The Richard Nicholls Mental Health Podcast

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Worry has a brilliant scam going. It takes the credit for everything that didn't happen.

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You don't need to be a therapist to find that being a good listener can be helpful. Listening is one half of ALL good communication.

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Being called mature for your age is meant as a compliment. But quite often it's a description of a child who didn't get to be one.
This week I'm looking at parentification, which is what we call it when the roles flip and a child ends up doing the caring instead of receiving it.

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Once we expect something, our brain acts as if it's about to happen any second, and then gets cross when it doesn't. This week we look at why some waits feel endless and others fly by, what the marshmallow test was really measuring, and why something not happening yet might be the best bit!

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Somebody dies, or something awful happens, and sooner or later somebody will ask if you've got closure yet. Like it's a certificate. So this week I look at where that word actually came from, which is not psychology, and why it contradicts itself, and why the fact that you're still carrying something years later isn't a fault. It's just what humans do.

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This week I'm looking at Radical Acceptance, where it comes from, what the word radical actually means, and why letting go of the fight with reality isn't the same as giving up. 

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Today I'm talking about a phrase that gets said to people all the time, usually by someone who loves them, and it's meant as a criticism even though it's usually evidence that something's gone RIGHT.

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This week I'm talking about compulsive lying, and why the picture most of us have of it, someone cold and calculating who's worked out exactly what story gets them what they want, is usually wrong. Most compulsive lying isn't strategic at all. It's automatic, it's fast, and often the person doing it couldn't tell you why they said it either.

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Does venting your frustrations make you feel better?
Turns out, not so much. No.
So what we can we do instead?

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Is laughter the best medicine?

Maybe not, but it's better than nothing!

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Empty nest syndrome is one of those things people feel a bit embarrassed to admit to. Your child leaving home is meant to be a success story, so why does the house suddenly feel so wrong? In this episode I look at what's really going on when the nest empties, why it's grief rather than a disorder, what your attachment system is up to when you're still listening for the front door at 11pm, and why the research on what happens next is far more optimistic than you might expect.

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Infidelity is one of those topics that gets talked about constantly but almost never honestly. The public conversation tends to collapse into judgment or defence, and neither actually helps anyone understand what's going on.

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Following on from last week I'm going into why some neurodiversity isn't genetic. How childhood trauma can shape a brain in ways that look a lot like neurodivergence and why so many people get handed the wrong diagnosis.

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Why is it so much easier to sort out a friend's messy cupboard than my own?

This month I'm getting into overwhelm and executive dysfunction, specifically the pile that's been sat on the chair for 3 weeks, the drawer that only opens halfway, and the shame that builds up around it.

I break down what executive function actually is, why clutter turns into hundreds of tiny decisions your brain just can't process when it's already running on empty, and the 4 reasons it's so much easier to be decisive with someone...

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Different brains aren't broken brains. They're just running on an operating system the world wasn't built to support. So this week I'm talking about why neurodivergence and mental health are more tangled together than most people realise, and what that actually means for the people carrying it.

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This week we're talking about bullying, and not just the playground kind. We dig into how being bullied as a child can leave a lasting mark on the nervous system, even when home life was safe and loving.

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Anger gets such a rough deal, doesn't it. People either think they've got too much of it and feel ashamed, or they reckon they never get angry and think that's something to be proud of. And honestly, both of those things are worth looking at.

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This week I’m talking about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, or ACT. A therapy model that sounds a bit like “just accept things” on the surface, but actually has a lot more depth to it than that.

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Jumping into the time machine today, back to 1968 when a researcher built a paradise for mice. A place with unlimited food, total safety, nothing to fear, and watched the whole thing fall apart anyway.

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People often use the word panic to mean the same as anxiety. But in my world, the 2 are separated so as to ensure people get the right sort of therapy.

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Attention seeking gets used as an insult, doesn't it. But wanting to be noticed is one of the most fundamental human drives we have. Today I'm looking at why we got this so badly wrong, and what's actually going on when someone gets labelled that way.

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Self forgiveness isn’t about pretending the past didn’t happen, or letting ourselves off the hook. It’s about learning the difference between responsibility and punishment. Because you can’t hate yourself into becoming well.

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When we notice our mistakes or our inconsistencies, it's easy to label ourselves as a failure. But becoming the best we can be is a continual process, not a destination. 

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Ever found yourself apologising for things that don’t really need an apology? Sorry for asking a question. Sorry for needing help. Sorry for simply existing in someone else’s eyeline.

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Who's responsible if we fall flat on our face and nothing goes right?
More importantly, who's responsible if we don't pick ourselves up again?

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If resting feels wrong for you, that doesn’t mean you’re bad at relaxing. It might mean that your nervous system has learnt some harsh rules about usefulness, safety, and self worth.

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If you're soaking up all the negative stuff that goes on in the world it can be really hard to feel safe ourselves unless we work hard to.
Ignorance is bliss sometimes and you have nothing to feel guilty about by looking the other way when you have to.

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The world can feel quite stressful sometimes and it's really important to find ways of not making things worse for ourselves.
One of those ways is to learn how to let go of some things and find the best ways to delegate.

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This week I’m talking about grounding techniques, those simple little ways we can bring ourselves back to the present when stress, anxiety, or overwhelm start pulling us in all sorts of directions.

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A bad attitude is like a flat car tyre.
You're not going anywhere unless you change it.

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What if the parts of yourself you try hardest to hide are the very parts that need the most understanding? Today we're looking at the idea of the shadow side, the uncomfortable emotions and reactions we often judge, suppress, or avoid. Rather than seeing anger, jealousy, resentment, or insecurity as proof that something is wrong with you, it's good to approach them with curiosity and compassion. 

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Dreams have fascinated us for thousands of years. From ancient prophecies to Freud’s theories about hidden desires, people have long believed that dreams must contain some deeper symbolic meaning. But what if they don’t?

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This week’s episode looks at the tiny influences that shape the way we see ourselves and the world around us. Most people assume big life changes come from big events. Trauma, major decisions, life turning points. But in the therapy room what I often see is something much quieter than that. A slow drip of messages and expectations that build up over time.

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Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “I should be better than this” or “I mustn’t upset anyone” and wondered where that rule actually came from?
This week, we're having a look at the psychology of introjects. The beliefs, attitudes and standards we unconsciously absorb from parents, teachers, partners and society. The invisible scripts that quietly shape our self esteem, anxiety, relationships and sense of worth.

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Happy Easter everyone,

Spring has sprung, the rabbits are at it like, well, rabbits. And it got me thinking about love.

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The rules of toxic masculinity suggest that to be a real man you should never lose, have no needs, suffer in silence, show no emotions except bravado and anger, be independent, show no weakness.
It’s an impossible code to live by and it hurts everyone.

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This week I'm talking about something so many of you have mentioned in emails and messages, that Sunday evening anxiety that seems to arrive like clockwork.
Why does the body react to a calendar change as if it’s a threat?
Why can Sunday feel tense even after a lovely weekend?

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This week I’m exploring something quietly powerful about the social brain. From old school photos to bonobos recognising family decades later, it turns out we don’t just remember faces… we remember feelings. I also look at how curiosity shapes identity, especially in children, and what that means for us as adults. 

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If you’ve ever wondered “What if…?” about your health, this one’s for you.
I'm digging into the often misunderstood world of health anxiety today, what many still call hypochondria. Which is not about drama or attention-seeking. Hypochondria is about fear. Real, convincing fear that something’s wrong, even when every check-up says otherwise.
I’ll be exploring where that fear comes from, how it shows up in our day-to-day lives, and what we can do to break the cycle. From panic spirals and over-Googling to learning how to sit with uncertainty an...

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In this episode, I’m talking about something called zoochosis. A term used to describe distress in captive animals, and how something very similar might be happening to us as humans in the modern world.

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