When Depression is in your bed

“I didn’t mean to” can be true — and still not be the same as “I’m sorry.” 

In this episode, a small moment at the breakfast table with my children opens the door to a deeper conversation about the difference between intention and impact — and why that gap matters so much in our closest relationships.

When my son accidentally hurt his sister and quickly said, “I didn’t mean to,” it sparked a family conversation that Ben and I have had many times before. Of course he didn’t mean to. But something important lives...

What if the conflict isn’t the problem — but the speed, the stories, and the nervous system state you’re in while you’re trying to communicate?

In this episode, my husband Ben joins me for our first ever real-time, recorded demonstration of the Imago Intentional Dialogue. After the last two episodes introduced the structure of the Dialogue, this one lets you hear what it actually sounds like when two partners use the process in a real moment of rupture — with real feelings, real nervous system activation, and real stakes.

We originally planned to dialogu...

What if a single conversation could shift the trajectory of your relationship — not because the problem disappeared, but because you finally felt understood?

In this episode, I share the personal story of the moment I used the Imago Intentional Dialogue process in my own marriage and experienced a profound shift from disconnection to genuine understanding. Rather than offering theory alone, this episode explores what it looks like when structured communication tools move from concept to lived experience.

Through an attachment and nervous-system-informed lens, I describe how years of distress, hopelessness, and depression created a...

What if the way you’ve been trying to communicate is actually preventing the connection you long for, even when your intentions are loving?

In this episode, I introduce the Imago Intentional Dialogue process, a structured communication tool that helped transform my own marriage from separation to recommitment. Rather than focusing on winning arguments or fixing problems, this model creates safety, understanding, and genuine connection, even during difficult conversations.

Through an attachment and nervous system informed lens, I walk you step-by-step through the core components of the Dialogue: mirroring, validation, and empathy, along wi...

What does it really mean to know that you matter — and how does that shape the impact you have on your relationships and the world?

In this episode, I explore how reclaiming a sense of worth can be a powerful source of energy, agency, and relational influence — especially when we’re feeling shut down, disconnected, or powerless. Through my own experience, I reflect on how depression often shows up as disconnection from self, others, and the world, and how that disconnection can quietly erode our sense that we matter.

Drawing on an Imago and ne...

What does it really mean to be relational — beyond simply having relationships?

In this episode, I explore what it means to value connection, belonging, and collective safety in a world that often prioritizes hierarchy, control, and individual success. Through an Imago- and nervous-system-informed lens, we look at how relationship itself can be a pathway toward healing — not only in our personal lives, but in our communities and the broader world we share.

This conversation invites a shift from “power over” to “power with,” from certainty to curiosity, and from dysregulation to dialogue. Drawing on polyvagal...

This episode marks a meaningful milestone for the podcast — the first episode of its second year, and the first with my husband, Ben, joining me on the microphone.

For the past year, he has been an essential part of this podcast behind the scenes. In this episode, he steps forward — not because he was pushed, but because the timing felt right.

We reflect on what it has meant to create this podcast over the last year, the different ways we’ve each participated in that process, and how sharing a voice is not the sa...

What does it mean to become someone you can trust — especially when living with ADHD and depression?

In this one-year anniversary episode, I reflect on how understanding my nervous system changed my relationship with effort, consistency, and self-belief.

For much of my life, I didn’t trust myself — my energy, my follow-through, or my ability to show up consistently. Living with depression and undiagnosed ADHD, difficulty with motivation and focus was often interpreted as personal failure.

In this episode, I slow things down and reflect on what has shifted over the past y...

A personal story of neurodivergence, school struggles, and how effort was misunderstood at 17.

For years, I believed my struggles with focus, energy, and motivation were simply part of my depression — or evidence that I wasn’t trying hard enough. At 17, when I couldn’t read a book for a class assignment, that belief led to an adolescent psychiatric hospitalization and a diagnosis of bipolar disorder.

In this episode, I slow that story way down and look underneath the depression.

I share how undiagnosed ADHD — including challenges with task initiation, sustained attention, abstract...

The pressure to reinvent can feel loud in January, but nature tells a different story: winter is for conservation, repair, and preparing the ground for bloom. We explore how to trade the exhausting “on or off” cycle for nervous system flexibility—choosing the speed that actually supports you. Instead of shaming who you’ve been, we honor the resilience that carried you here and build sustainable change from gratitude, pacing, and somatic awareness.

We dive into the polyvagal map—sympathetic activation, dorsal withdrawal, and ventral connection—and how blended states create options. Safely still (ventral plus dorsal) lets us rest...

When the holidays don’t match the picture in your head, the gap can feel like grief. This year brought fevers, cancellations, and a quiet house that amplified old patterns of shutdown. I share what helped me move through the heaviness with care: naming the dorsal state of the nervous system, choosing breathwork over busyness, protecting sleep, and inviting small, real moments of connection with my kids when plans fell apart.

You’ll hear how I traded perfection for presence and found meaning in simple rituals—wrapping gifts to a breathing cadence, building Legos side by side, taking...

We explore how two opposing beliefs—“I have to do everything" and "I can't do anything"—grow from different nervous system states and how peace begins by shifting our state toward safety and connection. Using Polyvagal Theory, we offer practical steps to move from survival into grounded presence and how that approach can ripple out to create a more peaceful world.

• mapping sympathetic overdrive and dorsal shutdown to everyday thoughts
• why state drives story and limits choice
• using the nervous system ladder to find ventral safety
• gentle ways to slow down when doing feels safer
• sm...

The holidays can feel bright for some and unbearably heavy for others. I open up about a Christmas that nearly ended my marriage and trace how those memories slowly softened—not by accident, but because the brain can change and grow when it feels safer. This is a story that starts with depression and disconnection, then moves to the science of hope: moving beyond survival mode, neural pruning, and memory reconsolidation. It’s also a map for finding one supported step when the season overwhelms you.

I talk through the shift from scanning for danger to making room...

Holidays have a way of pulling old feelings to the surface. This time, two truths came up at once: the enduring ache of losing my dad five years ago, and a quieter grief I call “ADHD grief”—the gap between the cozy, orderly home I imagine and the real limits of my brain and nervous system. I share the moments that stopped me mid-task, what changed when I paused to feel instead of fix, and how gratitude began to stand beside grief without erasing it.

You’ll hear how an unexpected gathering on my dad’s anniversary became a g...

We explore how ketamine-assisted psychotherapy can quiet an overactive alarm system, reopen access to rest, and create a window where new habits take hold through integration. We share the science in plain language and the personal practices that helped changes last.

• stigma and misconceptions around ketamine and psychedelic-assisted therapies
• how amygdala quieting and parasympathetic activation support safety
• interoception and reconnecting with the body
• neuroplasticity and loosening rigid thought loops
• integration practices that make insights stick
• shifting from collapse to restorative rest
• cultivating durable self-compassion
• two core takeaways on nervous system healing and choi...

Healing doesn’t always arrive as a lightning bolt. Sometimes it looks like a short, supported window where defenses soften and your nervous system finally has space to reorganize. That’s the potential of ketamine-assisted psychotherapy: not a shortcut, but a different door into change.

We take you from ketamine’s legal role as an anesthetic to its misunderstood 90s reputation, then into the research era where clinicians began seeing fast-acting benefits for people labeled “treatment-resistant.” We talk plainly about why that label can feel shaming, how trauma and chronic stress reshape the brain and body, and why words...

The hardest part of a taxing day likely isn’t a thing on the to-do list— our nervous system state that influences how we perceive what needs to be done and if we have on "depression googles," we can expect that even the lightest load may feel like seriously heavy lifting.  When depletion hits and dorsal shutdown pulls you under, forcing productivity can deepen the spiral. I share how I recognized my capacity, swapped a plan that I didn't feel connected to in the moment for one that felt more aligned, and used small, body-first moves to steer back towar...

What if real rest isn’t zoning out, but learning to feel safely still in your own body? Trish takes you inside her year-long journey with ketamine-assisted psychotherapy, sharing what KAP actually looks like—from medical screening and at-home setup to music-guided sessions, dosing with lozenges, and why a simple request for lip balm became a breakthrough in receiving care.

We walk step by step through the first session nerves, blood pressure protocols, eye mask and playlist prep, and the gentle inner experience that led to two anchoring insights: "the most beautiful place in the world is insi...

Growth doesn’t wait for a finish line. This episode leans into the messy middle—where self-care becomes more consistent, mirrors from friends provide a much needed self-reflection, and you realize you’ve been practicing a new identity long before you felt “ready.” I talk about the milestones that surprised me, like releasing 40 podcast episodes, and the realization that our self-growth can be inhibited when we (unconsciously) keep ourselves stuck in old identities. I begin to wonder about what can shift when you embrace growing into your new identities now and celebrate who you are today instead of waiting until you...

✨ Free Resource: Download my guide, 100 Practices That Can Increase Your Access to Rest & Renewal  — filled with simple, doable ways to rest your body, mind, and spirit.

These are small, easy to incorporate practices for eight kinds of rest — from physical and emotional to creative and communal and more.

👉 Grab your free copy here! (regulatedrelationships.kit.com/rest)

Feeling exhausted even after a full night’s sleep? We dig into why rest doesn’t land when your nervous system is stuck in go mo...

✨ Free Resource: Download my guide, 100 Practices That Can Increase Your Access to Rest & Renewal  — filled with simple, doable ways to rest your body, mind, and spirit.

These are small, easy to incorporate practices for eight kinds of rest — from physical and emotional to creative and communal and more.

👉 Grab your free copy here! (regulatedrelationships.kit.com/rest)

Feeling tired yet never truly restored is not a personal failure; it’s your nervous system doing its best to protect you. We unpack ho...

✨ Free Resource: Download my guide, 100 Practices That Can Increase Your Access to Rest & Renewal  — filled with simple, doable ways to rest your body, mind, and spirit.

These are small, easy to incorporate practices for eight kinds of rest — from physical and emotional to creative and communal and more.

👉 Grab your free copy here! (regulatedrelationships.kit.com/rest)

Ever feel like your days are all gas, no brakes—then you crash at night and call it “rest,” only to wake up just as tired...

What if the most transformative part of a “conscious life” isn’t the serene moments—but the messy ones where you feel flooded, triggered, and ready to explode? I share a raw, real story about a birthday plan gone sideways, how a sold-out ticket spiraled into rage and self-blame, and the small, steady thread that kept me from making the night worse: a ventral narrator offering compassion and gentle reminders through a more grounded lens.

We break down the nervous system in practical terms—ventral regulation, sympathetic fight-or-flight, dorsal shutdown—and why blended states matter when life hits hard. Y...

Rest doesn’t have to mean sleeping in or finding a three-hour window for a nap when time is not something you have in excess. We reframe rest as a spectrum of accessible practices that fit into busy, real lives—rooted in the nervous system, informed by your inner wisdom, culture and community, and designed to restore capacity without adding pressure. Drawing on a polyvagal perspective, we explore how to move from shutdown or overdrive into “safely still,” and why even 90 seconds of breath, grounding, or time in nature can create real change.

We walk through eight kinds of...

Rest represents one of our most fundamental needs, yet access to it remains profoundly unequal. Some can freely embrace rest without judgment, while others face criticism, shame, and real-world consequences for the same basic human necessity. This stark reality forms the foundation of what I call "the politics of rest."

Who gets to rest without being labeled lazy? Who can take mental health days without facing scrutiny? These aren't neutral questions but deeply political ones shaped by systems of privilege, power, and policy. Wealth-holding households enjoy vacations and help with daily tasks without judgment, while economically disadvantaged...

What happens when we slow down in a society obsessed with constant motion? After spending eight transformative days in retreat settings, I've gained powerful insights about rest that challenge everything our culture teaches us about productivity and success.

The truth is startling: our nervous systems are designed for cycles of activity and rest, yet modern life rarely allows for genuine restoration. We celebrate those who "burn the candle at both ends" while dismissing periods of stillness as laziness or weakness. This toxic narrative keeps us trapped in survival states – either pushing through in sympathetic activation (fight-or-flight) or co...

What do mosh pits have to do with mental health?  Everything, at least that's how it turned out for me. 

From the moment I stepped into my first mosh pit at Woodstock '94 with my dad at age 14, something profound happened—I felt alive again. As a chronically depressed teenager trapped in that collapsed, shutdown state, the vibration of bass against my chest, the permission to move freely without being watched, and the immediate acceptance of a community of strangers offered something my nervous system desperately needed.

For thirty years, across countless concerts, these energetic spac...

Gratitude might be the relationship superpower you're overlooking. In this heartfelt exploration, we dive into how deliberately practicing appreciation transforms relationships from the inside out.

Your brain naturally fixates on problems—it's biology, not a character flaw. This negativity bias served our ancestors well for survival but wreaks havoc in modern relationships. When something upsets us, our nervous system responds as though facing physical danger, triggering fight, flight, or freeze reactions that derail connection. Gratitude serves as the antidote, consciously redirecting attention to what's working.

Sharing appreciations does something remarkable: it signals that love remains pr...

Why do so many couples fight in cars? After a breathtaking but occasionally tense family road trip along the Pacific Coast Highway, I discovered something fascinating about car conflicts that completely changed my perspective.

Driving requires a unique blend of nervous system states - we need both calm groundedness (ventral vagal) and energized alertness (sympathetic) to navigate safely. But this delicate balance can easily tip toward dysregulation when fatigue, hunger, time pressure, or danger cues enter the picture. What I initially misinterpreted as my husband "being jerky" during our vacation was actually his nervous system working overtime...

Have you ever caught yourself thinking your relationship will never change? That moment of hopelessness is precisely what makes breakthrough moments of connection so powerful—when something shifts and you glimpse what's possible through conscious partnership.

In this vulnerable and insightful episode, I share a recent experience that validated years of relationship work with my husband. After two chaotic weeks dealing with a flooded basement, a sick child with pneumonia, missed family visits, and the stress of upcoming travel plans, my nervous system was completely dysregulated. I felt disconnected, overwhelmed, and caught in old interpretations about my re...

Grief has its own timeline. And sometimes, the most profound revelations about loss emerge from unexpected places—like a flooded basement.

When contractors tore out the flooring and walls of what had been my late father's living space, I experienced a surprising wave of emotion. Though he had passed nearly five years earlier, that basement remained "Dad's room" in our family's daily conversations. The physical dismantling of this space triggered a grief experience that felt both familiar and entirely new.

What struck me most was how differently my body and mind processed this grief compared to...

What we believe about our relationships can become self-fulfilling prophecies. The notion that "past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior" might seem logical, but it ignores our capacity for growth and conscious choice.

Through a candid glimpse into my own marriage, I share how a flooded basement became an unexpected opportunity to break old patterns. When my husband discovered our underwater basement, I felt the familiar pull toward our dance of dysregulation—him upset, me trying to calm him down, both of us spiraling into disconnection. But this time, something different happened. One conscious breath cr...

Have you ever had a moment of startling clarity about how the people closest to you actually experience you? That's exactly what happened when my six-year-old daughter observed my husband and me dancing in our kitchen and declared we were "in rare form." Those three words stopped me in my tracks.

As someone who considers herself playful and lighthearted, I was struck by the realization that my children rarely witness that side of my relationship with my husband. Our playful moments typically happen late at night after they're asleep, while our days are consumed by the practical...

Six months into the "When Depression Is In Your Bed" podcast, I realized I'd barely touched on one of the most significant aspects of depression in relationships—the impact on sexual intimacy and physical connection. The bed isn't just where we sleep; it's where we dream, where we struggle with insomnia or can't find the energy to rise, and where we reach for connection with our partners.

Physical intimacy becomes particularly fascinating when viewed through the lens of nervous system regulation. Our nervous system can be in one of three states: ventral (safe and connected), sympathetic (fight or...

Discover the relationship-transforming power of "staying out of your stories" - a skill that can fundamentally change how you navigate conflicts with your partner. This episode reveals how our nervous systems create automatic narratives during tense moments that feel absolutely true but often lead us astray.

When conflict emerges, our brains instantly attach meaning to what's happening, creating stories that feel justified and accurate. But these narratives are heavily influenced by our current nervous system state, past experiences, and limited information. By recognizing when you're deep in these stories without either believing them fully or trying to...

Feeling constantly disappointed by your partner—or feeling like you're always the one disappointing them? This painful dynamic shows up in nearly every relationship, creating a loop of frustration that can feel impossible to escape.

As a therapist and someone who's lived this pattern in my own marriage, I can tell you there's a way out. The breakthrough comes from understanding what's actually happening in your nervous system during these interactions. When you feel disappointed, your body moves into a "fight" response—you take over responsibilities, complain, or try to "fix" your partner. Meanwhile, your partner's system resp...

Discover the relationship dynamic that may be silently sabotaging your connection with your partner. In this eye-opening exploration, I reveal how well-intentioned efforts to help our partners often create a painful pattern where one person feels chronically disappointed while the other internalizes being the disappointment.

Drawing from my personal journey through marital separation and reconciliation, I share how this revelation transformed my approach to conflict. When my husband struggled with depression, I threw myself into "helping" – researching therapists, sharing resources, and offering constant suggestions. From the outside, I appeared to be the model supportive spouse. Yet beneath th...

The path to a transformed relationship rarely follows a straight line. Most couples encounter significant challenges when trying to work together toward positive change, often finding themselves caught in familiar cycles of frustration despite their best intentions.

This episode explores two pivotal moments where partnership efforts commonly derail: at the very beginning when trying to establish teamwork, and when discovering you and your partner want different next steps. Both challenges reveal something profound about how our nervous systems interpret differences as threats, creating protective responses that block genuine connection.

Drawing from Polyvagal Theory and Imago...

What if the secret to relationship transformation isn't trying harder alone, but working smartly together? That's the revolutionary concept at the heart of this episode, where I challenge the common myth that one person can (or should) do all the heavy lifting in a relationship.

Whether you've been carrying the relationship load by yourself or you've stepped back while your partner handles everything, this episode offers practical pathways toward true partnership. I share specific, actionable steps both partners can take together to create the relationship you deeply desire and genuinely deserve.

Communication stands as perhaps...

Feeling like you're carrying the entire weight of your relationship while your partner seems to be coasting? You're not alone—and the solution might surprise you.

Most of us have been fed a harmful myth that if we just work hard enough on ourselves and the relationship, everything will improve. This message is particularly strong for women in heterosexual relationships, who are often encouraged to keep putting in the work while their male partners are implicitly let off the hook. But this approach isn't just exhausting—it's fundamentally flawed.

The truth is that relationships require both...