I'm reminded how very small each of us is against the backdrop of eternity. Given how very very minute we are and how eternal space is, I have to wonder, how the actual f^&* is a crew member from the Oz 14 floating past my porthole just as I look out? I mean... what are the chances?! Nearly spilled my vodka tonic. Rude.

You’ve been listening to...

Hey, Space Monkeys. Have you ever wondered what happened to the earth Oz 9 left behind? I mean, I’m not saying we CAUSED the zombie apocalypse, but the math works out. (Sorry, Sweden)

150 years ago, the zombie apocalypse apocalypted all over the globe, and now there’s robots and zombies trying to wipe out what’s left of humanity. Cali, a settlement scout, has big dreams but scarce resources who’s just trying to stay alive, and Hannah, well, she’s trapped in her zombie body, hoping not to eat anyone she actually cares about.

Hannahpocal...

-s the 1983 winner of the -nnu-l Dip your mittens contest, i -pplaud the l-rson brothers for their -m--ng skill -nd dedic-tion to the g-me.

you've been listening to;

So.... please take a close look at the episode art and tell me if you see anything funny? Mmmmm hmmmmmm. Apparently it took us a YEAR to notice. I blame all of you, frankly. You know what you did.

You’ve been listening to:

It may not sound like it in the podcast, but life aboard the Oz 9 can be pretty boring at times. In the hiatuses (hiatusi?) between hair-on-fire moments, there's a lot of just puttering about in the inky void without much to do.

So, we've been creating a game to while away the hours between crises.

In this conversation, you'll hear us wittering on about this game and what it might eventually look like if we can scrape together the finances and the brain cells to get it out in the world.

Keep an...

NOTE: Stay tuned after the credits and all, for a trailer of a great new show: A Paladin's Bargain. You can listen to it in the usual places. You'll want to.

Thanks as ever to Lucas Elliott for the new Narrators (or, Narrator and Tour Guide) artwork!

It's Christmas eve as we publish this, and all of us monkeys wish all of you monkeys a very happy holiday season. We're hanging stockings over here (and about passing out from the fumes; just FYI space booties do NOT breathe) and hallucinating dancing sugar plums.

...

YOU have a dirty mind. "Satan's Boletes" doesn't mean *THAT*. Although it does translate to "Great Satan's Fun Guys," so maybe it's still worth a giggle, as Mrs S says.

Welcome to episode 104. Please put your tray tables and seat backs in the upright, we're-all-going-to-die position, because, well, it's Oz 9, and as usual, everything is trying to kill you.

Let's just say our sound designer, dialogue editor, and voice actors pulled out ALL the stops on this one, so maybe dust off the old earbuds for a really good listen. I'd say it's "immersive," but...

Oz 9 recently turned six, and while most of the crew asked for a quick and painless death for their birthday wish, we're still here. (If you want to give us a prezzie, we do have a Patreon, just sayin'.....)

Anyway, there are fun things that happen in this episode, which is odd, so you probably don't want to miss it. Bring confetti. But don't throw it because it REALLY makes Joe nuts.

You've been listening to.

Some old nemesisisisisisises have reappeared, and that's ... unfortunate. But at least Bob has some colourful brochures to distract our team from their impending doom. So.... how many oceans is "too many," do you reckon?

You've been listening to...

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Do you have ANY IDEA the literally dozens of hours you've wasted with this bunch of smooth-shelled walnuts? (and yes, that's a reference to their brains, I just couldn't quite make it work the way I wanted). I mean, it's probably not enough time to cure cancer or invent a really good cable organizing system, but you could have latch hooked a really nice rug by now, or made a portrait of Elvis with little rolled up gum wrappers, AT LEAST.

You know what? Forget it. Do want you want. I'm done. Seriously.<...

What would you do if you woke up on a newly terraformed planet (besides die of shock if you were on the Oz 9) to discover your husband has taken over Sanctuary city and rules with what can best be described as an iron fist? Did humans escape the frying pan of Earth only to find themselves in Mars' fire?

This sounds amazing, and with Lily Rabe from American Horror Story at the helm, you know it's going to be amazing. Listen now, wherever you get your podcasts! https://www.voyagemedia.fm/show/sanctuary/

...

While Oz 9 is on hiatus (or "in hiding for tax purposes"), it's a great time to discover some new podcasts to binge. So if you're looking to adopt your next best friend, we've got you, fam.

Madison On the Air is a "love letter to olde-tyme radio." Madison is a modern-day influencer who gets mysteriously yoiked back in time and shows up in some old time radio episodes. She brings her own modern attitude and utter chaos to the stories, and there's a rich back-catalog of shows you've likely heard of, even if you've never actually heard...

You're in the Oz 9 void — no new episodes until, what, Halloween or something? It's cruel, we know. We hear your howls of despair.

But wait! We have something for you, to fill those long, lonely hours without Once-Captain Jessie, Colin, Mrs Sheffield, Greg, or Joe (Jesus!). Yes. We got you a hiatus prezzie, and we think you're really going to like it.

If you're not already familiar with Curious Matter Anthology podcast, now is the perfect time to discover this amazing show. This season, Season 3, CMA is spending the entire season on one story: The Ex...

Well, ain't this a kick in the underpants? No one would have believed, on that random Tuesday in 2142, that the Oz 9 would still be kicking (mumble) months later. And yet, as we stare down the barrel of our 100th full episode, well, here we still are, just to the left of Uranus, clueless and shivering in the dark.

But isn't that just the human condition, basically? I mean... if we're going to philosophize....

Oh, let's not. Pour yourself something naughty and well-deserved, prepare tissue for the inevitable nosebleed, and roll the episode. Happy 100, Space Monkeys — so...

Listen up, Space Monkeys! We did the hard work of vetting a very fun new podcast for you, so now all YOU have to do is listen to it. YOU'RE WELCOME.

It's Desert Skies, a quirky, comedic, and heartfelt sci-fi podcast about life between this world and the next. The story takes place along the road of a lonely highway at a gas station in the afterlife called Desert Skies Astral Plane Fuel and Service Station. The staff at the station help new arrivals in the afterlife get ready to embark on their journey through the celestial...

With the end of Season 5 just .... an indeterminate time but probably about two weeks away, the eternal Tuesday of the spotless (thanks to Joe) 9 is getting darker, scarier, and downright rude.

We hope you'll join us (though in good conscience we can't recommend it) as we spin and flip and spiral out of control toward the last episode of this season. Bring lozenges — there's gonna be a lot of shouting.

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It's time to check under the bed, make sure the closet doors are firmly shut, tuck any clown toys in your siblings' rooms or the freezer, and crank up the nightlight — things are getting spooky on the Oz 9.

"Something is coming," and it's probably not bearing ice cream or prezzies. The crew of the 9 are in trouble, and though this is no big surprise, it is nearly the end of the season, so you never know....

So, a few things to discuss here. Basically, don't do ANYTHING you hear in this episode. So, I guess there's really only one thing to discuss. Never mind.

Some warnings: sounds of person drowning. Some painful but non-lethal punching.

There are no credits on this episode, so I'mma do them here.

You've been listening to:

Oz 9's theme music is composed and performed by John Faley; Lucas Elliott creates our artwork. Sarah Golding is...