The Complete Guide to Everything

Halloween month is technically over, but Tom still wants to talk about cryptids, so here we are. This week we discuss Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster, Mothman and some other animals that may or may not exist. Tom is willing to entertain the idea that Bigfoot comes from another dimension, but draws the line at birds being dinosaurs. Also, Tim defends Mothman’s character based on a children’s book and offers a questionable theory about how bats kept getting into his house.

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Halloween Month continues with psychics: people who claim they can talk to the dead! This week we discuss cold reading, Houdini’s war on mediums and whether you can make a living as a telephone psychic. Also, Tim has some very specific instructions for his funeral.

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If you had chickenpox as a kid, you might think you’re done with it. BUT, the virus hangs around in your nerves for decades and come back as shingles. Halloween month continues as we discuss this deeply unfair arrangement, with Tom providing firsthand experience and Tim wishing he knew less about it.

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It's Halloween Month™ and this week we're going big and covering one of the main Halloween things: candy. And although we usually spend a fair amount of time talking about candy in most episodes, no matter what the topic, this time the conversation is quite a bit spookier.

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It’s Halloween month, and we’re discussing decorations that require a truck, a storage unit, and year-round technical support. We investigate the appeal of Home Depot’s 12-foot skeleton and the people who get up before dawn to buy one. We also consider Spirit Halloween’s extensive fog juice selection and whether fixing broken monsters is actually a fun job. Plus, Tom returns from Spain with COVID, while Tim prepares to assert his dominance over his family with his Halloween costume.

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It's mayhem at TCGTE headquarters this week, with scheduling snafus and illness causing all kinds of chaos. We'll be back next week with a new episode, but for now, please enjoy this unlocked Patreon episode from last spring -- "Rank Cranks: Candy."

Two of the world's foremost connoisseurs of the sweet stuff put their candy-coated brains together to come up with the definitive list of the Best American Candy in a surprisingly non-contentious episode of Rank Cranks.

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You may think of waiting rooms as just the boring places you sit in while biding your time before heading into the place you really came for, but we're here to tell you you're wrong. Dead wrong.

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It used to be only cheap phones could be easily folded in half, but now if you want a phone you can fold it’s gonna cost ya two grand. This week we’re talking about folding phones and wondering if they’re only for dorks, or are they technology that dweebs could be interested in too? We also talk about some other recent dumb tech and an evening of teenage eavesdropping at the Jersey Shore.

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Dolly Parton wrote thousands of songs, gave away millions of books and somehow managed to get everybody to like her. This week Christine joins us to remember her favorite person and discuss Dolly’s music, generosity and ability to play “Yakety Sax” backwards. Also, we have a bad experience with Domino’s, consider the practical limitations of being a ghost and get distracted by someone in the building across from Tim’s apartment.

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Get ready to "hang ten" and do various other surfing things, because this week's episode is about riding the waves on those big ol' boards (surfboards). We discuss surfing’s ancient Hawaiian roots, the invention of the surfboard leash, Duke Kahanamoku and all of the Beach Boys’ cool surfing songs.

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They’re older than trees, older than the rings of Saturn, and covered in thousands of tiny teeth instead of normal scales. That’s right, this week we’re diving deep into the ocean's apex predators: sharks. Are they terrifying man-eaters, or are crocodiles and hippos doing all the actual dirty work? Also, Tim recounts a harrowing tale of bartender gastrointestinal distress, and we question why anyone would ever want to live on the moon.

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Since we didn't really talk about summer jobs last week, we're spending this episode militantly on-topic. We discuss the weird psychology of group job interviews, the most common summer jobs for teens today and whether the boomers are right that nobody wants to work anymore. Plus, Tim talks about nearly escaping his butcher shop job for the glamorous world of Old Navy and Tom recounts his prowess working the register at the Apple Store.

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This week on TCGTE Presents: HOT SUMMER, we’re diving into the classic teen rite of passage: summer jobs. Tim details his storied career slinging meat at a butcher shop, ignoring civic emergency phone calls while listening to Cher's Believe album on loop, and attending a Gallagher show with his ex-girlfriend's family. Plus, we get the facts about the Dave Matthews Band Chicago river boat disaster, the child labor laws around water slides, and famous celebrity summer jobs.

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It’s summer and we’re hot, so this week we’re talking about air conditioners: how they work, whether they’re actually bad for the environment, and why portable ones with one hose stink. We also invent a better kind of pants pocket for carrying wet spaghetti, celebrate clip-on sunglasses, and explain how a lake can be a battery.

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Things are getting intense during TCGTE's Hot Summer series, as we're tackling Thunderstorms this week. These storms are dangerous and destructive, but luckily we're two of the bravest men around, unafraid to look into the eye of the storm and get to the bottom of what makes them tick.

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This week we’re discussing the only glasses that are cool: sunglasses. Plus, Tom recounts his heroic (and highly litigious) days as a teenage lifeguard, we try to decipher the local deli's hot dog cart rental policy, and we explore the bizarre history of sunglasses: from 12th-century Chinese judges hiding their poker faces to the STD symptoms that made dark lenses popular in the 1920s.

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Summer is heating up on TCGTE presents HOT SUMMER, and this week two men who are very plugged into the pop music scene are evaluating the candidates for the 2026 Song of The Summer. Some of the songs are scary, some are boring and lame, but one thing is for sure -- we understand the appeal of all of them and are well equipped to judge which one is the best.

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This week, we brave the sweltering NYC summer to tackle summer’s recession-proof treat: Ice cream. We delve into the logistics of the US’s floating WWII ice cream barge, explain why George Washington spent a small fortune on ice cream in 1790, and discuss how bomber pilots turned engine vibrations into dessert. This makes it sound like all we talk about is WWII, but we discuss the present day as well.

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We're back with even more movie mayhem as we bring you through Tinseltown's July offerings. We cover cool superhero origin stories like Young Washington, plucky upstarts like Moana and the big Chrissy Nolan epic Odyssey. Mostly though, we're just excited about the fact that Austin Powers is back -- in Verizon commercial form.

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Following backlash on Reddit for our lack of preparation last week, we have instituted a professional course correction for Part 2 of our Summer 2026 Movie Preview: we watched the trailers this time, and we've mapped them into a highly scientific rating system ranging from "Must See" to "Go to Hell."

This week, we dive into the upcoming cinematic landscape to debate whether Hugh Jackman is being grizzled-hero typecasted in The Death of Robin Hood, why Nate Bargatzi’s new family comedy The Breadwinner is an antiquated disaster, why Pixar never seems to whiff when it comes to Toy St...

Join two of the world's most respected film critics as we walk through all the thrills and chills to be had at your local movie theater this summer! This week we're talking about the May releases (apparently the boneheads out in Tinseltown don't know that May isn't part of summer).

We cover Animal Farm, The Devil Wears Prada 2, Hokum, RZA's One Spoon of Chocolate, Billie Eilish - Hit Me Hard and Soft: The Tour (Live in 3D), Mortal Kombat II, The Sheep Detectives, In The Grey, Obsession, The Wizard of the Kremlin, Tom Clancy's Jack Ryan...

This week, we explore the high-anxiety, chocolate-loving world of Cathy, the comic strip that spent 34 years capturing the crushing weight of modern womanhood.

Before we analyze the intersection of boomer humor and second-wave feminism, we address the target demographics of the new He-Man movie, the tragic decline of checkout-counter tabloids, and an internet pitch to fuse the three dad hosts of Full House into a singular, mega-father via Steve Urkel’s transformation ray.

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It's a classic Sweeps Week episode of TCGTE, so we're talking about the company that measures who's watching and listening to stuff. And how's this for a dramatic plot: Tim has been chosen to be a Nielsen household (a very prestigious honor), making Tom very jealous. Tune in for some classic drama!

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This week we are diving spoon-first into the history of America's most famous gelatinous dessert. We break down Jell-O's humble beginnings as boiled animal bones, Kraft Heinz’s plan to eliminate artificial dyes, and why Utah consumes twice the national average of green slop.

Also: Tim recounts his terrifying encounters with vending machines in London and Boston and the nightmare that is the Sloppy Joe sandwich. Plus, we brainstorm a new podcast-branded food line.

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The eggheads over at The New York Times put together a list of the 30 greatest living American songwriters in order to get people to get mad on the internet and it worked! This week we're going through the list and lamenting the lack of Billy Joel and Weird Al on it.

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This week we’re covering a long-time topic request for the contest that made ABBA and Celine Dion famous: The Eurovision Song Contest. Also, Tim recovers from a stomach bug, the latest in deciphering cat’s brains, and a critique of the financial dynamics surrounding the Howard Stern Show's "Whack Pack."

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Tom saw a magic show and his mind was so blown that he hasn't talked about anything else for over a week. So this week, we just turned on the microphones and let him go. We talk about a bunch of magicians and magic shows, and much like Val Valentino -- the Masked Magician himself! -- we break the magician's code and reveal some of magic's biggest secrets.

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This week Tom turns another year older. We explore the history of birthday parties (a surprisingly recent invention born of 19th century consumerism), the decades-long legal battle over who owned "Happy Birthday to You," and the unsettling data showing you're more likely to die on your birthday. Also: the latest update to the Meet the Parents’ franchise.

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This week, we take the show underground (LITERALLY!) after we experienced the splendor of the subterranean world. We talk about the difference between caves and caverns, how certain caves are a part of show business, and the surprisingly bloody history of the Kentucky Cave Wars.

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It's been 54 years since anyone's been to the moon and we're finally sending people back up there. Well, near the moon. This week we break down the Artemis II mission, NASA's first crewed flight beyond low Earth orbit since 1972, featuring the crew's Severance Halloween costumes, the Canadian who got a free ride, and one astronaut's prophetic tweet about dreaming of lunar orbit. Also: Tom's harrowing trip to the DMV, the middle-aged man speedball, descenders, and whether you'd get space madness within the first hour.

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Hot on the heels of April Fools' Day, we're being mischievous little imps and causing all sorts of trouble with our pranks. We talk about the best pranks ever pranked, whether or not pranks are mean and/or dumb, and recall some of the infuriating pranks played on us over the years.

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This week we're talking about everyone's favorite Canadian Goose, Ryan Gosling. We cover his early days corrupting children on the Mickey Mouse Club alongside Justin Timberlake, his commitment to gaining 60 pounds in for a role he promptly got fired from, and why he might be the only guy left who can carry a movie on pure charm alone.

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This week we're talking about Medieval Times. Not the actual times, but the place people go in modern times to eat food with their hands and watch people dressed as knights fight each other on horses for couple hours. They also give out paper crowns to everybody, not just kids.

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Now that it’s just the boys again, we’re mogging on all of the softmaxxers this week. You know the type, the ones that don’t even bonesmash. This week we’re diving into the strange, sometimes okay, but often sad world of Looksmaxxing.

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Tim is back and the gang's all here! This week Christine sticks around for one more episode to discuss Trios with Tim & Tom, and things get strangely chaotic. We go through famous trios in history and pop culture, and talk about what Tim got up to during his parental leave. A trio talkin' trios, what could be better than that?

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This week we take a look into the ever-shifting world of dating etiquette: the 3-3-3 Rule, the dangers of becoming a "yap-trapper," and why the 1996 film Swingers is to blame for your relationship problems. Plus, a trip back to Elizabethan England to learn about the "armpit apple.”

Also: subway baseball teens, the "mystique" of non-New York area codes, and why you should never brag about dating a mid-level podcaster on a first date.

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It’s something everyone has to do sooner or later, unless you’re wealthy, and that’s waiting in a line. But did you know that the idea of “lines” or “queues” is a modern invention? This week we discuss the pain that is waiting in a line as well as the ethics around cutting, fast passes, multi-lane lines, taking a number, and more. Also, a news report on the price of ketchup.

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Pigeons are funny little guys you may have seen walking or even flying around. Some people hate them, some people like them, some people judge each individual pigeon on its own merit. This week we talk about NYC’s official bird and we solve some problems concerning airplane encounters and corporate confidence.

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Stop being a Victorian fuddy-duddy and open up that umbrella inside, baby! This week we’re disrupting everything you thought you knew about umbrellas. Also, a look at the patent process and Tom gets an app for Dumbasses personally recommended to him.

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Despite covering THREE 90s Daytime Talk Show hosts last week, there are still more! This week we talk Montel, Donahue, Sally Jesse, Maury, and Geraldo (not the Rico Suave one). Also, we solve a couple of listener problems concerning Staycations and Grocery Store Over-Familiarity.

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