Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse
Confused by your relationship? Do you catch yourself second-guessing, walking on eggshells, or feeling emotionally drained? Whether you’re still in the chaos or trying to rebuild after leaving, this podcast is your lifeline.Join retired psychologist Dr. Kerry McAvoy as she exposes the hidden dynamics of toxic relationships. You’ll learn how destructive personalities operate, the manipulative tactics they use, and the stages of abuse—plus the practical steps to heal and reclaim your life.If you’re ready to break free, rebuild your self-worth, and find lasting emotional freedom, hit play and start your recovery journey today.
Why Calling Out a Narcissist Always Backfires
Why does the person who calls out a narcissist end up looking like the unhinged one?
A Facebook follower writes in, "Why does the person recognizing and confronting the narcissistic behavior often appear unhinged to everyone else?" In this episode, Dr. Kerry explains why narcissists always appear calm and credible while their victims come across as unstable.
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The #1 Mistake People Make When Divorcing a Narcissist
Are you walking into your divorce expecting the court to finally see the truth about your narcissistic ex?
This week, divorce attorney Hannah Bell Hembree joins Dr. Kerry to pull back the curtain on what really happens in the courtroom when you're leaving a narcissist. With nearly two decades of legal experience and her own custody battle behind her, Hannah shares the hard truths every survivor needs to hear before they file.
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How to Help a Friend Who Can't Walk Away from a Narcissistic Relationship
My best friend divorced her narcissistic ex two months ago — but she keeps talking to him, then ignoring him, then reaching out again. She says she wants to move on, but she can't seem to break the cycle.
In this episode, Dr. Kerry explains why leaving a narcissist doesn't automatically break the trauma bond — and what's really driving the painful push-pull your friend can't escape. Learn how to support someone you love through this without shaming, lecturing, or pushing them further away.
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The Scary Reason Why Gaslighting Actually Works (And You’re a Part of the Problem)
Have you ever tried to walk away from a toxic person, only to find yourself right back in the middle of their reality?
This week, Dr. Robin Stern (author of The Gaslight Effect) joins Dr. Kerry for a conversation that will change how you view manipulation. Most people think gaslighting is just about lying—but the truth is much darker. It’s a "relational mess" that requires two people to function.
Previous Interviews with Dr. Stern
What's wrong with me? The Power of Gaslighting to Confuse and Control: Interview with Dr. Robi...
Do Narcissists Enjoy Hurting You? Here's Dr. Kerry's Hard Truth
Why does someone who divorces a narcissist keep going back to them?
A listener writes in, “My best friend divorced her narcissistic ex two months ago — but she keeps talking to him, then ignoring him, then reaching out again. She says she wants to move on, but she can't seem to break the cycle.”
In this episode, Dr. Kerry explains why leaving a narcissist doesn't automatically break the trauma bond and why survivors struggle to escape.
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How to Tell You've Met a Narcissist: Coach Dan Ratner's Best Sniff Test
Have you ever felt completely drained after spending time with certain people in your life?
This week, Coach Dan Ratner joins Dr. Kerry to explore the hidden world of emotional vampires: the 12 types of energy-draining people we all have in our lives and why narcissists are the most dangerous of them all. Dan shares his powerful KEEPER framework for identifying who truly deserves a place in your life.
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My Brother Is Stealing My Mother's Final Years & She Refuses to Stop Him
Take the Toxic or Troubled? Quiz and get specialized help for your specific situation. https://kerrymcavoyphd.fillout.com/toxic-troubled-survey
My 62-year-old narcissistic brother moved in with my 86-year-old mother "temporarily" after his divorce six years ago. Now she's suffocating, the rest of the family stays away, and she won't let anyone intervene.
In this episode, Dr. Kerry explains why some mothers choose guilt over peace — and what to do when someone refuses to set healthy relationship limits for themselves. Learn how to protect your own nervous system while supporting a parent who is trapped by fea...
Want to Spot Red Flags the First Time You Meet? How Abusers Reveal Themselves Through Their Words, Featuring Dr. Jennie Young
Ever ignored a gut feeling on a date because you wanted to "give him a chance"?
This week, Dr. Jennie Young — PhD linguist and creator of the viral Burned Haystack Dating Method — reveals how the words men use in dating profiles and early messages expose exactly who they are before you've even met.
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🔹 Dr. Young breaks down the top 5 most dangerous rhetorical patterns — with real examples from actual da...
What to Do When You Can't Leave: How to Protect Yourself from a Coercive Partner
My husband forces sex on me, erupts in rage, and his wealthy family would never believe me — and I don't think I can leave.
In this episode, Dr. Kerry explains why you can't make an unsafe person safe through effort alone — and why that means your only real lever is increasing your own protection. Learn a practical two-stage framework to manage this impossible situation.
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Why Am I Not Getting Better? The Hidden CPTSD Symptoms That Can Stall Your Healing
You've done the work. Read the books. Tried the strategies. So why aren't you healing?
This week, survivor and educator Ellen Tift reveals the hidden CPTSD symptoms quietly keeping you stuck—and why naming them might be the most powerful thing you can do.
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🔹 Ellen dives deep into the little-known difference between existential shame and existential humiliation—and why survivors often feel ashamed just for existing.
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Watch Out for These 7 Empathy Weaponization Tactics That Will Trap You
Have you heard, ‘If you truly understood me, you'd give me what I want?”
This week's Fan Mail comes from a listener in Sweden who asks Dr. Kerry to explain how empathy gets weaponized.
In this episode, Dr. Kerry breaks down the 5 types of empathy (affective, cognitive, compassionate, somatic, and perspective-taking) and explains why having empathy doesn't make someone safe.
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Why Did They Pick You? The Trait in ‘Good’ People Narcissists Love to Exploit
Why do narcissists target good, empathetic people in relationships?
This week, forensic psychologist Dr. Peter Favaro reveals why being a good person might actually make you MORE vulnerable to narcissists—and how that one irrational belief creates the exact confusion toxic people exploit.
Wondering if you met a “bad person?” Find out with this free gift from Dr. Kerry!
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🔹 Dr. Favaro breaks down the ABC m...
Why Narcissists Follow You When You Move Away—And How to Create Distance That Actually Works
My narcissistic brother is relocating to town after I moved away to escape him—why is he doing this?
In this episode, Dr. Kerry explains why narcissists will often close the gap when there’s physical distance. How do you gain psychological distance when you can't move away? She also offers helpful strategies for creating boundaries when distance fails.
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If you'd like Dr. Kerry to answer your question on air, email it to clients@kerrymcavoyphd.com or use this link.
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Struggling with Post-Separation Abuse? Get Real Help from a Surprising Direction
Are you struggling with post-separation abuse and drowning in documentation?
This week, Anne Wintemute introduces AimeeSays—an AI tool that helps abuse survivors make sense of chaos, document their experience, and present their story in a way family court will actually hear.
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🔹 Anne reveals how to use AI to document abuse to overcome the victim-blaming that happens when overly emotional in court.
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Feeling the Urge to Snoop on Your Partner? Here's What It's Really Telling You
"I found proof he was cheating—but was snooping really what I needed to finally leave?”
This week's Fan Mail comes from a listener in Dublin, CA, who, after reading Dr. Kerry's book "Love You More," recognized her own relationship mirrored Dr. Kerry's experience, including the urge to snoop.
In this episode, Dr. Kerry explains why the urge to snoop is actually all the evidence you need that something's wrong and why finding "proof" never actually breaks the cognitive dissonance.
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How Narcissists Trap You: A New Movie Shows Gaslighting & Coercive Control
Ever wonder why narcissists feel impossible to leave—even when you know something's wrong?
This week, filmmakers Ali & Stefanie Schmahl reveal how their docu-fiction hybrid "I Love You My Narcissist" portrays what no other film has: the internal experience of being slowly trapped by someone you love.
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🔹 Ali and Stefanie take you behind the scenes—revealing what it takes to tell stories with your he...
When Your Abuser Won't Leave and Won't Change: Here's Your Options
"My abusive partner refuses to leave or get help—and I'm trapped in a 'silent divorce.' What are my actual options?"
This week's Fan Mail question comes from a YouTube listener navigating an impossible situation: a long marriage, adult children, religious pressure against divorce, and an abusive partner who wants to maintain the status quo without doing any of the work to change.
In this episode, Dr. Kerry untangles the confusion between church annulment and legal separation, explains why staying together without changing is still a form of abuse.
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Follow on Ap...Why You’re Struggling to Feel Empathy for Yourself — Tammy Triolo
Lost empathy for yourself? You've already lost the fight.
This week, Tammy Triolo reveals the shocking connection between self-empathy loss and narcissistic abuse.
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🔹 Tammy walks you through recognizing when thoughts are just thoughts—not truth—and how to stop surrendering to negative beliefs.
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TAMMY'S BOOKS
• The Empathy Gap...
Gaslit by Your Doctor? Why Healthcare Attracts Narcissists and How to Protect Yourself
“My doctor keeps telling me it's all in my head—but I know something's wrong. Why won't they listen?"
This week's Fan Mail question comes from a podcast listener who writes: "Dear Kerry, could you do a podcast on the topic of narcissism, psychopathy and healthcare?…”
In this episode, Dr. Kerry breaks down why healthcare settings attract people who crave power and control, how the doctor-patient dynamic creates dangerous vulnerability, and why women are especially at risk of medical dismissal.
Submit your question to be answered on air here!
Follow on AppleFol...You’ve Been Made to Think It’s Your Fault: The Truth About Predatory Behavior
Ever wonder why you didn't see it coming?
This week, Don Hennessy joins Dr. Kerry to expose the hidden playbook male predators use to infiltrate your mind—without you knowing it happened. We unpack the shocking truth about what predators are actually really after.
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🔹 Hennessy breaks down the grooming steps you never saw coming.
Don reveal why 75% of people think "it couldn't happen to me.”
Does Narcissism Come and Go? Why Narcissists Seem Better & Then Suddenly Aren't
Does Narcissism Come and Go? What "Good Periods" With a Narcissist Really Mean
This week's Fan Mail question comes from a listener in Dubai who writes: "Can narcissism in a person wax and wane? There's been years when my husband was acting like a narcissist, and then there's also been chunks of years where he's been incredibly supportive and uplifting. Can a narcissist change depending on their current situation?"
In this episode, Dr. Kerry explains why narcissistic behavior can absolutely shift between good and bad periods and what those changes really means.
...
Coercive Control: How It Steals Your Freedom (Before You Even Realize It) — Dr. Christine Cocchiola
Slowly losing control in your relationship—but can't quite put your finger on what's happening?
This week, Dr. Christine Cocchiola breaks down coercive control as the invisible foundation beneath all abuse.
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🔹 Think you might be losing yourself, but not sure how to tell?
Dr. C provides the "identity assessment" you need and how to spot the difference between healthy anger and weaponized emotion. ...
Narcissist vs. Narcissist: What Happens When These Two Toxic Personalities Match-Up
"My coworker is a narcissist—and so is our boss. What happens when two narcissists have to work together?"
This week's Fan Mail question comes from a YouTube listener who writes: "Thank you for all your content! Very helpful. I am curious to know - what tends to happen when 'a narcissist meets a narcissist' - meaning they are introduced to each other, are coworkers or need to cooperate with each other in some way or even end up being partners? Are there any patterns to or are there typical characteristics/outcomes to this dynamic? Might they not...
Gone No Contact? Why Some Parents Have to Push Away Their Kids
Why do loving parents sometimes push away the very children they'd do anything for?
This week, Catherine Hickem joins Dr. Kerry to unpack one of the most painful dynamics in modern families—parental estrangement. We explore how unspoken expectations create invisible walls, why parents mistake control for connection, and how grief work (yes, grief work) is the secret to letting your adult children become who they actually are, not who you needed them to be.
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Is It Really Estrangement… Or Is Your Toxic Ex Playing Parental Alienation Games?
A listener pushes back and asks, "How do we know the parent claiming alienation isn't actually the abuser manipulating the narrative?"
When a child rejects contact with a parent after separation, is it parental alienation or justified estrangement?
In this week's fan mail, a listener pushes back with a challenge about a previous episode that aired October 16, 2025, titled "Why Does My Ex Always Blame Me When the Kids Want Nothing to Do with Him?" This listener wanted to know how to tell when the person complaining about a toxic co-parent isn't actually the abuser.
<...
Devastated After Betrayal? Here's Why: The Hidden Abuse That No One Talks About
Ever wonder why betrayal feels so devastating—like more than just cheating?
This week, Hope Ray joins Dr. Kerry to introduce the concept of betrayal violence: the intersection of infidelity and abuse that most people don't recognize. We explore how sexual secrets strip partners of their consent and autonomy.
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🔹 When you're the victim: How do you know if you have the whole truth? Hope shares practical guidance...
Can Someone Be Both Covert AND Overt? Understanding Narcissistic Types & What Actually Matters
"My partner has traits of both covert and overt narcissism—is that possible?" This week's Fan Mail question comes from a podcast listener who writes:
"Can a person be both a covert and an overt narcissist? I'm hearing the descriptions of each and my partner has traits of both." In this episode, Dr. Kerry breaks down the confusing language around narcissistic types—what "covert" and "overt" actually mean (hint: they describe symptoms, not people), why your partner can absolutely show both presentations, and most importantly, why the type matters far less than the pattern of harm you're exper...
You Can Love Them and Still Be Exploited: Sexual Coercion with Cult Expert Pamela Takefman
Ever wondered how someone can exploit you sexually while you still love them?
This week, Pamela Takefman joins Dr. Kerry to explain how sexual coercion works—and why it doesn’t always require kidnapping or obvious physical force to be real.
Learn how perpetrators gradually test boundaries until extreme exploitation feels normal, and why loving your abuser doesn’t mean the abuse isn’t real.
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Narcissistic In-Laws: Why They Deny the Truth (and What to Do)
Ever wonder why your in-laws rallied around your abusive partner instead of protecting you?
This episode explores one of the most painful dynamics in narcissistic abuse: when families choose to protect the abuser and paint YOU as the problem. We revisit a past interview with Rossana where she shares her firsthand experience of this dynamic along with a Fan Mail listener who experienced something similar.
PODCAST EXTRA
Next week, the Podcast Extra exclusive interviews will return.
SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT
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When Dangerous People Don't Look Scary: How to Spot the Dark Triad Personality Type
Can a psychopath be a good person? And how do we spot dangerous people when they seem so charming?
This holiday special brings you an in-depth answer to one of your most-asked questions with highlights from Dr. Kerry's interview with Tara Blair Ball about the Dark Triad Personality.
We explore why dangerous people don't look scary and the critical difference between niceness and kindness.
PODCAST EXTRA
This week, there is no exclusive Podcast Extra interview. Instead, we're offering this special holiday edition to ALL Substack subscribers as our gift to y...
How Do I Know If I'm in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship? Watch for These Signs
"How do I know if I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship?" asks a YouTube listener.
In this episode, Dr. Kerry explains why even asking this question is an important sign of possible trouble. Dr Kerry will outline what emotional abuse actually looks like (hint: it's not about one-off incidents—it's about patterns) and why you might feel like you're shrinking or walking on eggshells. Abusive relationships turn people into functional objects instead of letting them shine as a fully autonomous and complex person.
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When Your Family Chooses the Narcissist Over You: What Survivors Must Know
Ever felt like you're the problem in your family—even when you're the one being hurt?
This week, Ágatha Peters joins Dr. Kerry to explore how cultural expectations and family loyalty create the perfect conditions for narcissistic abuse to thrive undetected.
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🔹 Stuck as the family scapegoat? Wondering how to survive when you can't leave?
Ágatha reveals the psychological strategies that help you endure when escape isn...
Why Does Surviving Narcissistic Abuse Turn You into Someone You Don't Recognize?
You dodged a bullet!" No—the bullet hit me. I just survived.
This week's Fan Mail question comes from a YouTube listener who writes:
"People tell me I dodged a bullet. But the bullet hit me—I just survived. I feel like it turned me into a monster. The PTSD caused me to start reacting more strongly to smaller triggers and even did abusive things myself in what I felt was self-defense."
In this episode, Dr. Kerry addresses why "you dodged a bullet" feels so wrong, what survivor's guilt really is, why up to 75...
How are Narcissists Made: Is it Trauma or Genetic? Here's What Dr. Salerno Thinks
Is narcissism caused by genetics or trauma? Ever heard “narcissists act that way because of bad parenting" or “because they’ve experienced trauma?”
This week, Dr. Peter Salerno returns to challenge everything you thought you knew about the cause of narcissistic personality disorder. We're diving into the controversial science of heritability.
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🔹 Stuck in cognitive dissonance? Are you struggling with the decision to leave and wondering why you can’t...
Why Some Families Scapegoat Their Child And What to Do If It Happens to You
This week’s Fan Mail question comes from a Spotify listener:
“Can you please do an episode on scapegoat children?”
Why do some people get scapegoated, especially in families? Dr. Kerry explains the role of the scapegoat and how families use this person to address systemic stress and dysfunctional.
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Resources
ReclaimYou: Dr...How Dangerous People Target You (Without You Even Knowing it!)
Ever wonder why you didn't see the danger coming?
This week, Dr. Leslie Dobson joins Dr. Kerry to unpack the psychological mechanisms that drive narcissistic and antisocial behavior.
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🔹 Red flags you're missing: how to spot pressure, boundary testing, and grooming before it's too late.
Dr. Dobson breaks down the early warning signs—from gold-toothed "tests" to rushed intimacy—and why trusting your intuition could save you...
Why Don't Narcissists Feel Regret? And 4 Other Questions You Need Answered, Featuring Dr. Les Carter
Dr. Les Carter has spent decades studying narcissists, and in this retrospective, he reveals what most people miss until it's too late.
We revisit five groundbreaking conversations about what's really happening behind the mask.
Get a glimpse into the weekly Substack newsletter with this week’s complimentary copy. Sign up today using this link.
Dr. Carter may have produced his last video, but his wisdom continues on his YouTube channel, Surviving Narcissism.
Thank you, Dr. Les Carter, for all your wonderful work. You have made the world a more lovely, enlightened pl...
Does the Dark Triad Personality Type Really Exist & Is This Person Dangerous?
“Is the Dark Triad a real disorder—or just a dangerous type?”
This week’s Fan Mail question comes from a listener in Germany who writes after a recent video:
“You called ‘dark triad’ a personality disorder, but it isn’t in the DSM-5. Isn’t it a subclinical descriptor?”
In this episode, Dr. Kerry clarifies what is the Dark Triad and why we need to get better at spotting this type of personality.
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When You Feel Less & Less Safe: How Coercive Control Steals Your Freedom & Choice
Ever feel like you’re slowly running out of air in a “nice” relationship?
This week, Eleni Sagredos joins Dr. Kerry to unpack how coercive control hides behind charm and “preferences.”
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🔹 Learn how escalation works—and why “just leave” can be a privilege, yet safety planning matters now.
Eleni and Dr. Kerry map the climb from small criticisms to coercion to high-risk moments, and where to get immedia...
How Do I Help My Adult Son Who's in an Abusive Marriage?
“My son’s in a toxic marriage—how do we help without making it worse?”
This week’s Fan Mail question comes from a listener in Raleigh, North Carolina:
“My adult son is in a toxic marriage with a likely narcissist. He’s miserable, says he wants out, but stays—partly because of their three young kids. How can we support him when he shares the emotional abuse without pushing or making things worse?”
In this episode, Dr. Kerry explains how best to support a loved one who’s being abused—especially when it’s your son. Learn w...
