Sex With Emily

Have a question you’ve always been too embarrassed to ask? Send it to me: ⁠sexwithemily.com/ask⁠

Let’s talk about the questions men are too embarrassed to ask about sex… because most of what men learn about sex comes from porn, from friends who are also just figuring it out, or from nothing at all. And then they spend years wondering if they’re broken, performing wrong, or missing something everyone else seems to already know. In this episode I’m answering seven of the most common questions I get from men, and I promise...

Let's talk about 69… because whether you love it, hate it, or have been too intimidated to try it, chances are nobody ever actually taught you how to do it well. In this episode I'm breaking down everything you need to know about giving and receiving oral sex simultaneously, including the modifications that turned me from a 69 skeptic into someone who actually gets it. I'm also answering your oral sex questions, from what to do when size makes a blowjob feel impossible to the listener who discovered the most unexpected erogenous zone of her life mid-session. If you've ever written of...

Great oral sex isn’t about mastering a technique, memorizing tutorials, or finding one magic trick. It’s about being present enough to listen to your partner’s body.

In this episode, I’m sharing how to build a sexual language with your partner through attention, communication, and responsiveness. We’re talking about why starting slow matters, how to read the signals your partner is giving you, what it means to follow the “yes,” and why feedback like “don’t stop” or “softer” is an invitation—not a critique.

If you want oral sex to fe...

Let's talk about why foreplay might be the most misunderstood thing in your sex life… because the way most couples think about it is exactly backwards. In this episode I'm breaking down why foreplay doesn't start in the bedroom and what to do when your partner goes straight to penetration every single time, when the sex has gone stale and neither of you knows how to say it, when one person won't reciprocate, and when a medical situation forces you to get creative in all the best ways.

If you have ever wished your partner understood what yo...

Sexual communication isn’t a sign that something is wrong—it’s how sex gets better. When your partner says “slow down,” “stay right there,” or asks for something different, they aren’t rejecting you. They’re giving you the roadmap to what feels good for them right now.

In this episode, I’m talking about how to create the safety to give and receive direction during sex without anyone getting defensive, embarrassed, or shutting down. We’ll explore why learning basic anatomy is only the beginning, how bodies and desires change over time, and why staying curious is the real se...

Try the We-Vibe Nova to explore internal and external stimulation together, no experience necessary: https://bit.ly/wevibenovadual

Let's talk about what actually gets in the way of connected, present, pleasurable sex… because it is almost never what you think it is. In this episode I'm taking live listener calls from people who are done settling for sex that feels disconnected, performative, or just plain stuck. A divorced mom of two who spends every sexual encounter watching herself from the outside instead of actually feeling anything. Someone navigating intimacy after leaving a religion that ma...

Great sex isn’t about finding one perfect moment and trying to recreate it forever. It’s about getting curious about what made that moment feel so good in the first place.

In this episode, I’m sharing how to talk with your partner about your best sexual memories without turning it into a complaint meeting. We’re exploring the questions that uncover what really turns each of you on: Was it the flirting all day? Feeling unrushed? The freedom, the anticipation, the way you looked at each other? Those details are the roadmap to creating more desire a...

Low desire isn’t always about your relationship or something you need to “fix” inside yourself. Sometimes, feeling more connected to your sexuality begins outside the bedroom: with creativity, friendship, novelty, connection, and getting back in touch with the parts of life that make you feel alive.

In this episode, I’m talking about why libido is shaped by so much more than sex, how to get curious before diagnosing yourself, and the small ways you can spark eroticism without putting pressure on yourself or your partner. Because a better sex life might not start with another conversa...

Let's talk about five things that are quietly killing your sex life that have absolutely nothing to do with attraction, technique, or how much you love your partner… because after 20 years of helping people improve their sex lives, I can tell you we are way too quick to assume low desire means something is wrong with us. Sometimes the conditions around your sex life just suck. In this episode I'm giving you five very unsexy tips that can make your sex life a whole lot better, and I promise at least one of them is going to make you go...

What if the reason you keep having the same fight with your partner isn't that you don't love each other, it's that you're speaking completely different love languages? You may be giving love exactly the way you'd want to receive it, while your partner is waiting for something totally different.

In this throwback episode, I'm breaking down the five love languages, acts of service, gift giving, physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation, and how understanding yours (and your partner's) can help you move through resentment, feel more connected, and bring more intimacy into your relationship...

Let's talk about why initiating sex in your relationship started feeling like a test… because somewhere along the way, that moment of reaching for your partner stopped feeling like closeness and started feeling like a pass-fail question hanging in the air. Am I about to get rejected? Am I going to disappoint them? And when initiation starts to feel that way, both people stop doing it. In this episode I'm giving you five concrete steps to change the whole dynamic, starting with one reframe that makes everything else possible.

We're talking about how to re...

Let's talk about the sex skills nobody teaches you and why most people are still waiting for their partner to figure it out instead of just saying it out loud… because that's exactly what today's callers are done doing. In this episode I'm taking live calls from people who are done leaving their pleasure up to chance. We've got a 27 year old who wants to learn how to squirt on her own without relying on anyone to do it for her, a couple who wants to bring others into their play but can't figure out how to find the ri...

If anal play sounds like something you'd have to grit your teeth through, I want to change your mind about one thing first: a painful first try isn't your body's final answer. It's usually a sign something was rushed, unprepared, or out of your control, not proof this isn't for you.

In this episode, I'm walking through my five-step, comfort-first framework for exploring anal: getting a real yes before anything starts, setting yourself up for success, warming your whole body up first, moving in layers instead of straight to penetration, and learning to actually read your body's...

Let's talk about what actually happens when real people finally stop holding back in the bedroom… because the best sex education doesn't always come from experts. Sometimes it comes from a husband who spent months asking for something his wife wasn't sure about, or a couple whose 20 year marriage took a very unexpected turn on a dance floor in Anchorage, or a woman who spent years unable to orgasm with a partner and finally got there in the last way she ever expected.

In this episode I'm reading three real listener success stories out lo...

Let's talk about why you don't want sex with your husband anymore… and why the answer probably has nothing to do with your libido. If you've been lying next to him quietly hoping he doesn't reach for you, and then hating yourself for feeling that way, this episode is going to change the way you see what's actually happening in your body and your relationship. Because the story most women tell themselves at this moment is the wrong one entirely. I'm walking you through a four part desire check in that will help you stop asking the question that ke...

Can you love one person and still want someone else? Are you and your partner actually on the same page about your relationship rules, or just assuming you are? And is porn really the problem it gets blamed for? In this episode, we’re getting into the conversations couples rarely have out loud, because there’s no single “right” way to do a relationship. The goal is getting honest about your desires, your boundaries, and what you’ve actually agreed to together. If you’ve been assuming your partner agrees with you on things you’ve never actually talked about, or wond...

Let's talk about the five lies about men and sex that might be quietly destroying your marriage… because most couples aren't fighting about sex. They're fighting about connection, rejection, and feeling unseen, and nobody ever gave them the language to say that out loud. In this episode I'm breaking down the five most harmful myths about male sexuality that I see playing out in long term relationships over and over again, from "he just wants sex" to "men don't take rejection personally." Once you see these lies for what they are, the dynamic between you can start to shift. I...

Chicago and Philadelphia showed up big for the Best Sex Ever tour, and I couldn't get to every question live. So here's the rest.

We're getting into the real first move before opening up a marriage, what alcohol actually does to your libido, and why your body tightening up mid-sex is information, not a red flag. Plus how to ask for foreplay in a way that actually lands, the cuddle trap where touch always seems to lead to sex whether you want it to or not, and a low-pressure way into kink and BDSM if you're curious...

Let's talk about what actually happens when desire disappears in a long term relationship… because most people assume their libido is just gone, or something is broken in their relationship, when the truth is usually something completely different. In this episode I'm breaking down how desire actually works, why spontaneous desire is mostly a myth for couples past the honeymoon phase, and the one simple 20 minute practice you can try this week to start feeling connected again without forcing anything. I'm also getting into the difference between duty sex and responsive desire, because those are not the same thing an...

For 20 years, people have asked me the same questions: what's the best position, how do I get better oral sex, is anal sex supposed to hurt. And honestly? I still love answering those. But after two decades of doing this podcast, I've realized something. People rarely come to me with the real problem. Underneath the sex question, there's almost always shame, rejection, resentment, or the big one: "am I normal?"

In this episode, I'm doing something I've never done before going back through 20 years of advice and telling you what I'd change. I'm a...

Let's talk about where the line actually is when it comes to cheating… because most couples never have this conversation until it's too late. In this episode I'm sitting down with licensed holistic psychologist and trauma expert Scott Lyons to unpack what cheating really means in the digital age, from liking thirst traps and DMing an ex at 2am to full on affairs and everything in between. I'm also sharing something I've never talked about publicly: I'm a reformed cheater, and I'm getting honest about what was really going on underneath that.

Whether you've been cheated on, do...

Let's talk about the small habits quietly killing your connection…  because most relationships don't fall apart from one big betrayal, they drift apart from the little things we let slide every day. In this episode I'm breaking down the biggest mistakes I see couples make over and over, from protecting your partner from the truth to keeping appreciation stuck in your head instead of saying it out loud, and giving you a practical workaround for each one. I'm also answering your live questions on setting boundaries in short-term relationships and how to start the sex conversation with a new par...

Throwback to another one of my favorite conversations! Have you ever wondered where the line actually is between loyalty and betrayal? In this episode, I'm joined by Dr. Scott Lyons to unpack the messy, subjective world of infidelity in 2025. We get into the questions couples almost never ask each other… is porn cheating, is a flirty DM cheating, is fantasizing about someone else cheating… and why avoiding these conversations is often what leads to bigger ruptures down the line. I also get vulnerable about my own history as a self-described "reformed cheater," and Scott and I both open up abou...

In this episode, I'm busting the biggest myths that are quietly running your relationship and your intimate life… the idea that men want it all the time, that women don't think about it nearly as much, that low libido means something's broken, that toys replace your partner, that your partner should just know what you like without you ever saying it out loud, and more. I'm walking through each one and replacing it with what's actually true, plus practical tools you can use tonight: how scheduling can bring back anticipation instead of killing it, why communication is its own fo...

In this episode, somatic practitioner Dolly Josette (aka The Pleasure Muse) is teaching us something that changed my life… how to actually listen to what our bodies are trying to tell us. We walk through a body anchor meditation to help you find your most grounded position, then move into what Dolly calls the vulva hug and cock cradle, a practice that has nothing to do with arousal and everything to do with presence, safety, and building trust with your own body. If you've ever felt disconnected from your body, gone numb during sex, or struggled to know what yo...

Throwback to one of my favorite conversations! That "spark" you're chasing? It might not be attraction… it might be a trauma response. I sat down with Dr. Scott Lyons to break down the difference between real, sustainable chemistry and what he calls the "trauma tingle,” that hyper-magnetic pull toward someone that actually has more to do with old wounds than genuine connection. We get into why the honeymoon-phase spark always fades (it's biochemistry, not a sign something's wrong), why "getting the spark back" might be the wrong goal entirely, and how to build the kind of attraction that actually deep...

Today, we're diving into pillar four of Sex IQ: self-knowledge. This is the pillar that ties everything together, because once you understand your body (embodiment), your health, and how to collaborate with a partner, the real magic happens when you actually know what turns you on. I'm breaking down core erotic desires using Jack Morin's erotic equation: the struggle we overcame plus the triumph on the other side often reveals exactly what turns us on most. We'll talk about the pleasure thieves that block self-knowledge (stress, trauma, and shame), why mindful self-pleasure is one of the fastest paths to...

In this episode, I'm going back to my 20s and telling you everything I wish someone had told me about sex back then. The reality is that almost nobody has a clue in their 20s, and we're all just figuring it out together. I talk about why I confused being validated with actually being desired, why I thought pleasure was someone else's job instead of my own responsibility, and how much shame was quietly running my entire sex life. I also get into why attraction alone was never enough to sustain a relationship, why stress and anxiety were wrecking...

In this episode, I'm covering the fifth pillar of Sexual Intelligence: self-acceptance. This is the pillar that ties everything else together, because no matter how embodied, healthy, collaborative, or self-aware you are, none of it lands if you can't accept yourself as you are right now. I'm talking about the "pleasure thieves" that steal our self-acceptance, like comparison, judgment, and perfectionism, and why so much of our sexual shame was programmed into us before we even knew what was happening. I walk through a mirror exercise you can try this week, share why orgasm isn't the measure of good...

In this episode, I'm breaking down everything I learned about sex and relationships in my 30s… because this decade taught me lessons my 20s never could. I used to think if the chemistry faded, the relationship was over, but I discovered that real intimacy is something you build, not something you stumble into. I'm talking about why stress crushes desire more than attraction ever could, why responsive desire is normal (not broken), why boring sex doesn't mean a boring relationship, and why communication really is a lubrication. If you've ever wondered why talking about sex feels harder than having it...

Are you and your partner really collaborating in bed, or just going through the motions? In this episode, I'm diving deep into the third pillar of Sexual Intelligence: Collaboration. I break down why two people can be having sex without truly connecting, how sexual polarity creates that magnetic charge we all crave, and why desire mismatches don't have to drive a wedge between you and your partner. I also walk you through one of my favorite practices — the Sexual State of the Union — and share simple, actionable tools like the Yes!No!Maybe? list and 60-second eye contact to help...

In this episode, I'm diving deep into the second pillar of Sexual Intelligence: Health. I’ll be breaking down exactly how your physical and mental wellbeing are directly shaping your desire, arousal, and pleasure. I'm walking you through everything from movement, hydration, and hormonal balance to pelvic floor health, stress, trauma, and the negative self-talk that quietly steals your pleasure. If you've ever wondered why you're just not in the mood, or why intimacy feels out of reach no matter what you try, this episode will connect the dots in a way that finally makes sense. Better sex doesn't ju...

In this episode, I'm breaking down the sexual fantasies you voted on most wanting to learn about: role play and scenario-based fantasies, power exchange, sensory play, and voyeurism and exhibitionism. I cover what each one actually means, why so many of us are drawn to them, how to bring them up with a partner, and the props and tools that can help you ease in. Whether you're totally new to exploring or just looking to deepen the conversation with your partner, this episode is your permission slip to get curious, communicate openly, and make sex feel playful again… because th...

Disclaimer: Today's episode is a recording from a live class I taught for my community on Embodiment: the first pillar of the Sex IQ Framework. You might hear some audience questions throughout, and the audio isn't our usual quality. Thanks for your patience!

If you've ever found yourself distracted, disconnected, or just going through the motions during sex, this episode is for you. Today, I talk through the very first sexual intelligence framework pillar: Embodiment. Being truly present in your body during sex isn't something you're either born with or not,  it's a skill y...

In this episode,  I'm breaking down one of my all-time favorite tools: the Yes No Maybe List. If you've ever felt curious about trying something new in bed but didn't know how to bring it up — or didn't even know what was "on the menu" — this episode is for you. I'll walk you through exactly how to introduce the list to your partner, how to fill it out (solo or together), and most importantly, how to turn your “yeses” into real plans you'll actually follow through on. I'm also sharing some incredible stories from our community, breaking down newer terms you...

What if you've been measuring your sex life all wrong? In this episode, I explore why sexual satisfaction is about so much more than orgasms, performance, or how often you have sex. Together, we'll discuss how mindfulness, self-awareness, emotional connection, and open communication can help you create deeper pleasure and more fulfilling intimacy. I'll also share ways to let go of shame, strengthen your connection with yourself and your partner, and redefine what satisfaction truly means. Whether you're single or partnered, this conversation will help you build a sex life that feels more authentic, connected, and pleasurable.

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What if the key to more pleasure isn't doing more… it's slowing down? In this workshop, I walk you through a practice that can help you become more present in your body, reduce stress, deepen self-awareness, and discover what truly feels good to you. We talk about why mindfulness and pleasure go hand in hand, how to create a self-pleasure ritual focused on exploration rather than performance, and simple techniques to help you tune into sensation, quiet distractions, and build a stronger connection with your body. Whether you're looking to expand your pleasure, boost confidence, reduce anxiety, or simply le...

What if the key to a better sex life has nothing to do with sex itself? In this episode, I'm joined by my friend Jennifer Cohen to explore the powerful connection between wellness, confidence, fitness, and sexual health. We talk about overcoming performance anxiety, why exercise can improve desire and arousal, the role honesty plays in intimacy, and whether chemistry can actually grow over time. Plus, we answer audience questions about attraction, confidence, relationships, and the habits that help you feel your best both in and out of the bedroom.

This episode is sponsored...

In this workshop, I'm answering your questions about desire, attraction, turn-ons, fantasies, and sexual connection. We explore why we're attracted to certain people and experiences, how to talk about sex with a partner without creating pressure, what to do when desire changes over time, and why feeling a spark for someone else doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong with your relationship. Whether you're curious about your own turn-ons, struggling to stay present during sex, or looking to deepen intimacy with a partner, this conversation will help you approach desire with more curiosity, confidence, and self-understanding.

This episode...

In this live episode recorded on May 21, 2026, I’m diving into how technology is reshaping our sex lives, relationships, dating habits, and emotional connection. From dating apps to social media, doomscrolling, and phone addiction, I unpack why so many of us feel more disconnected, overstimulated, anxious, and lonely despite being more digitally connected than ever. I also answer listener questions about insecurity, menopause and orgasms, remote-control toys, and how couples can rebuild intimacy through presence, communication, eye contact, flirtation, and intentional connection. If you’ve ever felt emotionally distant, distracted in bed, addicted to your phone, or unsure how to r...