Dateable: Your insider's look into modern dating and relationships

It's so easy to spit out the Instagram slogans we see everywhere like "Protect Your Peace,” “Set Boundaries,” “Know Your Worth,” “You Don’t Owe Anyone Anything” but what happens when what was meant to be empowering leaves us alone? We're discussing with Amanda White of @therapyforwomen why therapy culture on the internet has done real damage and how we can add the nuance needed to make sure we aren't giving to the wrong people vs. unnecessarily shutting people out for being human. We discuss why annoyance is the price you pay for community, how our obsession with frictionless living has made...

So you met someone in the most unexpected place IRL, but could it ever turn into a real relationship? We're chatting with Alex & Angelica to hear the story of how they met while on vacation in Hawaii, and how things developed into them dating long-distance and eventually starting a relationship 3 months after meeting. We discuss how their drastically different backgrounds in dating and relationships ultimately prepared them for each other, the steps they're taking to build a meaningful relationship (even miles apart), and how this unexpected relationship has helped them both grow individually while together by continuing to say...

Is AI helping us feel more connected, or making us less willing to deal with the messiness of real human relationships? We’re joined by Dr. Melissa Perry to unpack what happens when we turn to AI to process our dating lives, relationships, and emotions instead of turning to the people around us. We discuss why AI can feel so validating and easy to talk to (and what that means for humans that can't keep up with the speed and attention it gives us!), what we actually lose when we outsource too much of our emotional lives to technology, an...

What happens when the life you imagined in your 20s doesn’t look anything like the life you’re living in your 40s? We're unpacking what millennial midlife really looks like – from being single and dating later in life to navigating marriage, long-term relationships, divorce, and changing expectations around commitment and family. We discuss why our generation is rewriting the rules of adulthood, the new challenges we face compared to past generations that trigger a different type of feeling unsettled, and why midlife can be an opportunity to redefine what fulfillment looks like rather than a crisis. Enjoy!

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If you've felt stuck dating, have you ever wondered if it could be the place you live? How much does your city shape your dating life? And what do you do when you have the urge to go somewhere else....for life and love? We're chatting with Kristen Such who shares her story about moving to better align with the types of people she wanted to meet – and how that eventually led her to finding love. We discuss when to know it's time to explore different locations (and how you can do so slowly without blowing up your entire lif...

This isn't just another episode about attachment theory. We have THE man, the myth, the legend Dr. Amir Levine, author of the bestselling book Attached, here with us talking about his latest book Secure and how anyone can learn to build more secure connections – even if you are inherently more anxious or avoidant. We discuss why attachment theory has become such a huge part of dating culture, what it means to be CARRP (and how to recognize these qualities in a partner) and what to do when you’re dating someone who is showing up more anxious or avoidant so ins...

Are you truly going to end up alone or is fear making you believe a story that isn’t true? We're back for Season 23 to unpack one of the biggest anxieties in dating: the fear that love might never happen. We discuss why feeling “behind” is often more about perception than reality, the biggest indicator that shows someone is not ready and the signs that you’re actually on the right path toward finding love. But most importantly if you are on this journey, we're here to give you hope it's absolutely still possible – no matter your age, relationship experience...

We often judge how "good" we are at relationships based on our dating and relationship history, but what if it's the least complete picture? In this episode, Julie explores why romantic relationships often become intertwined with our identity, causing breakups, rejection, or being single to feel like proof that we're "bad at relationships." She helps you look deeper at your connection portfolio and the other evidence of your capacity for healthy relationships. If dating has made you question your worth, this episode will help you separate your romantic outcomes from your ability to create deep, lasting connection. Enjoy!

What happens when the tools meant to help us heal start getting in the way of how we connect? We're exploring the rise of therapy culture and how “therapy speak” is changing the way we approach dating, conflict, and relationships. We discuss why having the right words doesn’t always mean we’re doing the deeper work, how psychological labels can sometimes become a way to avoid accountability, and why not every uncomfortable moment is a sign of a toxic dynamic. We also unpack how to balance self-awareness with openness, curiosity, and the ability to navigate the imperfect moments that mak...

Does going through hard times together make a relationship stronger—or is that just the story we've been told? In this episode, Yue explores whether deep connection is built through shared struggle or if love can grow just as profoundly without adversity. She reflects on how survival, sacrifice, and teamwork can forge incredible closeness, but can also create resentment, distance, and even break people apart. Through examples like illness, career setbacks, and major life transitions, she unpacks when supporting a partner through hardship strengthens a relationship, and when it's okay to recognize that love alone isn't enough. If you've ev...

Is AI making dating easier or disconnecting us even further? We're unpacking how artificial intelligence is reshaping modern dating, from AI-generated profiles and photos to matchmaking tools and dating coaches. We discuss the ways AI can help people feel more confident and make dating easier, while also exploring the risks around authenticity, emotional outsourcing, and losing the human moments that make connection meaningful. We also dive into the future of AI companions and ask the bigger question: can technology enhance our relationships without replacing the vulnerability and presence they require? If you've ever wondered whether AI is the future...

Have you ever felt like you're "too much" or "too needy" in dating? Bu what if it's simply a sign you're dating the wrong people? In this episode, Julie challenges the belief that you need to be less emotional, less expressive, or less yourself to find love. Instead, she explains why the right relationships make you feel more secure, not more anxious, and how constantly feeling rejected or not enough says more about compatibility than your worth. If you're ready to stop blaming yourself for dating disappointments and start looking for relationships where you can truly flourish, this episode...

Can you actually date men when it feels like everyone is telling you not to trust them? We're unpacking how social media, clickbait headlines, and a constant stream of negative dating stories can make distrust feel like the default. We discuss why the loudest relationship narratives often aren't the most common ones, how to separate real red flags from fear-driven assumptions, and why paying attention to patterns of behavior matters more than blanket rules about who can or can't be trusted. We also explore how past experiences shape our expectations, where accountability belongs on both sides of dating, and...

What if the secret to feeling more alive is going back to the good ol' days of having a crush? In this episode, Yue explores why the excitement, curiosity, and unpredictability of an innocent crush can reconnect us to the very things that make us human. As technology and AI make our lives increasingly efficient and predictable, she argues that it's spontaneous, real-world interactions that spark joy, creativity, and emotional vitality. Whether you're single, partnered, or simply craving more excitement in your everyday life, this episode will inspire you to embrace the small moments of anticipation that remind us...

Is the rising cost of everything making you question whether love is still worth pursuing? We're unpacking how inflation, financial stress, and layoffs are impacting modern dating – and why media has declared 'dating has become a "rich person's game.' We discuss how money influences everything from who asks whom out to whether couples should split the bill, why financial anxiety is causing people to delay dating altogether, and how to date in practical ways that eliminate overspending (and why emotional investment matters more than expensive dates anyways!) Enjoy!

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Have you ever had a tim...

While it's true that trust takes time to grow, it absolutely starts revealing itself from the very beginning...if you know what to look out for. In this episode, Julie breaks down the subtle early signs of trustworthiness, how you can tell so much based on how someone responds after moments of disconnection, and ways you can show you're the type of person people trust on early dates too. If you've been relying on chemistry to tell you whether someone is right for you, this episode will help you shift the question from "Do I feel a spark?" to "...

In the final day of our 7 Days of Dating Confidence, we're talking about one of the deepest sources of self-doubt in dating: our relationship with our bodies.

In this episode, Natalie Carey shares how body image struggles can shape our self-esteem, relationships, and what we believe we deserve in love. We discuss moving toward body acceptance, letting go of impossible standards, and learning to appreciate yourself in a deeper way. If you've ever felt like your appearance determined your worth in dating, this episode is your reminder that confidence isn't about looking a certain way—it's about be...

In Day 6 of our 7 Days of Dating Confidence, we're talking about the relationship that shapes every other relationship: the one you have with yourself.

In this episode, Katie Sturino shares her journey of rebuilding confidence and reclaiming her dating life after years of insecurity and self-doubt. We discuss how past experiences shape our self-worth, why perfection isn't the key to confidence, and how learning to feel comfortable in your own skin changes the way you date and who you choose.If you've ever felt like you're somehow not enough for love, this episode is your reminder that...

In Day 5 of our 7 Days of Dating Confidence, we're talking about the courage it takes to let people see the real you.

In this episode, we explore why so many of us hide our quirks and edit ourselves while dating—and how that often keeps us from finding the connections we truly want. Through MK's story, we discuss taking emotional risks, showing your personality sooner, and trusting that the right person will appreciate the things that make you different. If you've ever worried that you're too much, too weird, or not enough, this episode is your reminder th...

In Day 4 of our 7 Days of Dating Confidence, we're talking about what it really means to feel desirable—and why confidence and attraction start from within.

In this episode, certified sexologist Shan Boodram shares why flirting is simply intentional communication, how chemistry develops, and why embracing your sexuality and desires can make dating feel more empowering. We discuss how to stop performing for other people and instead feel more comfortable expressing interest, attraction, and authenticity. If you've ever questioned whether you're attractive enough or struggled to own your desires, this episode is your reminder that confidence comes fr...

In Day 3 of our 7 Days of Dating Confidence, we're focusing on one of the biggest confidence killers in dating: taking every disappointment personally.

In this episode, we're joined by Case Kenny to discuss how to stop letting rejection, ghosting, and almost-relationships define your worth. We explore why being single can actually be a superpower, how to separate other people's choices from your value, and why confidence isn't about avoiding heartbreak – it's about trusting yourself enough to keep going. If dating has left you feeling discouraged or questioning yourself, this episode is your reminder that setbacks don't mean som...

In Day 2 of our 7 Days of Dating Confidence, we're talking about the confidence that comes from embracing who you are instead of trying to become someone you're not.

In this episode, we're joined by psychotherapist and Deeper Dating author Ken Page, who helps us see that the qualities we often try to hide—our sensitivity, depth, passion, or quirks—may actually be the very things that lead us to meaningful love. We discuss how to identify your core gifts, stop seeing yourself as a project that needs fixing, and trust that the right relationship comes from authenticity, not...

To kick off the summer, we're bringing back some of our favorite episodes that restore our hope and confidence in dating—and remind us that being single doesn't mean putting your happiness on hold. In this episode, we're joined by Dr. Jenny Taitz to stop treating singlehood as a waiting room for love so you can enjoy your life as it is today. If you've been feeling discouraged or wondering when your person will come along, this episode is a reminder that you can create a fulfilling, joyful life right now—and that mindset can transform the way you appr...

What if the secret to lasting love isn't choosing between passion and stability, but learning how to create space for both? In this episode, we're exploring why so many of us feel pressured to pick between chemistry and security in early dating – and how that belief can leave us wondering if we're settling when the relationship feels calm or chasing relationships that feel exciting but lack a solid foundation. We discuss why passion and stability aren't opposites, why the "spark" is often mistaken for compatibility, and how lasting relationships are built by intentionally nurturing both excitement and safety over tim...

When is the last time you felt that intoxicating rush of chemistry while dating? We're all about intentional dating to find a relationship....but we've forgotten about the excitement that comes from more casual dating sometimes. Whether you're in a season of life where you genuinely don't want commitment or you're burnt out from dating with an end goal in mind, we're discussing how a fling can be emotionally healthy – as long as you are intentional about it. We're discussing when flings make sense during certain periods of life, how you can feel alive again after a dry spell or...

What if the issue isn’t that you’re “bad at choosing,” but that your sense of what you want is still evolving? In this episode, we're exploring the idea of your “picker” and how our past experiences don’t disqualify us from finding love but actually refine our ability to choose better over time (if we let them) We discuss the difference between actively choosing a partner versus passively accepting one, why how someone makes you feel – and how you build together—matters more than checking boxes, and that refining your picker isn’t a one-time breakthrough, but an ongoing process of...

We're getting real today...because building the type of connection that's real and honest takes us looking at love differently. We're joined by John Kim aka The Angry Therapist who challenges the traditional, views of loves, arguing for a more grounded approach that's more realistic. We're discussing the reasons his definition of a healthy relationship has changed over the years, how to co-create with your partner (even if you are on your first date!), and some unconventional advice to connect better, restarting over again, and moving forward after an expired relationship (as he likes to call it).

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Why might someone feel ready for love, but still not be ready for a relationship? Today we're discussing the often confusing gap between emotional availability and relational readiness. Just because someone can feel love, connection, or attraction doesn’t always mean they have the capacity, consistency, or alignment needed to build a real relationship. We discuss how it’s possible to genuinely want love and still struggle with the structure a relationship requires, why you may feel confused when someone seems “so into it” but can’t actually follow through, and how to recognize the difference between someone who can feel l...

What if the healthiest relationships aren’t the ones that stay the same forever, but the ones that learn how to evolve through every season? We’re joined by Lauren who shares how her relationship has changed over the years – from casual dating to marriage, periods of deep closeness to phases of independence, and living together and apart. We’re discussing what it actually takes to sustain a long-term partnership without losing yourself in the process, the importance of emotional interdependence, and why lasting love often looks less like constant harmony and more like learning how to grow alongside each othe...

Is the anxiety you’re feeling a signal of real connection – or something happening within you that’s worth understanding? We're unpacking the complex relationship between anxiety and dating, and how anxiety can often be mistaken for chemistry when it may actually reflect deeper uncertainty or unresolved emotional triggers. We discuss the importance of recognizing your personal anxiety patterns, how the “IKEA effect” can backfire when we lead with our anxiety, and how we can challenge the way we define chemistry, recognizing the difference between grounded excitement from anxiety-driven intensity. Enjoy!

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Take the Dating Archetypes...

What if the reason meeting people feels so hard right now isn’t because you’re doing something wrong, but because the entire social landscape has changed? We’re unpacking what it actually looks like to meet people beyond dating apps in a world where community and connection don’t come as naturally built into everyday life anymore. We discuss why simply showing up doesn't actually lead to meaningful relationships (and what you can do instead), how to leverage modern social clubs, activities, and events in a way that doesn't burn you out, and ways you can make a random a...

We’re constantly told that texting is the key to building connection—but what if constant communication is actually creating a false sense of intimacy? In this episode, we’re unpacking the role texting plays in modern dating, and how being in touch all the time can blur the line between real connection and just constant contact. We’re also talking about the pressure texting creates in relationships, the mixed signals that come from low-effort communication, and why intentionality matters more than frequency. Ultimately, we explore how setting boundaries, communicating with purpose, and focusing on meaningful interactions over endless availabi...

What if you actually love living alone and are sick of the pitying looks from those who couldn't imagine happiness outside of coupledom? We're joined by Dr. Bella DePaulo who describes herself as 'Single at Heart' and shares why she's happy as a clam (even well into her 70s!) and feels anything but lonely being single even in a partnered world. We're discussing how to know if you truly are single at heart or where you fall on the spectrum, how you can thrive on your own whether it's for the long-haul or just in a passing season, and...

We often think being a good partner means putting someone else first—but what happens when you lose yourself in the process? In this episode, we’re unpacking self-abandonment in relationships and the subtle ways people sacrifice their needs, boundaries, and identity for the sake of keeping a connection. We’re also talking about the difference between healthy compromise and losing yourself completely, why self-sacrifice can quietly turn into resentment, and the signs you may be prioritizing a relationship over your own well-being. Ultimately, we explore how maintaining your sense of self is essential to building healthy relationships—and why the...

If one things for certain, there's a lot of uncertainty in dating, relationships, and the world right now. We're joined by journalist and author Simone Stolzoff to talk about why people struggle so much with uncertainty and how this shows up in our romantic relationships. We're discussing the three traps that make us believe there's certainty even when there isn't, ways to build an uncertainty tolerance to apply to dating situations and relationships, and how to reframe 'not knowing' as something positive that sets us up for discovery to find the types of relationships and opportunities beyond what we...

We often hear the idea of “right person, wrong time”—but what if that’s not really what’s happening? In this episode, we’re unpacking how timing and readiness often get confused in relationships, and why someone not showing up fully usually says more about their willingness to prioritize you than the timing itself. We’re also talking about the way we romanticize almost-relationships, and how that can keep us stuck in stories that don’t reflect reality. Ultimately, we explore how getting honest about readiness—yours and theirs—can help you move on from connections that aren’t aligned and open up...

Could you really be one to two shifts away from having the type of healthy relationship you've always wanted? Our guest today, Amy Chan, believes so as she talks about the dating experiment that changed her life (that you all can do too) and how to look at dating like a sale funnel to identify which part is tripping you up. We discuss the 5 stages of dating, why we often want to slide through the most important phase, and how you can create your own dating bootcamp by being the scientist of your love life.

To learn...

We often get the question—when is the right time to have sex? In this episode we're digging into what we wish we knew when it came to sex, timing and the intimacy / expectations that come from it. We're discussing the challenge that comes from outdated rules like having sex on the third date, why its less about timing and more about the connection you've built, and how to feel more emotionally confident broaching the subject / deciding together that the time is right. Enjoy!

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Take the Dating Archetypes quiz now: https://howtobedateable.com/

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We've gotten so good at being intentional about dating, but in the process we've lost the magic. Today we're discussing how dating isn’t just about waiting for sparks or optimizing every move –it’s about finding the balance between the two. We dive into the tension between chasing serendipity and over-strategizing your love life, why leaning too far in either direction can leave you feeling stuck or unfulfilled, and how to see where you fall on the serendipity to strategy scale to create space for both spontaneity and purpose, Enjoy!

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Take our Dating Archet...

What if one of the biggest mistakes in dating is also one of the most common—and hardest to admit? If you’re hoping someone will change or dating someone for their potential instead of who they are right now, you may already be setting the relationship up to fail. In this episode, we explore why we so often expect partners to change for love, how this usually leads to disappointment, and what it means to accept someone as they are – while still being honest about needs, preferences, and deal-breakers. Enjoy!

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Take the Dating Archetyp...