The Cavalry
Each week comedians Johnny Beehner and Andrew Sleighter rehash situations where they were outnumbered, voted down or dismissed and look to each other for backup.
"The Back Bottom Part"
We ask if Johnny will ever be able to cancel his Shinesty subscription... Then Johnny needs backup that it's not a symptom of having many siblings growing up, he just enjoys eating fast. Andrew needs backup that restaurants with a view are always worse than restaurants without a view. Enjoy!
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"OK I'm Ready To Go Where Are My Beers I'm Taking?"
Johnny needs backup that you should be able to take home beverages you bring to a party that don't get consumed. Andrew needs backup that everyone should vote on what the state of the union actually is before the President gives the State of the Union address, and then the President should have to respond to that vote.
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"Doggie's At Target"
Andrew needs backup that your Dominos account doesn't need more security than pharmacies. Johnny needs backup that it shouldn't be legal to buy old cop cars and drive them around.
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"They Just Kept Popping Up!"
Johnny needs backup that people who claim they aren't spoiling a show or movie, but just want to tell you their opinion about it, are still spoiling the show or movie. Andrew needs backup that picky eaters after the age of four can no longer eliminate menu items that they used to like. Enjoy!
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"You're Dying At The Same Part Every Time"
Johnny needs backup that social media sites should let you pay to reset your algorithm. Andrew needs backup that you don't need to put the disclaimers that the world is awful before your promotional posts. Enjoy!
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Episode 300!
It's the 300th episode of The Cavalry! So many great memories to share. But who has time because we need backup! Andrew needs backup that a TV show can't have more seasons than years it's been on the air. Johnny needs backup that turtlenecks suck. Enjoy! And thanks for listening to all 300 episodes and never missing one.
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"Little Protein Packs"
Johnny needs backup that it's not a selling point to have underwear that has a separate compartment for your balls. Andrew needs backup that electronic banking shouldn't take holidays off. Enjoy!
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"T#$s and Video Game Controllers"
Johnny needs backup that highway signs advertising fast food places actually have to have the fast food places exist somewhere near the exit. Andrew needs backup that the spikes on some semi-truck hubcaps shouldn't be legal.
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"Driver Might Be Tired"
Andrew needs backup that Christmas Eve service needs to start at 6pm or earlier and be under 45 minutes. Johnny needs backup that he doesn't need anyone to send thank you cards. Enjoy!
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"You're Comparing Us To Bernie Sanders?!?"
Johnny needs backup that all divisions and the conferences should be eliminated in the NFL. Andrew needs backup that it's unseemly to keep up with technology after a certain age. Happy New Year!
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"I Had Diah-Burger King"
Johnny needs backup that December birthdays are actually an advantage. Andrew needs backup that Costco should sell health insurance. Enjoy!
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"I'm Fine... It's Just Jack And Coke"
Andrew needs backup that the NBA needs a height limit. Johnny needs backup that ruffled chips are better than flat chips. Merry Christmas!
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"They Probably Did Their Homework"
Andrew needs backup that the new TSA basket system isn't faster. Johnny needs backup that there should be fact checking during bio-pics so you know what really happened.
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"Five Seconds Of ACDC"
Andrew needs backup that if as a business if you don't accept cash you can't then charge to take credit cards. Johnny needs backup that you don't have to tip at an all inclusive resort.
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The Cavalry Live from West Bend!
It's our first live episode! Enjoy as we try to backup the Wisconsin crowd as they submitted their topics before the show. If you're looking for more traditional Cavalry content, make sure you're subscribed to the Patreon for our extended post-show banter.
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"The Icelandic Penis Museum"
Johnny needs backup that they should just eliminate the least popular flavors in the variety pack. Andrew needs backup that leaning against the wall when you're doing standup comedy is arrogant and stupid. Enjoy!
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"How Much Do You Weigh?"
Andrew needs backup that asking "What do you do there?" in response to a vacation destination is a dumb question. Johnny needs backup that he would fight mugger before giving them anything.
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"He Coulda Comped Your Curds"
Andrew needs backup that DJ's are great and we need more of them! Johnny needs backup that if you order takeout and they forget an item you should be owed a sexual favor. Enjoy!
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"Trust Me, It's Not The Costco Hotdog"
Andrew needs backup that there all single-occupancy restrooms should be genderless. Johnny needs backup that no one needs to send voice memos you can just text. Enjoy!
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"You've Never Heard Of Grandparents Day?!?!"
Andrew needs backup that using AI to plan your vacations is stupid. Johnny needs backup that Valentines Day is stupid. Enjoy!
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"Anyway... That Just Put Me In A Bad Mood"
Andrew needs backup on being able to sign a waiver to forgo his medical privacy so he can just get an email from his doctor. Johnny needs backup that he would always rather watch a movie than a show, again.
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"Mustacheland"
Andrew needs backup that if you're really rich you should just tip everyone for everything all the time. Johnny needs backup that Halloween should always be the last Saturday of October.
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"Zoom Out"
Andrew needs backup that people who try to give you perspective when you're going through a hard time aren't as helpful as they think they are. Johnny needs backup that sports movies are better than sports themselves. Enjoy!
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"Oh Man That's Gross... I Better Film This"
Andrew needs backup that streamers don't need to tease that they've got old movies they just acquired the rights to "coming soon". Johnny needs backup that it's ok to lock your bedroom door to keep your kids out of your room at night. Enjoy!
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"I'm Wearing Eight Shirts Right Now!"
Johnny needs backup that airlines should ask for your height and weight in order to seat the plane equitably. Andrew needs backup that if you ask for a prescription for a Covid vaccine they should just give it to you.
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"Knock Knock... Who's There? Fart!"
Johnny needs backup that all memes should only be used with attribution to the original author. Andrew needs backup that taking pride in your generation's accomplishments is dumb. Enjoy!
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"Jesus Does Not Get Psychics"
Andrew needs backup that waiting in a long line for gas isn't worth whatever you're saving. Johnny needs backup that the Got Jesus campaign is a lazy ripoff of Got Milk and any Got whatever campaign should be banned. Enjoy!
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"Sheet Cake Futures"
Johnny needs backup that if someone opens the door for you twice in successive fashion that only one thank you is required. Andrew needs backup that stay-at-home mom influencers are by definition not stay-at-home moms. Enjoy!
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"Beehns Knows Best"
Johnny needs backup on it being socially acceptable to buy a cake for individual consumption. Andrew needs backup that Portland has taken it too far with the pollinator gardens and has created emboldened bees. Enjoy!
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"You Don't Wanna Go Get Laid... Yuck!"
Johnny needs backup that parents shouldn't force there little kids to wear "funny" T-shirts. Andrew needs backup that if the bathroom requires a code to get in, it should be cleaner than the average public bathroom. Enjoy!
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"I Didn't Look It Up, But I Do Know That I Was Curious"
Johnny needs backup that the public deserves to know the details in all celebrity deaths. Andrew needs backup because Heidi forgot which date was his birthday and had the audacity to ask him. Subscribe to the Patreon!!!
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"The Thirteen Mile Thirsty Throats"
Johnny needs backup that no one should get to brag about running a half-marathon. Andrew needs backup that if you're going to dedicate a bench to someone on a hike make sure you do it at the top of the the hill. Enjoy!
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"That's A Bad Break For Butthole Surfers"
We discuss a Cavalry power move used in the wild by a loyal listener! Then Andrew needs backup on companies awarding rewards points for basic decency. Johnny needs backup that when women moon someone it's not really a prank. Enjoy!
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"Closed Captioning For Smells"
It's episode 272 of The Cavalry! Johnny needs backup that money does in fact buy happiness. Andrew needs backup that you can't bring McDonalds into the airport lounge. Enjoy!
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"Change Your Own Brakes"
Johnny needs backup that waiters shouldn't sit down at the table with you when they're taking your order. Andrew needs backup that only married years count towards an anniversary, and you can't keep counting if your spouse died. Enjoy!
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"Comedian DESTROYS His Pants"
Johnny gives a wallpaper disaster update and Andrew's gonna try and install a new dishwasher top rack. Johnny needs backup wondering why no matter what he eats his poops are always roughly the same. Andrew needs backup that we should eliminate inflight announcements. Enjoy!
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"David Ryan Adams"
Johnny needs backup that concerts should start on time. Andrew needs backup that constellations are a scam. Johnny gives an appliance update which includes a repairman blowdrying his refrigerator and Andrew learns the difference between Brian and Ryan Adams. Enjoy!
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"I Couldn't Come Up With Stupid"
On episode 268 of The Cavalry Andrew needs backup that people who say they're not into politics need to pick a side. Johnny needs backup that you shouldn't be allowed to save seats.
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"You're Sinking Again"
Andrew needs backup that gum sucks. Johnny needs backup that claw machines should be illegal. They talk about Father's Day plans and just how Andy Dufrane got that hiding spot in the Bible for his rock hammer cut so perfectly. Enjoy!
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"That Wasn't Funny Or Impressive"
Johnny needs backup that all children's birthday parties should be drop off! Andrew needs backup that fish and chips are overrated. Enjoy!
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