Live From The 405 Podcast

405, for another 4 to 5. The gas company bandit. Michael Madsen mad me sads, son. The smog mafia. I regale you with my city wide and county-hopping gallivanting on the 4th of July. I mean, move over Robinson Crusoe; there’s a NEW adventurer on the loose!

A prescient prediction about 28 Years Later. Big news on the Starbucks brownie front. My old acting teacher died. (Shockingly, not “of embarrassment” from watching me) Big news on the screenplay front. Bokes & I went to see Harley Flanagan from Cro Mag’s new documentary, “Wired For Chaos.” I went to see Mark. Normand at the Comedy Store, and I did a little stand up m’self for the first time…in fuckin yeaz.

Ol “lilly lungs” Lukie is back, celebrating one month and one week of having this cold! Yay! 405 Chaos. Another invention I could/should invent, but won’t. Jeff Dye & Fiends at the Comedy Store. Among the many other natural attributes I’ve been blessed with, I’ve also come to realize I’m “I’ll be right with you” guy. 28 Jeers Later, and O Brother Where Art Thou. (Seriously, where art thou?)

Why do so many businesses in LA go out of business, only to have the exact same kind of business take over in the same exact spot the last business failed? Sex in the middle ages. Spaceballs 2. “Mobland” (nice fuckin name, as usual…)

I’m still fucking sick, and consume about 17 cough drops throughout this episode. The Los Angeles Insurrection, and my growing and almost unquantifiable contempt for this place and the people in charge of it. A couple more things about Harley Flanagan and the Cro Mags (sorry) I try to get you to appreciate the movie “Green Book,” and I went to see The Proposition with the director and cast there live. (Sort of) I also saw Dogma, the old Kevin Smith movie that is having a limited national re-release.

This episode came to you by storm. (I’m strug-a-leeng with a cold on this one, so bare with me) Harley Flan..again? Two big observations I forgot to mention about god awful Mission Impossible 8 last episode. The Hottie And The Nottie, 1923, Landman, and "we need to talk about Jon Hamm."

“Real Men,” and the Jim Belushi conundrum. If you can believe this, there’s actually a handful of decent-sounding original movies on the horizon! Good news for my stuff. (Well, “potentially,” as always) I may have gotten fired, again. A lengthy (as usual) Mission Impossible 8 review.

I’m back. Maybe. The sad truth about the animal crossing bridge on the 101. Starbucks probably got rid of their brownie, because it was my favorite treat from there, and anything that I like in this life will be systematically taken away from. (Like TGI Fridays) The two-cookie conundrum. Restaurant workers that don’t put utensils in their Doordash orders should literally be dragged to hell. I put up 265, no sweat! The untapped potential of Cyril Rampahosa. You thought “Diddy parties” were rough, wait til you hear about Hussein parties! Deadguy is still bringin it.

I went to the opening of David Mamet’s new movie “Henry Johnson” the same day James Foley died, who directed the movie version of Mamet’s most famous work, and I was in nerd utopia. I also went to see the Accountant 2 (“tWoOo?!”) so that you don’t have to. Thank you for your ears, throughout the years.  

Five double o! I recount the colorful history of this here podcast. A fellow traveler in Los Angeles car wash-dom. The Studio, and the tragedy of Seth Rogan. The trouble with Instagram titties. I’m finding the rhythms for my rebound girl, the LA Fitness on Coldwater and Victory. The trouble with Jon Hamm, and Apple TV shows round up. (Who made the cut? Who didn’t? HOW EXCITING IS THIS)

Pee jug. One less jerk at work. Hittin pavement for puss. Another show I won’t go. Pizza extortion and casting exasperations. Thunderbolts, that new Marvel movie. “The best one since End Game!”

White Men Can’t Jump was the pinnacle of positive black/white relations in the United States. Fuck Robert Rodriguez and his can-do attitude. I spent the afternoon with a BIG MOVIE STAR, and got 3rddegree burns on my tongue from a fish taco. (Possibly)

We need a reverse middle finger. For Christ’s sakes. The Last Of Them. The Rockford Files. Warfare. Sinners. Assault & Slattery.

I flew back to Buffalo for my & my nephew’s birthday.

Still on the rebound after having my heart broken. (By the LA Fitness closing at Coldwater and Chandler) You basically need the shields from the Tim Burton Batman Batmobile in LA if you want your car to not be destroyed, broken into, vandalized, etc. I definitely go to Chipotle too much. I messed around with AI images and it blew my feeble mind. Mr Penis Powers came to town, and lead to a plethora of gallivanting. Seeing King Of Comedy in a theater was a whole different experience than I would have anticipated.

Snow White? More like “s’no successful MOVIE!” I tell you about a bunch of movies in the pipeline; some good, some bad. (Mostly bad) I went to see Refused at the historic Shrine Auditorium, and also took a gander at the house that Bugsy got his eyeball blown out in. I had a myriad of thoughts about both.

I don’t care if I have to walk over a desert of thumbtacks to get where I’m going, I cannot handle being a passenger in other people’s cars anymore. A workout in Tijuana. A plethora of fast food incompetence.  (It’s spreading) A night of metal at the Viper Room. The banana thief. The Coalesce conundrum.

Id like to “excise” the asshole that came up with the “excise tax” from planet earth. I’m so tired of arbitrary and ever-growing surcharges for almost everything conceivable. Stop casting Michael Fassbender as an urbane spy and/or hitman. I’ve had it with “Grandma-la Anderson;” PUT SOME MAKE UP ON, YOU FUCK. The stranded astronauts came back to earth, but there’s more to this story than we really got. No one cares about JFK assassination. I spend a lot of time talking about 70s crime film “Prime Cut.”

A whimsical evening at the Comedy Store. We’re up to 25% chance on Misfits, fam! This is wild! The Deftones concert. Charlie Kirk at CSUN. A weekend of shooting out in the desert with my amigos(?)

I finally finished this goddamn Misfits project, so you won’t have to hear about it anymore. (Unless something actually happens with it. 6% chance, hopefully the Bureau is understaffed…) I’d like to give most replies on Craigslist a Craigs-fist. The third favorite LA Fitness in 20 years is closing, because of course it is. A problem with my Harley that would only happen to me. Gene Hackman leaves us guessing, and stop bothering me about Epstein. Berenstein Bears Paradox: “homeless people are crazy” line, from Speed. I went to a Back To The Future event, and realized I’m so fucking o...

What a lovely Wednesday mourning! Colonoscopy extravaganza. Adventures in Los Angeles customer service, starring Luke Allen and Eric Rocha. Going to see Deftones next week, but of course there has to be a catch, because god hates me. 

Polish Brandon is a special guest this week, because I had fuck-all to talk about for 488. I needed back up. We talk about LA haircuts, the Superbowl a little bit (rare sports talk!), freezing your shit, and working at a bowling alley that lots of famous people came into. (And we had to deal with) You can hear more from this son of an onion on his weekly podcast, The Liquor License. One.

There are refugee camps in Gaza with better amenities and less issues than my god forsaken apartment. There always has to be “one weirdo.” Rob’s birthday part II (it’s never too late!) and the gun range with Vince.

The Roman Coliseum has better plumbing than my apartment building. Tarantino says “2019 was the last real year for movies,” and I agree with him quite emphatically. For the movie Blink Twice, you’re better off blinking just once, and then holding it for 2 hours. Don’t get “Buffaloed” by the movie “Buffaloed.” (It’s a Canadian piece of shit) My Beatles are coming! The Deadguy documentary. I went to the heart doctor and they almost needed defribulators instead of electrodes. A day of shooting and French fry betrayal.

Calve-raped by a dog at the gym, and my first stand up comedy set/mic in over a year. (Fuck it) Bob’s Big Boy. Fuck anyone that pre-emptively beeps at you at a red light. I’m getting bi-coastally fucked by the two worst governors in the country. (Details inside) “C.O.M.” movie marathon with mister Eric Rocha.

Fuck “the fountain of youth,” just give me a ripe banana. The thing about The Thing. God got so tired of the California fires, he put them out himself. I forgot about the time Chris Hardwicke fucked me over.

David Lynch died. Stop making movies about the wolfman. I dip my toe into the whimsical world of AI creation, and it was annoying, and confusing. Really taking the “able” out of “Gable,” and how Hollywood has essentially fucked me in the ass with no lube for 15 years and running because I dare to “try.” Bored-walk Empire. The air is still horrendous and fires are STILL going…three weeks later, in this alleged 1st world country/state.

Los Angeles will literally be on fire for the foreseeable future for a myriad of reasons, but mostly “arson.” (Shhhh!!!!!) At Chipotle, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. (Suck my Dickens) I mostly likely bore you to tears about my screenplay and the dramatic breakthrough I managed, but it will be worth it because Taylor Sheridan is totes going to produce it and it’ll be on your TV and your iPhone and your Apple watch. (There is actually technically a 1% chance of that happening. If so, please recommend me high end prostitutes in pre...

From the smoldering embers of Studio D, I tell you my harrowing final days in Buffalo and the dreadful return home.

Last days in Florida, first days in Buffalo. New Years Eve, and the trip to my brother’s house. (Please excuse the annoying audio for a few minutes, and my distraction at driving through a nasty snowstorm/white out for a while in upstate New York.) Happy new year!

Huston, we have a problem. The day before I left was a real kick in the rear end, fam. (Keeping it PG for Christmas, folks.) (And by “PG,” I mean “pretty gay.”) The flight to Florida, and the struggle for a proper Belgian waffle. I had Christmas and went to see Nosferatu so that you don’t have to, then I watched Rogue One directly into A New Hope, and had thoughts on those. I apologize, not only was this an uneventful week, I really wasn’t in the mood to do this episode on top of it. Way to end the y...

I observe how much I hate the Observatory. I had no business using one of the cameras from The Revenant to shoot my dick jokes with, but I did anyway. After 27 years of deliberating and excuse making, I finally got my stupid Star Wars tattoo fixed. I can’t think of a single filmmaker in history who has ruined their legacy or fucked up their own movies more than asshole piece of shit George Lucas. I’m afraid of Vistaviews. I’m either having a weird reaction to my sleep medication, or I’m several days into the Drag Me To He...

28 Years Later, 23 years later. I’m the asshole for bringing up the fact that people are constantly falling asleep and snoring in Los Angeles movie theaters. The resplendent bliss of Arby’s. I mostly complain about several podcasts from the last week. I went to see “Horizon,” the Kevin Costner western, so you don’t have to.

What did you do on your 30th birthday? Cigar, whiskey, chocolate. (Try it) Capote is a good movie. Reggie And The No Effect, and the west Hollywood diarrhea tour. Kidney stone update! Wild times on the 405 northbound. Simply having a miserable Christmas time. The Gene Wilder doc made me cry, the Ashley Madison doc gave me anxiety (and flashbacks).

“I’m the asshole” because my Thanksgiving food was fuckin terrible. People love to argue with me, even when they don’t really have a counterpoint. Kidney stones update. (Tell me this isn’t the most captivating podcast on the internet, I dare you) Saturday Night Stomach Ache (instead of “Fever?” Get it?) Keith from Life Of Agony is an overnight media sensation. I’m excited about  meeting an internet personality soon. (Or is it..PAW-sonality??) Screenplay troubles, but also, like breakthroughs. (Also “percentage” update. Of, y’know, “it getting made.”)

It was easier to travel west here in a covered wagon than it is to keep your clean for 24hrs in this city. When will we have holographic projections like in Star Wars? Another untalented spotter at the gym robs me of greatness. I have more kidney stones than a box of Mike & Ikes

I’m usually funnier, but I think I was (literally) passing a kidney stone this episode. Leno’s black guy. Mike Tyson fought Jake Paul. (More like FAKE Paul) UFC and USA. Miller’s Crossing. (I bet you saw it a long time ago, and should watch it again) The Heretic. “Mondays, amirite?”

The Battle Of Penora Street Creek. Fast Times At War Memorial Stadium. 3% chance! The Vince McMahon documentary on Netflix. More like WACK Forest Gummy Worms…

The Battle Of Penora Street Creek. Fast Times At War Memorial Stadium. The settlement at Roanoke ended up better than my settlement with the trucking company. 3% chance! The Vince McMahon documentary on Netflix. More like WACK Forest Gummy Worms…

Down with the sickness. Trump won the 2024 election. Halloween. I discover definitive photographic proof of life outside of Earth; “NBD,” as the kids say. Unsolved Mystery of the mysterious refugee camp(?) behind the shitty, shitty North Hollywood Golds. That movie “Find Me Guilty” with Vin Diesel, and the realization that NY DP’s suck.