96.7 KISS FM's Best of the Jubal Show

40 Episodes
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By: 96.7 KISS FM (KHFI-FM)

96.7 KISS FM's Best of the Jubal Show

Would YOU Pay $1,000 for a Bird Feeder? She Might Have To!
Today at 4:38 PM

Get ready for a double dose of chaos and comedy in this episode of Phone Pranks on The Jubal Show! First, Jubal poses as a Visa rep to inform Josh that he’s on the hook for fraudulent charges—only to reveal that the thief was his own roommate! Then, Andrea gets a call from the “Homeowners Association” about unauthorized residents
 who turn out to be hummingbirds. Yes, hummingbirds.

From fake fines to helicopter surveillance, these pranks push the limits of absurdity and deliver nonstop laughs. Whether it’s Josh nearly losing it over bogus charges or Andrea threatening to...


Wallet Ransom + Microwave Vase Disaster = The Most Savage Prank Combo Yet!
Yesterday at 6:50 PM

Get ready for a rollercoaster of emotions in this episode of Phone Pranks on The Jubal Show! First up, Jubal poses as “Donk,” a hilariously shady bartender who claims to have found a listener’s wallet—only to reveal he may have spent the night with the guy’s girlfriend! The prank escalates into threats, confusion, and pure chaos before the big reveal.

Then, we dive into another prank where Jubal pretends to be a restoration specialist who accidentally microwaved a $6,000 Tiffany vase after mistaking it for a candy dish. The victim’s reaction? Priceless. The punchline? Peanut brittle.
...


Two Calls, Zero Logic: When Tech Support Becomes a Podcast & Janitors Give Away Computers!
Last Monday at 7:35 PM

Get ready to laugh out loud with another outrageous episode of Phone Pranks from The Jubal Show! In this double-feature prank call, Jubal transforms into two unforgettable characters who leave their unsuspecting victims completely stunned.

First up, meet Todd Sparks—a self-proclaimed motivational speaker moonlighting as a cable technician. When Jillian calls about her broken internet, she ends up as an unwilling guest on the “Todd Sparks Podcast,” where the only thing getting fixed is her patience! Will she ever get her Wi-Fi back, or just a spark of frustration?

Then, things get even more chaotic when Trev...


Lawnmower Goes Rogue & Doctor Talks to Moles?!
Last Friday at 6:42 PM

Get ready for one of the most outrageous Jubal Phone Pranks ever! In this episode, Jubal pretends to be a frantic landscaper who’s lost control of a rogue lawnmower that’s tearing through Kelsey’s yard—and her beloved prize-winning tomato garden. As the chaos unfolds, Kelsey’s panic escalates, especially when she learns her precious plants are being obliterated by a mower with a mind of its own. But the madness doesn’t stop there


In a second prank, Jubal calls Rick pretending to be a disturbingly passionate dermatologist named Juniper, obsessed with Rick’s moles—especially one nam...


Double the Chaos: Root Canal Horror + Dog Daycare Disaster
Last Thursday at 7:35 PM

In this hilariously twisted episode of The Jubal Show, Jubal dons the persona of Juniper Ravensbrooke, a disturbingly enthusiastic oral surgeon who’s just a little too excited about an upcoming root canal. From sharpened cutlery to escape-proof chairs, this prank takes a darkly comedic turn that leaves the victim completely freaked out—and listeners in stitches.

But wait, there’s more! In the second half, Jubal becomes “Donk” from a dog daycare with a bizarre request: can he keep a listener’s dog for another week... because he may have gifted it to his girlfriend? Things spiral fast as Nicole...


Serial Killer Girlfriend & The Plumber Who Lives Under Your House!
07/29/2025

Get ready for one of the most outrageous and side-splitting episodes of Phone Pranks on The Jubal Show! In this segment, Jubal poses as Detective Peter North and convinces Josh that his new girlfriend, Veronica, might just be the infamous “Sausage Slaughterer” – a fictional serial killer wanted in seven states for her breakfast-based crimes. What starts as a casual call quickly spirals into a full-blown panic as Josh is told he’s in grave danger
 unless he can speak in a hilariously high-pitched voice to save his life!

But that’s not all! In the second prank, Eric gets a bizar...


Banned for Using the Armrest?! Airline Freakout & Guitar Guy Chaos
07/28/2025

Get ready for a double dose of outrageous laughter in this episode of Phone Pranks from The Jubal Show! First up, Jubal poses as an airline rep calling Bobby, a frustrated passenger, to inform him that he’s being banned from flying—for using the armrest, wearing socks, and going to the bathroom too many times. The twist? It’s all a prank set up by his husband after a nightmare vacation flight!

Then, Jubal strikes again—this time as a distracted customer service rep named Pete Eakins, strumming a guitar while trying to “help” Miranda with her broken TV. Her...


Blind Date Disaster & Wedding Meltdown: Donk’s Double Trouble Phone Prank!
07/25/2025

Get ready for a double dose of Donk in this outrageous episode of Phone Pranks from The Jubal Show! First up, Donk calls a woman before her blind date, hilariously mistaking “blind date” for a date with someone who’s actually blind. What follows is a cringeworthy spiral of awkwardness, confusion, and unsolicited enthusiasm that leaves her questioning reality—and her friendship with Carly.

Then, just when you think it couldn’t get any wilder, Donk strikes again! This time, he calls a bride-to-be days before her wedding to inform her that the officiant is out
 and he’s the replacemen...


Skateboards, Missing Tires, and a Furious Dog Dad
07/24/2025

Get ready for a double dose of chaos in this wild episode of Phone Pranks from The Jubal Show! First, we call a woman who just dropped her car off for a simple tire fix—only to be told that the shop has mysteriously lost all their tires. Yes, every single one. And the explanation? They might’ve just rolled away. Things escalate quickly when she’s offered a skateboard as a temporary replacement. You won’t believe her reaction!

Then, we prank a devoted dog dad by telling him his beloved pup Daisy has gone missing from doggy daycare...


She Lost Her Phone. He Lost His Mind. The Most Unhinged Pranks Yet!
07/23/2025

Get ready for a wild ride on this episode of Phone Pranks from The Jubal Show, where Jubal takes prank calls to a whole new level of outrageous. First up, Lucy is devastated after dropping her phone in a pool, only to be told by a shady tech “expert” that her photos are recoverable—for a price. What starts as a hopeful recovery turns into a hilarious blackmail scheme that leaves Lucy on the verge of tears
 until the truth is revealed.

Then, Randall just wants his car back from the shop, but instead he gets a call from a susp...


Banned from the Grocery Store?! Jubal’s Cart Caper & Lawn Paint Mayhem
07/22/2025

In this wild episode of Phone Pranks on The Jubal Show, we’re serving up not one, but TWO hilariously outrageous pranks that will leave you questioning reality—and laughing out loud.

First up, Jubal transforms into “Detective Clyde Steel” and calls Kate, a regular grocery shopper, to accuse her of a heinous crime: not returning her shopping cart. What starts as a bizarre interrogation quickly spirals into a full-blown grocery store ban, a fake shoplifting confession, and a threat to alert every store in a 30-mile radius. Kate’s reaction? Priceless.

Then, we head over to Michelle’...


HOA Accusations of Gnome Theft & Cat Food Taco Catastrophes
07/21/2025

Get ready for a double dose of chaos and comedy in this episode of Jubal Phone Pranks! First, Jubal calls Molly pretending to be the assistant to the president of her Homeowners Association, accusing her of stealing garden gnomes from the neighborhood. What starts as a bizarre accusation quickly spirals into a full-blown confrontation involving fake break-ins, window smashing, and threats of lawsuits. Molly’s reaction? Absolutely priceless.

Then, in the second prank, Jubal poses as a DoorDash driver who admits to eating the meat out of a customer's tacos
 and replacing it with cat food. Yes, you read...


From Singing Customer Service to Psycho Mover: The Wildest Prank Duo Ever!
07/18/2025

Get ready for one of the wildest and most hilarious episodes of Phone Pranks on The Jubal Show! In this double-feature segment, Jubal pulls off two unforgettable pranks that leave the victims completely stunned—and listeners in stitches.

First up, meet Trevor, the world’s most unhelpful bank rep who can’t figure out how to put a caller on hold
 so he sings instead. From SZA to Gloria Gaynor, Trevor’s “hold music” is more like a hostage situation. But the real twist? It’s all a prank set up by the caller’s boyfriend!

Then, things get ser...


Pool Boy Confessions & Crashed Car Chaos
07/17/2025

Get ready for a double dose of chaos and comedy in this episode of Phone Pranks from The Jubal Show! First up, Jubal transforms into “Donk,” the overly confident pool cleaner who calls a woman to accuse her of falling for his poolside charm. What starts as a confusing call quickly spirals into awkward accusations, wild fantasies, and a hilariously uncomfortable confrontation—until the truth is revealed!

Then, buckle up for prank number two! Jubal poses as a car delivery guy who shows up way too early and manages to crash a brand-new $50,000 vehicle down a hill. The panic, t...


Romantic Disaster Meets Tech Nightmare in This Double Prank Special
07/16/2025

In this hilariously awkward episode of Phone Pranks on The Jubal Show, things spiral out of control when a man calls to complain that his romantic proposal was RUINED—by none other than a sexy waiter named Julio. What starts as a customer service nightmare quickly turns into a comedy of errors as the caller blames the restaurant, the staff, and even the concept of attractiveness itself for his failed engagement. But wait—there’s a twist! This isn’t just any complaint call
 it’s a prank set up by Julio himself!

And if that wasn’t enough, stick ar...


Debt Collectors, Dinosaur Costumes, and 400 Ninja Stars?!
07/15/2025

Get ready to laugh until your sides hurt in this outrageous episode of Phone Pranks from The Jubal Show! When Ava answers a call from a mysterious debt collector, she has no idea what’s coming. From inflatable pools and samurai swords to 400 ninja stars and 40 dinosaur costumes, her boyfriend Ryan seems to be racking up the world’s weirdest shopping list—and the bills to match!

But just when Ava thinks it can’t get any worse, another call comes in
 and another
 and another. Is Ryan secretly a ninja? A paleontologist? Or just the victim of the most ela...


He Lost His Car. She Lost Her Dress. They Both Lost Their MINDS!
07/14/2025

Get ready for a double dose of chaos and comedy in this episode of The Jubal Show’s Phone Pranks! First up, Jubal calls a man to let him know his car has been “dead and gone” — scrapped by mistake after a minor fender bender. Watch the panic unfold as he tries to make sense of the disaster, only to find out it’s all a prank set up by his wife!

Then, things get even wilder when a bride-to-be is told her wedding dress was eaten by a Great Dane named Winston. With her big day just a week away...


Grocery Delivery Gone Wrong + Bachelor Party Bank Heist
07/11/2025

Get ready for a double dose of chaos in this wild episode of The Jubal Show’s Phone Pranks! First up, Jubal poses as a rookie Instacart delivery guy who takes “above and beyond” to a whole new level—by breaking into a woman’s house to put her groceries away. Yes, you read that right. Through a broken window. With vacuuming included. Her reaction? Absolutely priceless.

Then, things spiral even further when a bride-to-be gets a call from “Donk,” her fiancé’s sketchy bachelor party buddy, who casually drops the bombshell that her fiancĂ© tried to rob a bank on a dare. W...


Dog Eats Wedding Cake, Bees Swarm Venue, and a Missing Squeegee?!
07/10/2025

Get ready for chaos, laughter, and a whole lot of confusion in this episode of Phone Pranks on The Jubal Show! In today’s double prank special, Jubal pulls off two of the most outrageous phone pranks yet:
The Wedding Disaster Prank – Just days before her big day, bride-to-be Brianna gets a call from her wedding venue with some un-bee-lievable news: her wedding cake has been half-eaten by a neighbor’s pit bull named Brutus, bees are swarming the property after a honey mishap, and birds have added their own “decorations” to the scene. Will she still say “I do” after this...


She Stepped on a Sea Urchin in Italy
 and Now She’s Wanted by the FBI?!
07/09/2025

In this hilariously chaotic episode of Jubal Phone Pranks, Jubal transforms into “Officer Pete Eikens” from the totally-not-real “Federal Bureau of International Affairs” to confront an unsuspecting traveler, Rosalyn, about a very serious international incident involving
 a sea urchin. What starts as a relaxing vacation in Italy quickly spirals into accusations of assaulting an Irishman in Italian waters, smuggling super chlamydia, and facing a $24 fine punishable by jail time. Rosalyn’s confusion turns to outrage, and just when she’s ready to lawyer up—BOOM—the prank is revealed.

But that’s not all! In the second prank, Jubal plays a remote-wo...


The Couch Delivery Turned Karaoke Nightmare & Customer Service Stand-Up Comedy
07/08/2025

Get ready for a double dose of chaos in this episode of The Jubal Show's Phone Pranks! First up, Jubal poses as a clueless customer service rep from a furniture company with some unbelievable news: the couch a woman ordered has been sitting in a karaoke bar for three weeks, soaked in “sweaty singer sweat” and mystery alcohol. Her reaction? Priceless.

Then, things get even wilder when Jubal transforms into “Tom Bobrick,” a delusional fifth-grade crush who resurfaces decades later to awkwardly hit on a married woman—who just so happens to be married to his employee. Cringe, confusion, an...


Beach Brawls & Busted Coffee Tables: Jubal’s Wildest Phone Pranks Yet!
07/07/2025

Get ready for a double dose of chaos in this episode of The Jubal Show’s Phone Pranks! First, Jubal goes undercover as Detective Peter North to investigate a bizarre beach incident involving a “crazy guy,” a self-defense-trained mom, and a very confused daughter. Just when you think it can’t get any weirder—Jubal reveals he’s actually the “crazy guy” from the beach!

Then, things spiral hilariously out of control when Donk the Plumber calls a woman to collect payment
 and casually drops that her husband is passed out from too many keg stands, the coffee table is broken, and...


Double Trouble: A Crab Wants His Brother Back & A Delivery Guy Wants a Massage!
07/07/2025

Get ready to laugh until your sides hurt in this outrageous episode of The Jubal Show's Phone Pranks! First up, Jubal transforms into Clayton the King Crab, frantically searching for his brother Curtis, who was allegedly kidnapped during a crabbing trip. The victim? A confused and terrified new neighbor who has no idea what’s going on—until the claws come out!

Then, things get even more absurd when Jubal becomes Eddie the Elderly Delivery Driver, who refuses to deliver a package because of stairs, GPS issues, and a serious case of bursitis. The recipient? A woman who’s been w...


Dog Daycare Renamed My Pup
 Then IKEA Sent a Guy in a Box!
07/03/2025

In this outrageous episode of Phone Pranks with Jubal, we hit you with a double dose of chaos and comedy. First up, a dog daycare counselor calls a pet owner to inform her that her beloved pup “Checkers” has decided he hates his name and now wants to be called “Oswaldo.” What follows is a hilarious meltdown involving dog whispering, identity crises, and even couples counseling for pets and their humans.

Then, things get even weirder when a man receives a call from his IKEA furniture assembler—who claims he’s already inside the house
 because he shipped himself in one...


Roommate Surprise: Meet Crazy Johnny and His Musical Ferrets
07/02/2025

Get ready for a double dose of chaos in this wild episode of The Jubal Show's Phone Pranks! First, Kelly is all set to move into her new apartment—until she finds out she’s got an unexpected roommate: Crazy Johnny and his ferret band! Yes, you read that right. Ferrets. With instruments. Things spiral fast when she learns Johnny spits gibberish, has a strict ferret curfew, and might not be leaving anytime soon.

Then, buckle up for part two: Mariana is desperately trying to track down a missing wedding dress, only to be met with a delivery driv...


He Wore a $50K Jacket on a Tinder Date & She Got Banned for Twerking on Guac
07/01/2025

Get ready for a double dose of chaos in this wild episode of Phone Pranks on The Jubal Show! First up, Jubal poses as a clueless dry cleaner who “accidentally” wore a listener’s $50,000 auction-won jacket on a Tinder date—only to return it stained and ripped. The reaction? Absolutely explosive.

Then, things get even spicier when Jubal calls a woman pretending to be a detective, informing her that she’s been banned from her favorite Mexican restaurant for grinding on the guacamole cart, whispering sweet nothings to cheese fries, and leading a salsa-soaked encore chant. Her panic is real, and...


$60,000 for a Hole?! + AI Breakup Gone Wrong
06/30/2025

Get ready to laugh until you cry in this outrageous episode of The Jubal Show’s Phone Pranks! First up, a woman is left speechless when she thinks she’s been scammed out of $60,000 for a backyard pool—only to find out all she paid for was a hole! The confusion, the rage, and the twist will have you howling.

Then, things get even more absurd when Jubal introduces “Breakup Bot 9000,” the AI-powered breakup assistant that delivers devastating news with robotic precision. Darren thinks his girlfriend Kayla is dumping him via artificial intelligence—and his emotional rollercoaster is both heart-wr...


We’re All Stuck on Hold?! – The Most Chaotic Customer Service Call Ever
06/27/2025

In this hilariously tangled episode of Phone Pranks on The Jubal Show, Jubal pulls off not one, but TWO epic pranks that leave his unsuspecting victims completely baffled. First, he poses as a clueless new customer service rep who accidentally merges two frustrated internet customers—Carly and Derek—into the same call, convincing them they’re stuck “on hold” together forever. The confusion, the chaos, and the accidental alliance they form is comedy gold.

Then, things get even more outrageous when Jubal becomes “Donk,” a wannabe lawyer with zero qualifications and a whole lot of gym energy, applying for a receptioni...


2 Pranks, 1 Jubal: Cake Catastrophe & Closet Chaos
06/26/2025

In this chaotic and hilarious episode of Jubal Phone Pranks, things go from sweet to scandalous in seconds! Vanessa thinks she’s doing something thoughtful by ordering a birthday cake for her boss while she’s away on business. But when the bakery calls to confirm the message on the cake, she finds out it says
 “Happy Birthday Cheating”! Turns out, the cake decorator is going through a messy divorce and decided to express his emotions through frosting. Vanessa spirals into panic, convinced she’s about to lose her job—until the truth is revealed.

In the second prank, Devin g...


Bank Blunder Sends Life Savings to Brazil & Mom Loses It Over Fake Graduation
06/25/2025

Get ready for a double dose of chaos in this wild episode of The Jubal Show’s Phone Pranks! First up, a brand-new “bank employee” named Trevor calls Kylie with some devastating news: her entire savings account has been accidentally transferred to a mysterious Jorge in Brazil. As Trevor fumbles through his first day on the job, Kylie’s panic turns into full-blown rage—until the shocking twist is revealed!

Then, we crank up the drama with a call to a proud mom who just celebrated her daughter’s high school graduation. But wait—did her daughter actually graduate? A school...


Mechanic Joyrides Customer’s Classic Camaro & Cluster Sneezes Get Tenant Fined!
06/24/2025

Buckle up for one of the wildest episodes of The Jubal Show’s Phone Pranks yet! In this double-dose of chaos, Jubal poses as a rogue mechanic who “accidentally” takes a listener’s prized 1967 Camaro on a cross-country joyride — complete with top-down tunes and a whole lot of attitude. The twist? She thinks her car is still in the shop!

Then, things get even more absurd when Jubal calls a tenant to inform her she’s being fined for “heavy footfall,” “unruly chair scooting,” and even “cluster sneezing.” Yes, you read that right — her yawns are apparently too loud for the neighbors!


He Thought It Was Tech Support, She Thought It Was a Loan Officer
 They Were BOTH Wrong!
06/23/2025

Get ready to laugh until your signal drops! In this chaotic and hilarious episode of Phone Pranks on The Jubal Show, Jubal transforms into the world’s worst customer service rep—Trevor from “Wireless”—to mess with an unsuspecting guy named Adam. What starts as a fake service outage call quickly spirals into a comedy of errors, dropped calls, and identity confusion that leaves Adam questioning reality (and Trevor’s job qualifications).

But that’s not all! In the second prank, Jubal poses as a mortgage agent with a suspiciously personal interest in Maeve’s sixth-grade crossing guard and her fake ID fr...


Motivational Speaker or Maniac? VP Fires Employee for a Yacht
06/20/2025

Get ready for a double dose of chaos and comedy in this wild episode of Phone Pranks from The Jubal Show! First up, meet Todd Sparks—motivational speaker, self-proclaimed spark igniter, and apparently the new VP of your company. Eliza thinks she’s getting a motivational pep talk
 until Todd casually drops the bomb that she’s being fired so he can buy a boat. Yes, a boat. The emotional rollercoaster is real, and Eliza’s reaction is priceless.

Then, buckle up for round two with Trevor, the most clueless (and Renaissance-obsessed) garage attendant ever. When a proud Ducati owner...


She QUITS Over Airline Miles Paycheck?! + The Wildest Birthing Playlist Ever
06/19/2025

Get ready to laugh out loud with this double-dose of chaos from The Jubal Show’s Phone Pranks! In today’s episode:Airline Miles Meltdown – Caitlin just got promoted to Executive Vice President, but when HR calls to tell her she’s getting paid in airline miles instead of money, she absolutely loses it. Is she greedy
 or just practical?Birthing Beats Gone Wrong – Brianna is about to give birth, but her “labor nurse” Donk has a playlist that’s more rave than relaxation. From DMX to Skrillex, this delivery room is about to turn into a dance floor!These pranks are packed with...


The Treehouse Trap & Office Party Gone Wrong: Viagra Cake and All
06/18/2025

Get ready for double the laughs and double the chaos in this wild episode of The Jubal Show’s Phone Pranks! First, a contractor gets himself hilariously stuck inside a treehouse he just built — and calls the homeowner for a rescue mission gone wrong. Then, a birthday surprise turns into a retirement party disaster, complete with a Viagra-themed cake and the world’s most inappropriate banner. You won’t believe how these prank victims react!

Tune in for:A builder trapped in a treehouse with no tools and no way outA birthday party gone hilariously wrong at the officeOut...


From Stage Rage to Pill Panic – Theater Meltdown & Pharmacy Freakout
06/17/2025

Get ready to laugh until your sides hurt with this outrageous episode of The Jubal Show’s Phone Pranks! In today’s double-feature, we dive into two of the most hilariously awkward prank calls ever aired.

First up, meet Barkley Amadeus—a self-proclaimed third understudy and “direct descendant of Mozart”—who calls a theatergoer to accuse her of ruining his performance with a rogue ringtone. The drama escalates fast with Shakespearean flair, wild accusations, and a twist that’ll leave you howling.

Then, things get even weirder when a “pharmacist” follows up on a prescription and starts asking if th...


Librarian Loses It Over ‘Attitude’ and 160 Ponies Crash a Wedding
06/16/2025

Get ready to laugh until you cry in this outrageous episode of The Jubal Show’s Phone Pranks! In today’s double-feature prank call, Jubal pulls off two of the most side-splitting setups yet:“Attitude in the Library” – Jubal poses as a hilariously misinformed school librarian who’s had enough of a fifth grader’s “attitude”
 or should we say “attitood”? When the dad gets on the line, things escalate fast as mispronunciations fly and tempers flare. Will the dad keep his cool, or will he correct the librarian into oblivion?“160 Ponies at the Wedding” – What happens when a bride-to-be finds out her wedding venue is o...


CEO Loses It Over Musical Meeting Plan & $4,000 for a Virtual Vacation?!
06/13/2025

Get ready to laugh out loud with this episode of The Jubal Show's Phone Pranks! In today’s double-feature, Jubal pulls off two of the most outrageous pranks yet. First up, a clueless new employee calls the company president with a wild idea for a client presentation—complete with fog machines, lighting effects, and a musical number. Will the boss go along with it, or will he lose his mind?

Then, we head to Italy... or do we? A man is convinced he’s already taken his dream vacation after booking a “virtual tour” online. When he finds out he’s b...


He Drove to the WRONG State with All His Stuff?! + Alexa's Flatulence Scandal
06/12/2025

Get ready for a double dose of chaos and comedy in this episode of The Jubal Show's Phone Pranks! First up, we meet Leon, who’s been anxiously waiting for his moving truck—only to find out the driver, Heinrich, is not only new on the job but has somehow ended up in Lincoln, Nebraska instead of Lincoln Avenue! With a Bluetooth speaker blaring and zero GPS skills, Heinrich’s incompetence drives Leon to the brink in one of the most hilariously frustrating prank calls ever.

Then, we switch gears to Erin, who receives a shocking call from a tech comp...


Ferrets, Stew, and 6-Foot Holes?! The Most Unhinged Prank Calls Yet
06/12/2025

Get ready for a wild ride in this episode of The Jubal Show's Phone Pranks! First, we meet Trevor, a car detailer with a very unusual assistant—his ferret, Frank. When Frank mysteriously disappears into a customer's Mustang, chaos ensues. Is the car ruined? Is Frank chewing through the engine? And why does Trevor think this is totally normal?

Then, things get even weirder when Juniper calls a new homeowner with a chilling request: she wants to “exhume” something from the backyard. What starts as a polite call quickly spirals into a full-blown horror movie script—complete with stew, susp...