Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE

10 Episodes

By: Steve Moore & Mark Kastleman

Two sex addicts in long-term successful recovery are ALSO world-class mental health professionals who specialize in porn and sex addiction recovery. Drawing on 40 years of combined personal and professional experience, Mark and Steve get RAW and REAL about HOW to overcome addiction, heal betrayal trauma and save your marriage. If you're struggling with addiction—we get it. Recovery is hard. We've been there. We'll help you take the fight to your addiction like never before. If you're married to an addict—we KNOW what it's like to nearly destroy a marriage! We'll help you understand the world of your husband's addi...

Now that my Sex/Porn Addiction is Out in the Open, my Betrayed Partner is Lashing Out! How do we Navigate this?!

In episode 223, Mark & Steve address a submission by a PBSE listener who is in long-term recovery from his porn and sex addiction. At the same time, after many years of gaslighting, lying and multiple layers of betrayal, his spouse is understandably and significantly struggling in the relationship. Here's how he describes the situation—

Hey guys! Recovering addict here, coming up on a year of sobriety. First off, I just want to say I take full responsibility for the complete destruction I've caused in my marriage through my gaslighting and lying about my porn and sex addiction. My wi...

Both Partners Have a Porn Addiction History. One is Pursuing Real Recovery and the other Refuses to do so; Now What?

In episode 222 of the PBSE podcast, hosts Mark and Steve delve into a deeply personal and challenging topic after receiving a unique submission from a listener. The episode focuses on a couple where both partners have a history of porn  and sex addiction, but only one is actively pursuing recovery. The submission details the struggles of trying to support a partner who is resistant to seeking professional help due to past traumas and fears of exposing their addiction.

02:09 - 04:18: Unveiling the Listener's Challenge—Revealing the listener's submission about dealing with porn addiction in her...

How Can "Love" and "Attraction" Evolve Through Disclosure and the Recovery/Healing Process?

Episode 221 comes in response to the heart-felt submission by a PBSE listener struggling after the disclosure of her porn and sex addicted partner. Have you ever felt the flame of love flicker and feared it might go out? That's the heart of our latest episode where we peel back the layers on rekindling romance in the wake of a porn/sexual addiction disclosure. We share our own stories of navigating the rough seas of love post-recovery, offering listeners raw insights on how marriages can not only survive but grow stronger through these trials. The journey is not just about...

How Can my Family & Friends Support Me & My Partner in Recovery? How Much Should We Share & with Whom?

In Episode 220, Mark & Steve talk about a challenge in porn/sex addiction and betrayal trauma healing that is all about a "third party"—the family and friends of the addict and partner. Here's a situation submitted by a PBSE listener—

Hey guys. Would you consider doing a podcast episode about advice for friends or family trying to support the addict and/or the betrayed partner? It’s like I want to send my friends a guide around [how they can support me] Eg: being “supportive no matter what” & helping them understand why a partner may stay due to the nat...

I Have Habitually, Continually Lied to My Partner! Is There Any Hope for Me and Us?

In Episode 219, Mark & Steve get super passionate in addressing a heart-felt, yet tragic submission from a PBSE listener. Here's what he had to say—

Hi, I would love it if you guys could do a podcast around the effects of years of lies and trickle truths on a full disclosure? I've been a PA for 18 years roughly and i've had a hard time coming to terms with my addiction and its consequences. My partner and i have been together 4 years and she found out 1.5 years ago that I was being unfaithful through my excessive pornography and social me...

As an Addict, are you “Weaponizing your Weaknesses” as a Reason to NOT Commit to and Live “Real” Recovery?

In Episode 218, we address two similar questions that we received from partners who are in betrayal trauma healing as a result of their addict spouse's sex/porn addiction behaviors. Here's an excerpt from each of the questions submitted—

Partner #1—My husband and I have been together for 3 years. In  late 2022, I found out he had been emotional cheating/porn-using our entire relationship. It continued until the fall of 2023. I have given him feedback on what I need from him to start trusting again and he tells me that I am putting too much on his plate. That he ca...

After Deeply Betraying Her, How do I Help my Partner Feel Truly “Chosen” Again?

We want to thank a courageous partner for submitting the situation and question for Episode 217. Here's what she shared—

Hi Mark and Steve, I want to thank you for making this podcast and continuing to tackle these hard topics in a way that is so relatable for recovering addicts and being compassionate for partners. My question relates to sexual intimacy and bringing that back into a relationship that has been crushed by porn and sex addiction. We have been married 15 years and have 2 kids, my husband has been acting out the entire relationship in many ways and we...

Is this Coupleship Issue a Dual Sex Addiction? Or Something More?

Episode 216 is in response to a very courageous, transparent submission by a parter who is seeking to heal from the betrayal of a sex/porn addicted spouse AND also overcome her own sexual addiction. Her's what she sent in to PBSE—

Hello Mark and Steve! Thank you for all the work and dedication that you have put into your programs and podcasts and for providing the community with invaluable tools and resources! Thank you for sharing your wealth of knowledge. I have an unusual/embarrassing question. I am the wife of a sober porn addict. I am a...

What Came First—His Emotional Disconnectedness or His Addiction?

In Episode 215, a PBSE listener asks some very-often-wondered-about questions regarding addiction and related mental, emotional and relational behaviors—

I’m wondering what comes first….the chicken or the egg? Do men who already have narcissistic tendencies (born or developed in childhood) gravitate to sex/porn addiction more frequently given their insecure nature and need for validation? Or, has excessive porn use led to an increase in narcissistic tendencies in men? Could this be one reason why some men are successful in recovery while others never find true recovery?

Mark and Steve get raw and real in add...

My Partner’s Porn Addiction Ruined Our Sex Life! Can/Should We Seek a Total “Sexual Reset”?

In Episode 214, Mark and Steve respond to a PBSE listener who finds herself in an all-too-common situation. After several years of marriage, her spouse has owned up to his porn addiction and is in active recovery. However, during their entire relationship, his porn addiction ruined what could've been healthy, connected, mutually-satisfying sexually intimacy. Now, they both want things to be very different going forward. Here are the questions she submitted to PBSE—

-  In what ways could we reset our dating and early stages of marriage?

-  We have discussed trying to redo our dating expe...