Scully Nation: An X Files Rewatch Podcast

This week we are on the run from murderous robotic sushi chefs while we discuss “Rm9sbG93ZXJz”! We’re talking unappetizing blob fish dinners, how it’s fair turnaround for Scully to be trapped in a car with a speeding driver, whether this can be considered Ghost in the Machine Part 2, and have a heated debate over whether we like the emoji conductor or not. It nearly comes to blows. We reject the fiction that Scully would have a smarthome, shake our heads because they’re always on their damn phones, enjoy all the Nighthawks references, and rate all the dr...

This week we are going AWOL and hunting down our old Vietnam buddies while we discuss “Kitten”! We’re talking how they really could have come up with a cooler evil-project name than MK NAOMI, that Kersh is back: meaner and balder than ever, how Mulder and Scully’s main character disease is really turning terminal, and that Skinner might as well give up entirely about having any career anymore. We admire Skinner’s turn on the cover of LL Bean, learn what a petard is, tell Mulder and Scully to get back there and pull Skinner out of that hole...

This week we are tracking down our long-lost son while we discuss “Ghouli”! We’re talking Detective Saw, Ghouli fanfiction, the continuing Ford car commercial, birthday boys, and Mulder and Scully’s son surprisingly being a bit of a player. We get sad about Scully’s monologue, think we might also make up an urban legend if we had mind powers, ask whether Mulder could have come up with a better coffee-shop persona than “Bob”, and wave goodbye as Jackson/William and Ghouli drive off on their cross-country road trip. They grow up so fast! New T-Shirt idea for Mulder: I’m no...

This week we are sorting through our faulty collective memories while we discuss “The Lost Art of Forehead Sweat”! We’re talking the Mandela/Mengele effect, how dangerous it is to hold Scully up when she’s hangry, the return of Chuck, Mulder’s Squatchin’ outfit, and how troubled we are by this episode’s erasure of the true Reggie. We won’t stand for it! We note how terrifying it is to hear “Let me show you this quick video”, how Po-Co is never going to happen, the bloodcurdling screams of Megamind aliens, how much of an impact Teso Dos Bichos had...

 This week we are avoiding our evil doppelgangers while we discuss “Plus One”! We’re talking our love for Dean Cavalier: Attorney at Law, how much Mulder would love Evil Scully, the strange nurses, and confounding bread pills. We wonder exactly how much sleep Scully really needs, doubt that it’s really that much fun playing Hangman that many times, get really excited about the John Wick armory and katana sword collection, and get really invested in Prison Break for a while.

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 This week we are on the run from long-dead friends while we discuss “This”! We’re talking the return of Cyber Langly, the Boo Crew suddenly turning into action stars, how we really could have used more of Mulder and Scully handcuffed-together hijinks, Skinner’s boring apartment, and how much Deep Throat hates QR codes. We pitch a ‘Mulder and Scully go to IKEA’ episode, enjoy the escape room vibes, think the episode would be improved with a dance battle, and wonder where exactly Langly’s secret girlfriend was this entire time. Wait a minute. Are we in the simulation?

This week we are doing our very best just to make it through this episode intact while we regrettably discuss “My Struggle III”! We’re talking the episode titles reflecting our increasing struggle to watch these, CSM name drop without any forewarning, Chris Carter’s “Secret Science” AMA, Mulder becoming a noir detective out of nowhere, and how this whole apocalypse thing was just one big joke. We get really excited about the possibility of Scully transmitting brain morse code, wonder when exactly we ended up in a Ford commercial, get excited about Spender’s brief return, and really struggle (ha...

This week we are trying to stop an apocalypse, develop a world-saving vaccine, locate our long-lost son, and find a good parking spot while we discuss “My Struggle II”! We’re talking Scully’s strange anti-vaxx turn, the tonally bizarre Guy Ritchie fight scenes, Scully being able to stop a riot with just her words, CSM’s return as a cartoon flaming skull, and the fastest-onset apocalypse we have ever seen. We wonder just how quick Scully is able to develop a vaccine, if Teen Willy has a permit to drive that UFO, get indignant on behalf of the nurse Scul...

 This week we are taking mushrooms and trying to contact comatose men while we discuss “Babylon”! We’re talking Mulder dancing at the Badonkadonk, how real it is that Skinner’s migraines are caused by Mulder, wonder who exactly Miller and Einstein remind us of, get excited to see cowboy-hatted Lone Gunmen, and get sad that Tom Waits had to be brought into this. We note the excess of both offensive Muslim stereotypes but also Texas stereotypes, Dean Haglund going missing in Australia, and debate just how embarrassing that dream sequence was.

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This week we are trying to solve the mystery of a coin necklace by our mother’s bedside while we discuss “Home Again”! We’re talking unreuniting with beloved guest actresses as quickly as we reunite with them, Mulder being classic goofy, the Band Aid Nose Man’s hype man deserving all the love in the world, exciting Charlie Scully lore, and take the time to clown on Bill Jr. Just for old time’s sake. We figure out the blender-related reason why Charlie is estranged from the family, Bill’s struggle to get back from Germany, Margaret’s retired naval of...

 This week we are turning from lizard to man and back to lizard again as we discuss “Mulder and Scully Meet the Were-Monster”! We’re talking the return of Darin Morgan, our long-awaited jokes about Mulder and cell phones, the Kim Manners tribute :( , how much Darin Morgan wants Scully to have a dog, and Smart Phones… Is Us! We welcome back the legendary red Speedo, lightly rib Kumail Nanjiani our (very real) podcast competition, narrowly avoid embarrassing New Zealand by trying to do Rhys Darby’s accent, and debate if we should change our names to Guy Mann. 

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This week we are bleeding from the ears from high-pitched screeching sounds while we discuss “Founder’s Mutation”! We’re talking the return of James Wong, our love for the strangely blase coworker, Gupta From My Phone, Mulder giving off the wrong signals, Scully back on her quaalude habit, and why wristwatch models shouldn’t be evil scientists. We enjoy Skinner’s office redesign, say hello to Abigail from Hannibal and goodbye just as quickly, smell the distinct whiff of Folger’s coffee commercial energy, wonder why Scully’s hospital is so evil, and how it’s so real that Mulder would...

 This week we are rebooting the show, our careers, and our relationships while we discuss “My Struggle I”! We’re talking the 400th key to the X-Files, whether Annet Mahendru gets a worse fate here or on The Americans, Chris Carter dictating the script for this episode from his yacht, Mulder and Scully both getting younger lovers, and alien tushies. We debate whether Felt Hat Informant sucks or not, get excited about our favorite websites MindQuad and FinderSpyder, wonder what Tim Robinson would have to say about all this, and ask why Scully always has the same mysterious blood spray i...

This week we are swapping heads and bodies willy-nilly while we discuss the 2008 movie “The X-Files: I Want to Believe”! We’re talking poor Scully being Mulder’s publicity agent, the inexplicable George W. Bush alien theme sting, the specter of unsafe driving, Mulder’s scratchy beard, and most importantly, the return of Ellen Bledsoe! We wonder how serious this break-up is supposed to be, wonder at Scully doing all of her stem cell research on Google, debate whether Mulder’s beard is good or bad, and completely forget about the new batch of young, hot agents on the scene. Howev...

This week we are pausing and taking a look back at Season 9 as a whole! We review special features, read emails, rank the episodes, share our thoughts on the season, and play a Seinfeld-related game. We’re talking our growing love for Kim Manners, Vince Gilligan and his awkward khaki pants, IF NO BASEBALL, Reyes being one small pixel of drama, and Doggett’s role in the Korean boy band he will of course be joining now. We theorize about a couples therapist qualified enough to deal with all this, propose the Leyla Harrison-Ellen Bledsoe team-up the people have been...

 This week we are trying to discover the difference between the Seinfeld finale and this X-Files finale while we discuss “The Truth”! We’re talking Gothic heroine Knowle Rohrer, how much Mulder loves his corner, Skinner awkwardly third-wheeling and then being coerced into being Mulder’s lawyer, wonder how ghosts can give away pieces of paper, and get really excited for a second that we would be seeing Normal Hosteen. We spend a lot of time discussing CSM growing Rapunzel hair, get happy about one more Mulder Yell for the road, wonder how Marita still has her job at the UN, s...

This week we are teleporting into Windows screensavers while we discuss “Sunshine Days”! We’re talking some patented Vince Burnouts, Michael Emerson: TV Royalty joining the show, 0 days since the last Mulder mention, the theme of abandoning kids when they get boring, and what applications Skinner can put his newfound midair flip skills to. We say goodbye to Helium Vince and Kimberly-Arlene :( , wonder if there’s a non-impotent way to shake your fist, try to recall if we know anything about The Brady Bunch, and try not to bully Reyes for… liking a very popular TV show? Feels like throwing s...

This week we are wrapping up the second child storyline in as many weeks as we discuss “Release”! We’re talking Scully teaching her class for once and the real reason she’s been avoiding it, Rudolph being able to see shrimp colors, the awkward cycle of weird power moves that never ends, the weird publicity photo of Doggett and his dead son, and how Brad looks like the poster boy of taking bribes from the mob. We all wonder how long Amanda can keep up the cold open bit, meet Doggett’s BLONDE-ASS wife, get sad that every FBI Assist...

This week we are foisting our alien children off on unsuspecting Wyoming couples while we discuss “William”! We’re talking how whimsical Doggett is in this one, how unbelievable it is that Spender could beat Doggett in a fight, the hysterical split diopter shot somehow being upstaged by the zooming eyeball shot, and Skinner refusing to shell out for Lab Results Plus. We wonder why they decided to do this to poor Chris Owens, theorize that it was physically impossible to turn Spender into a Super Soldier, think Doggett and Willy should have therapeutic cry sessions, and wonder what could...

 This week we are wrapping up The Lone Gunmen’s story (and lives) while we discuss “Jump the Shark”! We’re talking the surprising return of Jimmy and Yves, the real reason why Chuck McGill hates Jimmy McGill, that they couldn’t let The Lone Gunmen go without one more shot of Frohike falling face-first in mud, the indignity of Joey Ramone slander, and Yves Adele Harlow's real name drop! We wonder if there will be a Vaping Man in Season 11, freak out about these evil airtight fire doors, think it’s hurtful that Yves refuses to do the hand on windo...

This week we are stranding ourselves in a snowy mountain cabin and trying to babysit while we discuss “Scary Monsters”! We’re talking Scully’s zombie horde of a class and how all she wants is just to eat her sandwich, the return of Leyla, the importance of checking your Blood Car Fax report, find out the fate of Mulder’s fish, criticize the verisimilitude of the snow, and enjoy Doggett’s continuing beef with kids. We wonder what the mysterious grandma is up to this whole time, get indignant on behalf of Doggett and Reyes, realize that Leyla has authorit...

This week we are dodging both serial killers and potentially God while we discuss “Improbable”! We’re talking the strangely Italian everything about this episode, how much we adore Ray McKinnon’s scowl, Burt Reynolds’ charm, the lengths Robert Patrick will go to to avoid being in a silly scene, the probably sarcastic clapping circle for Reyes, and the forty-second shot where we all have to pretend Arlene Pileggi is Gillian Anderson. They thought we wouldn’t notice! We derail for a while and try to figure out what NUMB3RS is about, throw tomatoes at all the bad lip-syncing...

This week we are avoiding our shadow-selves while we discuss “Underneath”! We’re talking the return of Doggett’s articles, how apparently Scully is the only one around here who can solve cases, how absurd it is that a guy named Damon Kaylor is somehow not the killer, whether the Beardo Weirdo is a Shel Silverstein creation, and workshop “cyclepaths” as a concept. Is this anything? We dunk on Doggett’s old partner Dunk, discuss the relationship between necks and stress, theorize that Doggett might solve more cases if he covered himself in sticky tape and carried around a big net, and n...

This week we are wandering the halls of a ghostly hospital while we discuss “Audrey Pauley”! We’re talking whether or not Doggett could love a cat, if this episode is anti-organ donation, that they’re really forcing the Doggett-Reyes lovelorn gazing, how much we hate Steven and his stupid little pajamas, and how messed up it is that everybody is ready to start chopping up Reyes at a moment’s notice. We side-eye Reyes’ super-real “parents” “from Mexico City” (yeah, right!), boo the longest death scene in TV history, count down the days until we see our beloved Ellen Bledsoe again...

This week we are chasing alien cults across the Canadian border while we discuss “Providence”! We’re talking Doggett sleeping his way through this entire episode, wondering why on earth Skinner sucks so badly now, shake our heads at everyone suddenly converting to Christianity out of nowhere, lament that Reyes has nothing to do these days, and marvel at the fact that somehow, through it all, Brad is the only one in the cast keeping it real. How did this happen? We posit that Baby William is the Boss Baby prophesied in scripture, wonder if Mulder is finally fulfilling Clyde...

This week we are smuggling alien writings on our cool motorcycles while we discuss “Provenance”! We’re talking Neal McDonough’s icy blue eyes, how much we miss Machete Scully, that Elvira should be Kersh’s secretary, how boring Toothpick Man is compared to bad ol’ CSM, trucker zoomies, and that Skinner just kind of sucks now. We reaffirm that you shouldn’t smother your kids with a PSA, object to the word ‘rubbings’, struggle to piece together the plot, and laugh at Doggett getting run over in a really silly way.

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This week we are untangling our reincarnated souls and their crimes while we discuss “Hellbound”! We’re talking our excitement about the inclusion of some coal mines, that Doggett has apparently seen TONS of skinned bodies in New York (tons!), Sweet Willy teaching himself how to make mac ‘n’ cheese and cut stock market deals, and discuss whether or not Doggett and Reyes can actually solve a case without Scully. We wonder why Doggett is touching all this evidence all the time, lovingly tease Reyes for wandering around with her unhelpful soulful feelings, get worried about Central Park’s lantern-body...

This week we are wandering the Mexican desert without our memories while we discuss “John Doe”! We’re talking drug lord charm bracelets, our new fave the Mexican Cigarette Smoking Man, whether Doggett is experiencing a hangover from Skinner’s New Years party, get some Reyes lore dropped on us, and the return of yellow Mexico lighting. How else will we know where we are! We wince a little at Reyes’ accent, wonder what ideas were noodling around Vince’s head, get sad that they destroyed Mulder’s apartment set, and see Doggett’s wife for the first time. Just remember, i...

This week we are checking our 90s emails while we discuss “Trust No 1”! We’re talking the Windows Movie Maker montage that starts this episode, go into hysterics about the melodramatic email, celebrate the return of Terrance Quinn, get excited about more bad Scully driving, and wave at tiny Mulder as he runs on and off the screen. Hopefully he’s on to better things. We wonder where that second baby disappeared to, speculate that the Shadow Man was one of Mulder’s assigned secret agents, laugh at super-soldiers zooming into quarry walls, and ridicule Dearest Dana, as is right.

This week we are standing still and letting ants crawl all over us while we discuss “Lord of the Flies”! We’re talking yet another Kim Manners bug episode, the very-bizarre and distracting Skyrim music, the star of the episode Dr. Rocky Branzino, and welcome Aaron Paul as a proto-Jesse Pinkman onto the show. We mansplain Syd Barrett to each other, think it would be more fun if Doggett loved The Dumbass Show, wonder how furiously Vince Gilligan was taking notes behind the scenes, and get excited about Brad hanging out with Skinner. And remember these wise words from Dogget...

This week we are hopping between parallel universes while we discuss “4-D”! We’re talking the unexpected delight of Skinner and Brad’s team-up, Doggett’s favorite Polish sausage stand (do NOT call them hot dogs), how Monica’s favorite move is wiping mustard off people’s chins, and spend a truly ridiculous amount of time debating how long you can leave chicken sitting out. Honestly, it’s like half the episode. We talk Brad taking notes from Skinner on how to be bitchy, how much Skinner loves pulling the plug on beloved team members, congratulate Doggett on his comedic timing...

This week we are decoding secret demonic messages while we discuss “Daemonicus”! We’re talking how disgusting it is to cheat at Scrabble, Professor Scully, how much quippy Doggett really doesn’t work, the continuing saga of Scully emailing and driving, and how apparently Robert Patrick can’t remember his lines because of his fear of demons. Sure, buddy. We lose our minds a little bit at Doggett’s embarrassing theory, get grossed out because of all the vomit, wonder exactly how messy Reyes’ car is, and sigh a lot because apparently Doggett is in love with Scully. So is everyone, m...

This week we are uncovering what must be the two-dozenth secret conspiracy at the FBI while we discuss “Nothing Important Happened Today II”! We’re talking how you just can’t tell your coworkers to zip it and cooperate, Brad and his squeaky chair, whether or not Scully is on quaaludes, how instantly hateable Brad is, and how the writing staff were really proud of their little tagline. We discover that Doggett can apparently just un-fire himself, wonder whether Skinner is going through nanobot withdrawal, laugh at the nightmare fakeout, and realize that of course Kersh is a hat guy. Phr...

This week we are taking a swim with Lucy Lawless while we discuss “Nothing Important Happened Today I”! We’re talking Doggett and Reyes tummy sleepers lore, how much Cary Elwes is struggling his way through that American accent, how disgusting it is to stick your nasty fingers into your whiskey glass, how HR uses Mulder and Scully as a cautionary tale of workplace romance, and that The Lone Gunmen were let out of their government dungeon. We get scared of all the first names being tossed all over the place, celebrate Rowdy Held the baby actor, wonder what it is...