Rock-n-Roll Autopsy

The boys bust out their leather pants, play rhyming games with boomer names, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Paul Simon’s solo hit, “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover.” News items and digressions include Hitler, Shelley Duval, and camel toe.

With scalpel in hand, our fearless host attempts to re-engage in rock n’ roll reanimation, reassess two critically maligned Megadeth albums — “Risk” and “Super Collider” — and reconfigure the remaining pieces into one cohesive kick-ass slab of alt-radio rock era Megadeth.

The boys peel off their filthy lab coats, put down their timeworn scalpels, and take a break from their usual autopsy table shenanigans to review Gene Simmons’ dubious ‘78 solo album. It’s episode two of a four-part deep-dive into KISS’ unprecedented simultaneous solo releases.

The boys take up journaling on the john, maintain a long list of hostile grievances, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of L7’s punky proclamation, “Shitlist.” News items and digressions include Frankenstrat fan service and documenting dookie.

The boys wear puffy shirts with commanding confidence, develop superhuman chops with Paganini pomposity, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Yngwie Malmsteen’s neoclassical shredfest, “Far Beyond the Sun.” News items and digressions include scalloped potatoes and Metallica’s deluxe Load box set.

The boys revisit a regrettable return, quote Sling Blade when a coherent response can’t be made, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of their own first episode, “Love Gun.” News items and digressions include long distance t-shirt delivery and self-deprecating reevaluation.

The boys marry many boomer icons, are surprised to learn the one-winged dove is really white, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Stevie Nicks’s solo hit, “Edge of Seventeen.” News items and digressions include Alex Lifeson’s Envy of None, the Zapruder film, and food poisoning.

The boys peel off their filthy lab coats, put down their timeworn scalpels, and take a break from their usual autopsy table shenanigans to review Peter Criss’ infamous ‘78 solo album. It’s episode one of a four-part deep-dive into KISS’ unprecedented simultaneous solo releases.

The boys throw a coke-fueled tantrum with Gucci accessories, create prescient late century sci-fi soundscapes, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Radiohead’s art-rock masterpiece, “Paranoid Android.” News items and digressions include a Sex Pistols tour and modern day melancholy.

The boys predictably back out of rock retirement, make a run to the border to avoid draft orders, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Creedence Clearwater Revival’s escapist hit, “Up Around the Bend.” News items and digressions include childhood bowl cuts and swampy nether regions.

The boys polish their played-out playlists and suffer through hours of monotonous mediocrity as an act of musical martyrdom with Mark from the podcast, “Songs That Don’t Suck.”

The boys go viral with intense, bug-eyed stage presence, star in their own problematic redemption story, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Pentagram’s unlikely TikTok hit, “The Ghoul.” News items and digressions include a Dream Theater concert review and waffles vs pancakes.

The boys abandon a pretentious past for bubble gum panache, blindly jump the shark at the PopMart, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of U2’s 1997 dance club rocker, “Discothèque.” News items and digressions include new Ghost and flatulent dogs.

The boys build a blast furnace then betray the American dream, make ham-fisted metaphors about hellish factory labor, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Bruce Springsteen’s 1995 working-class lament, “Youngstown.” News items and digressions include Andrew Watt, The Rolling Stones, and elderly Grammy recognition.

The boys became icons of 1980’s overindulgence, turn tired relationship tropes into transgressive comedy, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Sam Kinison’s 1988 Grammy nominated romp, “Wild Thing.” News items and digressions include Sharon Osbourne and televangelism.

The boys turn heads in tight Levi’s, objectify dudes listening to Metallica tunes, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Halestorm’s 2012 breakthrough album deep cut, “American Boys.” News items and digressions include a Rico review of Parasomnia by Dream Theater.

The boys enjoy cold parking lot meatloaf, make a virtue out of lonely day drinking, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Sheryl Crow’s 1993 breakthrough hit, “All I Wanna Do.” News items and digressions include a metaphorical breakdown of the evolution of jazz and a lame attempt to redefine fun.

The boys establish pack dominance with fiery flatulence, write an out of the gate Grammy getter, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Greta Van Fleet’s 2017 blues rock hit, “Highway Tune.” News items and digressions include mislabeled hair bands and backside pyrotechnics.

The boys eat Arby’s while making babies, find one-hit success in the wake of Nirvana’s absence, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Marcy Playground’s 1997 post-grunge hit, “Sex and Candy.” News items and digressions include Nita Strauss, heavy metal gatekeeping, and 9 1/2 Weeks.

The boys experience Beatle-mania in the MTV era, exhibit animalistic tendencies while embracing new technologies, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Duran Duran’s 1982 disco-rock hit, “Hungry Like the Wolf.” News items and digressions include Randy Rhoads vs Zakk Wylde and mixed drink recipes.

The boys watch Boogie Nights with Mister Right, suffer sibling surveillance from puritanical percussionists, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Night Ranger’s 1984 proto-power ballad, “Sister Christian.” News items and digressions include Jay Z and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

The boys bust out their tuxedo t-shirts, engage in nauseating self-congratulatory navel-gazing, and hand out Poddy awards for the best and worst episodes of 2024. Digressions include embarrassing Uncle Willie and attention diverting steam-powered pleasure devices.

The boys review a recent ranking of 40 of some of the best guitar riffs of all time. Digressions include PC defragging, disappointing live Led Zeppelin, and Nirvana’s lasting legacy.

The boys review a recent ranking of 40 of some of the best guitar riffs of all time. Digressions include gratuitous riff belching, spirited riff vs lick debate, and the mainstream benefits of big dumb riffs.

The boys retire with respect, create a Catman classic about call girls, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of KISS’ 1974 epic rocker, “Black Diamond.” News items and digressions include Nicko McBrain’s sudden retirement from Iron Maiden.

The boys struggle with fidelity on the Serengeti, quit coffee to help the hungry, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Toto’s 1982 yacht rock classic, “Africa.” News items and digressions include Stewart Copeland, big four 90s guitarists, and 80s efforts to fight famine. Featuring Mark from the Songs That Don’t Suck podcast.

The boys carelessly continue to create content, people watch on public transportation, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of ZZ Top’s 1973 two-fer, “Waitin’ for the Bus” and “Jesus Just Left Chicago.” News items and digressions include Bono, Brian Eno, and Courtney Love.

The boys piggyback a legacy by booking a residency, play somewhat political punk to parody pollution, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of The Dead Milkmen’s 1987 bizarre ballad, “Watching Scotty Die.” News items and digressions include Fleetwood Mac, Hollywood hotties, and Sammy Hagar.

The boys open doors by dropping acid, channel Hendrix through Eddie Hazel, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Funkadelic’s 1971 psychedelic opus, “Maggot Brain.” News items and digressions include MGK, Megan Fox, and Rick Rubin’s controversial production methodology.

The boys find fault with feelings, set sail on a steam powered yacht, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Steely Dan’s 1977 art pop hit, “Peg.” News items and digressions include lexical diversity and Tony Iommi’s “Monkey.”

The boys reflect on Godly greed with Gordon Gekko, get angry in a hurry with janitorial studio time, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Nine Inch Nails’ 1989 industrial hit, “Head Like a Hole.” Includes panel discussion and review of the complete eight part “Did Cleveland Kill Rock ‘n Roll?” series.

The boys recap the Rock Hall, lament The Last Jedi’s listless Luke, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Lost Souls’ 2023 single “Childhood Died.” News items and digressions include Star Wars, Optimus Prime, and letting go.

The boys debate who can carry on when key components can’t, watch assembled adolescents cha-cha-challenge Mom and Dad, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of The Runaways’ 1976 groundbreaking single, “Cherry Bomb.” News items and digressions include the pros and cons of bands continuing on and Metallica making mistakes live.

The boys nerd out over Night Terrors, write leggy lyrics with synth-pop samples, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of ZZ Top’s 1984 MTV hit, “Legs.” News items and digressions include Dream Theater’s new single and the worst albums ever.

The boys enthusiastically give Oasis the adoration that they deserve, work a side hustle on Howard St., and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of The Police’s 1978 reggae rocker, “Roxanne.” News items and digressions include Oasis’s decision to decline dynamic tickets and iconic rock ‘n roll hairdos.

The boys get testy over local terminology, shed rap roots for a punky pivot, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Machine Gun Kelly’s 2020 crossover bid, “Bloody Valentine.” News items and digressions include owning a personal piece of MGK history, LeBron’s effect on regional insecurity, and secretive 90s hip hop fandom.

The boys spend old age fighting on stage, lament being single while going solo, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Phil Collins’ 1980 synth-pop hit, “In the Air Tonight.” News items and digressions include REO Speedwagon, Jane’s Addiction, Iron Maiden, and an asteroid induced end to civilization.

The boys get called out at home while trying to score, choose Born to Run as a template for Bat Out of Hell, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Meat Loaf’s 1976 classic, “Paradise by the Dashboard Light.” News items and digressions include Prince’s premeditated playing, overplayed 70s bands, and thinking about meatloaf, obsessing over meatloaf, and eating meatloaf.

The boys debate the importance of making records with new members, embrace wide-eyed individualism with breakthrough commercialism, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Rush’s 1981 classic, “Tom Sawyer.” News items and digressions include bands continuing on after death and dynamic ticket pricing.

The boys incur unpaid debt from Richard Pryor, manufacture pop stardom with credible friends, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Eddie Murphy’s 1985 career crossover hit, “Party All the Time.” News items and digressions include the Oasis reunion, 80s playground bullying, and heavy metal nerdiness.