You Didn't Ask For This
Is cereal just soup? When, specifically, is Miller Time? How many times can one "circle back?" Join Matt and Eric every other Thursday as they provide you with deep dives, thorough debates, and unnecessary answers to life's least-pressing questions.Submit yours at [email protected]
151 | Belligerent Honesty
We're continuing our road to love with the second installment of Dr. Arthur Aron's "36 questions that lead to love." The questions are getting more personal and the love is growing stronger. Buckle up!
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150 | Vegetable Shanties
It's been six years (to the day!) since we dropped the first episode of YDAFT, 'A Centaur at Panera.' 150 episodes later...it's time for Matt and Eric to fall in love. In celebration of our buck-fifty milestone, we're taking on Dr. Arthur Aron's famous "36 questions that lead to love." The psychologist's increasingly personal list of questions, popularized a decade ago by essays in The New York Times' column Modern Love, is meant for two strangers to go through and by the end -- BAM -- love.
In what will be (at least) a two-part series, Matt a...
149 | Mainlining Melatonin
This week, we're rounding up a series of questions regarding children's books, including Goodnight Moon, Winnie the Pooh, Five Little Ducks, and Mr. Brown (of mooing fame). But first: some dream analysis.
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148 | Brian Dreams of Biscoff
Why is spicy the only flavor our butts can detect and replicate? We know what a bit is...but what is a tid? We tackle these quandaries while pontificating on the power of Biscoff before we're joined (and corrected) by Dr. Lindsey R. Barr and her correction corner.
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147 | Is Miss Piggy in Retrograde?
A YDAFT Giant spams the Thoughtline with questions on Toy Story's Bullseye, the Muppets, and inanimate object matrimony. Then Matt wraps things up with the debut of a new closing segment: Bit Crit.
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146 | The Straight of Samus
Look out! A new Definitive Ranking approaches! That's right: Definitive Ranking makes its triumphant return as we rank the original Super Smash Bros lineup based on actual lethality. But first: How many people do you have to have in your secret society for it to actually be considered a secret society and not just a group of friends?
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145 | The Bitch is Back
Matt makes his triumphant return to the pod just in time to check in with YDAFT Bingo. Then: In the Toy Story universe, how come Bullseye (Woody’s horse) is treated like an actual animal? Meanwhile, the other animal toys like Hamm, Slinky, and Rex are treated like fully sapient beings?
Finally, we close things out with some listener-demanded local legends.
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The Best of Episodes 71-80
Before Matt makes his triumphant return, allow him to pack you up in the podcast stroller and amble down memory lane. Here are some of our best-loved bits from episodes 71-80.
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144 | Gatorcaine
Zacky D, the interim co-host for you and me, returns to fill in Matt's spot under the shady tree that is Eric's lanky body...but Matt isn't entirely absent this time. This episode marks the return of Hidden Objectives, this time provided for Poch and Zack by none other than Mr. Shea himself. Also, that weird ghost in the machine seems to still be around. Weird.
Question-wise, Eric and Zack tackle the following: what's your murder preference as a victim? You two are buying a dog together...annnnd go.
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143 | Burner Friends
While Matt takes a sabbatical to learn how to parent, Poch is joined by none other than the illustrious Zack Deuce (The Neatcast, Podcasters Assemble). Together they answer:
What is the most unethical (but non-violent) thing you can do with a pencil? And if two psychics read each other’s minds at the same time, whose thought counts as the original thought? Also: What would you do if you saw an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
The two then "honor" Matt by predicting the name of his child.
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142 | F-ck Boy Out, Farm Boy In
This week we tackle a 'compound question' from the Discord. A three-part adventure, if you will. Can a Vampire Policeman enter my house if they have a warrant? If you had to set a trap for your co-host, what would you use as bait to guarantee they fall for it? And can the plot leading up to the vampire becoming a policeman and what the warrant is for be explained, as well as the preceding situation leading up to needing a co-host trap?
Then Eric has a special closing segment for Matt as he departs for his s...
141 | Thirsty Thurston
How long is someone allowed to cough in a movie theater before you get someone to kick them out? Then: Lost in the Sauce....what sauce?
To close this one out, we warm up our Definitive Ranking muscles with a mini-ranking of the Danish Butter Cookies. You know the ones.
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140 | Nature's Balloon
Earth Day was two weeks ago, but that doesn't stop us from dedicating an entire episode to Mother Gaia (okay, mostly dedicated to Mother Gaia). We forego a closing segment to answer three new questions: What is the National Anthem of the Internet? How can I get The Youth to get excited about balloon release alternatives? And what do the trees in the park gossip about?
"Chocolate Rain" Original Song by Tay Zonday, used in accordance with its Creative Commons license.
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139 | The Tether Keeps Us Humble
Is a hose a cord? At what point can someone officially consider themselves "World Renowned/World Famous"?
It's our first episode under new branding and the Squonk demands a sacrifice...so it's time for Hidden Objectives II.
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138 | The Abe Lincoln Stunt Spectacular
Why do we have to “get down to brass tacks?” What happens if brass tacks aren’t enough? What would we upgrade to? And how can we class up our euphamisms for using the bathroom?
Those answers await before Eric quizzes Matt on his knowledge of hobbies.
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137 | A NIMBY in the Cat Revolution
On this episode, we answer:
What would happen if humans had a “low battery” warning — what would it look or sound like?Can beggers ever be choosers?Then we return to the dark and mysterious halls governed by The Council of Matts in a special Circleback/Follow-up.
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136 | The Seuss Hat Redemption
Our questions this week:
When does a guess become a guesstimate?You know that expression of incredulity, “if that’s true, I’ll eat my hat?” If you said this and then the thing turned out to be true, which of your hats would you choose to eat, and how would you prepare it for consumption?Then, Eric provides Matt with yet another new closing segment: No Context. It's got some visual aids, so check out the Instagram for the full experience.
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135 | The Godfather of Ska
What are the worst/next best ways to sign an email instead of "sincerely", "best", etc? We provide some spicier sign-offs for your next work email before answering an age-old question: what are the subjects of Mambos 1-4?
Then, Eric's got a Pop Quiz for Matt: Baby or Bathwater?
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134 | Snack on the Sillies
Uh oh: ya boys are out here bending the limits of the podcasting medium again. In this episode, the closing segment begins at the same time as the cold open as we debut a new episode-long game: Hidden Objectives.
But don't worry, we've got questions for you as well: What should we say to people when they have the hiccups? And at what point does a snack become a meal, legally speaking?
And, oh yeah: Matt shares a very special announcement.
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133 | The Fainting Conch
If time travel is ever invented, what is the first prank that you would pull on someone from the past? What secrets should innocent-looking animals hold to keep us humans on our toes? Then we share two very different local legends.
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132 | Put it in the Bagging Area
It's the classic conundrum: you're in witness protection...but you're also in love. When do you spill the beans to your lover? Then, how does one address an elephant in a room?
We close things out today with a new game from Poch: Drugeons and Dragons! (It's a Pop Quiz)
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131 | Sweet Six-Sovereignteen
It's the Bingosode! We go through our selections for the year while saying goodbye to one particular tradition. What can we say? You kill and you learn.
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The Christmas episode is here! Matt and Eric have to contend with a curse plaguing the episode when they get a little too close to the truth about the location of Santa's workshop. Then: a very special JINGLE GRIPES!
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129 | Scooters Out, Ostriches In
After a best-of break, we're back with these bangers:
How does one become "a regular" somewhere?
If you could replace all pigeons with one other animal that serves the same “city animal” role, what would it be and why?
Then, Matt introduces a spin-off of "Pop Quiz."
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The Best of Episodes 61-70
Ya boys have been sick, so instead of hearing our nasty, congested voices, you get a trip down memory lane! We've collected some highlights from Episodes 61-70 (that's half the pod ago!) while we recover to bring you a brand-new episode in two weeks time.
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128 | Glizzy or Isn't He?
When you tell someone they’re “too much”, what are they “too much” of?
What makes a grin a shit-eating grin? After we answer these classic quandaries, we move on to some circle-back/follow-ups, including two #PochPrompts from recent episodes: Noodlescopes and Glizzy edification.
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127 | Nudity Ruins Movies
The spookisode is finally here, and we've got a very special treat for all you ghouls and ghosts: Halloween Google Gripes! That's right, a first-ever standalone Gripes where we go head-to-head on six Halloween movies.
But first: What's an acceptable Candy Tax to implement on your kids post Trick-or-Treating? And can you reuse a Halloween costume for multiple parties in a year?
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126 | Mythical Mischief
For 126 we've cut our closing segment in favor of clearing out some of our question backlog! On the docket for this ep are:
We all "use our noodle"...but what kind of noodle is it?When you hear someone mention the “Muffin Man,” do you picture a human offering muffins… or do you picture a muffin with the face of a man?Do Mermaids have buttholes and how do they poop?What’s the ideal rapture?That's right: FOUR of life's least-pressing questions for you to enjoy.
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125 | Ibprofriend
What is the platonic version of the sex euphemism “getting some vitamin D”? Matt and Eric break that down this week before diving into a host of personal questions you've submitted...which almost brought this episode into Oops, All Tangents territory.
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124 | Felonious Gulls
How many seagulls would you have to find in your house before you got suspicious someone was putting them there? We dive into this question sourced from a TikTok comment section before tackling: If Boy Scouts had cookies, what would their names be? Finally, Eric wraps things up with a Burning Man Pop Quiz for Matt.
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123 | Dumped at the Bubba Gump
After 120 episodes, the unlikeliest of segments to make a return does just that: Unlikely Fights. Who wins: every creature in Australia or every Florida Man? But first: What’s the ultimate field trip experience? Finally, we wrap things up with a special visit to Lindsey's Correction Corner.
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122 | Nothing Up My 501(c)(3)
It's a question as confounding as it is simple: Why rubber ducks? We tackle this vague quandary before diving into what other times can join "island time," and what the world would be like if farts were visible. Then, Matt treats Eric to a tasty new Pop Quiz.
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121 | Jimmy Nut and Tommy Cock
On the docket this week: The teddy bear is named after Teddy Roosevelt. What other stuffed animals should be named after Presidents? What is the “secret chord”? The one that David played, and it pleased the Lord? What bit would you etch on the bit?
Then: the season finale of Google Gripes!
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120 | After Sex Pop Tart
Since we're halfway through the year, it's time to check in on those YDAFT Bingo Cards. The boys see who is in the lead among the fan submissions, as well as check their own progress and provide a list of the squares we've marked off thus far.
Then: What is the best pop-tart filling? Do you prefer frosted or naked? And what is our era’s Library of Alexandria?
Finally, we kick off the final round of this season of Google Gripes.
Matt's Star Trek voice memos for Poch will be released tomorrow, 7/18, for a...
119 | The Eric Ultimatum
You've heard his questions. Now...hear from the Dairy King himself. Eric D'Errico is on the show! Eric D. shares how he became lactose royalty and hits us with some of his top-notch quandries, such as: "If you had to legally marry a sandwich, what sandwich would you choose?"
But wait, there's more! For the first time, our guest has brought us a game of their own...
Looking for Matt's Survivor Guide? Look no further!
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Greetings, sociopaths! In this episode, we explore some helpful tips for your next trip before we tackle one of the most pivotal questions facing society today: while you may have That Dog in you...what kind of dog is it? Then it's on to Google Gripes for the conclusion of round two.
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117 | Chock Full of Dicks
Sometimes a question is so specific...that it takes us a whole episode. Such was the case of building a baseball team from non-baseball-playing movie characters. Then: Google Gripes round two begins!
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116 | A Load-Bearing Fan
At long last, the First Knight of YDAFT has arrived at court. Sir Juniper is here! She brings with her a banquet of her typically A+ questions such as: How would you design a ghillie suit that gives camouflage in an urban setting What would be your Looney Tunes-esque genus and species name? What non-animal adornments for big ostentatious hats should come into fashion?
And why do we say sleep like a baby if babies are not known for sleeping well?
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...115 | Raw, Primal Imaginarium
For generations, professors and philosophers have debated the possible solutions to "The Trolly Problem." Now, finally, blissfully...these two idiots solve it once and for all. Also: When the toddler hands you the phone…what’s being said on the other line? Then we finish the ep with part two of Google Gripes round one!
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114 | May Your Rootin' Always Be Tootin'
The wait is over (if it ever started)...the fifth season of Google Gripes has arrived! Matt gets the ball rolling with another set of 1-star Google reviews for well-known movies, but first: when people say 'that's right up my alley'...what street is that alley off of? Where have all the cowboys gone? And what should Effin' Cultured do for their next roast episode? Yeah, that's right, we're not the only podcast that suckers its audience into providing their content!
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