Dad Starting Over

He came home early from a work trip. Didn't text ahead. Walked in and found out the truth.

His wife doesn't have a desire problem. The desire works fine. He's just not part of it.

Derek wrote me after sitting in his car for twenty minutes trying to figure out what to do with what he just found out. In this episode I break down what's actually going on — why the vibrator isn't about preference, what the anxious-avoidant dynamic looks like inside a dead bedroom, and what Derek actually does next.

🔴 FREE: Fix Your...

Here is a recording of impromptu live stream I recently did. No script, no agenda, just me and the chat. And as usual, the unscheduled ones end up being the best ones.

This stream turned into a full clinic on the stuff I hear from men every single day: the guy who told his wife he desired her and got nothing back. The guy 10 years into a sexless marriage who swears he "shouldn't have to" bring it up. The guy engaged to a woman who already tells him "you sexualize everything." And the one that floors the...

A man divorces his wife after two years of zero affection post-menopause. He starts dating again, shares his story with a woman he's seeing, and she calls him a narcissist. His ex-wife used the same word. Now he's writing to me wondering if they're right.

In this episode, I break down what actual narcissism is, why the word has become a go-to weapon in relationship conflict, and how to think clearly about whether the label actually fits you — or whether it's being used to make you feel like the problem when you're not.

🔴 FREE: Fix Your...

She stopped hugging you. She doesn't hold your hand. She shifts away on the couch without even thinking about it. You tell yourself it's just a sex problem. But deep down, you know it's not.

I respond to a letter from Mike — 42, married 11 years — who had the moment where he realized it wasn't just the bedroom that went dead. It was everything.

We break down: 

— The difference between a dead bedroom and a dead marriage
— Why "the talk" doesn't work (and makes it worse) 
— What her body is actually telling you 
— What mov...

Brian finally had the conversation. Sat his wife down, told her the truth — the distance, the loneliness, how much he missed her. She cried. She said she was sorry. She said she didn't want to lose them.

Two weeks later nothing has changed.

In this episode I break down why the crying moment feels like a breakthrough but often isn't, what's actually happening when a woman feels it in the moment and then goes right back to her default, and what men consistently get wrong in the weeks after a conversation like that.
If yo...

Tom finally got his wife to agree to couples counseling. He was hopeful for the first time in months. He thought they were finally going to address the real issues — the distance, the intimacy, the disconnection.

Instead every session became a list of everything he's ever done wrong. Old arguments. Ancient history. Things he's already apologized for. And the actual problems — a year without sex, emotional withdrawal — never got touched.

In this episode I break down what's actually happening when counseling gets weaponized, why the therapy room can become the most dangerous place in a strugg...

I went live with divorce coach Karen McMahon from Journey Beyond Divorce (https://www.jbddivorcesupport.com) and this turned into one of the most honest conversations I’ve had about what men actually go through during divorce.

We talked about:

Why “being a good guy” can destroy you in divorce

The hidden damage of codependency

Why men give too much away (money, custody, power)

The fear that keeps men stuck in bad marriages

What really happens after divorce (that no one tells you)

Why jumping into a...

A guy named Paul wrote in. His wife went through menopause three years ago. Since then — almost no sex. And every time he brings it up, she shows him articles and tells him this is just how it is now.

So Paul started believing her. Started feeling like a jerk for even wanting it.

In this episode I break down what's actually true about menopause and sex drive, why "it's biology" can become a conversation-ender that goes unquestioned, and what men in this situation are getting wrong when they accept the premise without pushing back.

Your wife changed after kids. You've felt it for years — the distance, the exhaustion, the version of her you remember from before that seems gone.

She's not gone. She's buried.

In this episode I break down what actually happens to women after having children — the hormonal shifts that suppress desire for years (not weeks), the identity collision that nobody warns her about, and the "touched out" phenomenon that makes her feel like her body isn't her own.

I also share a personal story — a trip my wife and I took to Austin — that showed m...

Three years of a sexless marriage. He finally told her it was over if nothing changed. She laughed — then went back to watching TV.
Four days later she's acting like nothing happened.

In this video I break down what that laugh actually means, why the "normal" behavior after a big conversation is the most dangerous window in a struggling marriage, and what men consistently get wrong in this exact moment.

If you're in a sexless marriage and feel like nothing you say lands — this one is for you.

📖 Get the Dead Bedroom Fix: ht...

A guy sent me an email that starts off like a lot of others…

Sexless marriage. No intimacy. Growing distance.

But then something changed.

His wife started going out more.
Dressing up.
Staying out late.
Acting like a completely different person.

And he’s sitting at home wondering what the hell is going on.

In this episode, I break down what it really means when a woman checks out of the relationship… and starts finding her energy somewhere else.

We talk about:

• Why beha...

A guy emailed me something that a lot of men are quietly thinking but don’t want to say out loud…

“My wife used to be wild before me. Now she barely wants anything to do with me.”

This one stings. Because it forces you to compare yourself to her past—and wonder what changed.

In this episode, I break down what’s really going on when a woman who once had a strong sexual side suddenly shuts it down in a long-term relationship.

We talk about:

• The science behind the hon...

A guy reached out to me after 15 years of marriage and a completely dead bedroom.

No intimacy. No desire. Nothing.

Then one day, he finds out his wife is cheating.

But not with another man… with another woman.

Now he’s trying to make sense of it:

Is she gay?
Is this just a phase?
Why does she suddenly have a sex drive again… just not with him?

In this episode, I break down what’s really going on when a woman checks out of a marria...

A husband wrote to me after 16 years of marriage.

Their sex life had slowly faded until they were barely intimate at all.

Then he noticed something strange.

His wife became very protective of her phone.

One day he looked.

What he found wasn’t explicit cheating… but it explained a lot.

In this episode we talk about:

• Emotional affairs and how they begin
• Why sexless marriages create vulnerability
• What to do when you discover suspicious messages
• Why confrontation often backfires

If you’re de...

Have you ever noticed how your wife or girlfriend can recall arguments from 10… 15… even 20 years ago with incredible detail?

Not just the event itself.

The exact words.
The tone.
Where you were standing.
What you said.

Meanwhile you're sitting there thinking, “I barely remember last week.”

In this episode, I explain why this happens and why women often remember emotional events in relationships far longer than men do. It’s not just a stereotype. There are real psychological and biological reasons behind it.

We’ll talk about emotio...

A husband wrote to me after 18 years of marriage.

Their sex life had slowed down like many long relationships.

Then one day his wife said something he never expected:

She wanted an open marriage.

She said it could make their relationship stronger.

He feels like the ground under his marriage suddenly shifted.

In this episode, I discuss:

• Why open marriage conversations often appear suddenly
• The role of novelty and new attention
• Why agreeing under pressure leads to resentment
• What a man should do when...

A 50-year-old husband wrote me after 20 years of marriage.

The sex faded after kids.
Intimacy disappeared.
Now his wife says she doesn’t want to be touched at all.

He stayed for their child.
He worked out.
He dressed better.
He read The Dead Bedroom Fix.
He tried to lead.

But nothing changed.

I break down what’s really happening when a marriage goes cold and a man slowly becomes passive without realizing it.

We talk about:

• Why staying “for the kids” of...

Everyone throws around the word “patriarchy” like it explains everything wrong with society.

But what does it actually mean?

In this video, I break down:
– What patriarchy historically meant
– Where the argument has real merit
– Where it turns into ideology
– Why men are overrepresented in certain fields
– What science says about male and female differences in interests

We’re going to look at biology, psychology, history, and modern data without the emotional noise.

Because if you care about truth more than slogans, this conversation matters.

If you enjoy n...

A 47-year-old husband wrote to me after 17 years of marriage.

No big fights.
No confirmed cheating.
Just slow emotional drift.

Then one day she said:

“I love you… but I’m not in love with you.”

Their marriage isn’t completely dead — but it’s nearly sexless. Rare intimacy. No initiation. No spark.

I break down:

• What that phrase usually really means
• Why sexless marriages often slide into “roommate mode”
• The role of new relationship energy
• Why becoming “safer” makes things worse
• What a man must do if the...

Divorce isn’t just emotional — it can turn into psychological warfare.

In this livestream, I sit down with Chris and Lisa from Been There Got Out, two of the most experienced voices I’ve spoken with on high-conflict divorce, legal abuse, and custody battles.

We dig into:

Why “being a good guy” often backfires in family court

How false allegations gain traction (and why men are especially vulnerable)

The biggest mistakes men make when communicating with their ex

Why courts reward cooperation — even when the other side is acting in...

How does someone hold their life together at a high level for years — career, marriage, kids — and then suddenly blow it all up?

I read a message from a follower whose wife unraveled after the death of her father. What followed was extreme weight loss, heavy drinking, multiple affairs, disappearing for days at a time, and eventually abandoning her family.

I don’t interrupt the story. I read it straight through — then I explain what’s actually going on beneath the surface.

We talk about unresolved childhood trauma, avoidant attachment, high-achievers who outrun their pain...

Most marriages don’t blow up overnight.
They drift.

They drift from us…
to the family…
and eventually to two exhausted roommates running a daycare.

Once kids enter the picture, something subtle but dangerous often happens: the couple stops being the center of the relationship. Not out of malice. Not because anyone planned it. It just happens.

And in most marriages, if nobody actively protects the couple, the marriage slowly disintegrates.

From what I see, this responsibility usually falls on the man — and when he pushes for dates, intimacy...

For most of human history, age differences in couples weren’t controversial at all.
Now they’re treated like a moral crisis.
So what changed?

I break down the actual historical reality of age gaps, why people now claim they were “rare,” and why that argument doesn’t hold up when you look closely.

We’ll talk about:

I got an email from a guy that perfectly captures a pattern I see over and over again.

An anxious man.
An avoidant wife.
Years of emotional distance.
One final attempt to “do the healthy thing” and open up…
And then everything collapses.

I break down:

Most men don’t feel like their life is falling apart.

It just feels… off.

Not bad enough to force change.
Not good enough to feel proud of.

So they try new routines, new habits, new motivation — and nothing sticks.

I break down why that happens and what actually causes men to stay stuck for years without realizing it. This isn’t about discipline, hustle, or grinding harder. It’s about structure, identity, and the quiet patterns that keep pulling you back to the same place.

If you’ve felt frus...

I want to read you a short email from a married man in a dead bedroom.

There’s no cheating.
No screaming fights.
No dramatic collapse.
Just a quiet decision to stop bringing it up.

I break down how a lot of men end up in sexless marriages not because they chose them — but because they slowly became passive. They stopped rocking the boat. They stopped advocating for themselves. They let things happen instead of taking control.

We’ll talk about:

A lot of men reach a point where they say something quietly and honestly:

“I did everything right… and it still fell apart.”

I hear this all the time from men who showed up, stayed loyal, worked on themselves, went to therapy, avoided conflict, and tried to be good partners.

And yet the relationship still deteriorated.
The attraction faded.
The resentment crept in.

I explain why “doing everything right” often becomes the problem.

We’ll talk about:

Most men in sexless marriages did exactly what they were told to do.

And somehow, the sex life didn’t come back.
In many cases, it disappeared completely.

In this episode, I explain why that happens — especially when you’re married to a dismissive-avoidant partner.

We’ll talk about:

A lot of men end up believing things like “women cheat more,” “women want sex more than men,” or “most women cheat”.

Those beliefs don’t usually come from careful analysis.
They come from pain.

I break down why these stories feel so convincing — especially for analytical, system-oriented, and neurodivergent men — and why certainty often feels safer than ambiguity after betrayal, dead bedrooms, and relationship failure.

We’ll talk about:

In this episode, I sit down with Melissa Vogel — fitness and mindset coach, podcast host, and a woman who’s been through divorce herself — for one of the most honest conversations I’ve had about modern relationships.

We talk about what really happens to marriages after kids arrive, why men and women slowly disconnect without realizing it, and how good people end up emotionally checked out years before divorce ever happens.

Melissa opens up about her own marriage, why she drifted away emotionally long before it ended, and what she wishes someone had told her when she...

A lot of men don’t realize they’re codependent.
They just think they’re being “good husbands,” “nice guys,” or “doing the right thing.”

I break down the real, everyday behaviors that point to codependency in men—especially how it shows up in relationships, dead bedrooms, anxious attachment, and emotional burnout.

This isn’t about shaming men.
 It’s about recognizing patterns that quietly destroy attraction, confidence, and self-respect.

If you:

For an anxious guy, nothing is more confusing than discovering that your avoidant, seemingly asexual wife was having an affair.

No touching.
 No sex.
 Years of rejection.

And yet… she was sleeping with someone else.

I break down a real message from a man in a long-term dead bedroom who discovered his dismissive-avoidant wife had been cheating for years. We dig into anxious vs. avoidant attachment, why this dynamic is so common, and why the affair usually has nothing to do with you lacking masculinity, confidence, or sexual value.

If y...

In today’s episode, I read an email from a husband living one of the most brutal modern realities: his wife says she’s “touched out” and has no energy for intimacy… yet somehow has unlimited emotional energy for another man at the gym.

This is the pattern I see over and over in dead bedrooms:

She didn’t lose desire.
She redirected it.

If you're a man dealing with a sexless marriage, emotional disconnect, or a wife who has checked out but won’t leave — this one’s going to hit hard...

Today we’re talking about something that a lot of men won’t admit, but a lot of women quietly suffer through: living with an anxious husband. And yes, I’m going to make fun of us a little.

This video is a tongue-in-cheek “instruction manual” for how to care for the anxious, approval-seeking, reassurance-addicted man. The guy who needs constant validation, panics at every text message pause, reads every word you say like a legal document, and assumes you’re leaving him if you’re quiet for more than 30 seconds.

It’s funny… but it’s also painfull...

Rejection hits some men harder than others. For a lot of guys, it’s not just discomfort—it feels like danger. One cold look from your wife. One delayed text. One “Can we talk later?” from your boss. Suddenly you’re spiraling, apologizing, chasing, overreacting, or completely shutting down.

This isn’t weakness. It isn’t you being dramatic.
It’s rejection sensitivity—and most men who grew up in chaotic, unpredictable, or emotionally unstable homes are living with it without ever knowing what it’s called.

In this episode, I'll break down:

— Why some men liv...

A lot of men struggle with the realization that they don’t actually have full control over how life or their marriage turns out.
 You can do everything “right”—be faithful, provide, stay fit, treat her well—and still end up rejected, divorced, or alone.

In this episode, I talk about why that happens, and why it’s not a sign that you failed. Life isn’t fair… and that includes relationships. I also share a real message from a man dealing with a sexless, disconnected marriage due to his wife’s ADHD and perimenopause, and we unpack what’s re...

"REBUILD: The Complete Guide to Starting Over as a Man" is now available in audiobook format! Here is a quick sample for you to enjoy. Want to hear more? Check out the links below:

Amazon: https://a.co/d/0k5nxmv
Audible: https://www.audible.com/pd/B0G75ZH84Y
Apple: https://apple.co/45eKbNh

I recently read a New York Times article claiming that women under socialism had more sex and better orgasms than women in capitalist Western countries. Sounds wild, right?

But when you dig deeper, the real message is actually something I talk about all the time:

Women shut down sexually when their lives are full of stress, chaos, financial pressure, and mental overload.

This has nothing to do with politics — and everything to do with the realities couples face today.

If you need a deeper dive into this, grab my book The De...

If you lean anxious in relationships, this one’s for you.

I see it all the time—guys who crave closeness so much that they choke the relationship. You text too much, talk too much, try too hard to keep things “good.” But that desperate energy ends up pushing her away.

I’ll show you what’s really happening under the surface—why your attachment system freaks out when she pulls away, and how to stop feeding that panic. You’ll learn how to regulate yourself, stop chasing reassurance, and build the kind of calm confidence that...

Today we’re digging into something wild: how a guy who talks about masculinity, strength, and “doing it right” completely lost his cool when his own story was challenged. That guy is Andrew Wilson.

If you’re rebuilding your life, your identity, or trying to walk the line of integrity after a setback—I promise you: this matters.

We’ll cover: