The Post-Separation Abuse Podcast

Even when parenting arrangements seem impossible to change, we can strengthen our children's attachment security through consistent, attuned care during the time we do have with them. The remarkable plasticity of children's brains means attachment repair can happen at any stage when they experience responsive caregiving.

• Quality of interaction matters far more than quantity of time when building secure attachment

• Children's brains remain capable of healing and forming new patterns throughout development

• Attachment repair requires creating safety, attunement, co-regulation, and emotional repair

• Consistent rituals around transitions help children's nervous...

Attachment theory is a crucial but often misunderstood concept that significantly impacts children's wellbeing after parents separate. Understanding attachment isn't about controlling access to your child, but rather protecting their fundamental developmental needs when deciding upon post-separation parenting arrangements.

• Attachment is a biological survival system ensuring children stay close to caregivers who keep them safe and help regulate emotions

• Children form a hierarchy of attachments with usually one primary attachment figure who provides consistent, responsive care

• Attachment develops through thousands of interactions from infancy through preschool years

• When primary...

What if the arrangement everyone claims is "best for children" after separation is actually harming them? This provocative question forms the foundation of our deep dive into the dangerous myth of 50-50 equal shared parenting time.

Drawing on Australian government-commissioned research and international studies, we expose how equal shared care arrangements can negatively impact children's emotional regulation and attachment security - particularly for young children under four years of age. 

The science is clear: children don't benefit from mathematical equality in care arrangements - they need parenting plans tailored to their developmental stages a...

In this episode, I pull back the curtain on my personal journey through coercive control and post-separation abuse in this raw, vulnerable episode. I share how I met my former partner at just 17, failing to recognise the red flags of control because they mirrored dynamics that I witnessed in childhood. When I finally left the relationship when my son was 12 months old, what I thought would end the abuse actually marked the beginning of a new, equally devastating phase.

I recount how fear paralysed me when my ex threatened to take our son away if I didn't...

Ever had that gut feeling that the "professional advice" about your parenting arrangements just didn't fit your child's needs? You're not alone, and you're probably not wrong.

The heartbreaking reality is that many professionals working in the separation space - lawyers, mediators, coaches, even family therapists - are operating on dangerous myths rather than developmental science. They push arrangements that sound "fair" to adults while ignoring what children actually need to thrive.

Take Sarah's story: her four-year-old was having meltdowns, sleep disruptions, and clinging desperately at changeovers in their "fair" 50-50 arrangement. Yet three different...

Welcome back to a transformative episode after a year-long hiatus! While I've been away from the microphone, I've been deeply immersed in the trenches with my one-on-one clients, gaining invaluable insights that I'm finally ready to share with you all.

Today's episode tackles a confronting question that sits at the heart of post-separation parenting: Are you a protective parent or are you striving to avoid conflict? The uncomfortable truth is that you cannot be both simultaneously. This isn't about creating unnecessary drama – it's about recognising that sometimes protecting your children requires difficult conversations, firm boundaries, and yes, en...

Ever wondered how to regain control when communicating with a controlling ex-partner? Join me, Australian Separation and Divorce Coach Danielle Black, as we discuss the insidious tactics like DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender) used by these controlling personalities, and learn how their lack of empathy and pathological lying can make them seem more strategic and intelligent than they really are. 

Protecting your mental and emotional well-being is crucial, especially if you're dealing with PTSD or complex PTSD. We'll dive into the importance of establishing healthy boundaries with your ex-partner to prevent ongoing conflict and potential c...

Join me, Australian coach Danielle Black, as I discuss how my specialised coaching approach prioritises the well-being of both you and your children, equipping you with the tools to set firm boundaries and effectively engage with the legal system after separation. 

 I delve into the unique benefits of one-on-one coaching, supplemented by the camaraderie of group membership, and discuss how weekly group video calls and an online platform can create essential human connections, providing you with much-needed emotional support in a safe and supportive space. 
You'll gain a clear understanding of why individualised coaching is indispensable for...

Can you truly distinguish personality disorders from PTSD and CPTSD, or are the lines more blurred than we think? Join me, Danielle Black, as I unravel the complexities of these conditions, shedding light on how traits like mood swings, depression, and emotional dysregulation overlap in CPTSD and BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). I discuss the critical role of accurate diagnosis and effective therapies, such as EMDR, in helping individuals process trauma and reduce emotional triggers. Mislabeling can lead to harmful consequences, so awareness and understanding are paramount.

In the latter part of this episode, I dive into identifying...

What happens when we hastily label our abusive ex-partners as narcissists? Join me, specialist Australian Separation & Divorce Coach Danielle Black, as I explore the critical differences between narcissistic traits and true personality disorders in abusive relationships.
We'll uncover the fact that most abusive male behaviours stem from perceived male entitlement  rather than clinical disorders, and how this understanding can change the way you navigate your own experiences. 
By delving into concepts like male entitlement, and assessing whether problematic or harmful behaviours are consistent across various relationships, you'll gain a clearer perspective on your situation and av...

This episode of the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast, hosted by Danielle Black, promises to tackle the disturbing realities of abusive and neglectful parenting. Learn how controlling and abusive parents manipulate their children through tactics like 'infantilisation' and 'parentification'. Discover the emotional toll these harmful behaviours take on the children, making them bear the weight of adult responsibilities and catering to a parent's emotional needs. Uncover the red flags, such as threats of self-harm by the abusive parent, and understand the critical importance of recognising these signs to protect the well-being of children.

Specialist coach Danielle Black also shines...

Can cultural and spiritual beliefs be weaponised against you, even after a relationship ends? On this episode of the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast with Danielle Black, discover how abusers manipulate cultural and religious values to maintain control and inflict pain post-separation. Learn how these manipulative tactics can manifest, from undermining your religious beliefs to preventing your children from embracing their heritage.

Join Danielle as she sheds light on the additional betrayal faced by survivors who turn to their cultural or religious communities for support, only to be met with shaming and ostracisation. This episode aims to empower survivors...

Ever felt trapped in your own life due to someone else's control over your finances? Discover the insidious world of economic and financial abuse as we unveil tactics that can keep you chained to a controlling partner long after separation. This week, I open up about my own struggle with grief after losing a  family member and the importance of taking time to care for ourselves, especially when life gets overwhelming.  With heartfelt thanks to my supportive clients, I return to the series on post-separation abuse, shining a light on the subtle yet damaging behaviours designed to manipulate and co...

Have you ever felt like your role as a parent is constantly being sabotaged by your ex? The struggle is real!

Controlling and abusive former partners can use both overt and covert strategies to undermine your parenting—like the "Disneyland dad" phenomenon and turning special occasions into battlegrounds.   In listening to his episode you'll learn how to spot these patterns.  Remember, knowledge is power—understanding your ex's motives and manoeuvers is the first step towards maintaining your sanity and protecting your children's wellbeing.   

About Danielle Black:

Danielle Black is Australia's leading speciali...

Welcome.   I'm Danielle Black, and today we're  exploring the manipulative tactics used by controlling abusers who weaponise children in their ongoing power struggles. 
We'll uncover how these abusers, masking their self-interest as parental concern, often disregard their children’s emotional well-being and developmental needs. 

With heartfelt gratitude, I'm also sharing a glimpse into my world as we transition to weekly episodes. Your unwavering support has allowed me to deepen my commitment to one-on-one coaching, and in turn, continue our shared journey through the complex terrain of separation and co-parenting. 
Your ongoing support engagement – follows, ratings, and revie...

Help me to shatter the silence surrounding post-separation abuse as I reveal the unseen struggles that many victim-survivors face. 
In this episode I expose the stark reality of how  manipulative and controlling men brand themselves as victims, and attempt to turn friends, family, and even professionals into unwitting accomplices. 

This episode is a clarion call for community action and solidarity with those who have endured men's violence during relationships and post-separation.  
By challenging the harmful myths that protect abusers and hinder support systems, this discussion is an urgent reminder of our shared duty to create a so...

Every day, women across Australia are grappling with the crushing weight of domestic violence, and their cries for help are too often muffled by a system that seems to favor the abuser. 
The harsh reality is that our society burdens women with the responsibility for men's violence, and men's emotions when they struggle with being held accountable.

So many victim-survivors courageously advocate for themselves and their children - only to deal with a law enforcement and legal system that often extends colludes with the victim narrative of the abuser. 

It's time we call out th...

In this episode I peel back the layers of manipulation and control that continue long after a relationship ends. We're not just talking about anger-fueled outbursts; this is a strategic game of blame-shifting and reality distortion that abusers play to maintain their grip on victims. 
This episode is a deep exploration into the ways abusers enlist friends, family, and even legal systems to uphold their twisted version of events, how they target the mental health of the protective parent, and the dangerous sense of entitlement that drives their actions. Whether you're seeking understanding, healing, or strategies to safeguard y...

As your navigator through the stormy seas of post-separation abuse, I'm here to shine a light on the often unseen tactics abusers wield to keep their grip on power. Together, we'll uncover how subtle acts of intimidation and control can persist long after a relationship's end. 
By recognising these often covert strategies, you'll arm yourself with the knowledge needed to begin safeguarding yourself and shielding your children. 

About Danielle Black:

Danielle Black is Australia's leading specialist in child-focused post-separation parenting, helping parents cut through professional pressure and harmful myths to ma...

This episode reveals how abusers wield systems and institutions as tools of manipulation, continuing to torment their former partners long after the separation. 

Join me as I dissect the underbelly of family violence's evolution into post-separation abuse, shining a light on the patterns perpetrators use to engage and exhaust their former partners. Where using systems and institutions is concerned, this can include false reports to law enforcement, twisted custody battles, and blatant disregard for legal boundaries.  

About Danielle Black:

Danielle Black is Australia's leading specialist in child-focused post-separation parenting, helping parents cu...

Discover the transformative path to empowerment after a break from a restrictive or abusive relationship. With me, Danielle Black, as your guide, this episode promises insights and strategies for harnessing the power of positive thinking to reclaim control over your life. We tackle the essential actions for laying a foundation for a healthier future, such as seeking professional coaching, finding solace in group support, and connecting with online communities. It's not just about positive affirmations but about mastering your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors to build resilience and ensure the best transition for you and your children.

Navigating...

Growing up in the 80s meant boundaries were often blurred or altogether nonexistent for many of us, myself included.  Today, I'm sharing my journey and the crucial lessons learned about the importance of establishing healthy boundaries for and with our children. 
As a Separation, Divorce, and Co-Parenting Coach, I've seen firsthand the transformative power of teaching kids to tune in to their feelings and intuition. In this episode, I draw on personal reflections and professional insights to discuss how our children learn the art of setting and maintaining boundaries by watching us.  I also explore how clear, consistent lim...

You're not alone on the path toward reclaiming your life after separation—countless courageous women have walked this journey, and their stories of transformation are nothing short of heroic. This episode is an ode to their strength, as we explore the transformative power of setting boundaries and the neurological rewiring that accompanies this act of self-care. 

This episode celebrates the incredible power of neuroplasticity; our brain's ability to adapt and grow stronger with each boundary that we set. It's a masterclass in reinforcing your personal limits without excuses or justifications, a skill that serves well beyond post-separation rel...

Whether you're navigating the rough waters of separation, enduring the aftermath of divorce, or co-parenting with an ex-partner who exerts control, this episode promises insights that will support you on your journey. 

In this episode I discuss  the issue of rejection—exploring the whirlwind of emotions it can trigger and how past traumas might influence our perception of 'no.' 
Tune in as we lay the groundwork for personal growth, emotional maturity, and the pursuit of healthier, more autonomous relationship dynamics.

About Danielle Black:

Danielle Black is Australia's leading specialist in ch...

The hidden gambit of abusers to weaponize mental health allegations in post-separation parenting disputes is both cruel and cunning. 
As mentioned in the title of this episode, I also wax lyrical about the way in which I despise the way in which entitled abusers can so relentlessly seek equal shared care (or "50/50" parenting time).
 With the anticipated legislative reforms that will remove the presumption of equal shared parental responsibility (the decision making component of parenting) , we're on the cusp of a transformation in Australian family law. 
Through my lens as a Specialist Separation, Divorce, and Co-Parenting Coa...

I've felt the sting of disbelief and the accusations of "liar!" from 'flying monkeys' first-hand. 
In this episode I continue to peel back the layers of post-separation abuse and the deeply entrenched sexism that allows it to thrive in families, communities and society as a whole. 
I invite you to a space where we confront the skewed societal narratives that let men shirk their fair share of responsibilities in the home and parenthood, all while scrutinising the women who dare to challenge these norms. This episode isn't just about airing grievances; it's a call to action, a di...

Have you ever witnessed a friend or family member supporting someone you know is harmful? In the latest episode, I pull back the curtain on the role of 'flying monkeys'—those who, perhaps unwittingly, become the enablers of abusers. 
Join me, Danielle Black, as we delve into the heart of internalised misogyny and post-separation abuse dynamics, uncovering why some women might side with aggressors and take a stand against female victim-survivors of abuse.

This conversation extends into the intricacies of relationships where traditional gender roles and internalised misogyny often go unquestioned. I explore the aftereffects of the...

Discover the insidious ways enablers, allies, and advocates of abusers can deepen the wounds of post-separation abuse. 
I'm your host, Australian specialist separation and divorce coach Danielle Black, and this episode peels back the curtain on the concept of 'flying monkeys'—individuals who, knowingly or not, become tools in an abusive ex-partner’s arsenal, perpetuating a cycle of manipulation and harm. 
As we dissect the 'abuse by proxy' phenomenon, you'll gain the insight needed to recognize when seemingly supportive figures might, in fact, be reinforcing an abuser's control over you.

Navigating the aftermath of a separa...

 I'm Danielle Black, your Specialist Separation, Divorce, and Co-Parenting Coach, here to guide Australian women through the stormy waters of separation, divorce, court preparation and effective co-parenting. 
This bonus episode of the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast is part of the 'Safe-Guarding' series, where I unpack the different ways in which you can safe-guard yourself from accusations of alienation, withholding and gatekeeping.

Throughout the podcast, I emphasise the power of preparation and the importance of flexibility in thinking. I discuss the necessity of demonstrating your ability to consider alternative parenting arrangements, even in the face of family violence or...

The conversation in this episode branches out to the often-shadowed corners of complex PTSD, where symptoms can masquerade as other disorders, leading to alarming rates of misdiagnosis.   
It's a frank discussion with Australian Separation & Divorce Coach Danielle Black on the implications that such misinterpretations can have within the courtroom, and the importance of receiving appropriate treatment and taking responsibility for your healing in order to influence the way in which you are perceived by others.    

Also, healing trauma FEELS GOOD!  You deserve to enjoy your life as fully as possible, and this is what your children need f...

In this episode I emphasise the importance of consistent written communication as a safeguard against false accusations.  Whether it's setting up a new email address or using secure platforms like Our Family Wizard, these strategies can help you to maintain  your credibility and shield your children from as much conflict as possible.

It's about more than just avoiding phone calls or responding on your own terms—it's about curating a child-focused environment.  I share strategies for using email to send regular updates on your children's lives, strategies for sharing their milestones, and the wisdom of scrutinising shared conte...

As a mother who's trudged through the murky waters of post-separation abuse, I understand the tightrope walk of safeguarding children while facing the possibility of false accusations of things like 'withholding', 'gatekeeping' and 'alienation'.

This episode shines a light on the credibility battles many women face when family violence surfaces in legal disputes. It's a candid discussion that hinges on the painful truth: the way a man treats the mother of his children often foreshadows his post-separation behaviour. 

Transitioning to and from supervised visitation can feel like navigating a minefield and I explore this delicate t...

As a parent who might be battling to shield your children from an abusive ex, the fear of being slapped with accusations of 'alienation' is all too real. 

Embarking on the family law journey as a protective parent requires a delicate strategy, and in this episode I discuss how to utilise supervised visitation to your advantage. Steering clear of alienation accusations, while ensuring your children's safety, can feel like an impossible task but in this episode, and others to follow, I will discuss how to balance the act of being a protective parent while maintaining your credibility.

Unraveling the complexities of 'alienation' in family law, this episode dissects the controversial concept of the debunked 'parental alienation syndrome',  and reveals the deep-seated biases that imperil protective mothers and their children in the Australian legal system. 
You're invited to join a critical conversation that questions the societal and legal insistence on preserving a child's connection with both parents in the face of abuse. This discussion exposes the systemic failures that endanger children placed in contact with abusive parents, and sheds light on the inadvertent yet troubling role that professionals may play in perpetuating this cycle.

Ho...

Struggling to navigate through the stormy seas of separation or co-parenting with a controlling person? 
Inside this episode, I share the importance of carefully curating your inner circle and how to balance what you disclose to the outer circles that include work colleagues and neighbors. As a strategic separation and divorce specialist coach, I provide you with the tools to keep your ship steady, even when the current tries to pull you under. Listen in, and together, let's become stronger, braver, and more resilient against the tides of control and manipulation.

About Danielle Black:

Navigating the labyrinth of family court post-separation can feel like a descent into the unknown, but I'm no stranger to this daunting path.
 I've lived through the turmoil myself and now I hope to shed some light on the key differences between Australian and American family law systems. 
This episode is a candid exploration of the fears and misconceptions that haunt many women facing potential court outcomes, and as we unravel the myths and highlight the importance of tailored legal advice, this discussion is an essential guide for those fearing the loss of parenting time. 
No leg...

Navigating the stormy seas of separation becomes even more challenging when you're tethered to a high-conflict ex-partner, doesn't it?  
In this episode, I don't shy away from my trademark honesty as I tell it like it is when you share one or more children with a controlling person.
As your guide, I bring to light the often hidden realities of parallel parenting, laying bare the truth that working amicably with a controlling ex might be as realistic as finding a unicorn! 
This episode peels back the layers of what it truly means to parent alongside someone wh...

When you're caught in the throes of divorce and tasked with co-parenting, emotions can run high—especially when communication with an ex feels like navigating a minefield. This episode is a heartfelt guide to managing those complex feelings and finding peace amidst chaos.  I open up about my own struggles and breakthroughs, sharing the strategies that have helped me maintain emotional balance, whether it's through journaling or a therapeutic session of EMDR.

Facing your ex in a co-parenting dialogue can be daunting, and for some, the urge to retreat is palpable. During this episode, I tackle why avo...

Emerging from the fog of separation, I found myself anchored by an unexpected philosophy: radical acceptance. 
This episode peels back the layers of this transformative practice, revealing how acknowledging our painful realities can liberate us from the energy spent on the impossible task of changing others—especially a former partner. 
As we navigate through Marsha Linehan's ten steps of radical acceptance, I share insights on how to discern what is within our power to change, and what we must learn to accept. This is not about approving of the situation, but rather recognising it for what it is...

The latest episode peels back the curtain on the raw and heartfelt journey to reclaim autonomy and safety for those entangled in a web of control and broken promises. 
In this episode I confront the painful truth that abusers rarely change without significant self-work.  
As a survivor and advocate, I understand all to well what you are dealing with when you are trying to decide whether to stay or go and I've become intimately familiar with the need to craft a careful and strategic plan when considering separation from a controlling partner. 
The episode extends an inv...