Compassion in a T-Shirt

The more I tried to help, the less effective I sometimes became.

It sounds backwards, but years ago I discovered that the harder I pushed with advice, solutions, or persuasion, the more resistance I often encountered. That experience led me to one of the most important lessons I've learned as a psychologist: sometimes the most compassionate thing we can do is stop trying to fix and start trying to understand.

In this episode, I explore why our urge to fix is usually well-intentioned, but can sometimes get in the way of genuinely helping. Drawing on...

Can we actually measure the Three Circles Model? And if we can, what does that tell us about what's happening in our brains, bodies, and emotions?

For years, the Three Circles Model has been one of the central ideas in Compassion Focused Therapy, helping therapists and clients make sense of threat, drive, and soothing. But until recently, it had never really been tested scientifically.

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I'm joined by compassion researcher Dr Dylan Moloney-Gibb to discuss his groundbreaking research, recently published in Behaviour Research and Therapy. Together with colleagues...

Most of us think listening is easy. But if we're honest, we often listen with the intention to reply, advise, fix, persuade, or tell our own story.

In this follow-up to my recent episode on listening as compassion, I explore what compassionate listening actually looks like in practice. Drawing on ideas from compassion-focused therapy, motivational interviewing, and the work of Carl Rogers, I share seven simple skills that can help us become better listeners in our everyday lives.

These aren't just communication techniques. They are ways of creating the kind of safety and understanding that...

After the unexpected death of a dear friend, I found myself doing what many of us do when faced with grief. I tried to stay strong. I tried to carry on. But it wasn't until I sat around a campfire with friends—sharing memories, expressing sadness, and listening to one another—that something began to shift.

That experience got me thinking about listening.

In a world increasingly shaped by social media algorithms, advertising, political polarisation, and the constant pressure to broadcast our opinions, genuine listening can feel surprisingly rare. Yet being heard remains one of the...

Teacher burnout doesn't just affect teachers—it affects students too.

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, Dr Stan Steindl speaks with Clinical Psychologist, educator, researcher, and founder of the Institute for Neuroscience and Education, Dr Rita Princi-Hubbard, about compassionate pedagogy, teacher wellbeing, and the fascinating ways stress and emotional regulation can flow between teachers and students.

Drawing on her PhD research and her chapter, Teaching the New Teacher with Compassionate Pedagogy, Rita explains why many teachers enter the profession without sufficient training in child development, emotional regulation, trauma, attachment, and self-compassion. She argues th...

What if therapist burnout isn’t a personal failure, but a consequence of how we train psychologists to relate to themselves?

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I speak with clinical psychologist and psychotherapist Tania Kalkidis about therapist burnout, the pressure to “fix” clients, and how modern mental health systems can unintentionally reinforce shame, perfectionism, emotional disconnection, and exhaustion in clinicians themselves.

Drawing on psychodynamic psychotherapy, relational therapy, attachment theory, neuroscience, and supervision practice, Tania explores why unconscious processes, defenses, and countertransference are central to effective therapy — not optional extras. We discuss how ignoring...

How personal should therapists be?

Should helping professionals maintain emotional distance — or is genuine human connection part of what makes therapy healing?

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I speak with consultant psychiatrist, writer, and editor Dr Glenn Roberts about one of the most important questions in therapy, psychiatry, and helping work: how much of ourselves should we bring into the room?

Beginning with Carl Jung’s powerful idea of the wounded healer — “The doctor is effective only when he himself is affected” — we explore what it really means for clinicians to be touche...

What if the opposite of threat isn’t relaxation… but safeness?

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, Dr Stan Steindl explores a powerful and often misunderstood idea from Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT): the soothing-affiliative system.

Many people think compassion is simply about calming down, relaxing, or “down-regulating” stress. But drawing on Professor Paul Gilbert’s recent writing, Stan argues that compassion is far more alive, relational, and energising than that.

Affiliative relationships don’t just soothe our threat system — they can also activate dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphin systems linked to openness, social connect...

How do we find hope in the current global landscape?

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I sit down with psychologist and motivational interviewing trainer Denise Ernst for a thoughtful and deeply human conversation about hope — what it is, where it comes from, and why it may be one of the most important yet under-discussed elements of motivational interviewing.

Denise describes hope not simply as optimism or positive thinking, but as a kind of living energy that exists alongside compassion, empathy, and love. We explore the idea that hope is not something we “inst...

What happens inside your mind when you wake up irritable frustrated…and then start criticising yourself for it?

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I sit down with clinical psychologist and Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) expert Dr Chris Irons for a reflective, inside-out conversation on shame, self-criticism, and how compassion actually shows up in real life.

We begin with a simple but, I suspect, relatable moment—waking up in a bad mood—and follow how threat system activation can cascade through the day, leading to frustration, disconnection, and a second layer of shame and se...

What happens when shame keeps someone silent?

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I speak with clinical psychologist Dr Eve da Silva about the often hidden impact of online sexual harm — and how shame, self-criticism, and secrecy can leave young people feeling isolated and unable to seek help.

Eve shares how her clinical work in CBT began to uncover a pattern: clients presenting with anxiety or low mood were often carrying unspoken experiences such as non-consensual image sharing or distressing online sexual encounters. These experiences were rarely discussed — not because they weren’t import...

What really drives elite performance — discipline, self-criticism, or something deeper? In this episode, I explore psychological flexibility, self-compassion, and high performance with Olympian Toby Jenkins.

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I sit down with Toby Jenkins — Olympian, entrepreneur, speaker, and coach — to explore leadership, high performance, and the inner world that shapes both.

Toby is also my cousin, so this was a really special conversation for me. He shares a deeply personal and powerful account of his Olympic journey, describing the yin–yang of high performance — the highs and lows, pride and disappoint...

Why do we self-sabotage, criticise ourselves, or even create chaos in our own lives — sometimes right when things matter most?

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I sit down with clinical psychologist Dr Charlie Heriot-Maitland to explore his powerful new book Controlled Explosions in Mental Health. Together, we unpack a surprising and compassionate idea: that many of the things we struggle with — procrastination, self-criticism, pessimism, even self-harm — may actually be our brain’s way of protecting us from something it views as even more painful.

Charlie introduces the concept of “controlled explosions” — targeted, self-directed...

What is it like to encounter Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) for the very first time — not in a textbook, but in a real clinical service, working with people whose threat systems are truly activated?

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I sit down with Tiffany Luxford, an undergraduate psychology student working at the Anxiety Disorders Residential Unit at the South London and Maudsley NHS Foundation Trust. Tiff shares a fresh, thoughtful, and deeply human perspective on what it’s like to step into a compassionate clinical environment — and how that experience begins to shape the kind o...

What if compassion isn’t just something we feel—but something we can train?

In this conversation, I sit down with social psychologist Associate Professor Paul Condon to explore his new book How Compassion Works (with John Makransky) and their evidence-based approach to Sustainable Compassion Training (SCT).

We dive into a powerful idea: that we already have an innate capacity for love, compassion, and wisdom—but life experiences, attachment patterns, and our tendency to get caught in thoughts can pull us away from it.

Paul shares a clear, practical framework for reconnecting with that c...

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I sit down with psychotherapist Dr Elaine Beaumont to explore the growing pressures facing young adults — especially university students — and how self-criticism, shame, and burnout are shaping their mental health.

We discuss how social media, comparison, and constant connectivity are impacting young people’s inner worlds, and why kindness may be a powerful starting point for change. Elaine shares insights from her clinical work, her research on self-compassion and burnout, and her experience teaching students in the helping professions.

We also explore the difference between kindness and compas...

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I speak with Dr Lillian Ward from the Contemplative Studies Centre at the University of Melbourne about what “progress” in meditation really looks like beyond beginner programs — including the positive changes people hope for and the genuine challenges that can arise along the way.

Meditation is often promoted for its benefits, such as improved wellbeing, emotional regulation, and greater self-awareness. But what actually happens as people continue meditating over months and years? How do experienced meditation teachers recognise when practice is going well — and when it might not be?

Lil...

Compassion in healthcare is more than a value statement — it is a clinical skill, a leadership stance, and a systemic responsibility. In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I speak with psychiatrist Caragh Behan (Royal College of Surgeons in Ireland) and Professor Brendan Kelly (Trinity College Dublin) about burnout, moral injury, empathy fatigue, and how to make compassion real in modern evidence-based healthcare systems.

Together, Caragh and Brendan have written the Handbook of Compassion in Healthcare, a practical and research-informed guide that explores compassion from neuroscience to self-compassion, resilience, and compassionate leadership. The book is available to...

What if burnout isn’t a personal failure — but a cultural signal?

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I speak with Natalia Sarro, an Argentinian psychologist based in Barcelona, Compassion Focused Therapy practitioner, and the first certified Spanish-speaking instructor with the Center for Compassionate Leadership.

Natalia shares how her own identity became deeply tied to performance — and how that journey led her to support leaders navigating burnout, chronic stress, perfectionism and self-criticism. Together, we explore workplaces as “emotional laboratories,” where belonging, worth and power are constantly being negotiated.

We discuss psychological safety and...

Menopause is one of the most significant transitions in a woman’s life — and yet it’s often ignored, misunderstood, or reduced to stereotypes about hormones and hot flushes. But menopause is not just biological. It’s psychological. It affects sleep, mood, identity, relationships, work, and wellbeing.

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I speak with Dr Lydia Brown, Senior Lecturer in Psychological Sciences at the University of Melbourne and a leading researcher on self-compassion and menopause.

Dr Brown explains what menopause actually is (including perimenopause and timing), why research historically lagged, and how the...

Have you ever worked in a team where something went wrong — and you could feel the difference between blame and support?

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, Dr Stan Steindl speaks with Professor Helena Nguyen about workplace compassion as a team- and organisation-level capability, not just an individual trait.

Interest in compassion at work has grown rapidly — driven by burnout, faster and leaner workplaces, the impact of COVID-19, and the rise of AI prompting questions about what remains uniquely human at work. Helena explains why focusing only on individual compassion can create blame and...

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I’m joined by Margaret Cullen, a licensed psychotherapist and one of the true pioneers of bringing mindfulness and compassion into mainstream psychology, healthcare, and community settings.

Margaret was among the first teachers certified in Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, has taught internationally for decades, and spent over 30 years supporting people living with cancer and their loved ones. She co-developed Compassion Cultivation Training at Stanford, founded Compassion Corps to bring compassion programs to underserved communities, and has helped shape how contemplative practices are taught across the world.

Our conversation ce...

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I’m joined by Douglas Smith, Professor of Social Work at the University of Illinois at Urbana–Champaign, Director of the Center for Prevention Research and Development, and a long-standing member of the Motivational Interviewing Network of Trainers.

Doug and I explore his 2025 book Motivational Interviewing with Families, which re-imagines how Motivational Interviewing (MI) can be applied when working with couples, parents and children, and wider family systems. Rather than treating MI as something done with one person while others observe, Doug invites us to think systemically, relationally, and comp...

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I’m joined by psychologists, writers, and podcasters Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry, the voices behind the podcast Life’s Little Secrets.

Emma and Chris and I talk about how they first met and began working together, what drew them into collaboration, and how a shared curiosity about the inner lives of humans led to the creation of Life’s Little Secrets. We explore the cost of hiding our thoughts and feelings, the relief that can come from being heard, and the role compassion plays in helping us live with v...

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I’m joined by Rob Brockman, clinical psychologist, Schema Therapy practitioner, supervisor, and trainer.

This is not a beginner’s introduction to Schema Therapy. Instead, Rob and I take a deeper, more nuanced look at how Schema Therapy understands the mind through modes — the vulnerable, angry, detached, critical, and healthy states we move in and out of — and why differentiating these experiences matters clinically.

Rob unpacks how modes show up in the therapy room through behaviour, thoughts, felt sense, and motivation, and why understanding the function of anger, a...

In this returning conversation on Compassion in a T-Shirt, I’m delighted to welcome back Dr Hayley D Quinn for a thoughtful and very grounded exploration of self-neglect, burnout, and what it really means to live with compassion.

Hayley is a former clinical psychologist, wellbeing coach, author, and host of the Welcome to Self® podcast. She’s also the past president of Compassionate Mind Australia, and her work sits at the heart of compassion science translated into everyday life.

We centre the conversation around Hayley’s upcoming book, From Self-Neglect to Self-Compassion: A Compassionate Guide to Crea...

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I’m joined by Professor Ross G. White — clinical psychologist, researcher, and author of The Tree That Bends: How a Flexible Mind Can Help You Thrive. Together, we explore what it really means to live well in high-pressure, high-performance cultures, and why psychological flexibility may be one of the most important skills for thriving rather than burning out.

Ross and I begin by unpacking the hidden costs of high achievement — including perfectionism, relentless striving, and shame-based self-criticism — alongside the genuine rewards that keep us pushing forward. From there, we explore...

In the final guest interview of 2025, I’m joined by someone whose work has profoundly shaped the way we think about compassion, connection, and healing in groups: Dr Derek Griner, Clinical Professor and Associate Training Director in Counseling Psychology at Brigham Young University.

Derek is one of the leading voices in developing Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) for groups, co-authoring the CFT Participant Workbook and Clinician Guide, contributing major research and book chapters, and recently developing a new process-oriented CFT group approach alongside Professor Paul Gilbert during his sabbatical in the UK.

In this conversation, Derek an...

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I’m joined by someone whose work I’ve admired from afar for a very long time – Dr Robyn D. Walser.

Robyn is a clinical psychologist, Assistant Clinical Professor at the University of California, Berkeley, Director of Research at Bay Area Trauma Recovery Clinical Services, and on staff at the National Center for PTSD at the VA Palo Alto Health Care System. She is internationally recognised for her work in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), trauma, moral injury, and values-based living, and is co-author of influential ACT texts such as Lea...

Have you ever felt torn between a part of you that wants to change and a part that absolutely doesn’t? Or felt “held hostage” by a critical inner voice telling you what you should be doing? In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I sit down with my dear friend and motivational interviewing trainer, Patrick Berthiaume, to explore ambivalence, discord, and how compassion can transform both our relationships and our inner lives.

Patrick is a French Canadian from Montreal with a background in sexology, who spent years working at the coalface of human suffering – alongside people e...

Join me on Compassion in a T-Shirt as I sit down with clinical psychologist, author, and CFT pioneer Dr Mary Welford for a rich and surprising conversation about self-criticism — what it is, why we do it, and the unexpected functions it serves.

Mary reflects on her early journey into Compassion Focused Therapy, including the profound influence of Professor Paul Gilbert’s work on shame and self-criticism, and her experiences during the formative years of the Compassionate Mind Foundation. We explore the challenges she faced in clinical practice, the breakthroughs that shaped her approach, and how CFT evolved into...

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I sit down with Sydney-based psychotherapist Megan Buys to explore the rich and evolving world of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. Megan recently published a landmark paper, Exploring the Evidence for Internal Family Systems Therapy: A Scoping Review of Current Research, Gaps, and Future Directions, in Clinical Psychologist—the first comprehensive synthesis of the IFS evidence base.

We talk about what drew her to IFS, the model’s theoretical foundations, and the central role of compassion and the “Self” in helping clients understand, relate to, and heal their internal systems...

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I sit down with Michelle Becker, a licensed marriage and family therapist, international teacher, and co-founder of the Wise Compassion Program. Michelle shares her remarkable journey from certified public accountant to compassion-focused therapist, and how that path led her to create the groundbreaking Compassion for Couples program.

We explore how compassion can transform relationships — from understanding the three-circle model of emotion regulation developed by Paul Gilbert, to practical dyadic exercises that help couples connect more deeply and respond to conflict with care. Michelle offers heartfelt insights and powerful examples of...

In this episode, I sit down with Dr Audra Horney, a licensed psychologist from Arizona, USA, who specialises in men’s mental health. Audra brings a refreshing mix of humour, honesty, and deep compassion to her work, helping men feel that therapy is a place where they truly belong.

We explore how to make therapy relevant, comfortable, and safe for men — and what happens when men start to connect with their emotions rather than avoid them. Audra shares her journey into specialising in men’s mental health, how she builds trust through authenticity, and why laughter can be suc...

What if healing emotional pain could start with the simple act of tapping? 

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I sit down with Carol Look, a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and pioneering EFT Master, for an inspiring conversation about Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), psychotherapy, and gratitude. Carol shares her journey from traditional psychotherapy to discovering the transformative power of EFT. 

We talk about The Yes Code and her new book Yes, Thank You, and how tapping combined with gratitude can help release emotional blocks, address self-sabotage, and bring about profound healing. Together we...

What if compassion, not punishment, was at the heart of how we respond to drug use?

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, Dr. Stan Steindl welcomes Dee-Dee Stout, a renowned counselor, educator, and leading advocate for harm reduction. Dee-Dee discusses her groundbreaking book Coming to Harm Reduction Kicking and Screaming, which shares powerful stories of people who use drugs and the families who support them.

This conversation explores harm reduction, motivational interviewing, and the role of compassion, empathy, and respect in treatment. We look at the future of harm reduction, challenge myths and...

Is your empathy helping you—or wearing you down?

If you’re in a helping profession, this conversation will speak to your heart and your nervous system.

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, Dr. Stan Steindl speaks with Tanya Cooper, a Melbourne-based clinical psychologist, Motivational Interviewing trainer, and longtime member of MINT. With over 25 years of experience, Tanya offers profound insights into the emotional cost of care work and how to sustain compassion without burning out.

Drawing from her personal journey during Melbourne’s intense lockdowns and the work of thinkers like J...

What if parenting wasn’t just about raising children—but also about becoming more human yourself?

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I speak with Shevonne Hunt—presenter, producer, writer, and longtime champion of human stories. Shevonne shares her journey from radio and Kinderling Conversation to creating the podcast A Better World Blueprint, a show that offers hope, insight, and inspiration in a time when the world can feel overwhelming.

We talk about the emotional challenges of parenting, the role of compassion in family and community life, and what she’s learned from years of...

What does it take to have a truly compassionate conversation—one that heals, connects, and even bridges deep divides?

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I have the great pleasure of speaking with Stephen Andrew—a seasoned therapist, trainer, storyteller, and the warm, wise voice behind the podcast Conversations in Compassion. Based in Portland, Maine, Stephen has spent decades working with people experiencing addiction, mental illness, and trauma, and he brings a deeply compassionate lens to everything he does.

Together, we explore what makes a conversation truly compassionate—from the inner skills we cultiv...

What if the greatest act of courage in a group is creating the psychological safety for all to have a voice?

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I sit down with Majella Greene—social worker, therapist, trainer, and thought leader in psychological safety. We explore what it really means to create spaces where people can show up authentically, speak openly, and feel safe enough to take risks, make mistakes, and connect with others.

From the impact of power dynamics to the importance of cultural humility, Majella shares powerful insights into what makes safety no...