Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love
Since 2016, Ashley Jameson and Heather Kolb have supported, educated, and equipped women to experience sexual health, healing from betrayal trauma, and success in relationships. We know what it’s like to be in crisis—searching for answers—and continually hearing the churchy answer. Each week, you’ll hear real talk about sex and relationships from a biblical and clinical perspective.
Let’s Talk About Divorce with Andrea Rogers
In this honest and compassionate conversation, we explore one of the most difficult realities couples may face: when separation, and sometimes divorce, becomes part of the healing journey. How can someone discern when it’s time to consider divorce? What boundaries protect emotional and spiritual health along the way?
We also discuss caring for children through the transition, navigating reactions from family and faith communities, and how churches can respond with grace instead of shame.
You’ll hear practical guidance on counseling, support systems, and the personal work needed before entering a new relationship. If you’re...
093 - Helping Your Partner Heal From the Impact of Your Addiction
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
I’m terrified that full honesty will cost me everything—my marriage, my family, my reputation. I want healing, but I’m afraid the truth might do more damage than good. Do I really need to tell my partner everything—and what if it destroys my marriage? I thought quitting the behavior and apologizing would be the turning point, but it hasn’t been. I feel frustrated and helpless (sometimes angry) watching my partner s...092 - Rebuilding Intimacy After Betrayal: Orgasm, Erection, and Trust
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
- We are 5 years post betrayal and our intimacy has gotten better and deeper. Though there are still barriers around me achieving orgasm. It took us 2 years for me to orgasm. It’s very separated right now, either I am orgasming or he is. We want to do it at the same time. How do we do that? He has suggested that I rub myself during sex. Is this okay or cons...
091 - Navigating Trauma and Trust After Infidelity
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
After 37 years of marriage marked by sexual betrayal and addiction, my husband left for another woman, leaving deep trauma and guilt in his wake. I wrestle with regret, self-blame, and grief after years of prayer and perseverance. How do I heal from this betrayal, forgive him, and release the past so I can build a sane, hopeful future?More than four years after discovering decades of hidden infidelity, I’m still living with...090 - Why Can’t I Stop? Understanding the Inner Battle with Porn & Affairs
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
Why do I keep going back to porn or affairs even when I genuinely want to stop? I’ve prayed, made promises, installed accountability, and genuinely meant it—yet somehow I still find myself back here. Each relapse leaves me more confused and ashamed, wondering why my desire to change doesn’t seem to be enough.Is this really an addiction—or am I just a bad person? Part of me wants an explana...089 - Coexistence, Safety, and Healing After Betrayal
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
Nearly two years after betrayal and decades of marriage, I’m trying to coexist with a husband in recovery who seeks help but struggles to empathize with my pain. I feel unseen, fearful of being on my own, and unsure whether healing together is possible. Is coexistence enough, or am I denying what my heart truly needs?I am working on my safety action plan and I feel that I’ve been unsafe...088 - Alone in Healing: Navigating Betrayal and Recovery
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
I’ve been married twenty years and have lived with the quiet pain of my husband’s porn use, avoidance, and lack of accountability. I’ve pursued healing alone while he remains passive, leaving me stuck between guilt, anger, and resentment—especially amid his health struggles. How do I break this cycle and decide what’s truly healthy for me and our marriage?Fifteen months after discovery and nearly two decades of marriage, I’...087 - Rebuilding Trust when Honesty Seems Unsure
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
My husband’s past pornography addiction and my own history of sex and love addiction make occasional new sexual behaviors triggering for me. When something unexpected happens, I feel unsafe and disconnected. We want to keep exploring intimacy without activating those fears. How can we experiment in ways that feel safe for both of us?I’ve found guidance and healing through your podcast, counseling, and trusted couples while navigating my husband’s secret...086 - Navigating Beyond Betrayal
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
My husband’s past pornography addiction and my own history of sex and love addiction make occasional new sexual behaviors triggering for me. When something unexpected happens, I feel unsafe and disconnected. We want to keep exploring intimacy without activating those fears. How can we experiment in ways that feel safe for both of us?I’ve found guidance and healing through your podcast, counseling, and trusted couples while navigating my husband’s secret...085 - Corruption, Affairs, and Crossing The Line
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
One of my group members is struggling after discovering his wife’s year-long affair, which began after he pressured her to watch pornography with him and she became addicted herself. They are seeing a counselor locally. What resources would you recommend to help them navigate betrayal, addiction, and rebuilding their marriage?I have a hard time stopping things when they begin getting too sexual. I want to date and eventually get married, but...084 - Crushed, Conflicted, and Craving: Healing After Betrayal
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
Since discovery, I’ve worked hard to heal my sexuality and past trauma, as well as the impact of my husband’s addiction. I fight against resentment while still longing for emotional closeness with him, which often leads to wanting sexual intimacy too. I’m unsure if these desires are healthy or normal. Is this normal?After 37 years of marriage, I discovered my husband had an emotional affair for two months. Though he’s rem...083 - When Divorce Might be the Healthiest Option
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
- My husband and I are 3.5 years post-discovery, yet he still avoids taking ownership for issues tied to his long-term sexual addiction unless pressured. As Christians, I feel truth-telling should be shared, not one-sided, and I’m troubled this wasn’t addressed earlier in our counseling. How can I move forward?
- After 27 years of marriage, I discovered my husband’s long-term emotional and physical infidelities, causing severe trauma. Therapy...
082 - Desire, Dreams, and Waiting Well
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
- What books would you recommend reading to help me understand sex and orgasm?
- After 18 years of marriage and repeated betrayals by my husband, I’ve been divorced for two years and abstinent, yet I struggle with a strong sexual desire I’m unaccustomed to outside marriage. How can I navigate these desires faithfully while waiting for a godly partner?
- I keep having dreams about sex an...
081 - Betrayal, Legal Issues, & Hopelessness
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
- My husband’s parents are loving and generous, but since D-Day, he hasn’t been honest with them about his actions or the consequences. He was fired and had to hire a lawyer due to his acting out behaviors. I’ve become his secret keeper, which leaves me resentful and conflicted. How much truth should I share with his parents without oversharing but so they know it’s gone beyond porn use?
- I’m almost finished with my first Betrayed & Beyond group, and while the communit...
080 - How Our Healing Impacts Our Family
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
Does PD counseling include diving into family of origin trauma such as enmeshment between a parent and a child?Through my healing I’ve learned a lot about attachment styles. My young adult daughter doesn’t have an obvious attachment style and doesn’t seem interested in pursuing life outside of our home. Why do you think this is?Recently discovered our teenage daughter is reading smut. We have had ongoing conversations about ho...079 - Dating and Engagement in the Midst of Recovery
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
- In a dating context, how much recovery should my boyfriend have from sexual addiction prior to us stepping into marriage?
- I’m leading an Authentically You group, and several young women are sharing about their fiancés’ struggles with porn. They seem determined to marry despite hidden worries. I know the heartbreak and struggle that likely awaits these young women. As someone whose husband is in long...
078 - Equipping Group Leaders: Strangulation, Spiritualizing, & Emotional Affairs
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
More women are coming to group with strangulation trauma as part of the abuse they’ve gone through. I recently had a woman in group who had experienced this and ended up with a blood clot in her neck that could have been life threatening. How do we learn more/have better awareness around this?What is the best way to handle spiritualizers in your group—especially if they are spiritualizing the situat...077 - Making Sense of My Sexual Behaviors
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
Even though I'm faithful to my husband, and love him dearly, I lust and fantasize and my maladaptive daydreaming is out of control. How do I navigate these waters? Is this past trauma and my need for control? Where do I start with healing?I stopped my own porn use three years ago after finding out about my husband’s addiction, but I never really addressed it or worked through it — I just b...076 - The Harsh Reality of Being in a Sexless Marriage
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
How do I not hate or resent my husband when I grieve the inability to try to have more children because we have a sexless marriage due to the trauma of his addiction?Can you speak to sexual anorexia after betrayal? It's been 5 years since my husband and I have had sex. He thinks I should be willing to try, but I recoil every time he touches me. I can barely kiss hi...075 - Purity Culture, Expectations, and a High Libido
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
- I’ve felt the harm of purity culture, but I’m confused by the reaction against it—where modesty seems dismissed altogether. I see Christian women dressing in ways that feel extreme, and I wonder if immodesty reflects deeper heart issues. Is there still space to talk about healthy modesty without sounding judgmental?
- I was told having expectations is wrong, but I disagree. I don’t expect perfection...
074 - The Unique Nuances of Betrayal and Healing
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
- I was married for 30 years and I didn’t understand the depth of my husband’s porn addiction until about 8 years ago. He refused to seek help and he recently passed away, so I am doing this recovery alone. About 9 months ago, I found him at his place of business, deceased, in front of his computer masturbating to porn. I have signed up for Betrayal & Beyond. I am wondering if my sit...
073 - Singleness, Same-Sex Attraction, & Sex
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
- I am single right now, but every time I get in the shower I think about when I get married and if my husband will want to take a shower with me. I don't want my husband in the shower. So how would I tell him no without hurting him?
- I'm a follower of Christ. I was sexually abused several times as a child, I struggled with sa...
072 - Navigating the Nuances of Betrayal
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
- After 9 years of repeated porn discoveries in my marriage, we're now heading into an intensive with a polygraph. It’s our first time using one, and I feel lost on what to ask. What questions truly bring clarity and healing? What are the top questions a betrayed spouse should ask when preparing for a polygraph?
- After years of betrayal, broken promises, and failed recovery attempts, I separated from...
071 - When Healing from Betrayal Feels like a Revolving Door
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
My husband and I have been in recovery through PD since late 2024, navigating sobriety, betrayal trauma, and rebuilding intimacy. While I’m seeking emotional safety, he reacts with blame when having sex is paused. I’m craving emotional connection before sex, not withholding love. Am I in the wrong to not have physical intimacy until I feel safe? How can healing happen when emotional safety feels out of reach?I feel frustrated by my...070 - Balancing Singleness & Relationships
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
I find myself constantly chasing relationships, even unhealthy ones, just so I don’t feel alone. I know it’s not good for me, but the fear of being without someone feels unbearable. How do I start breaking free from this cycle of needing to be wanted?When I’m in a relationship, I have obsessive thoughts that I can’t shut off. I wait by my phone for my boyfriend to respond, a...069 - The Ups and Downs of Healing from Betrayal
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
My husband and I are a few months into recovery after he disclosed years of hidden porn use. While he believes he’s walking in victory, I’m unsure how to distinguish true healing from another “purge” phase, given his past cycle. With new safeguards in place, how can I know if real heart change is happening—not just behavioral control?I’m healing from betrayal in my marriage and making real progress, but...068 - The Brutality of Betrayal
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
I just finished Sexual Integrity 101 and want to join Betrayal & Beyond. There are no local groups and a 10-month virtual commitment feels impossible. My husband, a former pastor, abandoned me and our four kids after a devastating affair. I’m doing the work alone while he moves on. I feel forgotten. How do I heal when reconciliation isn’t an option? How do I help my kids heal when I feel so broken...067 - Women in the Struggle: When Shame Won’t Let Go
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
- My husband makes me feel small and unwanted. I started fantasizing about the characters in one of my favorite shows. I find myself wishing I were married to a man like that. Whenever I’m not watching my show, I hate my reality and life, but I also do not want to get divorced. What should I do?
- How do I know if my struggle is just abou...
066 - When Dating, is Finding a Sexually Healthy Spouse Possible?
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
I’m reentering dating after ending a relationship with a man who had unresolved pornography struggles and resisted accountability. Now seeking a God-honoring, healthy marriage, I’m wondering how to graciously approach conversations about sexual history and porn use when dating. What level of recovery should be present before considering a relationship safe and spiritually healthy?My question is about dating someone who has disclosed that he has a porn and masturbation addict...065 - Will I Ever Recover From Betrayal?
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
- My husband confessed to porn, chat rooms, and video calls, but I’ve discovered more he hasn’t admitted. I’m now in a group and writing a Safety Action Plan, but how do you create one when trust is completely broken? If there are consequences, won’t he just hide relapses better? How do I protect myself when honesty feels impossible and I’m afraid to stay—or leave?
- Since D...
064 - Sexual Wholeness When I Feel Like a Spiritual Mess
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
I grew up in the church and always thought wanting sex, or enjoying it, made me less godly. Now I’m married, and feel so much confusion and guilt about what I should want. How has culture and religion shaped the way I view desire, and how do I know what’s actually true? Every time I try to explore my sexuality, I get hit with this wave of shame, like I’m doing...063 - The Lasting Effects of Betrayal Trauma
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
My husband is making great progress in his recovery, attending group sessions and trauma counseling, but I’m struggling to catch up. I’ve had trouble finding a counselor and don’t have a group, though we both attended an intensive. He sometimes dismisses my concerns, like he did with his mom, and it’s making me hesitant about a trip we have planned. Should I push through and go, or is it okay to...062 - Finding the Hard Answers to Healing & Recovery
If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
My group was excruciating tonight—hearing others’ victories while I’m drowning in pain felt unbearable. I’m exhausted from picking myself back up after every setback, asking why healing comes easily for some but not for us. I know God has a plan, but it s...061 - Finding the Support You Need for Healing
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
In the new edition of Betrayal & Beyond you took out the part about "forgiving yourself." I am happy you did because I don't agree with that concept. I believe in God's forgiveness, but I wonder why you decided to take that part out of the new edition?Each time my husband relapses, I feel completely lost—especially now, four years in, after his first relapse in a long time. The longer the gap...060 - How Addiction Recovery Impacts Relationships
If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
As my husband and I walk through recovery—he’s in Seven Pillars, I’m in Betrayal & Beyond—I’m nearing the end of my group and preparing for full disclosure. I wish there were clear resources to help our Christian parents, includin...
059 - Masturbation, Sexual Health, & Singleness
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
I’m 26, single, and struggling with porn addiction. While I have filters in place, I’ve turned to sexually explicit romance books as a substitute. It feels less harmful since the characters aren't real, but I know it still impacts me. Can reading these books damage my future relationships, or will marriage truly make the cravings disappear? I'm 46, still single, and always thought I’d be married by now. Over the years, I’ve felt...058 - When Recovery & Healing Seem Impossible
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
During our full disclosure, my husband confessed to having fantasies about my young adult daughter. She is his step-daughter and he did not raise her. He then confessed that he is aroused by most developed females. I suppose my question is this: is there really hope that his arousal template can change and our marriage can survive and thrive? I am scared to stay in this marriage and circle the drain for ye...057 - Communication, Spiritual Bypass, & Self-Esteem
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
How does one communicate needs in a marriage when one partner is stuck in the shame spiral of addiction? My husband gets defensive when I express my needs, which deepens my emotional wounds. How can I safely share my feelings and build trust and intimacy when he reacts this way?Could you talk more about spiritual bypass? It seems like people sometimes use faith or spiritual practices to avoid addressing deeper emotional or...056 - Navigating Passion, Sex, & Physical Touch
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
Our sex life confuses me. My husband expects me to engage instantly, even after disconnection, yet refuses intimacy unless I’m fully enthusiastic. I’m willing, even when not interested, but he won’t proceed unless I’m all in. We feel like we live separate lives—could that be affecting our intimacy?My sex-addicted husband won’t have sex, even after 5 months sober. He avoids it, can't perform without porn or escorts, and e...055 - What to Do After Decades of Betrayal
If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
After 29 years, my husband had an affair, quit his job, filed for divorce, and left—refusing counseling or reconciliation. I still love him and believe in restoration, but he’s enamored with someone else. Am I pitiful for hoping? How do I find peace when...
