Dateable: Your insider's look into modern dating and relationships

To kick off the summer, we're bringing back some of our favorite episodes that restore our hope and confidence in dating—and remind us that being single doesn't mean putting your happiness on hold. In this episode, we're joined by Dr. Jenny Taitz to stop treating singlehood as a waiting room for love so you can enjoy your life as it is today. If you've been feeling discouraged or wondering when your person will come along, this episode is a reminder that you can create a fulfilling, joyful life right now—and that mindset can transform the way you appr...

What if the secret to lasting love isn't choosing between passion and stability, but learning how to create space for both? In this episode, we're exploring why so many of us feel pressured to pick between chemistry and security in early dating – and how that belief can leave us wondering if we're settling when the relationship feels calm or chasing relationships that feel exciting but lack a solid foundation. We discuss why passion and stability aren't opposites, why the "spark" is often mistaken for compatibility, and how lasting relationships are built by intentionally nurturing both excitement and safety over tim...

When is the last time you felt that intoxicating rush of chemistry while dating? We're all about intentional dating to find a relationship....but we've forgotten about the excitement that comes from more casual dating sometimes. Whether you're in a season of life where you genuinely don't want commitment or you're burnt out from dating with an end goal in mind, we're discussing how a fling can be emotionally healthy – as long as you are intentional about it. We're discussing when flings make sense during certain periods of life, how you can feel alive again after a dry spell or...

What if the issue isn’t that you’re “bad at choosing,” but that your sense of what you want is still evolving? In this episode, we're exploring the idea of your “picker” and how our past experiences don’t disqualify us from finding love but actually refine our ability to choose better over time (if we let them) We discuss the difference between actively choosing a partner versus passively accepting one, why how someone makes you feel – and how you build together—matters more than checking boxes, and that refining your picker isn’t a one-time breakthrough, but an ongoing process of...

We're getting real today...because building the type of connection that's real and honest takes us looking at love differently. We're joined by John Kim aka The Angry Therapist who challenges the traditional, views of loves, arguing for a more grounded approach that's more realistic. We're discussing the reasons his definition of a healthy relationship has changed over the years, how to co-create with your partner (even if you are on your first date!), and some unconventional advice to connect better, restarting over again, and moving forward after an expired relationship (as he likes to call it).

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Why might someone feel ready for love, but still not be ready for a relationship? Today we're discussing the often confusing gap between emotional availability and relational readiness. Just because someone can feel love, connection, or attraction doesn’t always mean they have the capacity, consistency, or alignment needed to build a real relationship. We discuss how it’s possible to genuinely want love and still struggle with the structure a relationship requires, why you may feel confused when someone seems “so into it” but can’t actually follow through, and how to recognize the difference between someone who can feel l...

What if the healthiest relationships aren’t the ones that stay the same forever, but the ones that learn how to evolve through every season? We’re joined by Lauren who shares how her relationship has changed over the years – from casual dating to marriage, periods of deep closeness to phases of independence, and living together and apart. We’re discussing what it actually takes to sustain a long-term partnership without losing yourself in the process, the importance of emotional interdependence, and why lasting love often looks less like constant harmony and more like learning how to grow alongside each othe...

Is the anxiety you’re feeling a signal of real connection – or something happening within you that’s worth understanding? We're unpacking the complex relationship between anxiety and dating, and how anxiety can often be mistaken for chemistry when it may actually reflect deeper uncertainty or unresolved emotional triggers. We discuss the importance of recognizing your personal anxiety patterns, how the “IKEA effect” can backfire when we lead with our anxiety, and how we can challenge the way we define chemistry, recognizing the difference between grounded excitement from anxiety-driven intensity. Enjoy!

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What if the reason meeting people feels so hard right now isn’t because you’re doing something wrong, but because the entire social landscape has changed? We’re unpacking what it actually looks like to meet people beyond dating apps in a world where community and connection don’t come as naturally built into everyday life anymore. We discuss why simply showing up doesn't actually lead to meaningful relationships (and what you can do instead), how to leverage modern social clubs, activities, and events in a way that doesn't burn you out, and ways you can make a random a...

We’re constantly told that texting is the key to building connection—but what if constant communication is actually creating a false sense of intimacy? In this episode, we’re unpacking the role texting plays in modern dating, and how being in touch all the time can blur the line between real connection and just constant contact. We’re also talking about the pressure texting creates in relationships, the mixed signals that come from low-effort communication, and why intentionality matters more than frequency. Ultimately, we explore how setting boundaries, communicating with purpose, and focusing on meaningful interactions over endless availabi...

What if you actually love living alone and are sick of the pitying looks from those who couldn't imagine happiness outside of coupledom? We're joined by Dr. Bella DePaulo who describes herself as 'Single at Heart' and shares why she's happy as a clam (even well into her 70s!) and feels anything but lonely being single even in a partnered world. We're discussing how to know if you truly are single at heart or where you fall on the spectrum, how you can thrive on your own whether it's for the long-haul or just in a passing season, and...

We often think being a good partner means putting someone else first—but what happens when you lose yourself in the process? In this episode, we’re unpacking self-abandonment in relationships and the subtle ways people sacrifice their needs, boundaries, and identity for the sake of keeping a connection. We’re also talking about the difference between healthy compromise and losing yourself completely, why self-sacrifice can quietly turn into resentment, and the signs you may be prioritizing a relationship over your own well-being. Ultimately, we explore how maintaining your sense of self is essential to building healthy relationships—and why the...

If one things for certain, there's a lot of uncertainty in dating, relationships, and the world right now. We're joined by journalist and author Simone Stolzoff to talk about why people struggle so much with uncertainty and how this shows up in our romantic relationships. We're discussing the three traps that make us believe there's certainty even when there isn't, ways to build an uncertainty tolerance to apply to dating situations and relationships, and how to reframe 'not knowing' as something positive that sets us up for discovery to find the types of relationships and opportunities beyond what we...

We often hear the idea of “right person, wrong time”—but what if that’s not really what’s happening? In this episode, we’re unpacking how timing and readiness often get confused in relationships, and why someone not showing up fully usually says more about their willingness to prioritize you than the timing itself. We’re also talking about the way we romanticize almost-relationships, and how that can keep us stuck in stories that don’t reflect reality. Ultimately, we explore how getting honest about readiness—yours and theirs—can help you move on from connections that aren’t aligned and open up...

Could you really be one to two shifts away from having the type of healthy relationship you've always wanted? Our guest today, Amy Chan, believes so as she talks about the dating experiment that changed her life (that you all can do too) and how to look at dating like a sale funnel to identify which part is tripping you up. We discuss the 5 stages of dating, why we often want to slide through the most important phase, and how you can create your own dating bootcamp by being the scientist of your love life.

To learn...

We often get the question—when is the right time to have sex? In this episode we're digging into what we wish we knew when it came to sex, timing and the intimacy / expectations that come from it. We're discussing the challenge that comes from outdated rules like having sex on the third date, why its less about timing and more about the connection you've built, and how to feel more emotionally confident broaching the subject / deciding together that the time is right. Enjoy!

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Take the Dating Archetypes quiz now: https://howtobedateable.com/

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We've gotten so good at being intentional about dating, but in the process we've lost the magic. Today we're discussing how dating isn’t just about waiting for sparks or optimizing every move –it’s about finding the balance between the two. We dive into the tension between chasing serendipity and over-strategizing your love life, why leaning too far in either direction can leave you feeling stuck or unfulfilled, and how to see where you fall on the serendipity to strategy scale to create space for both spontaneity and purpose, Enjoy!

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What if one of the biggest mistakes in dating is also one of the most common—and hardest to admit? If you’re hoping someone will change or dating someone for their potential instead of who they are right now, you may already be setting the relationship up to fail. In this episode, we explore why we so often expect partners to change for love, how this usually leads to disappointment, and what it means to accept someone as they are – while still being honest about needs, preferences, and deal-breakers. Enjoy!

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What if we were to tell you in 6 years your love life would like entirely different in the best way possible? We're so excited to bring you this episode where we check in with some of the members of the Dateable community – many that we got to know super well over the pandemic from our Sounding Board Community + Programs – to see what has changed in their love lives and the biggest shifts they made that helped them date differently. We discuss how to meet someone from the apps to a grocery store, why ending things with the 'wrong person' helpe...

What if we told you there is one trait that predicts if a relationship will work out (or not)? And this absolutely should be something you're looking for when dating. If someone you're seeing doesn't demonstrate these qualities – don't just walk away but run! In this episode, we dig into what we wish we knew to look for in a partner earlier, that eventually we realized through our own situations and those of friends. We discuss why this one thing will make or break a relationship, how to see if it's a quality the person you're dating possesses and why...

At our core, we’re not just wired for sex—we’re wired for deep connection with another human being. In this episode, we’re joined by Dr. Justin Garcia, leading sex researcher, evolutionary biologist, and Executive Director of the Kinsey Institute, who shares the science behind why humans are driven to bond, love, and seek intimacy. We explore how modern dating both supports and disrupts our natural instinct to pair bond, what choices like staying single or exploring nontraditional relationships mean in that context, and why even when connection feels hard to find it’s still fundamentally what we’re buil...

Why do we place so much weight on being chosen and what does it actually get us? In this episode, we dig into how we’ve confused attention with real investment and chased validation instead of asking whether we felt genuinely valued. We reflect on the subtle ways performative dating shows up and how societal pressure keeps us focused on being picked and why the relationships worth having are built more so much more than simply being chosen. Enjoy!

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Take the Dating Archetypes quiz now: https://howtobedateable.com/

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We all know our attachment styles greatly impact how we show up in dating and relationships, but what do we do if we have anxious or avoidant tendencies? We’re joined by attachment expert Thais Gibson, who shares how we can rewire our brains and nervous system to feel more secure. We discuss the ways that our childhood wounds directly correlate to our attachment styles, how to reprogram the subconscious beliefs that leak into our love lives, and why it's completely possible to reprogram your attachment style so you can date in a way that feels liberating.

To...

If you’ve ever questioned whether a relationship is “right” you’re not alone. In this episode, we unpack how our understanding of healthy relationships has evolved over time, and why the ones that actually last often feel steady and grounding rather than dramatic or intense. We reflect on past experiences where chemistry and excitement were mistaken for compatibility, and how that mindset kept us stuck in patterns that didn’t truly serve us. Enjoy!

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Take the Dating Archetypes quiz now: https://howtobedateable.com/

Read our book: How To Be Dateable: The Essential...

In a world full of opinions, algorithms, and endless advice, learning to trust yourself has never been harder—or more important. In this episode, we unpack how modern dating and decision-making have become clouded by external noise, from social media to AI, and why reconnecting with your intuition is key to clarity and confidence in dating. We discuss the risks of crowdsourcing every decision, how to build a “self-trust library” through small, consistent actions, and why regaining self-trust will help you massively reduce the time spent on dating to allow you to focus on the good parts!

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If you’re like 46% of our audience, you may be afraid of choosing the wrong partner—and that fear can keep you stuck overthinking every decision or holding onto something that doesn’t feel right. In this episode, we share why the real mistake isn’t picking the wrong person—it’s staying too long when it’s not working. We discuss what we wish we could tell our younger selves to relinquish this fear and actually get into healthy relationships (and leave ones that are draining our time, energy, and mental health!) Enjoy!

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Whether you’ve questioned if someone in your life might be a narcissist or just want to better understand toxic relationship patterns, we’re breaking down what narcissism really looks like and how to protect yourself. We’re joined by Dr. Alina Kastner, who shares why these relationships are so detrimental and how to recognize the warning signs to gtfo of these unhealthy dynamics. We're discussing what really defines define narcissistic abuse, why narcissists often target the people you'd least expect, and how to heal from this type of relationship if you were to find yourself in this situation.

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Have you ever wasted time trying to decode people who are giving mixed signals? If you've spent hours re-reading messages, overanalyzing tone and holding onto potential, this one is for you. Or if you're just starting to date in your 20s and want to avoid all this time wasted, this something you need to hear right now. We're sharing what we learned the hard way so you don't have to experience it too when it comes to mixed signals. Enjoy!

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Take the Dating Archetypes quiz now: https://howtobedateable.com/

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Have you ever had a relationship where you thought "this is it" only for it to crumble right before your eyes? Add in if there was any infidelity or other betrayals and ooph – no wonder it's hard to get back into dating and trust again. We're talking to Greg about what he's discovered 3 years post-divorce about dating again, navigating the apps, and healing through it all. We discuss what it means to date with your values at the forefront even after betrayal, ways to really confront the trauma so it doesn't follow you into the next relationship, and how to...

If you find yourself getting dates but they never turn into relationships, you may be over-indexiing "dating skills" and undervaluing "relating" ones. In this episode, Julie breaks down the difference between dating skills (the spark) and relating skills (the glue), and why most people obsess over chemistry but ignore the skills that actually build connection. If you’re cycling through almost-relationships, or wondering why nothing sticks, this episode will show you how to refocus your attention to skills that actually are more natural to begin with!

Take the Dating Archetypes quiz now: https://howtobedateable.com/

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Whether you've tried matchmaking yourself or just learned about it from TV, we're giving you a behind the scenes look into the art of the setup and what it truly means to have success when using a matchmaker. We're chatting with Jaydi Samuels Kuba, a Hollywood matchmaker, about all the challenges and benefits of matchmaking – and how to make it work for you. We discuss what she's learned from years of observing dates (you'd be surprised at the nervous dating habits that come up!), how to understand client preferences vs dealbreakers to bring them the best match, and the way...

Situationships always have a villain—but it might not be who you think. In this episode, Yue challenges the narrative that the non-committal partner is the bad guy, especially if they have been honest about what they can offer. Inspired by the short film Making Space, she explores how we often ignore clear signals, cling to potential, and hope ambiguity will turn into commitment. Yue unpacks the difference between accepting reality and chasing possibility—and why taking responsibility for your choices is the most empowering move you can make. Enjoy!

Take the Dating Archetypes quiz now: https://howt...

Why do some relationships thrive while others seem to fall apart? The answer isn't luck; it's psychology. Join us as we dive into the next phase of long-term committed relationships and the 6 pillars we believe are truly the foundation of a partnership. We're discussing how to navigate the recurring cycles of a relationship fueled by both of your individual patterns and histories, why it's not just communication – but repair – that's the glue to a relationship, and ways to build better habits to strengthen your relationship (or prepare you for when you inevitably enter one in the near future!) Enjoy!

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In this episode, Julie is breaking down the biggest change she made when dating the last time around before meeting her now-husband: seeking clarity. If you’ve ever overanalyzed a text, questioned where you stand, or stayed because “maybe it’ll become clear,” this conversation will shift how you approach dating. Julie breaks down why directly asking for what you need isn’t aggressive — it’s self-respect — and how getting real answers (even the uncomfortable ones) is the fastest path to healthier love.

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Take the Dating Archetypes quiz now: https://howtobedateable.com/

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Have you ever thought you knew why dating was so hard only for your best friend to have a completely different perspective of what's keeping you single? We're joined by two lifelong besties Sean & Ned to hear Sean's challenges of dating in a highly ambitious city like San Francisco where the ratios skew more men to women. And of course the perspective of Ned from his experiences with Sean and his own revelations before finding the partner of his dreams three years ago. We're discussing the difference of being picky vs. settling, what's really going on to cause you...

Emotional connection is powerful—but is it enough? In this episode, Yue questions the idea that love can truly be “blind" but beyond just being physically attracted, and more about the general ease and connection you share in a physical space. Drawing from the TV show Love Is Blind (which she has gotten hooked this season), a recent experience with a friend of hers, and her own time in a"virtual" relationship before she finally met up with the guy in San Francisco, she explores why physical chemistry and nonverbal cues matter more than we admit. This is another reas...

Whether you're approaching 40 or have cleared this milestone, you may be feeling anxious about what's to come. We're talking to James & Claire Davis, better known as the Midlife Mentors, who are shedding some light on the evolving definition of midlife and how we can move from fearing this next chapter to recognizing its opportunity. We're discussing the hormonal and health changes that occur in both women and men, the shifts that happen in this next stage of life when dating new people and within our existing relationships, and ways we can reimagine these next couple decades in our own...

What if the real risk isn’t settling… it’s misunderstanding what makes love last? In this episode, Julie challenges the way we think about choosing a partner. She explores a very simple but powerful statement that was made about the three things you need to find in a partner that will ensure you never settle that has truly changed how she thinks about relationships. If you’ve ever worried about picking wrong, missing out, or “settling,” this conversation will push you to rethink what actually makes a relationship worth choosing.

Take the Dating Archetypes quiz now: https://howt...

Have you ever felt so burnt out on dating you wanted to give up? This may sound counterintuitive but we're talking about how decentering men and dating could be the key to removing this dating exhaustion – and ultimately finding your person. We're talking with comedian Allison Goldberg about how she shifted her dating strategy to staying open to meeting someone but not making her whole life centered around it. We're discussing the difference of decentering vs not trying at all, how to avoid slipping into the line of heterofatalism, and tangible ways you can build an incredible life that som...

Ever feel pressured to choose a side on big life decisions? Yue explores the freedom of living in the gray area, especially when it comes to having kids. At 45, she shares why a "hard maybe" is empowering, not indecisive. She talks about why she doesn't need to be defined by any decisions (that may change in the future) and how to separate your own wants and desires from those of friends, family or even partners. Enjoy!

🧠 Take the Dating Archetypes quiz now: https://howtobedateable.com/

📖 Read our book: How To Be Dateable: The Essential Guide To Fin...