Parenting Untangled | Realistic, expert teen & tween parenting advice & support

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When our kids go through their first experience of love and attraction it can bring up a lot of feelings we thought we'd neatly packed away; the intensity of that first crush, the humiliation of not being chosen, the heartbreak that felt like it would swallow us whole. 

As a parent trying to support our kids through it can be tricky because our teens’ first love stories can collide with our own unfinished ones.

In this episode of Teenagers Untangled, I’m joined by professor Lisa Phillips, author of First Love...

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A listener wrote to say both she and her son felt pretty stunned after he was rejected from the university he'd set his heart on. She asked for the best way to help our teenagers cope with this sort of disappointment. 

I thought it was a great question and a good opportunity to also look at how we parents best navigate when your teen has worked for years toward a dream - a top university place, exam results, a team, a part - and it doesn’t happen. The disappointment can feel ear...

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Knowing your values helps in parenting tweens and teens because our communication with our teenagers is based on a solid foundation. If we know why we think something matters we have clearer discussions about their behaviour and why we emphasise certain things. 

We're also less fragile when our teens push back and want to challenge our ideas. Often they have the same values but are coming at them from a different angle. 

Knowing our values helps us to find compromise. 

A previous episode about values

Link to...

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Three years ago we were asked by a listener to discuss how we can talk to boys about influential online figures like Andrew Tate, who act both as an inspiration to achieve great things, and a lightning rod for disgruntled men who blame feminism for their ills and cheer on his particular form of aggressive misogyny.

Now that Louis Theroux has shone a light on the Manosphere in his latest Netflix documentary I thought it important to dust off this old episode because the information is far more detailed, and useful for...

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Listen to past Big Hug Cafe Community Catch-Ups: 

https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com

Send me your questions:

teenagersuntangled@gmail.com

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of...

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If you’ve ever lain awake at night wondering whether you’re getting this parenting thing horribly wrong, you need to hear this conversation with surgeon and author Gabriel Weston.

Gabriel is a mother of four – including tween twins – a prize‑winning writer and a working surgeon. She talks with disarming honesty about:

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Thank you, thank you, thank you, Wirohugo for your incredible donation. You are so kind! 

Here’s the question posed by one of our community using the Ask Rachel Anything button:

My fifteen year old boy seems to show no curiousity about the world. Does not know countries, capitals, does not read (except when incentived). Today, he didn't recognise the neighbouring village which we drive through many times. He is middling at school but good at some subjects. So, not a dunce! Is it digital distraction? Is it common? I sea...

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There's been a dramatic increase in reports of grooming, sextortion and AI generated child sexual abuse material in recent years, and most parents believe politicans and technology companies aren't doing enough to protect kids.

The UK government recently announced that makers of AI chatbots that put children at risk will face massive fines or even see their services blocked in the UK under law changes.

And the French offices of Elon Musk's X were recently raided by the Paris prosecutor's cyber-crime unit, as part of an investigation into suspected offences...

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My kids went through a series of friendship bust-ups when they were young teens; it's inevitable. It's an amazing time of learning about themselves, discovering where their values lie, and learning that everyone makes mistakes. 

My kids have told me that one of the best things I've done is to show them my own mistakes, and apologise wholeheartedly when I do mess up. They say it's made them feel much better about their struggles because it's allowed them to have a vision of being a human who doesn't have to be perfect. 

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Mattering is a deep human need to feel valued beyond achievements. It's something we all need, but are we getting it?

The new book by Jennifer Breheney-Wallace focuses on "Mattering," discussing how societal pressures, particularly on teenagers, exacerbate this need. 

She emphasizes the importance of adults feeling valued at work to better support their children. 

Wallace suggests practical strategies like minimizing criticism, prioritizing affection, and fostering interdependent relationships. 

She also highlights the impact of social media on extrinsic values and stresses the need for parents to foc...

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Camilla asked if I could do a short recap of the things we’ve talked about on the podcast that will help us help our kids most. So here it is! 

Now, tell me what you want for next week.

Click this link for a list of the top tips:

https://open.substack.com/pub/teenagersuntangled/p/helping-our-kids-with-their-exam?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who...

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When Brooklyn Beckham publicly announced he didn't want to reconcile with his parents he was joining a painful catalogue of family stories that have gone wrong. 

Estrangement is reportedly on the rise in Western societies but what's behind it? 

Dr Joshua Coleman spends his life working with estranged parents so he sees, first hand, the main factors that can lead to it. He highlights that while emotional abuse is often cited as a cause, it's often a matter of unmet expectations and generational differences. 

Some of the core dri...

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For all of the tips click here:

https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/p/how-to-talk-to-your-teen-about-body

https://open.substack.com/pub/teenagersuntangled/p/how-to-get-your-kids-to-do-their?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=post%20viewer

A healthy body image: Feeling happy and satisfied with your body and what it can do. 

An unhealthy body image: Highly self-critical, comparing their body to others and obsessing about some aspect of it. 

Beauty and body image are universal triggers for shame. Shame is a deeply painful sensation from th...

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For the full explanation click this link to my Substack:

https://substack.com/@teenagersuntangled/note/p-187427201?r=2u24i0&utm_source=notes-share-action&utm_medium=web

Old episodes on manners:

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/empty-nest-how-to-cope-when-your-teen-moves-out-also-manners-what-are-they-and-what-should-we-te/

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/manners-parenting-to-help-teens-succeed-in-life-by-teaching-the-importance-of-good-manners/

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom...

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'Early adolescence is a friendship meat grinder, and your kid will eventually find their people,' according to Megan Saxelby of Wild Feelings. But oh boy it's tough!  

Megan wants parents to know that using words like “dramatic” to describe genuine social pain can accidentally give us permission to dismiss their emotional reality and teach our kids that their experiences doesn’t deserve to be taken seriously.

In today’s episode we explore why it hurts so much to watch our child struggle socially, and why our instincts to either dismiss o...

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Come and join the community! 

https://substack.com/@teenagersuntangled

I watched my daughter switch to a new laptop and melt down; not because she couldn’t learn, but because she didn’t have the bandwidth. 

And it hit me: we can cope well with change when we are relaxed and don’t have too much on our plates, but when we are working at the limits of our abilities change can feel overwhelming. 

It’s easy to think that our brains like to work, but solving...

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We want our kids to do as well as possible, so when they mess up, do dumb things, or seem to be failing, it's easy to focus on their mistakes and what they should do instead. 

Naomi Glover, a leading applied neuroscientist and brain health specialist, says we'd get the best out of our kids by doing the opposite; focusing on their strengths.

Coming from a  neurodivergent family, she truly understands the challenges faced by ADHD, dyslexia, and other neurotypes and offers practical, easy-to-use “brain hacks” for things like anxiety, focus...

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Substack Link:

https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/

A number of you have been using the word ‘failure’ or ‘failing’ when describing your parenting, and I think it’s heartbreaking because it betrays an attitude to our role that sees it as all or nothing, rather than the incredible journey we are all on.

The most amazing thing is to be able to tell our kids when we think we might have misjudged something, or got upset, that we are sorry and we’d like to have another go.

It...

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While counseling sex offenders, Anna Sonoda, LCSW learned firsthand that grooming, the prelude to child sexual abuse, is intentional, gradual, and observable. Her message to us is, we're not bad parents, we just have a skills gap and she wants to fill it. 

I grew up in an era of stranger danger, but the truth is the vast majority of abuse happens inside our homes, online and offline, with people our kids know. So how can we spot the signs that a predator is moving in on us and our kids? 

...

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Hint: it depends on how you define happy and successful.

We all want our kids to be happy and successful but what does that mean? In today's episode, I'm joined by Giselle Goodwin, author of Can Women Really Have it All? to talk about our definitions of success and happiness, and how they impact the way we parent. 

In this changing landscape where what we inherit can mean more than how hard we work what expectations should we have, and what message should we be giving our kids about their f...

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I’m so sorry. I make this podcast all by myself and I’m a busy mum who’s just getting the kids back to school and all that and I rushed to get the edit done last night and it turns out that the latest episode had music inserted in the most inconvenient place so you couldn’t actually hear the interview properly. Thanks so much to everyone who let me know but over five hundred of you had already downloaded the episode when I corrected it. 

If you were one of them...

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Updated to correct the music issues at the beginning: 

This episode will change how you see “bad behaviour” and might just change how you see yourself, too.

In this powerful conversation, with Dr Jody Carrington unpack what every parent and teacher needs to know about emotional regulation – and why you’re probably doing better than you think.

In this episode, we cover:

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I thought we'd kick off the new year with an episode on how building our own community of people we admire can dramatically change our future and break from a difficult past.

In this episode, I talk with Mitchell Osmond, who transformed his life from financial instability, marital strife, and addiction to a thriving marriage, debt repayment, and personal health.

Mitchell attributes his turnaround to two pivotal moments: a marital fight and a funeral that made him question his life's direction.

He formed a "Iron Five" group of...

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The anxiety epidemic:
In 2020 the UK charity Mental Health Foundation surveyed more than 2,000 children and found 50 per cent of teenagers aged 13-19 were experiencing anxiety they found hard to control.  

Substack notes and PDF to go with this episode:

https://substack.com/@teenagersuntangled/note/c-193100671?r=2u24i0&utm_source=notes-share-action&utm_medium=web

https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/p/the-rise-in-teen-anxiety 

Suggested books:

·        The Anxiety Workbook for Teens: Activities to Help You Deal with An...

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None of us likes blowing a fuse when our teen does something that triggers us, but we all do it at some point. 

Nicky asked us to discuss this topic after she felt she'd overreacted to bad feedback from her son's teachers. We know it fixes nothing and leaves us feeling worse than before, but can we keep smoothing it over with an apology?  

Click the link at the bottom to access all the tips from the episode and also a parent’s worksheet to help you unpack your feelings:

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What's the point of fathers? Michael Ray, father and gender equality campaigner says the way they're portrayed in the media and advertising sends the impression that they are either bumbling idiots or not an important part of raising kids.

It was only when Michael was left raising his daughter alone that he became conscious of how little support there is for men taking on less traditional roles in the home. He highlights the lack of representation of fathers in media and advertising, noting that only 4% of parenting portrayals in Australia feature fathers. 

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It's our connections, whether friends or partners, that make us want to get up and face our challenges every day. So when kids start a new school, college or university it's a time when friendships become the most important thing. 

With Phoebe about to leave for university, and Amelia recently started at a new college we thought it would be a great time to reflect on the evolving nature of friendships. 

In the conversation, the girls emphasize the importance of having a range of friends who suit the different sides of...

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We all have traditional times when our extended families come together to celebrate, give thanks, and share the warmth of mutual love. In the UK, December is a non-stop reel of songs about 'Simply having a wonderful Christmas time', and Instagram is awash with pictures of happy celebrations. 

Being with our family can give us a welcome chance to relax and be accepted for who we are but - let's be honest -  it can also bring out the worst in us. The break in routine - where everyone is forced together...

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The happiess hack article by Dana Millbank:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/climate-environment/2025/10/24/happiness-purpose-community-contribution/

Checkout my Substack:

teenagersuntangled.substack.com

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek th...

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Struggling with homework battles, school stress, or understanding ADHD in your teen? 

In this episode I was joined by executive skills coach Sean Geraghty—author of “I’ll Do It Later”—to unpack the real challenges (and hidden strengths) of neurodivergent teens. 

As someone who is navigating neurodivergence at home, I found Sean's advice on executive function, school portals and building better family relationships invaluable. 

He gives actionable tools for every parent. Whether your teen is in the thick of it or you simply want to understand them better.

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My substack, where you can access a readable version of this episode:

teenagersuntangled.substack.com

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When...

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In this episode clinical psychologist, Dr. Chloe Carmichael discusses the increasing anxiety among people about expressing their opinions due to fear of being "cancelled" or socially isolated. 

What she is seeing is that this fear extends beyond politically charged topics to everyday conversations and self-consorship on an increasing level.

With that, there's been a rise in "no contact" trends, where individuals cut off relationships over political differences, leading to social isolation and mental health issues. 

She emphasizes the importance of free speech for mental health and resilience and gi...

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Anxiety episode:

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/anxiety-in-teenagers-also-rules-and-how-to-set-ones-your-teens-will-follow/

How to help complex kids:

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/108-how-to-support-struggling-complex-kids/

Sleep episodes:

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/96-sleeping-in-until-late-during-the-holidays-tips-for-coping-with-teens-and-tweens-whore-waking/

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/how-to-fix-your-teens-sleep-with-jessica-bryant-163/

www.hoomale.com

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can...

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There's so much talk about masculinity and how boys should be, but not an awful lot of advice for parents on raising confident, caring young men in today’s world. 

If you’ve ever wondered how to really connect with your son, or how to navigate the big topics of screen time, masculinity, emotions, or tough conversations about sex, consent, and technology—this episode is for you.

You’ll learn why boys’ emotional lives are often misunderstood, how to move from authoritarian parenting to genuine connection, and practical strategies for talking wit...

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Explore Worldwide Holidays - Click here for an adventure your child will never forget: 👇🏻

 https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventures

A little community catch-up with my nuggets of ideas for this week and a listener question about connecting and staying close to his son who is pulling away.

Links to recommended episodes:

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/vintage-how-to-talk-so-your-teenager-will-listen-and-teens-wanting-to-sleep-together-148/

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/masculinity-and-positive-ways-of-supporting-our-teenage-boys-an-interview-with-mike-nicholson-from/

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/motivation-how-to-motivate-your-teenager-and-why-blame-and-shame-doesnt-work/

https://www.tee...

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"Learning is struggle, and kids need to get comfortable struggling with learning."  That's according to Jenny Anderson, who spends much of her time writing about what is happening at the frontline of parenting, education and AI. She explains that the big problem for educators and parents who want the best for their kids is that Silicon Valley is trying to take away as much of the struggle as possible. "The F word in Silicon Valley is friction. They want to get rid of friction, right?" 

AI is now sweeping across every platform we...

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Why is it that so many teenagers today seem to be struggling with mental health?

In this conversation, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Matt Richtel reveals the surprising science behind adolescent development, explaining why teens aren't 'difficult' they're doing an important job and how there's a fundamental mismatch between biological adolescent development and the world in which we now life. 

One of the key problems nowadays is that kids are going into puberty earlier, while the information age is bombarding them with vast amounts of new data and ways of comparing themselves b...

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To lose a child is one of the worst things any of us an imagine. To lose him at 16 to a recreational drug is an unbearable pain. That's what happened to Fiona Spargo-Mabbs OBE, but she has turned her pain into an incredible quest to turn her 'I wish I'd known', suffering into a book, a drugs education foundation, and support for all of us parents so we never have to go through the pain she has suffered. 

In this incredible conversation, Fiona discusses the importance of drug education, the prevalence of d...

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For this Sunday catch up I was joined by Susie Asli to discuss the challenges of parenting during times of personal loss, such as the death of a pet or a parent. 

We share our experiences of our children’s different reactions to grief and the importance of allowing them to grieve in their own ways. 

We also talk about the transition to university, the generational differences in parenting, and the importance of respecting teenagers’ independence.

I introduced a new app called Foqos, which helps manage device usage, and em...

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Sleep's a FREE performance-enhancer, so why are so many teens not getting enough?

For us parents, sleep is the thing we all obsess about when we first bring our babies home, but if you're anything like me by the time they hit teens we've become pretty lax around that solid bedtime routine. In fact, research shows that around 2/3rds of teenagers aren't getting adequate sleep.

Why does this happen? In my case, I was exhausted from years of implementing a solid routine and they had become more interesting, so I...