Self-Coaching

Insecurity talks to all of us. Don’t risk that. Stay safe. Don’t say too much. Don’t let people see too much. Most of us assume those feelings are something we have to obey. But what if that isn’t true? In this Self-Coaching podcast, I explore a simple but powerful discovery: you can feel insecure without letting it run your life. The breakthrough isn’t eliminating insecurity—it’s learning that you don’t have to obey it.

Living a lie usually isn’t intentional. It grows out of a long-standing habit of feeling that, somehow, you’re just not okay as you are. To manage that feeling, you learn to monitor yourself, avoid conflict, and keep parts of who you are hidden to feel safe. Over time, adapting and self-editing can start to feel like maturity or self-control, rather than a cover-up. Over time, that way of living creates pressure. Constant self-monitoring can lead to anxiety, chronic tension, and a feeling of never fully being at ease. Decisions start revolving around what won’t upset, won’t expose...

Therapy works. It can reduce suffering, offer clarity, and help people feel less alone in their pain. And yet, many thoughtful, self-aware people quietly ask a question they’re almost embarrassed to voice: If I understand myself so well, why hasn’t my life really changed? In this episode, I explore why therapy doesn’t always work—not because it fails outright, but because relief, insight, and safety are often mistaken for transformation. Feeling better is real progress, but it isn’t the same as living differently. In this Self-Coaching episode, we’ll look at how therapy can unintentionally become palliative—s...

Life often feels hard, not because something is wrong, but because we carry more into each moment than the moment requires. We’re rarely just living; we’re evaluating, interpreting, and judging how we’re doing while we live. That constant self-monitoring turns ordinary tasks into tests and quietly drains energy, leaving us tired even when nothing is falling apart. In this Self-Coaching episode, I explore why much of our struggle comes not from life itself, but from the overlay of insecurity we add to it. When we stop treating every moment as a measure of our worth, something lightens. Life d...

This podcast explores the psychology behind why time seems to fly as we get older. We don’t experience time directly—we experience moments. When life becomes routine and automatic, those moments blur together, and time appears to disappear. But when we’re present, attentive, and engaged, moments leave an imprint—and time expands. This Self-Coaching episode looks at how attention, memory, and presence shape our experience of time, and how reclaiming even small moments can change the way life feels.

Change has a way of stirring unease even when we know it’s necessary, and hesitation is often interpreted too quickly as weakness or fear. But reluctance isn’t automatically a problem; in many cases, it’s a natural, protective response that deserves attention rather than dismissal. In this Self-Coaching episode, we explore the psychology of this resistance and ask a more helpful question: how do you tell the difference between healthy caution and a neurotic pattern of insecurity? Instead of assuming that all resistance is something to overcome, we look at what reluctance may be trying to communicate—and when it’...

In this Self-Coaching episode, I explore what I call the “winter mind”—the subtle psychological shift that occurs as daylight shrinks and our internal sense of possibility shrinks with it. Shorter days don’t just affect our energy; they quietly distort our interpretations, making ordinary stresses feel heavier and old insecurities feel more convincing. I discuss how this seasonal contraction interacts with the habit of insecurity, why our thoughts sound more personal in the quiet of winter, and how small acts of intentional warmth—what Norwegians call koselig—can counter the distortion and restore perspective. Through practical Self-Coaching steps, I show how to...

This isn’t your typical “holiday episode.” Thanksgiving has a surprising way of slowing us down, even when we try to outrun it. The gathering, the familiar faces, the rituals—we don’t realize how much they interrupt our usual rushed, distracted rhythm. For one day, life pulls us back into connection, memory, and emotional reality. In this Self-Coaching episode, I explore why Thanksgiving hits harder than any other day of the year and how it quietly resets us. The warmth, the chaos, even the bittersweet moments all bring us back to what truly matters. It’s a rare chance to step out...

In this Self-Coaching episode we explore the quiet, relentless habit of measuring ourselves against everyone around us. Whether it’s feeling outmatched in a conversation, watching how easily others seem to navigate life, or seeing social-media posts that make your own progress feel small, comparison turns ordinary moments into silent self-judgments. But these doubts aren’t really about being “normal”—they’re about seeking reassurance that we’re okay, worthy, and not falling behind. Using Self-Coaching principles, we break down why comparison feels so instinctive, how it distorts our sense of self, and how to shift from external measuring sticks to internal se...

We all want to be happy—but what does that really mean? Is happiness something we can actually have, or is it something we only feel for fleeting moments at a time? In this Self-Coaching episode, I explore why happiness can’t be possessed, why others often seem happier than we are, and how insecurity keeps us chasing what we already have the potential to feel. Learn how genuine happiness grows not from control or comparison, but from self-trust, authenticity, and the courage to live your life as it is—fully, and without apology.

You know that little voice in your head—the one that never seems to miss a chance to remind you of what you did wrong, what you should’ve said, or how you’ll probably mess up again? That’s self-criticism, or worse, self-rejection. And for many of us, it’s not just an occasional visitor—it’s a full-time companion. We’ve gotten so used to berating ourselves that we mistake it for motivation, as if tearing ourselves down will somehow push us to do better. But it never does. It only deepens our insecurity and distances us from our authentic se...

What really happens when we close our eyes at night? Why does the brain weave vivid stories that can make us laugh, cry, or wake up in a cold sweat? In this Self-Coaching episode, we’ll explore the fascinating science of dreaming—what goes on in the sleeping brain, why humans evolved to dream, and how those nighttime narratives may help us process emotions, solve problems, and rehearse for survival. We’ll dive into the hidden language of the unconscious—exploring the role insecurity plays in shaping our dreams.

In this Self-Coaching podcast, I explore the four most common controlling strategies of insecurity—worrying, rumination, catastrophizing, and overanalyzing, also known as analysis-paralysis. These strategies are our reflexive attempts to compensate for insecurity—at its core, the fear that we can’t handle life as it unfolds. Over time, we come to rely on these strategies in an effort to feel safe and in control. The problem is, what starts as a coping mechanism quickly becomes a habit. And although these strategies may give the illusion of control, they inevitably generate stress. That stress, in turn, fuels ongoing emotional struggle.

Have you ever walked into a room and instantly felt all eyes on you? That tightness in your stomach, the heat rising to your face—you feel exposed, judged, vulnerable. It’s a universal experience. But here’s the thing: vulnerability by itself isn’t the problem. The real problem begins when vulnerability turns into insecurity—when self-doubt, fear, and the feeling of ‘I’m not good enough’ take over. That’s when life starts to shrink. Relationships suffer, careers stall, happiness fades. In today’s Self-Coaching episode, I want to show you how vulnerability and insecurity, left unchecked, can quietly ruin your li...

Have you ever had that nagging feeling that you don’t really belong? Where everyone around you seems smarter, more capable, more together—and it’s only a matter of time before they find out you’re a fraud? That’s not just self-doubt talking. That’s something called Impostor Syndrome—and you’re not alone. In this Self-Coaching episode, I break down what this nefarious syndrome is, how it became part of your life in the first place, and the real, ironic reason it continues to hold you back.

Have you ever caught yourself thinking something like… ‘I’m so stupid…I can’t do anything right… everyone else has it together—why don’t I?’ If so, you’re not alone. Most of us talk to ourselves in ways we’d never speak to a friend. We push, criticize, blame, and shame ourselves—often without even realizing it. But why? Why are we so hard on ourselves?Both Self-criticism and what’s called negative bias are inherent aspects of the human psyche that evolved to protect us from reckless behavior. When, however, insecurity gets involved, then rather than protecting us, self-critic...

Fear is a natural, protective part of life. Without fear, our species would long ago have become extinct. In this Self-Coaching podcast, I discuss not how to become fearless (that would be dangerous) but how to fear less. How do you know if you’ve become too fearful? I offer seven signs to help you differentiate between realistic, unavoidable fear, versus your level of neurotic, unnecessary fear. It’s important to understand that neurotic fear has a systemic, corrosive effect on your happiness, your mental health, and your physiology.

What’s so bad about procrastinating? For starters, procrastination slowly erodes the quality of your life by turning your days into a series of missed opportunities and mounting stress. When you delay important tasks, you trade long-term growth and peace of mind for short-term comfort. Over time, this leads to constant pressure, guilt, and a lingering sense that you’re falling behind. Goals remain unfulfilled, relationships suffer from broken promises, and your confidence takes a hit as unfinished responsibilities pile up. What begins as a harmless habit quietly chips away at your time, your potential, and ultimately, your sense of purp...

Maybe you’re not depressed and you’re getting along as well as can be expected, but maybe you’re feeling aimless, unfulfilled, or disconnected from a sense of purpose. Or maybe you’re holding out for some clear, passionate, lightning-bold kind of ‘ah-ha’ revelation that will rescue you from your ho-hum life. If this sounds like you, then perhaps this Self-Coaching podcast is just the ticket for understanding how boredom has become nothing more than a habit that can be challenged and replaced with your innate potential for living a more stimulating life.

We naturally become bored when our brain isn’t entertained, emotionally engaged, or sufficiently challenged. I’m sure you’ll agree that to some extent, boredom is an inescapable part of life. But how can you tell if your life is too boring? In this Self-Coaching podcast, I discuss the need to determine to what extent boredom may play a disruptive role in your life. Whether it’s a mismatch between ability and challenge, attention issues, or low dopamine, boredom can result from many causes. As much as we think of boredom as a negative, restless experience, there is a bright s...

The inability to say ‘no’ is a habit, a habit of insecurity. Whether it’s the fear of disapproval or rejection, a desire to please, guilt, low self-worth, or simply wanting to avoid conflict, when you find yourself saying yes when you’d rather be saying no, then you need to listen to this episode of Self-Coaching. Learning to say no requires some psychological grounding, but more importantly, it’s understanding that standing up for yourself is a skill. A skill that can be learned. I offer five simple techniques for learning to respect your boundaries while assertively (with kindness) taking car...

Do you ever wish you could be more positive, more optimistic? If so, this Self-Coaching podcast may be just what you need. Did you know that optimism isn’t just a personality trait; it’s a skill. A skill that you can actually build. Join me as I talk about some simple steps and exercises geared to help you focus on possibilities, not problems, reframing reflexive negativity, and learning to risk trusting that you can, in fact, handle what life throws at you.

Life’s demands, challenges, scares, and fears can really pile up. Sometimes it just feels like too much. The tumult of feeling overwhelmed is something that happens to all of us and although we can’t control life and the many challenges we encounter, there are things we can do to minimize, if not, eliminate the chaotic experience of feeling out of control. In this Self-Coaching episode I offer strategies for coping when we begin to feel powerless and victimized by life and/or our emotions. Avoiding getting overwhelmed isn’t about pretending everything’s fine—it’s about building little habit...

Mark Twain once said that courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear—not absence of fear. Although it’s tempting to wish you were fearless, without fear, our lives would quickly become reckless and threatened. Fear, healthy, objective fear is an essential component of our genetic inheritance, but irrational, neurotic fear is not. In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss the difference between normal and neurotic fear and strategies to minimize needless neurotic struggle.

In everyone’s life, there are ups, downs, happy times, and anxious times. But one thing is certain: life undulates. I call these undulations, waves--psychological waves. Think of waves as life’s challenges. Some waves consist of circumstantial, externally driven challenges, e.g., illness, financial struggles, loss, and so on, while other waves are psychological, driven by habits of insecurity. One thing about waves, circumstantial or psychological, they…undulate—they come, and they go. Waves eventually subside, allowing us to enter a trough state of potential calm. I say potential because for anyone suffering from anxiety, depression, or emotional struggle, being in...

Self-Coaching is not just another form of coaching; it’s a unique CBT-based program based on the idea that anxiety, depression, and other emotional struggles stem from learned habits of insecurity and self-doubt—habits that can be broken. To liberate yourself from struggle, you need to understand the fundamental ‘why’ you struggle in the first place. Why, no matter how much you’ve tried, nothing changes.In this week’s episode, I offer a step-by-step strategy that will teach you to become your own best coach, enabling you to overcome feeling powerless and victimized by life.

How would you define ‘burnout?’ Essentially, it’s a feeling you can’t go on—there’s just no more gas left in the tank.  You may feel anxious, depleted, or simply stuck. Many components contribute to feeling burned out, chronic stress, fear of failure, self-criticism, not feeling good enough, being overcommitted, bored, and so on. Burnout isn’t just psychological; the relentless stress you feel is dumping stress chemicals like adrenaline and cortisol into your body, inevitably leading the way to anxiety and depression. Join me in this Self-Coaching weekly challenge as I discuss some simple practical strategies designed to help you avo...

Are you tired of being manipulated? Saying yes when you’d rather be saying no? In this Self-Coaching episode, you’ll learn how manipulators tend to bend you to their will by using tactics like guilt-tripping, playing the victim, or simply wearing you down. Join me as I explain how to set clear boundaries, avoid over-explaining, and use techniques like “Broken Record” to ensure that you don’t have to feel manipulated or bullied by coercive people who aren’t at all concerned about your attempts to resist and are only concerned about twisting you to do their bidding.

Regardless of age, gender, background, or profession, for many, no matter how much they try or succeed in life, they believe they’re frauds. Imposter syndrome is the persistent feeling of self-doubt and inadequacy, despite evidence of success and competence. People experiencing it often believe they’re frauds or undeserving of their achievements, fearing they’ll be "exposed" as unqualified and embarrassed, even if they’ve worked hard and accomplished much. Join me in this week’s Self-Coaching challenge to dispel the feeling that you’re living a lie. The “lie” has been based on the insecurity premise that you’re a fake, a phony...

Beware of the saying: “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.” All too often, we cling to the short-sighted safety of attempting to control life. But sometimes, because of insecurity, a normal need for control becomes excessive as we desperately try to over-control life and outcomes.  The problem is that the more we rely on insecurity-driven habits of control, the less we rely on our natural resilient ability to trust self and life. Rather than letting go and allowing life to unfold, we gravitate toward perfectionism, rigidity, and neurotic self-distrust. You may have become convinced that over-co...

Most people, at one time or another, will ask, “What’s the purpose of life?” More accurately, we should be asking, “What’s my purpose in life.” For some this isn’t a difficult question to answer, yet for others, it remains a total mystery. A sense of purpose isn’t something reserved for only those fortunate, happy, successful people; it’s a potential that resides in each of us. Unfortunately, one’s purpose may be submerged, unrealized, or covered over by neurotic distortions. While there’s no simple, one-size-fits-all answer, join me in this week’s Self-Coaching challenge as I offer suggestions that...

Developing self-discipline and willpower What stops you from achieving your goals? What exactly is the resistance that keeps you from taking charge of your life and realizing your intentions? As complex and multifaceted as the answer to this query may be, one way or another, it all boils down to self-discipline. From a Self-Coaching perspective, self-discipline and willpower depend on the ability to willfully endure the transient discomfort of changing who and what you are. You weren’t born with self-discipline, you acquired it. Like a muscle, you need to develop your self-discipline muscle, one challenge at a time. So, if...

Let’s be honest, we live in a world of imperfection. we are imperfect. No matter how fastidious you may be, there will always be banana peels to slip on in everyone’s life. “Why did I do that?” “If only I worked harder.”  The old could-a, would-a, should-a’s. Every challenge, no matter how small, is an opportunity to grow in self-respect, confidence, and self-trust. Every setback is an opportunity to grow in self-respect, confidence, and self-trust. It’s true we can’t prevent regrets, but we damn well can minimize and avoid most of them. In this Self-Coaching episode, join me as...

Bumble bees are not supposed to fly. Their body weighs too much, and their wingspan is too short. Thank goodness the bumble bee doesn’t know these facts. What are the supposed “facts” that are holding you back? Sure, there are challenging circumstances in your life. But it’s not life circumstances that are holding you back or making you feel anxious or depressed, it’s your reaction to these circumstances When it comes to happiness, we often hold ourselves back psychologically through self-imposed limitations and mental barriers, many of which stem from past experiences, cultural conditioning, or deeply ingrained, habituated...

I’m sure you’ll agree that changing neurotic perceptions characterized by excessive worrying fear or emotional hyper-reactivity is easier said than done. In order to change the way you perceive and think about yourself and the world, it will take what we might call intentional effort. Efforts to reframe the thought patterns that have become reflexive habits while also managing and regulating your emotional/physiological responses. Once you understand how you’ve been compromised by neurotic perceptions and thoughts, then it’s time to apply a Self-Coaching approach that will allow you to reverse the grip that irrational, anxious struggle...

Ever notice how silly someone else’s worry seems to you? How many times have you told someone to stop making mountains out of molehills? Unfortunately,// if worry has become your knee-jerk reflexive response to life challenges, then mountain-making is what you do best. People make mountains out of molehills for a variety of psychological, emotional, and social reasons. This often stems from an inability to put issues into perspective, where minor inconveniences are perceived as major crises. And if you struggle with stress and anxiety, you’re probably no stranger to amplifying small problems, making them seem disproportionately ‘mountain’ like.

In everyone’s life there are challenges, some big, some small. When faced with adversity, hope can help us weather our storms. What exactly is hope? There’s no doubt that hope involves our emotions, but did you know that hope itself is not an emotion? Hope is a way of thinking. This means that hope—OR HAVING a hopeful attitude-- can be learned or coached. It’s true that hope may not mitigate the inevitable challenges we must face, but hope isn’t about what’s coming around the corner, it’s about releasing ourselves from the despair of hopelessness i...

In this Self-Coaching podcast, I’m introducing a new format: weekly Self-Coaching challenges. My intention is to provide bite-sized, motivational instructions that can be practiced each week to enhance your Self-Coaching efforts. Today’s challenge is an exercise in ‘creating a bubble’ of separation from your world of “have-tos.” By practicing being more responsive to your ‘whims,’ you open yourself up to glimpse the life that awaits you.

Today’s Self-Coaching episode addresses the crucial role that optimism and pessimism have on your liberation from emotional struggle. Although I’ll be talking about optimism in next week’s podcast, I felt it was crucial to first address what happens when we identify with pessimism, “I’ll never get better,” “life’s too hard, I just can’t handle it.” This is the voice of pessimism, which has become an entrenched habit of ego identification—in a very real sense, you become your pessimism. And when this happens, you begin what we call a self-fulfilling prophecy, where the neurotic thinking associated wi...

Perhaps the best way to describe Responsive Living would be the Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) phrase Let go, let god. The simplicity of this adage may escape you,// but trust me, it’s quite profound. In AA parlance, it has to do with letting go of compulsive, destructive thinking and handing yourself over to a higher power. From a secularized, Self-Coaching standpoint, Responsive Living is learning to let go, let life. Translation: letting go of trying to over-control life, and instead learning to risk letting life unfold spontaneously without anticipation, worry, or fear. Join me in this Self-Coaching episode to explore th...