The Terrible Creative

Everyone around you already knows.

Your clients see it. The people who've worked alongside you see it. The people who love you have probably tried to name it — in ways you found reasons to dismiss.

In Episode 58, Patrick continues the Johari Window series by moving from the Arena into the most uncomfortable quadrant: the Blind Spot. Not the things you're hiding. The things you don't know you're broadcasting.

Using his own creative identity as the case study — the self-deprecation, the Terrible brand, the mid-sentence bail — Patrick traces the armor back to its origin: a thre...

There's a difference between being visible and being known. Most of us have confused the two.

In this episode, Patrick is sitting at a networking event in San Diego when a graphic designer asks him a question he wasn't ready for: "Who are you to write a book? To make a podcast?" What followed was a masterclass in what happens when radical transparency meets a closed receiver — and why no amount of clever explanation, diplomatic humor, or honest disclosure can open a door that's locked from the other side.

This is Part One of a fi...

The fear underneath every AI conversation in photography right now isn't really about the future. It's recognition.

In this episode, Patrick sits down with the hard question nobody in the industry is asking out loud: were we already making replaceable work before AI arrived? He traces the argument from a weekend with the Capture One leadership team, through his own portfolio audit, two unscripted phone calls with a working commercial photographer, a portrait session with a professor who had never been photographed, and a Christopher Anderson image made inside the White House that quietly pulls itself apart...

Something is changing.

This bonus episode is the announcement I've been putting off — partly because I wasn't sure how to say it, and partly because the timing is, as with most things in my life, sideways.

The Terrible Photographer is becoming The Terrible Creative.

Same show. Same voice. Same refusal to pretend I have it figured out. But the door is wider now — because the emails I've been getting for years have made something clear: the struggle we talk about here doesn't belong to photographers. It belongs to anyone trying to make honest work...

There's a moment in Season 11 of Alone where a man named Dub — forty days into the Canadian wilderness, starving, alone — watches a bull moose stand just out of reach on the other side of a freezing river. He has the shot. He has the skill. The river is just between him and the thing.

He watches it walk away. Then it starts to snow. Then he slips. Both boots go into the water.

"The moose was rubbing it in my face," he says.

Every freelancer knows that sequence. Not the moose — but the cascad...

Every job has a floor. A salary. A review cycle. Someone in authority who tells you you're doing fine, keep going.

Freelancing has none of that. There's no feedback mechanism that tells you you're okay. No quarterly check-in. No laminated menu that says: this is what we are, this is what we cost, this is what done looks like.

There's just the work. And then the silence after the work. And then waiting to see what the silence contains.

In this episode, I'm talking about the specific psychological cost of operating without a...

A photographer friend once gave me three words of advice that I've never been able to use: just be yourself.

Not because the advice is wrong. But because it assumes a stable, available self waiting underneath—one you can just step into when needed. For a lot of us in the creative industry, that self got covered over so gradually we didn't notice it happening.

In this episode, I'm getting into something I haven't talked about directly before: the mask. Not just the professional version—the competent, composed, commercially-legible persona we build to survive client work...

London. 1886. A respected doctor stands before a mirror and drinks a potion he swore he would only use once. He doesn’t grow horns or sprout claws. He simply becomes... lighter. The weight of Victorian morality, the heavy wool of his reputation—it just slides off his shoulders. The first time, it requires the chemistry. By the end, Hyde doesn’t wait for an invitation. He just arrives.

This is Episode 52 (Part 5 of the Heresies series)—where we say the things the photography industry would prefer you not think too hard about.

Today: We are putting...

I posted a question on Threads: "Where are you posting your images these days?"

The answers were scattered. Glass. Grainery. Pixelfed. Substack. Flickr, somehow. Very few said Instagram.

There is no home anymore.

Instagram was built by photographers, for photographers. Square format mimicking film. Filters mimicking darkroom techniques. A grid layout that functioned as a digital portfolio. For a while, it worked. Photographers got discovered. Built followings. Landed clients. Built careers.

Then Instagram decided it wasn't a photo-sharing app anymore.

They killed the chronological feed. Launched Reels. Made still...

It's 3 AM. You're scrolling through infomercials. A televangelist is selling "Miracle Spring Water" for $50—promising financial breakthroughs, healing, transformation. All you have to do is send money and believe.

Fast forward to 2026. A YouTube thumbnail: "This CAMERA changed EVERYTHING 📷🔥" Description: "Amazon affiliate links below."

Same hustle. Different spring water.

In this bonus heresy, we examine why gear influencers are the modern-day televangelists of photography—how they've built an entire industry around keeping you perpetually inadequate, how they've changed what we value when we look at photographs, and why most of them can't actually shoot.

Rochester, 1888. George Eastman releases the Kodak camera with a brilliant slogan: "You press the button, we do the rest." Serious photographers immediately panic, calling new users "Button-Pressers" and "Kodak Fiends." One writer declares photography dead: "When everyone is a photographer, then no one is an artist."

Same fear. Same argument. Different century.

This is Episode 2 of Heresies—where we say the things the photography industry would prefer you not think too hard about.

Today: Why your camera brand doesn't care if you're a good photographer. Why brand ambassadors are unpaid marketing de...

Most photographers drown in the edit.

Not because they can't see what's good. Because they can't choose what matters.

This episode is about the violence of editing—the courage it takes to kill good images, the ego that dies in the process, and why great portfolios are built on rhythm, not range.

I tell the story of a La Jolla shoot where I took 1,900 frames in two hours and couldn't figure out which ones to keep. About losing my sense of up and down. About the underwater feeling of staring at 300 good images an...

When a client says "I want exactly this," are they hiring you to execute their vision—or are they asking you to solve a problem they can't articulate?

This is the first episode in a five-part series called Heresies—where we say the uncomfortable things the industry doesn't want you to think too hard about.

In this episode: Why listening to your client might be killing your work. Why taste is a technical skill, not a preference. And the difference between being a problem-solver and being an expensive tripod.

We'll talk...

There's a woman in Bangkok who's been selling noodles from the same corner for 43 years. She turned down Bon Appétit. Not because she's shy. Because she didn't want to cook for strangers with expectations.

This episode started with a voicemail from Jason, a listener in North Carolina who shoots photos of his kids and has no interest in going pro. He called me out for ignoring non-professionals. And he was right.

What I didn't expect was how much his email would make me confront something I've been avoiding: I'm envious of a...

EPISODE DESCRIPTION:

Three hundred years. That's how long my family has been in America. Jamestown. Virginia. Colonial laborers. Post-Civil War homesteaders in Missouri. And not one of them—not one—ever owned anything that lasted.

In 1726, when a British clerk wrote "Fore" instead of "Fauer," my family's name changed. But the pattern didn't.

This episode isn't about New Year's resolutions or fresh starts. It's about lazy rivers, tubes, and boats. It's about realizing you're floating in a system you never chose—and that everyone in your family has been floating for centuries. It's about...

You've mastered the craft. You've built the business. You're successful. But you're still lonely. You're Joshua Bell in the subway—playing a Stradivarius while everyone walks past. You've taken off the costume, rejected the hierarchy, and you're still isolated.

So now what?

In the finale of "The Long Middle" series, Patrick explores sociologist Ray Oldenburg's concept of "The Third Space"—the pubs, coffee shops, and barbershops where community used to happen naturally. He examines why these spaces disappeared, how COVID delivered the final blow, and why digital spaces (Reddit, Discord) might be Third Space for some...

Why does a $600 light get dismissed while a $3,000 light gets respect, even when they produce identical results? Why do wedding photographers apologize by saying “I’m just a wedding photographer”? And why do we hide the work we’re actually doing because it’s not the “right” kind of work?

In Part 3 of The Long Middle series, Patrick examines the hierarchies that divide creative professionals, and admits his own complicity in enforcing them.

From a tense Zoom call about Profoto versus Godox, to being dismissed in Clubhouse rooms, to looking down o...

When Vanity Fair published Christopher Anderson’s portraits of the White House’s inner circle, the internet reacted to the politics. But as photographers, we need to look closer. We need to look at the framing.

In this bonus episode, Patrick Fore deconstructs the word "Framing." It’s not just the rule of thirds or leading lines—it’s authorship. It’s the decision to show truth over comfort, and humanity over "hero energy." Patrick opens up about his own struggle with "cowering" to the moment and why we’ve all become a little too good at making the wor...

Why do photographers wear so much black? Why do we feel confident on stage but panic at networking events? And why is it so hard to find real community in the creative industry?

In Part 2 of "The Long Middle" series, Patrick explores the costumes we wear—not just the black clothes and gear, but the professional roles and personas that keep us safe and isolated at the same time.

From 17th-century Japanese Kabuki theater to APA mixers in San Diego, this episode examines why we choose invisibility, what happens when we need established roles to fe...

In January 2007, Joshua Bell—one of the world's best violinists—played a $3.5 million Stradivarius in a Washington D.C. subway station. Over 1,000 people walked past. Only 7 stopped to listen. He made $32.

If you've ever felt like you're playing your heart out while everyone walks past... this episode is for you.

This is Part 1 of a 4-part series called "The Long Middle"—about that specific season in a creative life where you've mastered the skills, built the business, done everything "right"... but something still feels off.

Today's episode is about the loneliness that comes with e...

Belle Gibson faked cancer. The Stauffers rehomed their adopted son when the content became too difficult. Ruby Franke is currently sitting in a prison cell.

It’s easy to look at the monsters of the influencer economy and think, "I am nothing like them." But if you peel back the layers of how we document our own lives, the difference might be smaller than we’d like to admit.

In this episode, we dig into the "Curator's Disease"—the urge to professionalize our own existence. We look at how commercial production techniques have trickled down from a...

June 6, 1944. Robert Capa is wading through the freezing water of Omaha Beach. He captures the most important images of the 20th century, and technically, they are a disaster. They are blurry. They are grainy. They are imperfect. And that is exactly why they matter.

In this episode, Patrick explores the physics of light, the "hostage negotiation" of the exposure triangle, and why we are so terrified of grain. We look at how the market has colonized our vision, leading us to trade atmosphere for information and "safe" images for honest ones.

Most importantly, Patrick confesses...

In 1863, the Paris Salon rejected Édouard Manet's The Luncheon on the Grass for being too messy, too flat, too "unfinished." Today, it's one of the most important paintings in art history. Meanwhile, the "perfect" paintings that won the medals? Nobody remembers them.

In this episode, we're deconstructing the biggest question photographers face: What makes a photo "good"? How do we measure it? Who decides? And why do we keep building portfolios that are technically perfect but emotionally dead?

This is the first episode in a new mid-week series called "Basics, Deconstructed" we take the elementary c...

In this episode, I talk about the question that has been following me around like a stray dog with abandonment issues:

“What am I doing wrong?”

A late-night Zoom call.

A missed phone call that might have cost me a job.

Fabric mocking me at 2 AM.

Postponing Christmas.

Pretending patience is a virtue when really it’s just a financial liability.

This one is not a framework or a lesson.

It is a confession.

A...

This is the episode I’ve been avoiding.

Not because I don’t have an opinion about AI — but because I have too many feelings about it. Gratitude. Fear. Anger. Wonder. All tangled together.

AI has become my external brain — a tool that helps me function, organize, even parent. And at the same time, it’s the thing that might end my career.

In this episode, I talk honestly about what Adobe’s new AI tools mean for photographers, artists, and the humans behind the craft. A...

Episode 34 | November 2025

I was in my garage last Tuesday, shooting beef tallow. Yes, beef tallow—jarred cow fat with a marketing department. And while I'm adjusting highlights on solidified animal fat for the fourth time, I'm thinking: I used to shoot for Rolling Stone. What happened?

Then my friend Candice texted. An illustrator in St. Louis. I asked how business was going.

"Everything is a garbage fire out there."

And that's when I realized: we're both drowning. But for completely opposite reasons.

She doesn't have enough work. I...

Have you ever shared something you were excited about only to have it met with "yeah, maybe" or "how are you going to monetize that?"

In this episode, I sit down with a story that's been eating at me for weeks — a conversation at a coffee shop that revealed something uncomfortable about regret, haunted creatives, and the ghosts of unmade work.

This isn't about toxic positivity or hustle culture. It's about understanding the difference between someone who's tired and someone who's haunted. Between love and regret. Between the people who will protect your ideas and th...

You ever buy a twenty-two-dollar airport sandwich and convinced yourself it was worth it?

That’s what this week’s episode is about — except the sandwich is a photography competition.

In Gold Star, Patrick unpacks his love-hate relationship with the American Photographic Artists’ Untitled competition — and what it reveals about the creative world’s obsession with approval. From spreadsheets of judges to award-show absurdities like the Oscars and Grammys, this episode digs into why artists still crave validation from systems they don’t even believe in.

It’s funny, frustra...

Why creatives stay stuck, even when the door’s wide open.

We all want freedom. Creative freedom, emotional freedom, professional freedom. But here’s the thing nobody tells you:

You can be free… and still live like you’re caged.

In this episode, I break down the three invisible cages every creative person ends up pacing:

A milestone. And maybe the most uncomfortable episode I've made so far.

A few weeks ago, I sent an email to thirty photographers I know. I asked them one question: What's your dirty little secret? The thing you'd never admit publicly. The thought that lives in the back of your brain at 3 AM.

I told them it would be anonymous. I just wanted the truth.

And I got a lot of responses.

This episode is about those secrets. The ones we carry alone. The ones that make us feel like frauds...

Have you ever had a day where you told yourself you were “busy”… but couldn’t actually remember what you did? I know I have. Hours lost to scrolling, inboxes, half-finished tasks — and somehow at the end of it, I’m exhausted but nothing’s really done.

In this episode of The Terrible Photographer Podcast, I go after the two liars in my head who keep me trapped in that fake middle ground:

What if the most radical thing you can say about your creative work is: it’s okay?

In this episode, Patrick dives into the beige middle of creative life — the 80% of days that aren’t fireworks or disasters. He tears into LinkedIn’s toxic lobster-and-champagne highlight reel, confesses his late-night burger-level Photoshop grinds, and introduces us to Sarah, a catering coordinator who redefined what “ordinary work” can mean.

Along the way you’ll hear:

A New York–based commercial portrait photographer (big clients, covers, immaculate work) asked to talk. What came out wasn’t a portfolio review—it was a confession: he hasn’t made anything for himself in over a year, and he’s exhausted from performing passion he doesn’t feel. This episode is a permission slip for the photographers—and all creative workers—secretly pricing escape routes at 2 a.m. We talk about the unsaid epidemic of burnout, the grief under AI “efficiency,” and three practical permissions to help you stop performing and start feeling again. If you need someone to say it: you’re al...

One meditation. One burning question. One reminder you’re not alone. Every Wednesday in your inbox — shorter, sharper, and more honest than I could ever be in a long essay.

Subscribe to Pub Notes: terriblephotographer.com

Some days the world is too loud, too endless. You don’t need another lecture. You need a pint, a hard truth, and a line you can actually carry into tomorrow.

This week’s episode is an experiment I’m calling Pub Meditations — three acts, two meditations per act. Six in total. Each...

Every kid asks their art teacher, “Is it good?”—and most of us never stop. In this episode, Patrick sits in Lucy’s middle-school art room and realizes he’s still chasing the same answer on high-stakes sets: watching client faces, parsing murmurs behind a monitor, riding the narcotic of approval.

We get into the modern authorities—clients, algorithms, mood boards—and the way we internalize them until we’re grading ourselves before anyone else can. We talk Gordon Parks, who lived the tension between immaculate Vogue spreads (noble, beautiful, necessary) and dangerous truth-telling (American Gothic...

A podcaster recently told me this show was "really dark." So today, we're leaning into that darkness—because that seemed way more fun.

This episode is about shadow work. Not the Instagram version. The real version. The kind that happens when you realize the thing limiting your creative work isn't technical skill—it's the parts of yourself you've been hiding from.

Through David Bowie's near-destruction during his Thin White Duke era and his eventual disappearance to Berlin, we explore what it actually looks like to confront the buried parts of creative identity. Plus the story of a...

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What happens when you have to switch from consuming apocalyptic news to selling creative services in the span of 10 minutes? Patrick explores the cognitive whiplash we've all learned to navigate—that jarring ability to temporarily forget the world's chaos and foc...

Sometimes creativity has fuck-all to do with your job title.

In this episode, Patrick explores why the most dangerous creative minds often don't call themselves artists—they're teachers buying classroom supplies with grocery money, middle managers translating executive gibberish into human language, and baristas solving problems that million-dollar consultants couldn't crack with PowerPoint.

Through the story of surgeon Atul Gawande's surgical checklist revolution, we examine how creative problem-solving becomes subversive when it works too well, threatening systems that profit from keeping things broken.

What You'll Learn:

Every photographer needs permission to suck. And I mean that literally. In this episode, I explore the difference between accidental failure and strategic failure, and why that difference will determine whether you spend your career playing it safe or actually growing into the photographer you're meant to become.

From my own lighting disaster at a corporate shoot to Jerry Seinfeld's brutal honesty about audience judgment, we dive into how the greatest creatives use failure as a laboratory for growth. Learn why test shoots are your creative lifeline, how Roger Deakins broke convention to create cinematic magic in...

One phone call. One late invoice. One moment of controlled but very real rage. In this episode, I unpack a recent client conflict that left me feeling powerful, anxious, vindicated—and deeply uncomfortable. It’s not about being right. It’s about what happens when your nervous system hijacks your ethics, and you end up blowing up the wrong bridge.

Social psychologist Jamie Hughes joins to help me understand what the hell happened inside my brain—and how anger, justice, trauma, dopamine, and freelance stress all get tangled up when money’s tight and respect fe...