Parenting teenagers untangled. 🏆 The audio hug for parents of teens and tweens.
Welcome to your weekly audio hug where no question is a bad question, and curiosity beats judgment every time.I'm a former BBC Correspondent, and mum, on a mission to bring parents of tweens and teens stability, calm and humour. Most of all, I want to help us all get better at connecting with our teens so we can genuinely enjoy parenting them. Each week, I take a topic, research it, and find you the best answers. Whether interviewing experts, chatting with my friend Susie, or getting the lowdown from my own teenagers. Susie - friend, Mindfulness guru, and fellow pa...
Sunday Service Community Catch Up
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The benefits of giving our kids an allowance: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/money-giving-teens-and-tweens-an-allowance-two-years-on-my-daughter-talks-about-how-its-impacted/
Catherine Knibbs: CPR Parenting - Consistent, Persistent, Resistent.
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/online-safety-why-bans-arent-as-good-as-age-appropriate-boundaries/
Talk to Your Boys: Christopher Pepper
The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives by William Stixrud and Ned Johnson.
My girls on puberty and toxic friendships:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/147-puberty-toxic-friendships-pick-me-girls-top-tips-for-parenting-teenagers-from-teenagers/
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Mental Health, and Teen Phone Use with Oxford Psychologist Lucy Foulkes. 157
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How we parents manage technology in our homes, and what we put in the hands of our kids, has turned into one of the most hotly debated topics amongst parents and experts.Â
In this episode, I talk to Dr. Lucy Foulkes, Oxford academic psychologist and author, about social media’s role in adolescent mental health, challenging the narrative popularized by Jonathan Haidt and exploring why phones and social platforms aren’t the universal villains they’re often made out to...
Lessons in parenting from adult kids who go no contact: 156
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Do you ever worry about losing touch with your kids as they grow up?Â
In this episode of Teenagers Untangled I'm joined by Catherine Hickem, a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and founder of Parenting Adult Children Today to explore the growing issue of family estrangement.
Catherine is leading a conversation around one of the most overlooked family dynamics: the relationship between parents and their adult children. Despite how common this phase of life is, few r...
Teens, screens and mobiles: bans and boundaries: 155
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The latest narrative around online safety, phones and devices, is pushing for bans to keep our kids safer and happier. The idea is to give them back their childhood and prevent them from accessing harmful content. Â
Catherine Knibbs, a child psychotherapist and cyber trauma expert argues in her latest book that social media bans won't work because we can't even properly define what it is we want to ban, and when we do ban devices we actually leave o...
Criticism and judgement. Is it possible to offer support without making parents feel bad? 154
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Judgment can be both useful and harmful. When it works well it's a safety mechanism for keeping kids from being harmed. When it works badly it can create feelings of shame and fear which stop parents reaching out for help, cause us to doubt our instincts and miss the vital importance of connection with our children.Â
Sometimes, our fear of judgment can even paralyse us parents and stop us making the decision we know would be better for o...
Why Mothers Aren't Happy: Burnout, Mental Load and the Second Shift. 153
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Women's happiness has been in decline since the 1970's despite increased freedoms and opportunities, says Dr Giselle Goodwin.Â
I've you've ever felt burnout out and the sense that you're somehow failing at being a woman and a mother you'll have a sense of it happening, but you may feel guilty, particularly given the opportunities we've been given compared with what our own mothers had.Â
She says that when women were told we could have it all, it...
Angry teenagers: How to parent tweens and teens through their anger - Vintage. 152
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We all loose our cool sometimes. but teenagers can find it particularly challenging to stay calm or calm down when enraged. It takes self-awareness and skill, and a level of brain development that just isn't there for some of them.
One listener contacted us for help with her son who is being goaded by friends at school and getting into trouble for losing his temper. We talk about the brain development stage that makes this so prevalent in t...
How to Set Boundaries That Actually Work With Teens: Vintage. 151
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Featuring Mindfulness expert, Susie Asli
Having kids can seem like a non-stop obstacle course trying to get another living being to do things, whether for their own good or our own sanity.
Getting the right balance between love and discipline is incredibly tricky, and for many of us it's a constant haggle.
So what do the experts say about it? What works, and what about the teenager who doesn't seem to care?
<...
Motivation: How to motivate a young person, teen or tween: Vintage. 150
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We'd all love our children to breeze through school, enjoying a satisfying academic life, having lots of friends, and coming out at the end feeling a success. But what if you have a child that doesn't thrive in an academic environment? What if they can't or won't do the work? How do you deal with it and what techniques can you use to motivate them?
According to eminent psychologist, Dr David Yeager, when kids hit puberty they're primarily...
Alcohol. A Smart Parents' Guide to Helping Teens Take a Healthy Approach - 149
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More than half of kids who've drunk alcohol under the age of 15 in the UK were offered it by their parents.Â
Alcohol has been proven to cause seven types of cancer, according the World Cancer Research. According to other research, the earlier kids try alcohol the higher the risk they'll indulge in binge drinking and any alcohol-related harm.
Parents don't want to harm their kids, so why are they giving them alcohol?Â
According to re...
Vintage: How to talk so your teenager will listen, and teens wanting to sleep together. 148
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Remember those years when your child followed you everywhere, and gazed at you with adoring eyes because you knew everything? Have they now turned into a teenager who simply grunts, or screams at you, when they occasionally emerge from their bedroom?
Changes in a teenage brain help them to develop abstract thinking and self-reflection but they also make them hyper-critical and keen to develop emotional distance so they can practice life without you around.
What...
Puberty, toxic friendships, 'Pick me' girls - top tips for parenting teenagers from teenagers. 147
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It's a rare luxury to have both my girls available for half an hour to record an episode, and when I do I love to talk about listeners questions. Poor Amelia had a really bad cold, but she was still keen to help, so sorry about the sniffles.
This time we talked about:
Puberty and Body Changes
Helping girls navigate early stages of pubertyDiscussing body changes with daughtersApproaches to talking about wearing first bras...
Support Your Teen Starting University: Including the thing that makes all the difference. 146
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Long term listener, Cathy, has asked us some very heartfelt and important questions about how to support her teen at university. It's an excellent topic for us to tackle since Susie currently has one at university, I have one about to go, and two who have already graduated, one of whom gave me some excellent tips.
It's a topic that evokes mixed-emotions for everyone.
Here's what Cathy wrote:
Please 'discuss how best...
145: How to stop a downward spiral before it happens with Dr Greg Walton 'One of psychology's greatest'
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Wouldn't it be great if we knew when and how we parents and teachers can make a massive long-term difference by doing something relatively small? What if we could catch those moments that might set off either an upward or downward spiral, and help our kids find the best path?
Well, that's what this episode is all about. Dr Gregory Walton has been described as 'one of psychology's greatest architects of how to change behaviour for good', and...
144: First love, breakups & LGBTQ. How to support your teen.
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First love can be immensely powerful; a profound and unforgetable journey that shapes who we are. It teaches us about intimacy, boundaries and heartbreak and as parents it challenges all of our skills and perceptions.
In this episode my daughter, Phoebe, offered to talk about her first experience; what it taught her, how it changed her, and what she thinks adults need to understand to support their teen; particularly one who is same sex attracted.Â
What I...
143: Underage sex, loneliness, puberty and finding hobbies. Support for you and your teen.
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In this episode I asked Susie to come in and help me tackle some listener questions:
QUESTION: After a recent chat with my 13 year old daughter, I'm extremely concerned that she thinks she is ready to have sex with her boyfriend. He's 14, and they have been going out together for a few months. Gosh, they've only recently started kissing. I have been fairly relaxed about it until this recent conversation, and she has told me about...
142: Why school exam systems need to change and how to support our own kids now
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The intense, content-heavy exam system in the UK kicks off at this time of year with GCSEs and A levels; high-stakes exams that can feel like a make-or-break moment for teenagers.Â
I've already discussed with Susie how we can support our teens through the stress, which you can download here:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/exam-revision-parenting-through-the-pressure/
This time I'm joined by journalist Jenny Anderson who writes extensively about education, the attention economy, learning, science and t...
141: Success: What really shapes who we become and are parents that important?
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What really shapes success — nature, nurture, luck? It's a perennial question.Â
The Family Dynamic is a brilliant, captivating exploration of families in which all of the children became high-achievers.Â
The award-winning author, Susan Dominus, has woven academic research into a book of wonderfully engaging family stories that tease out the role played by our environment: Parents with a bold vision, community, neighbourhoods, and most enlightening of all siblings.Â
If you’ve ever questioned how importa...
140: Respect, artifical intelligence and toxic femininity - the teenage view
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When I asked listeners for their questions one stood out as a worthy of almost an entire episode:Â
'What does it take to respect people around you, especially your parents?'
There's so much that could be said on this topic that it think I might give it a deeper dive at some point, but the insight from my teens was very interesting nonetheless.
Artificial Intelligence is everywhere in the news, but what I d...
139: Secondary school, friendship groups, and those awkward talks about porn and sexting
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In this episode my teens, Phoebe and Amelia, joined me in the studio to help answer some questions emailed in by listeners, and sent to me on social media.Â
We kick off by chatting about exploring their identity and what they think is the key to gettting them out of their bedrooms.
QUESTIONS:
1: My 14 year old is such a lovely, talented and kind girl. She had lovely friends, and she's very sweet a...
138: How to get your teenager out of their bedroom - even one who's into gaming.
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So many parents feel a deep loss when their teenager begins to separate from them; staying in their room and behaving as if the person they used to adore is the most embarassing thing they have ever witnessed.Â
In today's episode I brought in Anita Cleare, author of How to Get Your Teenager Out of Their Bedroom, to discuss the challenges of parenting teenagers.
In her book she covers the key things that drive adolescents to p...
137: Identity formation - the main job of a teenager?
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In psychology, the term "identity" is most commonly used to describe the distinctive qualities or traits that make an individual unique. Identities are strongly associated with self-esteem, and individuality and - for a teenager - forming their identity is a crucial job.Â
It's been over two years since I created the first episode looking at the topic of identity formation. In this episode I have pulled material from the orginal discussion, and brought in Susie to revisit the t...
136: Are education and hard work less important now than parents?
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I grew up believing in a meritocracy; with hard work - and government funding of my university education - I eventually escaped a difficult home and poor schooling to succeed in journalism. Â
But times have moved on, and the reality now is that getting a university education is no longer the gateway it used to be. In fact, according to generational expert and historian, Dr Eliza Filby, our life chances and opportunities are no longer shaped by what w...
135: Adolescence: Help for parents with the core themes. How to discuss and connect with our kids
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The mini-series, Adolescence, is a global hit, topping Netflix charts in 71 countries and amassing 24.3 million views in its first four days.Â
It's sparked a global conversation about parenting, masculinity, and the impact of social media on young people. It's brilliance rests on holding up a mirror to everyone in society, showing us the complex factors that cause toxic ideas to take root. Â
When I started this podcast I set out to create somewhere that is a sa...
134: Are we too cynical? Helping our kids see hope in a world of cynicism.
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Twenty years ago The Times asked young people in Britain a series of questions. The new Millenials gave answers which showed that the majority thought the UK was forward-looking and tolerant; they were proud to be British.
This year that same survey - this time asking Gen Z - has brought in radically different results.
48 per cent thought that Britain is a racist country, compared with 36 per cent who did not, and only 11 per cent said...
133: How to plan ahead for an empty nest that's full of possibility
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Empty nest syndrome is real, and can be very painful to navigate. I've already discussed it with Susie, including ideas for how we can manage our feelings in a positive way to help us move on.Â
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/empty-nest-how-to-cope-when-your-teen-moves-out-also-manners-what-are-they-and-what-should-we-te/But are we looking at it in the wrong way? Change management specialist, Hanna Bankier, hates the term empty nest because it has such negative connotations. 'How can the nest be empty if I'm still in it...
132: Work: What we parents can do to help our kids end up with a meaningful role in society.
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Another day another newspaper headline that says young people aren't working.
According to the Financial Times newspaper, 13.4 per cent of people in the United Kingdon in the 16 to 24 age group were not in employment education or training - “NEET” - at the end of last year.
The ONS figures showed a higher rate of young men outside work or training, with 14.4 per cent of 16- to 24-year-olds classed as NEET compared with 12.3 per cent of young wome...
131: Accepting our kids for who they are, not what our culture tells us they should be.
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Parenting is a hard enough, but doing it in a culture that is different from the one we grew up in creates an extra layer of challenges to navigate. When it's our kids who have the greatest connection to that new culture it can be their demands that make us grow the most in our role.
It might seem strange, because I'm a white woman who always spoke English and had English parents, but arriving in the UK...
Spilling the tea: Exams, family get-togethers and a Big Hug
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Exams discussions.Â
How to parent through the pressure:
 https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/exam-revision-parenting-through-the-pressure/How exams fail everyone: An interesting interview with Sammy Wright on the impact of grades and why we need to rethink them.
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/102-why-our-obsession-with-grades-fails-everyone-an-interview-with-exam-nation-author-sammy-wright/Bowling:
https://lane7.com/venue/london-victoria/
Facebook Group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/teenagersuntangled
The Big Hug membership group:
https://teenagersuntangled.supercast.com/
Support the sh...
130: Worries about skin care obsessions? The social media 'Sephora' kid craze from a teen perspective
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Most teens go through a phase of being hyper-focused on looking good; whether it's clothes, bodybuilding, skin-care or makeup. What can seem like an obsession could be a normal part of the process, so when should we start to worry and how should we step up?Â
When Clare wrote in worried about her daughter's skin-care regime she was hoping to get a teen perspective. Here's what she said.
I would like you to advise on though a...
129: Parenting stages: Coaching and mentoring teens and young adults
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Before I had kids I literally had no real idea of what I should expect. I think that's partly why I have spent the years as a mother panicking and reading everything; having learnt that I was wrong about how complicated the job is.Â
Susie and I are in a similar stage with our kids but feel differently about it, so I thought it would be lovely to bring her in to have an open, honest conversation about h...
128: Life skills: How to supercharge them with a working holiday.
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Sponsored by JENZA
Positively life changing is how I would sum up the time I spent working abroad during my gap year. I met people with a completely different world view, different language, and learnt to navigate many challenges alone. It gave me a positive, can-do attitude to life.
Now my teens are 16 and 18, I want to make sure they have the confidence to meet whatever life throws at them head-on. Given my own experience, I'm...
127: How to be a good parent to teenagers, using evidence. An interview with Matilda Gosling
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It's one thing to get advice on how to parent, it's another to have independent studies that give real evidence on how well one approach works rather than another.
Faced with raising two young kids in a COVID lockdown, social scientist and skilled researcher Matilda Gosling looked for a book that gave her advice that was based on sound evidence. She discovered that such a book didn't exist, so set out to write it.
Described by...
Community catch up: Relaxing, skin care obsessions, leaving school and finding work and boredom.
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This is Community Catch-Up: Your bonus episode
BOOKS MENTIONED:
Of Boys and Men by Richard Reeves
10-25: The Science of Motivating Younge People - David Yeager
The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety and more - Elaine Taylor-Klaus
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/108-how-to-support-struggling-complex-kids/Ken Rabow on Failure to Launch:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/failure-to-launch-what-we-can-learn-from-struggling-young-adults-about-how-to-help-our-teens/Manners:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/manners-parenting-to-help-teens-succeed-in-life-by-teaching-the-importance-of-good-manners...126: Momguilt: reducing the overwhelming mental load to decrease stress. An interview with Sam Kelly
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Stress can be a major problem for parents who're constantly juggling tasks and responsibilities. The mental load can feel overwhelming at times and the list literally never ending. So when I discovered Sam Kelly has a brilliant way to:Â
âś…Avoid burnout.
âś…Have a happier home life.
âś…Help our kids to be successful in life.
âś…Avoid nagging.
âś…Break the old stereotypes cycle.
I had to get her on the show. A mother and feminist co...
125: How to motivate our teens to love learning and why parents are the missing piece of the puzzle.
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We parents are deluding ourselves about how much our kids enjoy school, according to research for the book The Disengaged Teen. In survey responses 65% of parents thought their 10th grade kid loved school, whilst only 26% of 10th graders actually said they did.
A lot of educators admit that things go wrong in the teen years, and many fine minds are trying to work on ways to tackle the problem. In the meantime huge numbers of teens spend most...
124: Enduring sibling relationships: Why some last and others fall apart, and how we parents can help
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There are siblings who love spending time with each other as often as possible, some tolerate it once or twice a year, and there are others who would rather eat glass than have to speak to each other.
Why? What happens to their relationship? Is there something we parents can be doing to set our kids to be the ones who love and support each other as we age and after we die.
When one listener...
123: New Year 2025: resolutions, stress, being more fun, most interesting books, and most downloaded.
What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?
MAKING RESOLUTIONS: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/70-new-years-resolutions-love-them-or-loathe-them-the-question-is-how-can-we-make-them-work-for-u/
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/Be-the-person-you-want-to-be-not-the-person-others-think-you-should-be/
PARENTING STRESS: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/109-parenting-stress-is-now-a-major-health-issue
TOO MANY CHOICES: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/concentration-and-the-troubling-effect-of-too-many-choices/
NAGGING: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/nagging-reducing-the-friction-using-the-magic-of-routine/
10-25: The Science of Motivating Young People by David Yeager
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/motivation-how-to-motivate-your-teenager-and-why-blame-and-shame-doesnt-work/
The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids...
122: Family gatherings without the fireworks, and staying connected with your young teen
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Connection is at the root of human happiness, but staying connected through the turbulent teens and keeping family traditions and gatherings positive can be a challenge.
In this episode we help Helen with her question about how to stay connected with her daughter who's on the brink of becoming a teenager.
We also talk about hosting gatherings, drawing on advice from the expert, Priya Parker. How to put nutrients back into our family earth; avoid straying...
121: Suicide: How to talk about it with teens, and offer proper support.
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In a recent column in The Times, Caitlin Moran wrote about how five young men in her social circle have taken their lives in the past 18 months.
She's not alone. My daughter has experienced this, as has Benedicte's son, the listener who contacted me to suggest I cover it in an episode.
In the UK, the leading cause of death for men under the age of 50 is suicide, and the statistics in the US are even...
