Absolutely No Adventures

37 Episodes
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Absolutely No Adventures podcast cover art

By: Destiny Howell

Absolutely No Adventures is a fantasy (un)adventure podcast that follows Sig, the owner of Signature Eats bakery, as he aggressively avoids becoming embroiled in any daring quests or chosen one shenanigans even though the universe really seems to want him to do just that. Follow Sig as he chills with his friends and stays far, far away from the slightest whiff of adventure. And bakes. He also bakes.

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Fiction Leisure
S3E2 - 3.2 Friendship Isn't Magic
S3E2 - 3.2 Friendship Isn't Magic episode artwork
#2
Today at 7:00 AM

In which jewelry is discussed. 

Sig is Wes Haas. Happy is Karsten Otto. Bea is Sarah Ruth Thomas. Ainsley is Melissa J Lackie.

Sound design by Brad Colbroock. Theme music by Laurence Owen.

Transcript: https://anatranscripts.carrd.co/

Learn more at https://noadventurespod.com or on our Bluesky, @noadventurespod.

Support us on Patreon or Kofi!

S3E1 - 3.1 Back in Business
S3E1 - 3.1 Back in Business episode artwork
#1
10/14/2026

In which Sig is offered a quest.

Sig is Wes Haas. Happy is Karsten Otto. Bea is Sarah Ruth Thomas. Oliver is Andrew Oakes.

Sound design by Brad Colbroock. Theme music by Laurence Owen.

Transcript: https://anatranscripts.carrd.co/

Learn more at https://noadventurespod.com or on our Bluesky, @noadventurespod.

Support us on Patreon or Kofi!

Check out One-Shot Wonders: https://rollandplaypress.com/ana

Presenting: Welcome to the Brass Eagle
Presenting: Welcome to the Brass Eagle episode artwork
10/07/2026

This week's feed drop features friend of the show: Welcome to the Brass Eagle!

Welcome to the Brass Eagle is a ten episode fantasy fiction audio drama about a teleporting tavern. 

Episode 2 is out now on the Brass Eagle feed wherever you listen to podcasts!

Amara is a musician who has always dreamed of bigger things. As she travels with her band, she chases rumors of the legendary Brass Eagle Tavern until she finds herself on its doorstep. The transcript for this episode can be found here.⁠⁠

Follow us on social media...

Presenting: Sidequesting
Presenting: Sidequesting episode artwork
09/16/2026

This week's feed drop features friend of the show: Sidequesting!

Crowdfunding Link: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/sidequesting/sidequesting-season-4

For more information, check out https://sidequestingpod.com/

ALSO, ANA Season 3 starts October 14th!

Pre-Season 3 Announcement
Pre-Season 3 Announcement episode artwork
04/08/2026

Season 3 premieres October 14th, 2026!

Join our Patreon: https://patreon.com/ANAPod

Support us on Kofi: https://ko-fi.com/anapodhttps://ko-fi.com/anapod

Explore Many Sided Media: https://www.manysidedmedia.com/

Presenting: My First Dungeon - Sweet Revenge
Presenting: My First Dungeon - Sweet Revenge episode artwork
02/12/2026

This week's feed drop features friend of the show: My First Dungeon!

Perils & Princesses | Ep. 1 - The Dark & Scary Places

Four Princesses rush to the aid of a friend, but things seem darker than ever before


This season of My First Dungeon is sponsored by Tabletop Bookshelf. 

CAST: 

Abby Hepworth as Geraldine of Glittering Thicket

Bridgett Jeffries as Winnifred “Winnie” of Golden Falls

Danielle Radford as Maid Adelaide of Midnight Meadows

Shenuque Tissera as Ameera of Equine Hollows t

Brian Flaherty as The Storytel...

S2E11 - SPECIAL Mazed and Confused
S2E11 - SPECIAL Mazed and Confused episode artwork
#11
01/08/2026

In which Sig has a family reunion.

Sig is Wes Haas. Happy is Karsten Otto. Bea is Sarah Ruth Thomas. Luxe is Nina Nikolic. Dolph is Chase Noseworthy. The Maze Guardian is Edward Stokes.

Produced and edited by Brad Colbroock. Theme music by Laurence Owen.

Transcript: https://anatranscripts.carrd.co/

Learn more at https://noadventurespod.com or on our twitter, @noadventurespod.

Support us on Patreon or Kofi!

S2E10 - Necessary Evil: 4 - The Greater Good
S2E10 - Necessary Evil: 4 - The Greater Good episode artwork
#10
10/28/2025

In which Sibella has a change of heart.

Season 3 of ANA is now crowdfunding: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/absolutely-no-adventures-season-3/x/23915260#/

Support us on Patreon or Kofi!

Queen Sibella is Blythe Renay. Prince Casimir is Connor Bushoven. Xander is Justin Nelson. Serene Sorceress Adelaide is Roberta Jackson.

Sound Design by Tal Minear. Theme music by Jakub Ć»eraƄski.

Transcript: https://anatranscripts.carrd.co/

Learn more at https://noadventurespod.com or on our Bluesky, @noadventurespod.

S2E9 - Necessary Evil: 3 - The Lesser Evil
S2E9 - Necessary Evil: 3 - The Lesser Evil episode artwork
#9
10/21/2025

In which Sibella shows school spirit.

Season 3 of ANA is now crowdfunding: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/absolutely-no-adventures-season-3/x/23915260#/

Support us on Patreon or Kofi!

Queen Sibella is Blythe Renay. Prince Casimir is Connor Bushoven. Xander is Justin Nelson. Persephone is Emily Zwiefel.

Sound Design by Tal Minear. Theme music by Jakub Ć»eraƄski.

Transcript: https://anatranscripts.carrd.co/

Learn more at https://noadventurespod.com or on our Bluesky, @noadventurespod.

S2E8 - Necessary Evil: 2 - Better to Have Hated and Lost
S2E8 - Necessary Evil: 2 - Better to Have Hated and Lost episode artwork
#8
10/14/2025

In which Castle Blackthorn has an unwelcome visitor.

Season 3 of ANA is now crowdfunding: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/absolutely-no-adventures-season-3/x/23915260#/

Support us on Patreon or Kofi!

Queen Sibella is Blythe Renay. Prince Casimir is Connor Bushoven. Xander is Justin Nelson. Felicity is Michelle Kelly.

Sound Design by Tal Minear. Theme music by Jakub Ć»eraƄski.

Transcript: https://anatranscripts.carrd.co/

Learn more at https://noadventurespod.com or on our Bluesky, @noadventurespod.

S2E7 - Necessary Evil: 1 - The Liar, the Witch, and the Warning
S2E7 - Necessary Evil: 1 - The Liar, the Witch, and the Warning episode artwork
#7
10/07/2025

In which old curses are relitigated.

Season 3 of ANA is now crowdfunding: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/absolutely-no-adventures-season-3/x/23915260#/

Support us on Patreon or Kofi!

Queen Sibella is Blythe Renay. Prince Casimir is Connor Bushoven. Xander is Justin Nelson. Serene Sorceress Adelaide is Roberta Jackson.

Sound Design by Tal Minear. Theme music by Jakub Ć»eraƄski.

Transcript: https://anatranscripts.carrd.co/

Learn more at https://noadventurespod.com or on our Bluesky, @noadventurespod.

ANA Season 3 Crowdfunding!
ANA Season 3 Crowdfunding! episode artwork
10/01/2025

Use the link below to check out the Indiegogo for Season 3 which features perks such as a TTRPG one-shot set in Hexwell, the ability to name a character, and early access to a brand new ANA special which has been exclusively announced on the campaign page!

http://igg.me/at/anas3

Support us on Kofi!

Learn more at https://noadventurespod.com or on our Bluesky, @noadventurespod.

Presenting: Hearthbound
Presenting: Hearthbound episode artwork
09/23/2025

This week's feed drop features friend of the show: Hearthbound!

For more information, check out https://www.hearthboundpod.com/

Transcript: https://www.hearthboundpod.com/episodes/trailer

ALSO, ANA Presents: Necessary Evil starts October 7th!

Presenting: Residents of Proserpina Park
Presenting: Residents of Proserpina Park episode artwork
08/11/2025

This week's feed drop features friend of the show: Residents of Proserpina Park!

Residents of Proserpina Park is a monster of the week fiction podcast focusing on mythology. Learn about creatures you’ve never heard of before and follow this crazy gang and their pet dog alien to solve the mystery of the park.

For more information, check out https://residentsofproserpinapark.com/

Presenting: Warlock
Presenting: Warlock episode artwork
07/14/2025

This week's feed drop features friend of the show: Warlock!

Warlock Episode 3 - Meet Briar: Rose or Thorn?

Warlock is a fantasy audio drama with an anime twist following the adventures of Nova, a young woman who dreams of being a powerful sorcerer, but born without magic. That all changes when she strikes a bargain with a mysterious woman and her life changes...forever. 

For more information, check out www.warlockpod.com 

Transcript: http://tiny.cc/warlockdrop

ALSO, my TTRPG adventure, Sweet Revenge, is up for an ENNIE...

ANA Presents: Necessary Evil - Teaser Trailer
ANA Presents: Necessary Evil - Teaser Trailer episode artwork
05/11/2025

In which Sibella has an audience with a prisoner.

Necessary Evil is a miniseries set in the world of Absolutely No Adventures. It follows evil queen Sibella in her downtime between magic battles and running her seized kingdom.

Episode One will premiere in the Fall. Be on the lookout for an official release date announcement!

Transcript: https://anatranscripts.carrd.co/

Sibella is Blythe Renay. The Sancterran Knight is Rochelle Ibarra.

Sound Design by Tal Minear. Theme music by Jakub Ć»eraƄski.

Written and Directed by Destiny Howell.

...

Presenting: The Bardic Hearth
Presenting: The Bardic Hearth episode artwork
04/13/2025

This week's feed drop features friend of the show: The Bardic Hearth!

The link to their Youtube page is here:  https://www.youtube.com/@ChaseNoseworthy

The link to their Patreon is here: https://www.patreon.com/thebardichearth

The link to their Buzzsprout is here: https://thebardichearth.buzzsprout.com/

ALSO, be on the lookout for a promo for a new Absolutely No Adventures miniseries coming soon!

S2E6 - 2.6 Mightier Than The Sword
S2E6 - 2.6 Mightier Than The Sword episode artwork
#6
11/18/2024

In which a problem is resolved.

Sig is Wes Haas. Happy is Karsten Otto. Bea is Sarah Ruth Thomas. Briar Zachary is Queen Isadora. Sterling is Jack Malban. Morrigan is Katie Marie. Sunny is Dylan Duck. Princess Delphine is Sneha Kumar.

Sound design by Brad Colbroock. Theme music by Laurence Owen.

Transcript: https://anatranscripts.carrd.co/

Learn more at https://noadventurespod.com or on our twitter, @noadventurespod.

Support us on Patreon or Kofi!

S2E5 - 2.5 Role Call
S2E5 - 2.5 Role Call episode artwork
#5
11/11/2024

In which Sig, Bea, and Happy get to know each other better.

Sig is Wes Haas. Happy is Karsten Otto. Bea is Sarah Ruth Thomas.

Sound design by Brad Colbroock. Theme music by Laurence Owen.

Transcript: https://anatranscripts.carrd.co/

Learn more at https://noadventurespod.com or on our twitter, @noadventurespod.

Support us on Patreon or Kofi!

S2E4 - 2.4 Can't Stand the Heat
S2E4 - 2.4 Can't Stand the Heat episode artwork
#4
11/04/2024

In which Sig, Bea, and Happy see double.

Sig is Wes Haas. Happy is Karsten Otto. Bea is Sarah Ruth Thomas. Queen Isadora is Briar Zachary. Sterling is Jack Malban. Morrigan is Katie Marie. Sunny is Dylan Duck. Queen Marigold is Sarah Griffin.

Sound design by Brad Colbroock. Theme music by Laurence Owen.

Transcript: https://anatranscripts.carrd.co/

Learn more at https://noadventurespod.com or on our twitter, @noadventurespod.

Support us on Patreon or Kofi!

S2E3 - 2.3 Sweet Dreams
S2E3 - 2.3 Sweet Dreams episode artwork
#3
10/28/2024

In which Sig has a good day!

Sig is Wes Haas. Happy is Karsten Otto. Bea is Sarah Ruth Thomas. Oliver is Andrew Oakes.

Sound design by Brad Colbroock. Theme music by Laurence Owen.

Transcript: https://anatranscripts.carrd.co/

Learn more at https://noadventurespod.com or on our twitter, @noadventurespod.

Support us on Patreon or Kofi!

S2E2 - 2.2 Failed It!
S2E2 - 2.2 Failed It! episode artwork
#2
10/21/2024

In which a prophecy is revealed.

Sig is Wes Haas. Happy is Karsten Otto. Bea is Sarah Ruth Thomas. Sterling is Jack Malban.

Sound design by Brad Colbroock. Theme music by Laurence Owen.

Transcript: https://anatranscripts.carrd.co/

Learn more at https://noadventurespod.com or on our twitter, @noadventurespod.

Support us on Patreon or Kofi!

S2E1 - 2.1 A Familiar Feeling
S2E1 - 2.1 A Familiar Feeling episode artwork
#1
10/14/2024

In which Sig has some after hours visitors.

Sig is Wes Haas. Happy is Karsten Otto. Bea is Sarah Ruth Thomas. Princess Delphine is Sneha Kumar.

Sound design by Brad Colbroock. Theme music by Laurence Owen.

Transcript: https://anatranscripts.carrd.co/

Learn more at https://noadventurespod.com or on our twitter, @noadventurespod.

Support us on Patreon or Kofi!

Presenting: Dragon's Rest
Presenting: Dragon's Rest episode artwork
09/05/2024

This week we're featuring friend of the show: Dragon's Rest!

The link to their Instagram page is here: https://www.instagram.com/dragonsrestshow/

Listen to more Dragon's Rest at: https://www.dragonsrestshow.com/

Transcript: https://www.dragonsrestshow.com/transcript-s01e01

Look out for Dragon's Rest Bonus Content coming soon.

ALSO, Absolutely No Adventures Season 2 starts October 14th!

Presenting: Inn Between
Presenting: Inn Between episode artwork
07/26/2023

This week we're featuring friend of the show: Inn Between!

The link to their crowdfunding page is here: crowdfundr.com/innbetween5

Listen to more Inn Between at: https://www.thegoblinshead.com/

Transcript: http://tiny.cc/goblinshead

S1E11 - SPECIAL Let Them Eat Wedding Cake
S1E11 - SPECIAL Let Them Eat Wedding Cake episode artwork
#11
02/13/2022

In which Sig, Bea, and Happy bake a cake.

Sig is Wes Haas. Happy is Karsten Otto. Bea is Sarah Ruth Thomas. Lady Isadora is Briar Zachary. Queen Marigold is Sarah Griffin. Ana is Georgia McCall. Parker is Kaylie Horowitz. Balefic is Sumara Meers. Timor is Andrew Oakes. Luxe is Nina Nikolic.

Produced and edited by Audiohm Media. Theme music by Laurence Owen.

Transcript: https://anatranscripts.carrd.co/

Learn more at https://noadventurespod.com or on our twitter, @noadventurespod.

Support us on Kofi!

S1E10 - 1.10 Something New
#10
02/17/2021

In which things come full circle.

Sig is Wes Haas. Happy is Karsten Otto. Bea is Sarah Ruth Thomas. Lady Isadora is Briar Zachary.

Produced and edited by Audiohm Media. Theme music by Laurence Owen.

Transcript: https://anatranscripts.carrd.co/

Learn more at https://noadventurespod.com or on our twitter, @noadventurespod.

Support us on Patreon or Kofi!

S1E9 - 1.9 Last Action Hero
#9
02/03/2021

In which letters are read.

Sig is Wes Haas. Happy is Karsten Otto. Bea is Sarah Ruth Thomas.

Produced and edited by Audiohm Media. Theme music by Laurence Owen.

Transcript: https://anatranscripts.carrd.co/

Learn more at https://noadventurespod.com or on our twitter, @noadventurespod.

Support us on Patreon or Kofi!

S1E8 - 1.8 Something Im-portent
#8
01/20/2021

In which Sig is understandably concerned.

Sig is Wes Haas. Happy is Karsten Otto. Bea is Sarah Ruth Thomas.

Produced and edited by Audiohm Media. Theme music by Laurence Owen.

Transcript: https://anatranscripts.carrd.co/

Learn more at https://noadventurespod.com or on our twitter, @noadventurespod.

Support us on Patreon or Kofi!

S1E7 - 1.7 What The Cat Dragged In
#7
01/06/2021

In which Bea's services are required.

Sig is Wes Haas. Happy is Karsten Otto. Bea is Sarah Ruth Thomas. Oliver is Andrew Oakes.

Produced and edited by Audiohm Media. Theme music by Laurence Owen.

Transcript: https://anatranscripts.carrd.co/

Learn more at https://noadventurespod.com or on our twitter, @noadventurespod.

Support us on Patreon or Kofi!

S1E6 - 1.6 Post Mortem
#6
12/23/2020

In which Sig receives some mail.

Sig is Wes Haas. Happy is Karsten Otto. Bea is Sarah Ruth Thomas. Luxe is Nina Nikolic.

Produced and edited by Audiohm Media. Theme music by Laurence Owen.

Transcript: https://anatranscripts.carrd.co/

Learn more at https://noadventurespod.com or on our twitter, @noadventurespod.

Support us on Patreon or Kofi!

S1E5 - 1.5 Vampire Weekend
#5
12/09/2020

In which Sig, Bea, and Happy celebrate a holiday.

Sig is Wes Haas. Happy is Karsten Otto. Bea is Sarah Ruth Thomas.

Produced and edited by Audiohm Media. Theme music by Laurence Owen.

Transcript: https://anatranscripts.carrd.co/

Learn more at https://noadventurespod.com or on our twitter, @noadventurespod.

Support us on Patreon or Kofi!

S1E4 - 1.4 Happy Days
#4
11/25/2020

In which Happy has a visitor.

Sig is Wes Haas. Happy is Karsten Otto. Terri is Demitra Papadinis.

Produced and edited by Audiohm Media. Theme music by Laurence Owen.

Transcript: https://anatranscripts.carrd.co/

Learn more at https://noadventurespod.com or on our twitter, @noadventurespod.

Support us on Patreon or Kofi!

S1E3 - 1.3 Admission Impossible
#3
11/11/2020

In which Sig is given an offer he very much can refuse.

Sig is Wes Haas. Happy is Karsten Otto. Bea is Sarah Ruth Thomas. Oliver is Andrew Oakes.

Produced and edited by Audiohm Media. Theme music by Laurence Owen.

Transcript: https://anatranscripts.carrd.co/

Learn more at https://noadventurespod.com or on our twitter, @noadventurespod.

Support us on Patreon or Kofi!

S1E2 - 1.2 Wicked Lost
#2
10/28/2020

In which a traveler from far away has an interesting to-do list.

Sig is Wes Haas. Happy is Karsten Otto. Bea is Sarah Ruth Thomas.

Produced and edited by Audiohm Media. Theme music by Laurence Owen.

Transcript: https://anatranscripts.carrd.co/

Learn more at https://noadventurespod.com or on our twitter, @noadventurespod.

Support us on Patreon or Kofi!

S1E1 - 1.1 The Sword In The Sheath
#1
10/14/2020

In which Sig tries to get a sword out of his bakery.

Sig is Wes Haas. Happy is Karsten Otto. Lady Isadora is Briar Zachary.

Produced and edited by Audiohm Media. Theme music by Laurence Owen.

Transcript: https://anatranscripts.carrd.co/

Learn more at https://noadventurespod.com or on our twitter, @noadventurespod.

Support us on Patreon or Kofi!

ANA - Teaser Trailer
09/12/2020

In which the gang tries to shoot a promo.

Absolutely No Adventures is a fantasy-(un)adventure audio drama podcast about dodging quests, hanging out with friends, and eating tons of baked goods as the apocalypse happens in the background.

Episode One premieres October 14th.

Transcript: https://anatranscripts.carrd.co/

Sig is Wes Haas. Happy is Karsten Otto. Bea is Sarah Ruth Thomas. The Knight is Jack Malban.

Produced and edited by Audiohm Media. Theme music by Laurence Owen.

Learn more at https://noadventurespod.com or on...