Happy Hour: The Definitive 7th Heaven Walkthrough
The hit 90's television program 7th Heaven is taken to task by two buzzed neighbors just trying to make it through a worldwide pandemic. Tune in for biweekly, and entirely unwholesome, episode-by-episode analysis of the campiest and most convoluted show to ever hit the airwaves. Plus craft cocktail recipes in honor of "Happy" as Happy. Send letters care of happyhour7th@gmail.com.
Walter's Woes
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This week on the show, Annie becomes the overbearing wedding planner, Roxanne's detective dad doesn't get under Chandler's skin, Ashlee Simpson actually likes Simon more than a beloved family friend, and Ben (he's still on the show?) loses his trained fire rescue dog and tries to cover it up.
Greg drank the "Stand Up" cocktail, which is 6 different combinations of mix drink designed by ChatGPT. Listen for details.
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Excellence Knows No Gender
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This week on the show it's Valentine's Day. Lucy's "plot" sort of peaks, but barely anything else of note happens. Ben still won't leave.
Greg Drank:
Corralejo Tequila with Q Mixers Premium Ginger Ale
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The Best Episode of the Season!
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Join us as 7th Heaven once again teaches us about the dangers of smoking. This episode has everything: classic "issue of the week" chaos, plot twists, and lectures! Unfortunately Lucy is still there though.
We drank a special cocktail this week, the "Smoking Lemon":
Mezcal, Lemon Juice, Honey Syrup, Bitters, and Cointreau
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Jail-bound Jimmy
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This week on the show, the issue is jury duty . . . for the second time. The B plots include, a fight with Ashlee Simpson we didn't understand and Annie being really weird about Eric's therapist-patient confidentiality. Also Roxanne gets slashed with a knife.
We drank:
WaterÂ
Iced Coffee (Lost Sock Roasters, DC)
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0/10 Stars from Greg and StudioAT
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This is an episode about very sloppy plot devices and cystic fibrosis. A substantial amount of the runtime is dedicated to horseback riding montages.
We drank - water!
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Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!
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This week on the show: no one is successfully resting on Sunday, Simon and Ashlee Simpson are stressing about discussing their sex plans with their parents, Roxanne and Chandler spontaneously get together, Lucy is not able to stalk them as much as she might wish, and Eric seems to have a change of heart, but I guess not.
We drank:
Decoy Merlot 2022
Water
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Club (Soliciting) Minor(s)
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This week on the show we discuss an episode that is almost entirely about Usher's special guest starring role. We are also introduced to an amazing new Glen Oak location - Club Minor!
Drinks:
Morgan - Choya Plum Wine
Greg - San Pellegrino Blood Orange Zero and Plymouth Gin
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I'm Out
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This week on the podcast, there's a never-ending ho down at the pool hall, Eric quits everything that gives his life meaning (aka meddling), Lucy and Chandler have a protestant sanctuary picnic that Kevin does not approve of, and Roxanne continues to sow chaos.
Greg Drank: Coors Banquet and Southern Tier Irish Cream Stout
Morgan Drank: Ice Water!
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Heck No!
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Special sick zoom edition! This time it's all about spying and sneaking, and Richard Lewis rambling.Â
Morgan was drinking hot water ha, Greg drank the "Reverend's Old Fashioned"
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Seasoned Sauce
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This week, we discuss a very Promenade-centered episode that also features the Colonel's unhinged former housemaid. Ashlee Simpson is still annoying.
Greg drank some Cazadores Tequila and A & W.
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Be a Man
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We welcome David back to the podcast to discuss an episode with quite a bit of meddling, a roving "puppeteering" troupe, and being rude to Ashlee Simpson.
We drank: Modest Coffee Roasters - The Enthusiast
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The One with Three Elvis Montages
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Happy New Year fans! We are back with kind of a weird one as Eric drops in and out of the eternal Elvis consciousness and everyone pressures Kevin to propose to Lucy in the hospital cafeteria. Also, Simon has secrets on secrets.
Greg drank a bastardization of a "Chunnel" (Gin, St. Germain, Lemon Juice)
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The Promenade as Eternal Constant
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As we continue to limp into Season 7, Eric confronts his mortality for the first time, despite his pastoral training, Simon's love for Ashlee Simpson and penchant for surrendering babies has sent him into an angsty spiral, and Lucy notices the writers forgot her character development.
This week we drank Freakshow Cabernet Sauvignon
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Baby Surrender Biology Paper
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The audio is fucked but we are posting this in lieu of nothing, because we aren't re-recording such a whatever episode.
There's a lost hat plot that goes nowhere, a highly confusing birth and baby surrender, and Ben leaves.
Greg drank:
Tequila mixed into the bad seltzers in my fridge.
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Not Enough (no) Monkey, Too Much Kevin and Ashlee
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This week we discuss part two of the season premiere and come up with one of our greatest plot remixes yet. Mary gets shipped to Florida, Lou fails to bust Eric for his real estate antics, and Kevin and Ashlee Simpson continue to be living non sequiturs.
Greg Drank:
Tito's Vodka Mixed with Black Razzberry LaCroix
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Chimp Business
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Welcome to Season 7! It was so bad StudioAT almost called it quits. We made the best of it. At least their were stunt chimps.
Greg Drank: Excelsior Cabernet SauvignonÂ
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Special Episode Superlative Extravaganza!
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This week on the pod we have a "very special episode" where we look back on some of our favorite moments from the last six seasons. And also Greg's wedding. See y'all next season.
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Holy Chore Part 2
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It's the end of Season 6 and we finally get to Matt and Sarah's second wedding. It's about what you would expect in the end idk.
Greg Drank:
San Pellegrino Blood Orange Zero
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Holy Chore Part 1
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We are ambling into the midway point of the series with this "season finale" episode. Enjoy I guess!
Greg drank:
Cold Cellars California Savingnon 2022
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God Bless America I Guess
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Remember when everyone forgot about 9/11? Well you won't after this.
Greg Drank:
Sanpellegrino Blood Orange Zero Sugar
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Eric's Still Got It
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Hey hey hey, this week on the pod we are crawling towards the end of the season with a truly terrible filler episode. One of the worst we've had in months. IDK enjoy!
Greg drank:
Sanpellegrino Blood Orange Zero
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We're Really Still Doing It
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This week on the show we get some exciting airplane interior shots, more Matt & Sarah drama, and post-9/11 TSA jokes.
We drank Joel Gott Sauvignon Blanc and Water
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I Really Will
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This week on the podcast we discuss the finale to 7th Heaven's 3-part exploration of Judaism as the Camdens attend their first Shabbat dinner with the Glass family. All is going fine until Eric finds out Matt may convert to Judaism and blows his top, yet again. Also everyone treats Morris like shit, then they eat cake.
Bonus: we describe our toenail health.Â
This week we drank:
H20! It's hot
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I Guess They Did
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This week, it's part II of the Matt marriage saga. Matt and Sarah get tangled in a web of lies related to their speedy nuptials, while Ruthie alone knows the truth. Then everyone knows Ruthie knows the truth, and also all the characters suddenly become omniscient and learn the truth of their own accord. 7th Heaven video game concept ideas are also contemplated.
Greg Drank:
Pilsner Urquell
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Shalom!
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Sorry about audio issues on this one gang, not sure what is up. Will try to fix for next time. We hope you suffer through it because this was a really fun episode, but unfortunately when we laugh the audio clips . . . whoops.
This week on the podcast, our friend David joins us to talk about a truly distinctive episode . 7th Heaven has abruptly shifted to a one-plot "meet cute" where the writers make the entire episode about Judaism, yet do no research. Also we found the literal worst political position ever.<...
This isn't a Dance, it's a Party!!!
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Howdy ya'll, it's another Valentines's Day episode in which Eric does all sorts of research about sex in his church office, Robbie is back and continues to be the perfect Christian boyfriend despite Joy's temptress attempts, Lucy's writing is really not doing her any favors, Matt is living in the past, and Simon has a cool new girlfriend who loves early 2000s denim.
This week Greg drank:
Pineapple Stateside Vodka Soda
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Take Him Out Back
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It's an episode about drinking - a teen tv trope as old as time. Plus Matt is afraid to fly the coop and go to med school. Notably, even though he liked the episode Greg has a record number of plot remixes.
We Drank: Oseki Sake Dry
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Fist to Face
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It's a doozy - 7th Heaven takes on Islamophobia whilst making no reference to the political state of America in the early 2000's. You won't want to miss this blast from the past.
We drank:
Zero Gravity - Little Wolf
Liquid Death - Severed Lime
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It Was Pathetic
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This week on the pod, Mrs. Riddle is back in Ruthie's life, Annie quits her job to aspire to be Aristotle, Simon gets in more car trouble, and Matt and Robbie fight again. Ben shows up too, idk it was a bad one!Â
Greg Drank: Charm City Mead
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So fine.
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This week the janky writing trend continues, we're done with parodying Survivor and have moved on to parodying the OJ Simpson car chase. Also, Matt and Robbie are at each other's throats for no apparent reason, Mary tries to strong arm her way into the Glen Oak fire department, and Ginger enlists Eric to help her with some sneaky business.Â
We forgot to say what we were drinking. It was Cherry Coke and water. Exciting!
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You'll Never Guess the Ending
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I think it's better if you go into this one knowing nothing and waiting for the ending.
Greg drank: Red Bear Brewing Co. Peak Bloom
Morgan drank: water
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The Joy Show
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On today's episode we have the surprising combination of a Survivor parody (Outwit, Outplay, Outlast) and an overt promotional music video for the budding Christina Aguilara wannabe Joy Enriquez. It's different, for sure.
This week we drank:
Stateside Vodka Soda - Black Cherry
Old Faithful - Water
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Here We Go About the Attic Again
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It's a clumsy plot about a family coup over the attic room, but also the prodigal son. The son is Mary, idk.
This week we drank:
Tsingtao Lager
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Fish Lips
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This week on the pod, Matt jumps to some assumptions about his study group's weird arm bruises, Simon is in a Dairy Shack Bermuda Triangle with Sasha, Lucy and Robbie decide not to date after all, and Hank and Julie get trapped in a room by Eric and Annie to talk out their issues.
We drank:
Asahi Super Dry
Tucher Bräu - Helles Hefe Weizen
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No Kaley Cuoco For Simon
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Time for an episode full of relationships, like every other episode. Annie tries to teach and immediately gets into deep trouble, Matt breaks up with Cheryl, Robbie tries not to date Lucy, Eric makes "special eggs".
This week we drank:
Tina's homemade egg nog mixed with Bailey's. We know it is February but someone has to.
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Work Work Work Work Work
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Both Tina and Rebecca join us to discuss various work mishaps and goals - Simon becomes a pizza finance man, Matt finds his calling in jumping over obstetric lines of authority, Annie wants to teach with no qualifications, and Robbie wants to set Lucy up until he doesn't.
This week on the podcast we drank various test cocktails for Greg's wedding.
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I've Never Known a Sally
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Another preggo teen has entered the chat, Annie's character is still irrational hormonal woman, they fight over rooms again, Mary tries mothering, and Ray the scammer tries to fall off a ladder for cash.Â
This week we drank Corralejo Blanco tequila.
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Teasing Times Ten
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In a divisive episode, Morgan rates this episode super high and Greg rates it very low. But you can bet this one is weird, especially Morgan Fairchild's guest appearance. Happy Holidays to everyone!
This week we drank:
Duchesse de Bourgogne Duchesse Petite
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Changes (aka Heavy-Handed Hormones Episode)
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Season 6 begins! And it is . . . underwhelming. But we still get in the festive holiday spirit with Grinchy takes.
This week we drank:
H20
Egg Nog and a discount Irish Whiskey with Bourbon and Spanish Barrels?
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The Season Finale Finale Part 2 - ARE!
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Well that's done with, good riddance a whole two episode arc about some people dating and marrying or whatever.
This week we drank:
Carlsberg
Orange Olipop
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