Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast

When kids take over the house, marriage can easily go to survival mode - and suddenly the relationship you love feels like one more chore on the to-do list. In this powerful Couples Therapy episode, Lenny and Letty open up about the invisible ways parenting, exhaustion, and unresolved patterns are draining their connection. With three kids, room-sharing, chronic sleep disruption, and years of putting everyone else first, they have reached a point where intentional connection is nonexistent. Debra helps them uncover what is really happening underneath the bedtime battles. What starts as a conversation about kids in the bedroom...

We’re BACK with the most popular series of the year: COUPLES THERAPY! And we hit the ground running in this heated episode with Curt and Lindsey.They’ve been dating for quite some time, moving toward marriage, yet they still don’t see eye to eye about some of their boundaries in the relationship. Curt feels uncomfortable with some of Lindsey’s decisions and interactions, and Lindsey feels like Curt is not able to understand her perspective, nor trust her to make good choices. Is this an issue of healthy boundaries, or is this an issue of control? Debra he...

Today we’re closing out our Singles Series with Brittany from deep east Texas! One of my favorite parts of getting to know Brittany was learning about her heart for God’s word and memorizing scripture, ever since she was young. We talk about the power that God’s word has had on her life and how it’s informed so much of who she is and how she chooses to live, and how growing up in a large family shaped the way she sees life, her leadership abilities, and her communication skills. It’s a conversation about faith, family, sp...

Today I'm chatting with Paaton from South Dakota, who's in a season where she's taking a personal challenge of saying YES to as many things as she can – to unexpected dates, to new friendships, to pickleball and burn bootcamp, to new friends, to adventure, to trying new things, and everything in between. She's in a season of transition, but she's leaning into the lessons of this season and trying to steward it well. You'll love this conversation and getting to know Paaton Karel, so follow up with her and connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/paaton

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Today I'm chatting with Rob, a single man from Las Vegas, who is here to let you know that the Vegas stereotype is not always what you expect. He's an entrepreneur that moved to Vegas a few years ago, and has stayed there to pursue his career and invest in his community there. He's passionate about health and wholeness - spiritually, emotionally, and physically, and he really believes that real love does exist. He wants to keep growing in every area of his life. His dating journey has been discouraging thus far, but he believes that he will find...

Today on the podcast I’m introducing you to Leah from Arizona, an amazing single woman whose life has taken an unexpected turn as a health and wellness influencer over the past few years. Leah went on a health journey of losing over 200lbs naturally and started sharing about her health journey on social media – which quickly gained attention. She’s in a season of stepping into all the things God has for her - and hopes and prays that this journey will include a husband one day as well. We also spent some time talking through her “not my husba...

The Singles Series continues with Malachi from Texas, who processes the journey of carrying past pain into relationships, and how it just bleeds into the next relationship, and the next one –  if you don’t take the time to heal. In trying to run from his pain, he prolonged it and caused more pain along the way that led him down a path of addiction. But the past few years have ushered him into a season of intentional healing, facing the past, and healing from his past trauma as well as his past mistakes. He’s desiring to do relatio...

The Singles Series continues with Lauren from Indiana, who is learning to make the most of singleness, while she trusts God with her hopes for marriage. She just finished her degree to become a counselor, and she has a deep love and compassion for people. Not only that, but she’s in a season of really enjoying her people – a strong community of friends that she’s built around herself to do life with. We talk about how she’s built community, and the importance role community, friendship, and intentional relationships has in her life. Then I process with her why...

The Singles Series continues with Devon from Florida, who has learned the value of leaning into the hard conversations instead of avoiding them. Devon is pastor, coach, and single dad who has intentionally embarked on his personal healing journey, increasing in his emotional awareness, his conflict and communication, and his desire for authenticity. His past relationship history showed him his tendency to hide from hard conversations, and with the help of God and good counseling, he’s taking the opposite approach in this season of life, which is to embrace the hard conversations with the people he cares about. We...

The Summer Lovin’ Singles Series continues today with Amanda from Florida! Amanda is in a season of “learning herself”. Her relationship with Jesus has been the solid rock of her life, and now she’s learning to discover the intricacies of her personality and who God made her to be. Growing up in a family with eight siblings, she’s embracing the beauty of discovering her true identity in Christ as an independent adult. She’s balancing ministry, creativity, fitness, and fun in this beautiful season of life that she’s working hard to savor, until God brings the right man into...

It’s time for Summer Lovin’! I’m so excited for the conversations we’ll be having over the next few months with both singles and married couples about the realities of navigating relationships well. Today begins our Singles Series where I’ll be introducing you to a few Christian singles! Today I am talking to Pedro from Colorado, who is trying to navigate dating in a way that honors Christ. In this episode, Pedro shares his journey of faith, healing, and discovering healthy relationships rooted in God's love. We explore how different faith backgrounds influence our walk with God, the i...

Exhaustion. Fatigue. Lack of Motivation. Apathy. Overwhelm. How do you know if you’re burnt out – or if you’re just dealing with hormones? Because we know that sometimes the two can feel like the same thing! Today I’m joined by Gina, who is calling in to process whether she’s burnt out from a demanding career in full time ministry over many years without a break, or because she’s in the middle of menopause? Which one is it, and how do you know the difference? And then – what do you do about it? We process how to differentia...

What do you do when you’re in a relationship with parents – who don’t seem to be interested in a relationship with you? What do you do if they seem avoidant, distant, or uninterested? Do you continue to engage and interact, or do you back away? Today on Talk To Me, I’m joined by Debra from Canada who is wondering how to best navigate a relationship with parents that comes with pain, hurt, disappointment, and frustration. This conversation is a meaningful one for anyone who seems to have a complicated or complex relationship with their parents or their in...

What do you do when you’re in the middle of a season of transition – but you have no idea what’s coming up next? When you feel like you’re in the middle of point A and point B, in the middle of the waiting, the unknown? What are some tangible things we can put into place in a season of transition, to keep ourselves from doubting and from fear? Today on the show, Ross calls in to Talk To Me about this time of transition, where he feels called to move forward from his current role in ministry...

Where is God in the middle of our pain and brokenness? Where is God in our trauma and tragedy? That’s a real question that Jermaine Wilson had to face as a young man in his 20s – facing years in prison, and months in complete isolation. Jermaine’s avoidance of his pain, led him down a life of more pain – facing prison at the age of 15. He spent over seven years in prison, much of that in complete isolation – where he was FORCED to face his pain in a way many will never have to. Where is God in the middle...

Today on the show I’m joined by Angie, who’s greiving the fact that her adult daughter went “no contact” recently, withdrawing from family activities and isolating her daughter from seeing her grandma. Angie is grieving both the loss of her relationship with her daughter as well as her granddaughter, and wondering if there is anything she can do to move toward reconciliation and connection. I talk her through the building blocks of a safe relationship,what she can and what she can’t do, and what it means for her to work on creating a space of safety and...

Today on the show I’m joined by Melissa who is calling in to get help dealing with her anger issues. She’s noticing that her anger outbursts are getting less controlled, and has noticed losing her temper in the car as well as in public – at the bank, for example. She’s not sure where these patterns of anger have come from, and she feels like she’s tried everything to try and break free from her anger with no success. We process what her anger means, what emotions it represents, and then we look for trigger patterns to trace w...

Sensitive Content Disclaimer: The following conversation includes sensitive information, covering themes of abuse.

Today on the show I am joined by my friend Tim Ross for an on-air counseling session as we process the concept of vulnerability in relationships. What does it mean to be vulnerable? I guide him through the analogy of seeing vulnerability like a pool – equipped with both a shallow end and a deep end. Vulnerability means to go first, to take that first jump, and to invite people to the deep end of your life, and share authentically. He opens up about th...

Today on the show I am joined by Kirby Kelly for an on-air counseling session, as we process her past trauma of growing up with alcoholic parents. In this emotional conversation, Kirby opens up specifically about her complex relationship with her mother, who continued to relapse into addiction to alcohol until she passed away unexpectedly in 2023. Kirby is now expecting her first baby girl, and a new layer of trauma and mother wounds has made its way to the surface of her life. She is dealing with a layer of new emotions as she grieves for the mother she...

Today I have an on-air session with Christian Bevere, as we processed some of the mistakes she made during her dating days, including dating from places of insecurity, as well as the unrealistic expectations she placed on what dating was “supposed to” look like or feel like in that season of life. We then talk through how unrealistic expectations continue to play out, if we’re not careful, even in marriage. We unpack how family dynamics and Christian culture can influence our perspectives on dating and relationships for both the good and bad, and how there can almost be a “des...

The stress of the sandwich generation is real, but extremely underestimated. People don’t talk about it enough. How do you navigate the burdens and blessings of caring for young children, as well as caring for your aging parents…all at once? How do you navigate that stress while you’re also trying to run a household, keep a marriage intact, provide for your family, keep your job, and manage your mental and emotional health all the while? Theologian Joel Muddamalle sits down with me to process the stress he’s dealing with in this season of life, caring for his...

Today’s caller, Ron from California, is wondering what to do about cell phone addiction, especially as it relates to your marriage and relationships. How do you handle the issue of cell phone addiction before it has a negative impact on a marriage? What are some practical ways you can bring this area to the attention of your spouse, or other loved ones who struggle with being on their phone too much without getting into an argument? To help me answer this question, I’m joined by Larinda, one of the DFCN counselors, and together we unpack the neurological and...

What do you do when a long-term friendship suddenly comes to an end? How do you deal with the pain of rejection, misunderstanding, and even abandonment in close relationships — especially when you didn’t see it coming. Today on the podcast, Pastor and Author Alex Seeley opens up about a recent rupture of a close friendship that left her feeling misunderstood and abandoned. In our on-air session, we talk about healthy ways vs unhealthy ways to deal with the sudden loss of a friendship, how to know what's yours to own vs. what’s not yours to own, and where...

What happens when you don’t fit into the social norms? What happens when the social skills that are “supposed to” feel “easy”, feel like an incredibly difficult challenge? This is a glimpse of what it’s like to live with neurodivergence, and a diagnosis that impacts your social skills, such as ADHD or Autism. Today on the show Kendall Mariah, Instagram influencer and content creator, opens up to me about the burden and struggles of living with social challenges in a relational world. She never felt like she was “normal” growing up, and she couldn’t figure out why friendships we...

Today I’m joined by my friend and co-author of one of my books, Gary Thomas. He’s opening up about many different times in his life when he’s either felt misunderstood, slandered, or dealt with toxic interactions (some even from childhood) – and how he’s learned to respond as a person who typically leans toward peace and repair. We talk about how to set proper boundaries in relationships with different people, depending on their level of safety and health. Dig deeper into dealing with difficult people and setting healthy boundaries, by ordering my new book People Skills anywhere b...

What do you do when you keep hitting a wall trying to go deeper in friendship? Today, I’m joined by Nicole who is feeling hurt by the cycle of trying to go deeper with friends, but finding herself at a dead end. She’s feeling discouraged and wondering if it’s even possible to connect with people on the level that she’s desiring for friendship. I challenge her to dig deeper into some of her personal fears and triggers that might lie underneath the surface, particularly regarding rejection wounds, and then I give her practical steps for what to...

Today on the show, Kevin calls in to talk to me about dealing with church hurt and trauma. He’s a licensed counselor himself, and finds himself counseling people through church trauma issues on a regular basis. He wants to know how to best serve those who are struggling with this kind of trauma. He’s worked through his personal journey of church trauma, but as a counselor at a local church, he wants to find better tools to help those who are in the thick of it. If you find yourself walking through church trauma, this conversation will offe...

Rachel calls in to the hotline today to Talk To Me about her struggles with feeling secure standing alone. After the loss of her husband, she realized she’d never really dealt with abandonment wounds from the past, and is having a really hard time feeling secure in her singleness. How can a person begin to develop that confidence, and even enjoy being alone? Is it wrong to have a desire for a relationship, and how do you know if your desire for connection is healthy or unhealthy? We cover this and more, in today’s episode of Talk To M...

Can friendship bring up old wounds? Today Royneka calls in to the hotline to chat about a friendship that seems to be triggering her. How can she tell if the triggers mean she should step away from this friendship, or if the triggers are revealing something in her that needs to be healed? We unpack friendship triggers, how to deal with them, and when to confront them or step away. Knowing your triggers is an important people skill, and we talk through it in this episode of Talk To Me! Dig deeper by ordering my new book People Skills...

Today I’m joined by Michelle, who has been on a journey of saying no to passivity. Being the oldest child in the family, she has had a tendency to become more accommodating than she should. This pattern has followed her into her adulthood and developed into passivity. We talk about 3 important mindset shifts that have to happen in order to see assertiveness as the best way to take care of yourself and others. In order for relationships to be healthy, they have to be balanced! Assertiveness is an important people skill, and we talk through it on this ep...

We are so excited to celebrate the official launch of my new book People Skills today! People Skills offers 31 transformational social skills that will strengthen your interpersonal relationships, increase your influence, and help you create meaningful interactions. Rooted in Scripture and informed by science and psychology, this roadmap offers practical lessons on empathy, clear communication, listening, body language, conflict resolution, attachment styles, and more. 

As we continue this People Skills series on the show, I’m joined today by Anthony, who called in to Talk To Me About how to move past the hurt he experienced at his...

Will called in to Talk To Me about his journey through deep betrayal by his best friend – someone he never imagined would hurt him. How do you walk through this kind of betrayal, when you’ve been completely blindsided? Today, we talk through his story of pain and friendship betrayal, and the number one thing that helped him move into healing: forgiveness. Forgiveness is an important people skill, because it untethers you from the pain that others have caused you – so that you can be free to move forward and not stay stuck. We talk through how to do that...

In one of the most vulnerable conversations of the year, I sat down with Pastor Shawn Johnson and processed the moment that literally almost took his life -- the moment he broke mentally and emotionally. After suffering from intense and continuous panic attacks behind the scenes for many years, one day he could take it no more. Thank God he chose vulnerability in that dark and desperate moment, and reached out for help, because it was vulnerability: letting people in on his darkest moments, that ultimately saved his life. We spend some time talking about the series of events...

What do you do when your people pleasing tendencies continue to come up again and again? How do you navigate the desire to please people, but ultimately continue to strive to please God? Today, I talk to Judah Smith about his tendencies to care too much about what people think, and the self-serving, self-protecting, selfish nature behind being a person who cares too much about what people think. We unpack the idea that ultimately, the root of people-pleasing is actually selfish -- because it's the desire to be wanted, loved, accepted, and validated -- is actually a desire to...

It's hard enough to deal with feeling offended by people, but what do you do when you feel offended by God? In this on-air session with Alexandra Hoover, we talk about healthy vs. unhealthy ways to handle offense from people who hurt us deeply, and then we move into healthy ways to deal with feeling offended by God. We talk about important mindset shifts that need to happen, in order for us to be able to deal with our real and significant hurts, disappointment, and pain. How can offense bring us closer to God, rather than push us away...

We know God's heart is for a healthy marriage, but what happens when life has other plans? Today, I sit down with Lysa Terkeurst and unpack the series of events and discoveries leading up to the letting go of her marriage. She shares what she's learned along the way about boundaries, and her tendency to do more than her fair share of work in a relationship. We get to the root of the why, and what made her susceptible to this type of relational dynamic -- and ultimately, how she found healing in spite of it all.

"I've always just wanted to be accepted". I think many of us can relate to that sentiment. Max Lucado certainly could. Much of his life was spent feeling "on the outside" and wanting to be accepted, which led to a series of unhealthy behaviors just to try and find acceptance. Today, he vulnerably unpacks where this belief system started in his childhood, how it led him down a very unhealthy path, and how it still creeps into his life, even though he's been walking with Jesus for so many years. This is one of my favorite on-air sessions, with...

We’re spending the last few weeks of 2025 reviewing our TOP 5 MOST DOWNLOADED episodes! 

Why do so many Christians struggle with boundaries? 

We are taught that boundaries are wrong, sinful, or selfish — and that we should always say YES and be ready to sacrifice and serve at a moment’s notice. 

But is this really the way of Jesus? Or could this lead us down a path of emotional burnout, codependency, and unhealthy relationships? 

Today, we have an on-air counseling session with my friend, Bianca Olthoff. Bianca has been on the podcast be...

We talk about the struggles of life working in the adult industry, and the road that led him there for many years. Josh opens up about his absent relationship with his father, and how that impacted him in ways he didn’t even realize. We talk about the forming of identity and value, and the many things that can get in the way of believing the truth about who we are. It’s a powerful conversation about letting go of shame, and dealing with the pain of the past. If there is anything in your past that still haunts you...

We're spending the last few weeks of 2025 reviewing our TOP 5 MOST DOWNLOADED episodes! We often talk about letting go of the negative labels that people have put on us... but what about the positive ones? What happens when our entire identity is built on the success we achieve in this world... And then we have to lay it all down? Today on the podcast, I have an on-air counseling session with Demi Leigh Tebow, as she opens up about the struggle and depression she felt laying down the crown of Miss Universe... and realizing how much her identity was found...