The Tenacious Mama: Confessions of An Adoptive Mother

Confession: My best friend of over 30 years ghosted me two years ago.  Believe it or not, she shut me out of her life not once, not twice, but a total of three times over the course of our friendship.

Also included:

*how and when we met

*how we stayed close, despite the 1000s of miles between us

*our roadtrip to attend the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta

*a helpful article that helped me understand

*details about the first two times she dumped me

*my reflection o...

Confession: I am constantly reminded that the more I learn, the less I know.  This week that lesson came in the form of videos on vestibular and proprioceptive systems.   What I learned in these videos was super informative and I wish I had learned about it when Lane was young.  I also reflect on the the joys and frustrations of my motherhood journey.  

Included in this episode:

*a sweet read aloud from Lane's adoption day

*Lane reading books to our dog

*what about the 99 out of 10...

Confession: Before I was introduced to TBRI, I once had an epic meltdown, which included throwing all of my shoes on the floor of my bedroom in a rage.  I threw every single pair of my shoes as hard as I could onto the hardwood floor while screaming at the top of my lungs.  Not my finest moment, but I did apologize to Lane about it afterwards and we had a powerful heart-to-heart.

Included in this episode:

*why I believe anyone who works with vulnerable youth or in marginalized communities would benefit from TB...

Confession: I wish I had found TBRI Trust Based Relational Interventions when Lane was in Kindergarten instead of 8th grade.  In my humble opinion, it is THE SINGLE MOST POWERFUL intervention program foster and adoptive families need to be trained in. 

Included in this episode:

*more on my high-functioning depression

*powerful activities from my IOP two years ago

*being authentic and vulnerable with friends and family

*grieving the motherhood I thought I would have

*how I found TBRI

*our positive experience wi...

Confession: Reliving Lane’s Kindergarten year has been much more difficult than I imagined it would be.  Luckily, it didn’t seem to have any lasting impact on Lane.  In fact, he doesn’t remember any of it! 

Included in this episode:

*another funny story from my childhood

*blog entry written on 8/23/15: Lane is making great gains

*disastrous meeting with his Kinder teacher at the end of the school year

*hired a SpEd advocate to get Lane qualified for an IEP

*last blog...

Confession: Rereading my blog entries about Lane’s adoption day makes me a bit sad.  I was so optimistic and naive.  I never would have imagined ending up where we are now.  I share two blog entries written right before and immediately after Lane's adoption day in addition to more horror stories of Lane's Kindergarten teacher.  

Included in this episode:

*blog entry written on 7/11/12: Tomorrow we stand before a judge

*mandated reporter

Confession: I used to be proud of my career in elementary education…until I had a child who didn’t fit the mold and only then realized how the kids on the ends of the bell curve were not thriving.  And in many cases, kids like mine are made to feel like a bad kid or stupid because they do not get the attention and supports they need to experience success.  I take a trip down memory lane, detailing how Kindergarten was the start of my son's difficulties in the school setting.  To be continued in the next ep...

Confession: I used to be my own worst enemy with negative self-talk that I wasn’t even aware I was engaging in.  Now that I know, I’m working to becoming my own best friend with self-compassion, self-love, and positive self-talk.  I'll share how gratitude is my superpower (when I practice it consistently), my new favorite gratitude journal, and a trick to turn your inner critic into your compassionate witness.  

Included in this episode:

*Ray of F'ing Sunshine post-it notes

*gratitude is a super power

*the 6 Minute Diary<...

Confession: I swear a lot.  Well, maybe not a lot, but I definitely swear.  Some believe that it’s healthy for you to get it out, but, like all things, only in moderation.  Also included: stories from my childhood, more about the How We Feel app, the 5 lies depression tells you, and funny stories about swearing! Oh, and how the Let Them Theory is helping me reclaim my peace.

Included in this episode:

*a funny story from my childhood

*How We Feel app helps me check in with my feeli...

Confession: I didn’t learn how to process my emotions until my mental health crisis when Lane was in 7th grade. To those of you who are emotionally healthy, that may sound crazy.  But it’s true.  I share how music therapy helped me process emotions, as well as a helpful analogy to understand why processing your feelings is so important.  You'll also hear about Lane's first concert experiences and extracurricular activities.   

Included in this episode:

*my mental health crisis and how music helped me

*Lane dancing to banda...

Confession: I suffer from depression: major depressive disorder.  But because I am high-functioning and an extrovert, very few people in my life know this about me- even many close friends and family members.   I reflect on why my depression seems to hide in plain sight as well as explain some of my most troublesome symptoms of depression.  I also share more fun stories of Lane dancing through the years!

Included in this episode:

*Lane's first dance class and his hip-hop outfit and routine at the recital

*my dia...

Confession: Despite my extensive background working with children as an educator, I was woefully underprepared to parent a child with developmental trauma.   Also included are stories of Lane's dancing abilities and how they showed themselves at a very young age!

Included in this episode:

*Lane's dancing at a wedding

*the terms "wounded children" and "kids from hard places"

*developmental trauma

*Lane's layers of trauma

*the juxtaposition of working in a trauma responsive school district and parenting Lane

*the window of tolerance i...

Confession: In those early years, I often looked at other families and thought, “It must be nice to have a kid who…” (dot, dot, dot, fill in the blank).  I still catch myself doing it sometimes, even now.  But comparison is the thief of joy.  I’m learning to let that shit go!

I share how comparisons with other families caused me suffering,  as well as the ways I learned to combat that with strategies to keep me grounded in joy and gratitude.  Additionally, an excerpt from another Sarah Naish book helped me to empathize...

Confession: I can’t imagine what it would have been like to parent my son without the help of medication to manage his symptoms of ADHD and ODD.  I explain that although I am no expert and I believe this is a decision not to be taken lightly, medication certainly helped Lane.  I don't judge families who don't medicate their child; I ask that you not judge those of us who do.  

In this episode:

*medications help me with my depression

*my stop-gap meds for anxiety last spring

*La...

Confession: When Lane was little, not having a daddy was much harder on him than being adopted was.  As a single adoptive mama, this was not something I was prepared for.  I also provide an update on my parents as they start to rebuild their lives in their temporary housing after losing everything in the Palisades fire of January 7, 2025.  

Included in this. episode:

*update on my parents' living situation 

*my first visit to LA since the fire: set up a kitchen and made living room more...

Due to the recent and very sudden loss of my family's home of almost 40 years in the Pacific Palisades fire, instead of a confession, I will be reflecting on the memories that made their house a treasured home.   If you know others who have been impacted by the fires, feel free to share this episode with them.  Their grief and sorrow must be as raw and incomprehensible and my family's. 

Included in this episode:

*the day of the fire: my brother's efforts to save the house

*the shock of finding out our...

Confession: I wanted to adopt a child who looked like he or she could have been my biological child.  In this episode, I also share my preferences for a child when going through the matching process, my blog from the day I brought him home, our Gotcha Day traditions, and an update on my relationship with his first mom.  

Included in this episosde:

*Lane's sense of humor: ADHD joke

*asked for specifics when going through the process to being matched with a child (typically developing, either sex, one year ol...

Confession: Last week I made contact with Lane’s birth mother for the first time.  I had no idea what to expect, but after meeting with her, I am cautiously optimistic that when he meets her and builds a relationship with her, it will be helpful for Lane’s healing.  I also share why this seemed like the right time to locate her, his nervousness/ambivalence about it, her response when I knocked on her door, how Lane reacted to the news, and my hopes for his future with her. 

Included in this episode:

Confession: I became a mother for selfish reasons, not necessarily that I wanted to give a child a better life.  When Lane was little, people would often say, "He's so lucky to have you!" and my response was, "No, I'm the lucky one.  He made me a mama."  I also share all of the experiences that prepared me for motherhood, a blog entry from my baby shower 14 years ago, and a list of all the precious moments that I hope will flash through my mind when my life flashes before my eyes.  

Included in this...