H.O.P.E - Hang On Pain Ends

This is an OPEN letter to ALL parents .... If you have any desire to save our Children (and adults) from suicide ... I ask that you please listen to this 7 MINUTE Recording.

I want to spread this message more than I have ever wanted anything in my life... I am willing to speak in front of 5 parents .. 500 .. or 5,000. EVERYONE needs to hear this. Not just Parents ... but all humans.

I change the perspective on Suicide ... from my own personal experience of my OWN brain lying to me .... more than once, telling me this world would be...

STOP AND LISTEN FOR FIVE (5) MINUTES!!

This is the SHORTEST but possibly MOST IMPORTANT recording I have done TO DATE.

It is a letter to our New Jersey Senator ... CORY BOOKER! (What a great name right? Sounds like a Celebrity)... ANYWAY... take a listen, it speaks for itself.

I focus on the schools/children... but I am very passionate about spreading this message to anyone and everyone who will listen. So if you know of an organization or a group that you feel would benefit from hearing a different perspective on SUICIDE AWARENESS...

Do you have someone in your life... that is "unhealthy" in some way??? Drinking... Heart Disease.... Diabetes... Abusive Relationship.... and you find yourself consumed with worry for them, and every chance you get ... you tell them what they "need" to do???

Well... then.... this is a "MUST HEAR" for you.

I loved this one ... I recorded it later in the evening, so by the time I listened to it back in the morning, I had forgotten a lot of what I said ... and I think I say a lot of things that my listeners (or...

YES. You read the title correctly... I share in this episode, my experience thus far with the "Birds and the Bees" with my 13 year old son Parker boy...

I think this is a nice way to lighten the mood after my last Entry .... and I promise you, even if you have never listened to ANY of my other episodes... THIS one will have you laughing like crazy.

Would love to hear from you on how you are telling your kids about this "special time"... and feel free to tell me any funny experiences you have...

This recording is RAW. REAL. and VERY emotional. If you have any experience with Depression and Suicide in your life, I ask that you PLEASE listen to this.

We are losing our CHILDREN to suicide ... our Middle Schoolers are taking their OWN LIVES.

I speak about my extensive experience with both suicidal depressions, and coming within 24 hours of taking MY own Life.

I hope that this helps even ONE person out there who is struggling .... I believe the way I describe what a person feels like who contemplates taking their own life .... is...

This one starts out with the word I heard last year and exclaimed to myself "OMG!!! THIS WORD IS TOTALLY ME!!! IT DESCRIBES ME PERFECTLY ... UNHINGED!!"

I take a short journey realizing ... I somehow would make my chaotic and exhausting and stressful life... the funny performance at the family parties ... I would be describing myself as "Living my life in a state of panic" ... or using this "new" word that was just soooo hilarious - "Unhinged."

I visit the idea that the people that are LISTENING to my Podcast of H.O.P.E...

This was an open letter Entry... My old self ... verses my New Self ... but without my OLD self ... there is no way in "God's Green Earth" ... I could be my NEW Self.

This one is short ... but impactful - it speaks for itself.

I invite you... if you have recently started a journey of growth within yourself, to write a letter like this (hopefully in your new journal) ... talking about the changes you are realizing that you have made, and how and why you were not able to do any of this, before this moment. <...

This one was inspired by my ALL-TIME lyric from the magical Taylor Swift in her song Blank Space ... by the very end of this one ... I come to realize, how accurate that line actually was to myself at one time ... wow wow wow.

I discuss how Taylor swift has spoken about how her most creative times come in the middle of the night ... and she records the start of her song idea into her phone ... in a voice note. Well... HELLO! Voice notes are now my life ... whether it be sending them to friends/family instead of...

What if ... you woke up - found yourself ALONE in the middle of a train station ... with a packed bag, a ticket .. and you had NO idea how you got there, or where you were going?? -

That is the inspiration behind this Entry ... it visits so many different ideas and concepts that SO many of us need to hear (including me). It's a mix of serious themes... but funny musical "breaks" throughout the whole thing.... Yes, so if you are annoyed by me breaking into song ... please keep scrolling!

Would love to continue to...

The inspiration for this "drive by" entry ... was this little sign I saw in a gift shop recently ... I looked up ... and there it was ... I grabbed my phone and took a photo of it ... but I knew I would remember it no matter what. How clever .... "When Nothing Goes Right...Go Left."

The idea ... that if you are pushing and pushing and trying to make something work ... make something be the "RIGHT WAY" ... but it just keeps pushing back... this universe is telling you something. You can keep trying... you can keep pushing, or saving something...

Happy Tuesday everyone! (Has always been my favorite day of the week...) I recorded late last night ... wasn't sure how it would sound since it was way past my bedtime ... but I listened this morning .. and I think it's a pretty damn good listen!

I revisit my "soulmate" Entry from the end of January ... now that I feel someone very special (with a soulmate connection) has entered my life ... and I had realized, that I 100% mainfested HIM ... which lead me to a conversation about manifesting in general.. and what it ACTUALLY entails...as many people don't really...

This one starts out with a MAJOR bout of Mommy Guilt! Anyone else struggle with this... .especially in the mornings??? God FORBID we remind these kids to brush their damn teeth!

What about Faking laughs for the sake of the kids??? (No nooooo I'm not talking about FAKING other things for the hubbys/boyfriends... that will be another episode).

I talk about the importance of SLEEP.... grabbing from recent info off of a new Mel Robbins episode!

I think a lot of my listeners will relate to this .... we all struggle so much...

Suffering, Loss, Illness ... produce character and produce H.O.P.E. Trials ... Obstacles ... Detours ... Stop Signs.... these are all things that can be so incredibly painful, but they all do things to us, that we would not experience if things were just "easy" ... just "smooth sailing."

You must believe in what you CAN'T SEE... and that ... the biggest thing... that you need to remember and believe ... is HOPE, even though you can't and will NEVER be able to see it.

Nothing is immediate ... nothing changes overnight ... but we just need to all hang in there...

This one started when I found a newspaper clipping that my Mom taped to my Mirror years ago ... back when my husband and I were going through our divorce...

It makes me take a step back and really examine how I was living my life "before" everything happened ... and now "after" everything happened.

This one that was great to listen back to (3 days later) ... because of course I needed to hear it in that moment.

I share a new situation regarding my Mom's health ... and how I handled it NOW... compared to how...

TRIGGER WARNING -- If you have recently lost a loved one, this is an extremely raw and emotional Entry ... it may help you to hear someone else going through the same heart break ... BUT ... it also might trigger more sadness, so I am leaving it up to you.

This was one of those days..... where out of NOWHERE - that moment on 12/3/25 ... when I got the call that changed my entire life, that my Father had died, just popped into my head ... and then it pretty much went downhill from there.

I apologize...

GUYS!!!! OMG.... you are going to DIE when you hear this CRAZY story!!! My dad has been showing up in my dreams nudging me to record about this one...

I really can't say much about this one .... you just MUST LISTEN!!! Don't forget to email me with some feedback ... I love hearing from everyone!

alanamichaels18@yahoo.com

Love, ALANA

This one documents my very first date ... not only in a very LONG time... but also my first date without my Dad here on Earth with me.

Although I did bring him with me (no, I did not pull out the mini earn with my dad's ashes once they dropped off the bread) - although, I am sure my Dad would have loved that. lol but I had Dad's prayer card in my purse.

However ... it was pretty clear the minute I saw this man, I didn't need the prayer card ... because my dad hand-picked...

I am actually SO happy that this is transpiring in REAL TIME ... as I share my podcast and my life with the world in regards to MY diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder ... My 13 year old son Parker was just made aware (accidentally) of his diagnosis of being on the Autism Spectrum.

I think a lot of people out there (including me during times of my life) truly struggle once there is a "label" once we (or someone we know/love) are DIAGNOSED.

I invite you to take a listen ... and hopefully whether it by yourself, your...

This is a "Drive By" Recording ... aka I am recording as I am Driving... I said in this one I would start "warning" people. that if you have "motion sickness" aka you don't like when my inner "rabid hyper squirrel" is acting up ...perhaps skip this one! I do jump around ... (like the song at the beginning of Mrs Doubtfire...) but if you can stick with me.... I think it's worth it! Oh, and I was pretty convinced I was about to get pulled over while recording.... (imagine if i would have asked him to repeat after ME ..."HANG...

The Blizzard of 26' Is rearing it's ugly head .... we all feel shitty! ... AND THAT IS OK! I visit the concept of "seasonal depression" which then leads to talk about how psychiatric medications "run in the family" ...

Talked about how severe depression can look like a massive brain tumor .... wait until you hear about my first experience with a psychiatrist... a very emotional memory to re-live ... but it's so important for all of you out there to HEAR this. (Don't just LISTEN) ... I had a horrible experience with a psychiatrist ... but it was also a psychiatrist that...

"ANNIE!!!! YOU GOONIE!!!!!" .... Yup, you got it! A lot of throwbacks to different movies and songs in this one (not surprising) ... I have a lot of fun getting the listener prepared for a life-changing road trip .... so pack your bags, stock up on your water bottles and protein bars ... and AWAY.... WE ... GO!!

Got Woken up between 2am and 3am ... I was exhausted and groggy (I apologize for the Yawning).

But I knew I had something to say ... I didn't realize it was going to be so long ... but I take myself on a late night (or early morning) journey ... from My Dad's sudden Death .... and then My Mom's almost death ... and how I ended up choosing to finally take a BREAK ... and choose myself and my own health for the first time in my entire life.

My Fever was breaking (in real time) ... I was coming out...

The Cocktail hour doors have been opened ... the mashed potato and taco bars are stocked and ready! The good-looking waiters and waitresses are walking between the guests with their trays filled with Delectable Delights ...

Everyone is buzzing about what the "Alana Michaels Show" will be like in "real life" ?? We have heard her voice ... but NOW we will see her "IN THE FLESH?!" ... What will she be like? Does she really talk that fast and have that much energy??? It can't be! Say it Isn't so!!!

Everyone hears a voice coming from the crowd "Everyone...

What is something YOU can NOT live without? Some would say Water ... some would say Wine... some would say The Bible ... .and some, including myself would say "My GPS!"

This Entry recaps the incredible message I got to listen to at my new church, which was totally MEANT for me to hear today ... and in turn, I am now repeating it (in Alana Fashion of course) back to YOU (the listeners). .. in the hopes that something sticks!

This is my second time "recapping" the sermon I heard at church, where it is based off of...

"Alana! Stop picking!!" That's a line I have heard since childhood... referring to the horrible habit of picking and biting at my cuticles ... I dive into this a little deeper in this entry ... remembering back to a time where I did not pick at all, because I was on a medication that must have subdued the urge ... but it also subdued my personality, my drive, my spark. So ... at the end of the day, if I have to bandage up my thumbs once in awhile ... but I get to be MYSELF?? I would have to say - "We're gonna...

When you find out someone has heart disease ... do you say "I had a feeling you were heart disease!" ... NO. SO why is it OK for someone to say ..."Ohhhhh I knew you were Bipolar." .... No. It's an illness ... its a sickness... it's a disease ... i HAVE Bipolar disorder, there is a big difference in saying it that way. This episode visits the frustrations I have with verbage related to mental illness (clearly) ... Anyway, I do tend to get heated when I feel I am defending "myself" i.e. defending all of us with mental illness ... as It is...

Rest in Peace Mr McSteamy ... Eric Dane. I watched some clips of Eric's final interview just a few weeks before his passing ... and he said some powerful words and pieces of Advice, mostly aimed to his two daughters, but I believe his final words were left for ALL of us ... I reflected on this idea that came to me right at the beginning, before I even knew what this "journey" was about to become ... it was the line from Grey's.... "It's a Beautiful Day for Saving Lives..." But ... in my head, it was a bit different ... you have to...

This is not an exaggeration. I have basically never called out sick to work, to an event, to a family function, for anything... I've always shown up for ... everything and everyone else. Basically, I am realizing today ... which is why I was never showing up for myself. This one takes us through a quick journey in the hopes that the listeners out there won't make the same mistake I have for most of my life .... worried SO much about the job, the day, the duties ... that you forget, the most important thing to worry about, is YOU. Take a...

"Damn the Man! Save the Empire!!" - Empire Records.

We visit the idea here ...yes, we need to drive in the right lane with our hazards on SOMETIMES ... BUT we also still need to honk our horn, and drive AROUND people when we have somewhere we need to go!

I also visit the idea of "Do what you Love, and call it WORK." - from the song "Buy Dirt" ... and the fact about how much harder it can be when you are working for a dead dog for someone ELSE... - Listen to this one...

"Send in the Flood... Drown them Out" - Taken from the song "This is Me" from The Greatest Showman. A song that was SO important to me back in 2018... after I did my "This is My Brave" ... then today, It came on ... and it was like I was hearing it for the first time ...

Also! Good News! We are "going back to basics" and it hit me in the shower, that my "entries" are becoming too long ... and that is not what this was all about ... they are journal-entry style ...so I need to PULLLLL it back...

It's the 18th!!! As I have mentioned ... the number 18 is beyond just a "lucky" number for me in my life ... this one takes us through a journey of "cues from the Sky"... to meeting a possible new "love interest" with A TWIST! Also visiting the idea that just because certain people were close to you at one time, does not mean they signed a contract with you to always be by your side .... we only need people around us that lift us up, make us happy, and contribute to our inner and outer peace. So, with that being said...

THIS. THIS. THIS ... I don't even know what to say. I swear, Dad wrote this letter ... to ME ... even though it's a letter to HIM from Me.

I am ready... for my next chapter, the one that is going to change my life, "both sides now" ... I have love, and purpose. I am ready to surrender ... and trust God, My Dad, and My angels. This is the letter that will change everything ... that will mark the start of something amazing.

Thank you ... for your support, your love... for being the calm to my storm ..... the...

For anyone out there who have had a "situationship" and somehow.... it turned into the hardest thing to ever get over ?? Ever?? This one is for you. I look back on two of the most important relationships of my lifetime ... and how looking back with a "different lens" has taught me different things ...

I invite all of the listeners to do the same... I ask you to think of a time of your life, and you have always looked at it ONE way ... but try to "spin" it ... try to look at it differently, and see if...

I can't take full credit for this one .... I heard a version of this off TikTok first thing when I woke up this morning (Thank you Dad). And it spoke to me so deeply to my core ... I just knew I had to record my own version of it. If I truly knew how TikTok worked, I would post it there ... perhaps once I have my "social media" team, they can help me!

This one is not long ... and doesn't include any funny stories or "Double A's" aka Alana Anecdotes ... it's just real, raw, and true words...

"If you had ONE shot ... and ONE opportunity .... would you take It? Or would you just let is slip??" In the words of Eminem ... Lose Yourself.

This felt really good ... definitely one of more of my upbeat, but also very theraputic entries ... I came to some realizations during this one .. I go back to my high school days, my Dad's opinion on my friends, my dream of becoming a rapper ...

But ... the most important takeaway from this one ... it starts and ends, with talking about trusting your HEART ... beyond your gut, beyond your mind, beyond...

Valentine's Day means something different to me than to most people ... especially this year. The first time my most loving and supportive man in my life ... on all days, but especially valentines day, as he always gave me something sweet and told me he loved me... I miss you Dad ... very much.

Valentine's Day is a day of loss for my dear Mother ... and I talk about her losses of both her Father .. who passed on actual Valentines Day ... and also another very close soul that she just lost the day before Valentines Day.

There...

This one ... was inspired after I ran into the Quick Check and "Everybody" by the Backstreet Boys was playing... and from there we go on a little ride .... a few different songs play a part in this one ... (not a surprise)!

"The power of the Pause" I talk about my lifetime issue of having "knee jerk reactions" to things, and how now I reflect on that and I am starting to understand why... looking at things differently now in the way I respond and react to things... following the "signs" to give myself the peace and comfort...

THIS is an episode that started when I was fully "BUGSY" .. aka having major anxiety while driving the high way that I've driven my entire adult life... but after having this "break" from my "normal life"... I was thrown back into a situation that I equate with a very stressful and frustrating commute .... I was going to cut the recording pretty quickly because I was so overwhelmed and then started to drive in circles... but I kept recording ... and I am SO happy I did. For those of you, who get overwhelmed, and anxious in a heart beat .... this...

"Baby we can make it ... if we're HEART TO HEARTTTTTT" ... starts out with my wonderful singing ... so be ready for that!

This one is dedicated to the quote on the back of my t-shirt from college ... that My dad used to always quote throughout the years .. "Time is Never Wasted, when You're Wasted All the Time." Such a great line!

I visit the "feelings" I am having right now, about past loves, future loves ... and everything between. Trying to understand my "pull" to certain people .. or away from others. What is "meant to be"?? Who...

This starts out with me "rehearsing" what my answer will be on the interview circuit on "HOW did you end up doing this Alana?" ... And then of course this Runaway train took a few different twists and turns ... and it seems like this train is ready for a permanent conductor ... (accepting applications within)!