The Kevin Miller Podcast

My focus here is not on being a hero in the fashion our culture uses the word, in regard to caretaking humanity and saving the world. A quick search for the hero’s journey says it is a universal story structure where a protagonist ventures out of their comfort zone, faces a major crisis, wins a victory, and returns home profoundly transformed, and in this I find a core of human desire. In author Donald Miller’s book, A Million Miles In A Thousand Years he  takes a script writing course and is taught that a good story is about...

I continue to find and place value in Emotional Intelligence. I spent much of my life misperceiving social intelligence as emotional intelligence. I felt I could read and cater to other’s emotions, but I was very ignorant and neglectful of my own emotions, which took a toll on myself, and others. In this episode I brought on an expert who cites that emotional intelligence as the single biggest predictor of our personal and professional success. Scott Allender is an expert in global leadership and organizational development. He regularly teaches Enneagram workshops and conducts emotional intelligence assessments for individuals an...

I appreciate people who help us paradigm shifts. I have viewed life as progressing to the next goal. The next destination. Focused on what I can add to my achievements. And yet as I’ve gotten older and dealt with more things that have humbled and tempered me, I’ve started wondering if there is as much or more growth, not from adding, but subtracting. Not from learning new things, but unlearning old things. In a similar concept, my guest today says, “Transformation is the power of departure.” DR. ROSENNA BAKARI is a psychologist, empowerment expert, and educator who has just...

My guest is Dandapani. He became an ordained Hindu monk under the guidance of one of Hinduism’s foremost spiritual leaders of our time. For 10 years he lived a life of serious personal discipline and training at his guru’s cloistered monastery in Hawaii. Here he learned to control his mind. He learned to focus. And he believes this is the key to finding one’s purpose. We would probably all agree that it is easier to focus when you live in a monastery in Hawaii. Dandapani readily agrees. Yet he believed the teachings would work in the outside world...

“Could we really reduce your conscious mind to a set of underlying processes that, when composed, create the feeling of you, the view of right now?” This is what my guest questions and proposes. David Sussillo is a world-renowned neuroscientist, an adjunct professor at Stanford University and has been a scientist at the Google Brain group and Meta Reality Labs. In his professional pursuits, David researches brain-machine interfaces to develop the next generation of computers. He works to understand the ghost in the machine – how cells in our brain collectively give rise to the computations that determine behavior. But David...

We have made anxiety a bad term. But anxiety is a normal response of the body to a worry or concern or perceived threat. Your anxiety in and of itself isn’t doing anything wrong. We just seem to be responding inappropriately. Britt Frank is a licensed neuropsychotherapist and trauma expert who is trained in IFS (Internal Family Systems) and SE (Somatic Experiencing). She is a speaker and an award-winning adjunct instructor at the University of Kansas where she’s taught classes on ethics, addiction, and clinical social work. She has a book, The Science of Stuck: Breaking Through Iner...

We are more sensitive than ever to our differences. Most people I know are really striving to be aware, kind, considerate, and inclusive. But is this sensitivity also increasing our cultural anxiety around the issue? My guest in this episode is social psychologist Claude M Steele, and he feels this is the case. Claude is the Lucie Stern Professor in the Social Sciences, Emeritus, at Stanford University. Over a decade ago Claude authored the book, Whistling Vivaldi, which became a groundbreaking resource on stereotypes and identity. His new book is, Churn: The Tension That Divides Us and How To...

We are tired of performing. We want to be our authentic selves. We want to have boundaries. But I see and have experienced two challenges. You finally just let it all hang out and tell everyone how you really feel and let the chips of dissension fall where they will. Or, you just fold at the critical moment and feel it’s easier just to perform and appease people. Is there another option? Most of you will be aware of Mindvalley, and have likely participated with them. They have become one of the most popular personal development platforms on th...

Do I, intrinsically matter? Do you? Based on...what? There is almost a saturation of information and ideas on what purpose is and having purpose in your life. But if you dig down, I find purpose to primarily be a pursuit to...matter. Do we matter just because we exist? Many religions say so, but I generally find the religious scrambling to prove they matter in the same ways everyone else is. So does that testify that we have to do something to matter? This is the episode. I sat down with renowned philosopher and intellectual, Rebecca Goldstein. Rebecca...

The concept of trauma has gotten more focus than ever, as of late, it seems. But I feel much of what gets labeled trauma is the pain of loss. Losses we don’t know how to, or maybe never will, reconcile. I don’t claim having trauma in my life, but I have loss that I don’t think I’ll ever get over. I don’t want to minimize trauma at all, but I feel even more people resonate with the concept of loss. Even if it stems from a tragic trauma. And what I’ve been considering is some loss...

I don’t think we like to hear it, but there seems to be continual evidence that our culture is growing more risk averse, less willing to try new things, and as a result, becoming stagnant. Another data point on our reported, near all time low of subjective well-being. So I brought on an expert to discuss the issue. Ben Swire is an innovative thought leader on human connection and authentic living. Ben is an award-winning designer, writer, and former Design Lead at the iconic innovation firm IDEO, and he co-founded Make Believe Works where they help people build de...

I believe much of what motivates our life perspective and choices is around protecting ourselves. It’s human nature. I’m not talking about self-absorption, but even amongst the most giving and serving and confident of people, I still experience a lot of motive and behavior around self-protection. I’m including myself in this as well. My guest today has a very unique perspective on this concept. My guest is Jordan Grumet. Jordan was an internal medicine physician who left clinical practice to devote himself to hospice care and deep conversations about life. Jordan walks with people who are given...

How do you view your sense of self? Do you feel more or less understanding of who you are? How about those around you, friends, family, and others? Do you sense them as feeling more or less stable regarding themselves and their place in the world? I think it’s worth considering, and I feel a continued shift toward insecurity in an of ourselves, culturally. I have kids from 13 to 30 years old, from middle school to grad school, and I see and hear of consistent quandaries vs self and identity. But I’m 55 and even amongst my peers I feel...

First, I’m surely not saying that what you are or are not eating doesn’t matter. But after a decade of my own involvement in functional medicine, I see the biggest culprit for gut and digestion issues to be our minds more than anything else. I continue to meet people who are doing “all the right things,” eating clean, taking all the great supplements, exercising, getting good sleep, and they are still dealing with gut and digestive discomfort. I was the same. And I don’t have a magic solution like meditating or something for the mind. But I’m concer...

Most everyone knows the story of holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl who wrote the book, Man's Search For Meaning. In the book he shares his journey of finding meaning, purpose, and peace even as a prisoner in a concentration camp. A primary message he had for humanity was that regardless of circumstances, we have the freedom to choose our attitude in any situation. He feels this is what kept him alive while most around him died. But when the time came when Viktor was freed from his prison, he didn't stay there, saying he'd found peace and was good. He...

The word “sensitive” has a lot of baggage. Much of it is negative. We are critical of people who we deem are not sensitive. Insensitive, we say. We are critical of people who we deem are too sensitive. Over sensitive, we say. If you look for the meaning of the word, you find this - Being sensitive means having a nervous system that processes information more deeply, resulting in acute physical, mental, or emotional responses to stimuli. I find myself today wanting to, as it says, “process information more deeply.” I want to feel the feels and experience all the sens...

You’ve likely seen movies that depict someone having an accident and getting amnesia, not being able to remember any, or aspects, of their past. Imagine waking today and you know everything about yourself in the present moment, and are even aware of what you do and your future. But you can’t remember any of the hurts and pains and disappointments of your past. Who and how would you be? This isn’t possible of course, and I for one don’t want to forget the past, but my guest in this episode is really calling us to detach f...

Out of the 1700 shows and hundreds of people I've had on my podcasts, people, often when they have me as a guest on their podcast, ask me what shows stood out. And my answer is citing shows where a message had a particularly valuable impact on my personal life. My first conversation with Arthur Brooks about the message in his book, Strength to Strength: Finding Success, Happiness, and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life, is one of these. The book came across my desk at a time when I was feeling burnout in multiple areas of my...

Not truths, but theories to consider in regards to yourself and your beliefs and ultimately how your beliefs are guiding your life for better and worse. My guest is Nir Eyal (Near A-yall). Nir consults, and teaches about the intersection of psychology, technology, and human potential. He previously taught at the Stanford Graduate School of Business and is the author of the international bestsellers Hooked, and Indistractible, which have sold over 1 million copies in more than 30 languages. Nir’s research and writing has been featured in The New York Times and Harvard Business Review, and he is a regular co...

I’m bringing back a conversation that forever changed some foundational beliefs I had on motivation. Dr Benjamin Hardy is a now famous Organizational Psychologist. He’s also now the author of multiple best selling books. I first had him on this podcast for his book, Willpower Doesn’t Work. Then again for his book, Personality Isn’t Permanent. I think he’s been on here four or five times now. But it was during one show that he just touched on a story that I ended up using for the opening story in my book, What Drives You. Ben grew u...

More and more in psychology we are hearing about the “end-of-history illusion,” which is a psychological bias where we feel we’ve changed a lot from our past, but we think who we are now is…who we are. We don’t conceive of the almost fact that in five years from now we will look back and be amazed at how much we’ve changed from who we are right now. I want to embrace that and hold more lightly to who I think I am today, and be more open to significant opportunities for change in myself. Right now. M...

Should you have lots of friends or not? Should you have just some really close ones? I think before this question should be an audit of how you view friends to begin with. What is the purpose of a friend? Is a friend a luxury or a necessity? What are the pros and cons? A few years ago a book came across my desk, titled The Life Council: 10 Friends Every Woman Needs. Just the focus on friends caught my attention, and as I started reviewing the book, I felt it was entirely relevant for men and ultimately, anyone. The...

My best friend Randy, a medical doctor, frustrates himself with all the pathologies that we refer to as having, or not. Such as diabetes, depression, or auto immune issues. He says we are all on the spectrum to a degree, the issue is whether you tip over into a clinical level where you need acute treatment. In this show I'm looking at ADHD the same way. I have a daughter finishing grad school in psychology who believes I'm fairly high on the ADHD scale, but I've found constructive ways to manage and function. When a new book came across...

Stoicism has gotten much attention in recent years, making a comeback from the old school Stoicism, commonly criticized for promoting emotional suppression, fostering passivity in the face of injustice, and being psychologically unrealistic. Modern day focus has upheld the stoic traits that focus on cultivating inner peace and resilience through virtue, rationality, and acceptance of what cannot be controlled. Psychology models more and more these days are calling to the need for personal agency, and stoicism is a leading model for taking responsibility for our perceptions, values, and held beliefs in life. I appreciate seeing new personalities and perspectives...

When a book came across my desk about the benefits of heat, my first thought was, “Really?” We’ve been in the age of cold plunges for quite a while, but now it’s heat? I also wondered, does it take an entire book to explain this? Then I saw the author was Bill Gifford. Bill is a veteran magazine writer and editor who writes about extraordinary athletes and cutting-edge health science. He is coauthor of the #1 New York Times bestseller, Outlive, which has sold more than two million copies, as well as the New York Times bestseller Spring Chicken...

I grew up believing we are only who we make ourselves to be. Nature vs Nurture and I was all about nurture. Then, I had seven biological children. Four boys and three girls. And they came out of the womb with specific propensities. Two of my sons are only 15 months apart, so their upbringing was nearly identical. And they could not be more different. As a culture we have gotten pretty enamored with personality profiles and ancestral data to help us “know who we are.” A well known profile is the Enneagram. My guest in this episode is Ian Morg...

I think we’ve gotten to the point of defining hope as the expectation of something good happening in the future. But I’ve not found many, if any, people who I’d refer to as hopeful, who didn’t exude hope in the right here and now. A primary definition of hope is simply, a feeling of trust. My guest in this episode says, “Hope is the single best predictor of well-being compared to any other measure of trauma recovery.” So if hope includes having trust, then it’s relevant for us all to consider how trusting we feel in our li...

I have never wanted to give much credit to genetics or my upbringing. I wanted to feel, and really did, like I’m my own person. Until sometime in my 40s when I realized I kept repeating some patterns that weren’t helping me. Today I amaze myself at the impact our upbringing and family has on us. All of us. For better and worse, but as people so want to be their “authentic selves,” I wonder how fully authentic we can ever be. So…I have an expert. My guest and guide on this subject is Vienna Pharaon. She has a...

Cultural testimony is that while we are in more contact with people than ever, but we are also feeling more isolated, disconnected, and lonely than ever. That’s not a broad brush opinion but I continue to get the research and surveys to back this up. We seem to be a culture so hungry to be heard and understood and loved, and from this, we have become a culture working hard to tell. We tell our opinion and viewpoint and thoughts and feelings. And we ask fewer and fewer questions, and have fewer and fewer questions asked of us. Bu...

I recorded this episode three years ago. Before I’d experienced the greatest traumas of my life. I make different meaning from the message now. The idea of recovering from a trauma or tragedy is different. To recover seems like getting back to “normal.” Back to where you were. But with my experience now, this is impossible. It’s like having adult kids and wanting to get back to when they were little. Impossible. You must recover to a new existence. My guest is Dr Neeta Bhushan. When Neeta was 16 her mom died. When she was 17 her brother died. Then whe...

“People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think that what we’re seeking is…to actually feel the rapture of being alive.” This is a quote by Joseph Campbell that kicks off the book by my guest in this episode. A key aspect of my personal and professional devotion is how we make meaning of life. You will be hearing much more from me about this in the coming weeks and months. In this episode I have with me Director of the Life Design...

I seldom give focus to money in this podcast, and this episode has nothing to do with making more or managing your money. It’s on how we make meaning of money, which may dictate more about your money situation than anything else. And to that degree we are looking at how you feel about your money, more than whatever your situation may be. We all likely know people with lots of money who stress about it far more than some with very little. My guest in this episode helped me reposition how I think about money. Long ago we...

I think the cultural perspective on optimism has decreased, even to the point of it being naive. It seems in vogue to be pessimistic and even cynical. The definition of optimism is, hopefulness and confidence about the future or the successful outcome of something. So let’s consider the converse. In dealing with a challenge in your life, do you think your chances of being resilient and coming out with a best case scenario would be better served with a perspective and attitude of hopelessness and doubt? I thought of a surgeon. Would I rather my surgeon have hopefulness an...

I give much devotion to how we perceive reality, our emotions, and our identity. I find it is now what we perceive, but how we perceive that makes the difference in our life satisfaction. In this episode I sat down with business mentor, Michael Hyatt. I’ve known Michael for many years, he and my father were close friends and Michael flew down with Dave Ramsey to spend time with my Dad in his last days here on earth. I was grateful to be with them all that day. Michael truly has become a mentor to so many of th...

We are in the information age and I don’t believe there are any new topics and there is little, actual new information. But we can discover new insights and new angles and information that is more relevant for the current culture. And sometimes I just interest myself in an individual and their role within a topic and I want to hear their take on it. So with that said, in this episode I’m with Dr. Majid Fotuhi. Harper Collins, one of the world’s big five publishers sent me a galley copy, which is a pre-copy before the bo...

The Harvard Study of Adult Development, often referred to as the Grant Study, is widely recognized as the longest-running, in-depth scientific study of adult life ever conducted. I recently published an episode I did with the director, Robert Waldinger. The results of the study have now famously shown us that what most fulfills us in life is relationships. Of course not just any relationships, but the truly valuable and significant relationships of our lives. It’s proven very difficult to have such relationships, if we can’t effectively communicate with others. And by effectively communicate, we mean to actually conn...

This episode is focused on connecting with your body and soul through walking. Yes. Walking. Something I have had zero focus on my entire life. I looked at walking as a waste of time. But now I'm devoting near ⅓ of my exercise time to it. I am about to go out for a 2.5 walk with 45lbs on my back, right now. My guest here is Michael Easter who I’ve known about since 2021 when he published his book, The Comfort Crisis. In my peer group of people pursuing wellness, this book immediately became a mainstay and I resonated with the...

Research and surveys showcase that what we most value in our lives are relationships. Yet for all the teaching and training we get as we grow up, how to have healthy relationships is seldom a topic. And we often fall to the examples we are exposed to. In this episode we are looking at identifying unhealthy relationships, healing, and growing. This was the second time I brought Nedra Glover Tawwab. I first had her on with her book, Set Boundaries, Find Peace. This time is for her book, Drama Free: A Guide to Managing Unhealthy Family Relationships...

Author David Foster Wallace is credited with a story in a commencement speech, where he shares, "There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says 'Morning, boys. How's the water?' And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and says 'What the hell is water?'" We live in a culture where the expectation is to have absolutely everything.  And more. Obviously there is a material cost to e...

I want to start off by asking a question I continually interest myself with. Do we really want to be happy? If I survey the culture, it looks like we very much want happy moments. The little jolts of dopamine from entertainment, food, drugs and such. But do we really want deep and abiding happiness in our souls? Because if we do, then our primary interest would be in relationships. But not just any relationships. I’m revisiting a conversation I had with Robert Waldinger. Robert is a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and director of the Ha...