Bare Marriage
Tired of Christian pat answers about marriage? The podcast that goes in-depth into marriage, parenting, and even sex--to see how we can live the passionate life we were meant for. Paired with Bare Marriage--the blog!
Episode 296: How to Avoid Inadvertently Giving Your Kids Sexual Hangups
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We all want to raise kids without sexual hang-ups, but a lot of Christian parents are accidentally creating the very problems they're trying to avoid. Rebecca and I dive into the three biggest ways this happens: being way too open about your own sex life with your kids (no, they don't need to know what you and your husband did last night), making a federal case out of normal teenage sexual development like masturbation, and approaching pornography with so much shame and "sin talk" that you actually make the problem worse. But here’s...
Episode 295: Does More Sex Make Marriage Happier?
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We're constantly told that more sex will fix our marriages, but the research tells a completely different story. When couples are simply told to increase frequency without addressing quality, satisfaction, and women's actual experiences, it often backfires and decreases desire altogether. The real predictor of marital happiness isn't how often you're having sex—it's whether that sex is mutually satisfying, intimate, and pleasurable for both people. Unfortunately, evangelical sex advice keeps pushing obligation sex messages that treat women's exhaustion and needs as obstacles to overcome rather than valid concerns. It's time we start as...
Episode 294: 4 Christian Women Talk Menopause--and Perimenopause!
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I brought together three dear friends to have an honest conversation about perimenopause and menopause because so many of you have been asking about it. We shared our real stories and talked about the challenges like brain fog, weight changes, and sexual adjustments, and my dry eyes that nearly drove me crazy! But here's what I want you to know: menopause isn't just about suffering through symptoms. Each of us found our voices during menopause, finally standing up in toxic relationships and getting angry about toxic teachings we’d tolerated for years.Â
Episode 293: Better Ways to Read the Bible feat. Zach Lambert
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What do you do when you WANT to love the Bible, but you find yourself feeling defeated, hopeless, unseen? What if all the things you’ve experienced in church and in the wider Christian community have left you feeling adrift when you open Scripture? Zach Lambert’s new book Better Ways to Read the Bible shows us that everything we’ve been taught about the Bible may actually be new ways to read it—that miss the whole point! This encouraging conversation encourages us to get back to seeing the Bible through the lens of...
Episode 292: Hear Sheila Answer Men’s Questions about Healthy Marriage & Sexuality
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Recently Sheila was on the Three Percent podcast, talking about what healthy marriage looks like. The hosts asked Sheila questions a lot of skeptical men had—so we thought the bigger Bare Marriage universe needed to hear this! Listen in as they play devil’s advocate, and ask the questions so many men have when they hear what we say about libido, about mental load, about porn, and more! Let’s change the convo in a healthy way. And thanks to the Three Percent podcast for letting us share this recording!
CHEC...
Episode 291: How Professor Neil Reaches Young Men Stuck in Misogyny
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Sheila Wray Gregoire interviews Professor Neil, a popular social media creator who critiques toxic masculinity and problematic topics he finds in the manosphere. They discuss how certain Christian pastors and influencers spread harmful messages about gender roles, sex, and marriage that mirror incel ideology. Through reviewing harmful clips from pastors Josh Howerton & Josh McPherson, professor Neil shares his approach to changing minds through facts and research.
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Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our workAnd check out our Merch, or any o...Episode 290: What Does Authoritarianism Have to Do with Complementarianism? (with a test!)
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How do we reach people still in evangelicalism about toxic teachings? I read an amazing book called On Authoritarians by Bob Altemeyer which talks about how people get to be authoritarian, and the nature of authoritarians. And then shows (horrifyingly) how evangelicalism overlaps with authoritarianism! These insights can actually help us learn how to reach people still wading in toxic teachings!
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Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our workAnd check out our Merch, or any of our courses!Join our e...Episode 289: Why Fiction Makes You a Better Person (Why We Don't Hate ALL Books!)
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In this season finale of the Bare Marriage Podcast, Rebecca, Joanna, Connor, and Josiah discuss the powerful benefits of reading fiction for personal growth, empathy development, and critical thinking. They share their personal journeys back to reading after University & adult life interrupted their childhood love of books, explore scientific research on how fiction affects the brain, and provide practical advice for getting back into reading. The episode concludes with an inspiring poem about women's value and calling by Porsche Vu (The Poetic Activist).
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Episode 288: Is Sex a Want or a Need?
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Is sex is a human need within marriage? Let's address the tension between those who see "need" language as potentially coercive and those who feel legitimate sexual desires shouldn't be shamed. Psychological research does classify sex as a human need, but the real issue is how couples can co-create a reality for a mutually satisfying sexual relationship. Rather than pressuring reluctant partners, couples should focus on building marriages where both people genuinely want and enjoy sexual intimacy.
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Episode 287: What is “Headship” in Ephesians 5 and 1 Corinthians 11? Feat. Marg Mowczko
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 In this episode of the Bare Marriage Podcast, I am talking with Biblical Greek scholar Marg Mowczko about the true meaning of "headship" in the Bible. Marg reveals that the Greek word "kephale" (head) doesn't typically mean "leader" or "authority" in ancient literature, and that no verse actually commands men to lead their wives. Instead, head-body metaphors are used in Scripture to describe unity and mutual care and as a picture of growing into the likeness of Christ for ALL Christians. Together, Marg and I talk about the Biblical evidence of Paul's support for...
Episode 286: Our Best Christian Dating Advice--that you've all been asking for!
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After a recent social media AMA, we noticed a ton of you wanted us to tackle dating - red flags, green flags, how to choose a great partner. Rebecca and I have been avoiding this topic since we both married young and have limited adult dating experience, but we DO have evidence-based research to share. We're addressing why we need to stop telling singles "God is just teaching you patience" (it's a numbers game!), the "Burn the Haystack Method" for online dating, why some might need to relocate for better options, and the...
Episode 285: Are Soul Ties Real? Overcoming a Purity Culture Teaching
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“Soul ties” refers to the belief that when you have sex with someone, you are now joined in the spiritual realm, and that “tie” impedes your ability to ever experience freedom if you marry someone else. Often people claim you have to go through a specific prayer to break the tie, or an exorcism. But is this idea biblical? And does it help or hurt? Today Joanna Sawatsky shares our results of believing in soul ties, and we discuss different ways to talk about heartache and trauma.Â
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Our pub...Episode 284: The Problems with the Book His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley
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Let's take a close look at the book His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley! Bethany Jantzi and Ngina Otiende join me to look at some of the things that we find problematic about the book--and explain why evangelicalism needs better resources!
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Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our workFor tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the B...Episode 283: When the Church Stole Your Sex Life
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 What happens when church doesn’t seem safe? Or when, in retrospect, you realize it wasn’t, even if you threw yourself into it at the time? Today Dr. Andrew Bauman joins us to talk about his new book Safe Church, and then Rebecca and Sheila read reader’s stories about how the church stole their sex lives—and what we can do about it.Â
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Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our workFor tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Goo...Episode 282: What Makes Men Cheat? New Research Spotlight
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It's time to walk through some super interesting studies that have recently been published--and see what they say about the intersection of infidelity and beliefs in male hierarchy. Keith joins Sheila to react to the studies!
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Thank you to our sponsor, Zondervan and the book Saving Face. The church needs to get away from harmful tropes, and call us towards true community based on vulnerability and safety. Aimee Byrd points the way!Â
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Join our Patreon for as li...Episode 281: You Shouldn't Iron Your Cheating Husband's Clothes--Plus We Answer Your Questions!
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It's an Ask Me Anything episode! Keith and I open talking about the viral video where a woman claims that she felt called by God to iron her husband's clothes before he left for the weekend to be with his mistress. And then Rebecca and I answer your questions about drawing boundaries, dating, protecting kids from abuse in church, and more!
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Thank you to our sponsor, Zondervan and the book Saving Face. The church needs to get away from harmful tropes, and call us towards...
Episode 280: The Problems with the Book The Love Dare--And How It Papers Over Real Problems
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The Love Dare, based on the movie Fireproof, has been a huge best-selling marriage book for two decades. But does it actually contain good advice? Today on episode 280 of the Bare Marriage podcast, we show how The Love Dare simply regurgitates all the typical harmful evangelical marriage advice, telling women to make themselves smaller; never bring up issues; paper over problems; and, of course, never divorce, even if you’re being abused.
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Thank you to our sponsor, Zondervan and the book Saving Face. The church ne...
Episode 279: Saving Face: Finding My Self, God, and One Another Outside a Defaced Church (feat. Aimee Byrd)
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What if vulnerability and authenticity are vital for true community? And what if we can never truly know God, and each other, until we know ourselves? It's episode 279 of the Bare Marriage podcast, featuring Aimee Byrd talking about her new book!
Aimee Byrd's Book Saving Face Aimee Byrd's Substack
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Episode 278: Why Don't Evangelical Women Want to Marry Evangelical Men?
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Al Mohler, president of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, recently did a podcast bemoaning the fact that young women, unlike young men, are giving up on the "creation order" and abandoning marriage. But he distorts the argument, and misses the main problem: Women want to get married, but too many of the men available don't make good partners.
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Beth Allison Barr's insightful and important new book Becoming the Pastor's Wife: How Marriage Replaced Ordination as a Woman's Path to Ministry. Learn how women...
Episode 277: Why Emotions Aren't Feminine (and Why Women Aren't More Emotional!)
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So many evangelical pastors teach that men are rational while women are emotional. But is this true? And if women are more emotionally mature than men, then doesn't that mean that men need to learn from women? Listen in as Keith and Sheila dissect several clips from Josh Howerton, Emerson Eggerichs, Josh McPherson, and Matt Walsh.
WITH THANKS TO OUR SPONSOR:
Beth Allison Barr's insightful and important new book Becoming the Pastor's Wife: How Marriage Replaced Ordination as a Woman's Path to Ministry. Learn how women got...
Episode 276: Is Reading Romance Novels for Women the Same as Watching Porn?
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We know watching porn is wrong--but are romance novels just as bad? We've often heard that comparison made: Sure, guys watch porn, but remember that women read novels! Today Rebecca and I talk about when the comparison may be fair, and when it isn't. And we ask: how should we see romance novels or erotic novels? Listen in and see what you think--as we try to reason it through!
WITH THANKS TO OUR SPONSOR:
Beth Allison Barr's insightful and important new book Becoming the Pastor's Wife: How...
Episode 275: Becoming the Pastor's Wife feat. Beth Allison Barr
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What if marriage replaced ordination as a woman's path to ministry? What if we've systematically erased the stories of women ministering in the past, and in so doing silenced women's voices and removed opportunities to serve Jesus? Today Beth Allison Barr joins us to talk about her new book Becoming the Pastor's Wife!
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Join Beth Allison Barr, Sheila, and Karen Swallow Prior on Thursday, March 27 at 9 pm for a FREE webinar (recording will be available afterwards if you can't make it live).
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Episode 274: The Marriage You Actually Want
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The Marriage You Want is LIVE! Our book launched this week, and in this week's podcast we take a broad, investigative look into the state of evangelical marriage publishing, and why there has very little change in the top 10 books in decades. Plus what it means to have SAFE and HEALTHY marriage advice! Come celebrate with us in episode 274 of Bare Marriage!
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Join our Patreon for as little a...Episode 273: Are Traditionally Christian Marriages Linked to More Immaturity? The Data Speaks!
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It's episode 273 of the Bare Marriage podcast! We found that certain beliefs are correlated most with emotional immaturity--passive aggressiveness; outbursts of anger; emotional dysregulation. In our research for our book The Marriage You Want, we found that when couples believe the husband should have the tie breaking vote, they score lower on maturity.
Is this because emotionally immature people are drawn to these beliefs? Or do these beliefs hamper maturity? Today we talk about why it's actually both, and what that means for our own personal responsibility.
THE M...
Episode 272: Is "Acts of Service" Love Language Really a Cry for Help? All New Bonus Stats!
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What if the "acts of service" love language is masking something else--the totally unequal division of labor that many couples have, and Gary Chapman ignores? Plus does the "physical touch" love language mask something wrong in the bedroom? ALL NEW BONUS STATS today! Some of them aren't even in the new book!
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Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month...Episode 271: What the Unfairness Threshold Tells Us About Marriage (and Mental Load!)
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Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our workFor tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko FoundationAnd check out our Merch, or any of our courses!Join our email list!Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!
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Episode 270: What Does Prioritizing Marriage Look Like? Plus Do You Have to Choose Between Being a Good Wife and a Good Mom?
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Prioritizing your marriage can be tough. How do we spend enough time together? Do we need more date nights? And MOMS—don’t forget to be a wife first and a mom second! But in all this talk, are we missing the bigger point? If we’re functioning as a team, doing life together, then affection will grow. But if you see your kids as threats to your marriage, or think you can connect with a date night when you haven’t been in the trenches together all week, you’re not going to feel cl...
Episode 269: The Marriage Hierarchy of Needs—and Why Compromise Doesn’t Work
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Ever tried to find a compromise when you’re having an argument—but even the compromise doesn’t seem fair? In today’s podcast we explain why—using what we call The Marriage Hierarchy of Needs. We talk about this in our new book The Marriage You Want! Basically, compromise only works if you both start off on equal footing. But if one of you is already doing more than their fair share, compromise just makes it even more unequal. So let’s talk about foundation vs. frills, how to overcome entitlement, and why unfairne...
Episode 268: Why Data Shows That Teamwork, Not Hierarchy, Is the Key to a Great Marriage!
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What is the biggest key to a great marriage? Teamwork! Let’s talk about how teamwork is associated with all the good outcomes we want for marriage—better sex; feeling close; resolving conflict—everything! But complementarianism, on the other hand, is associated with all the bad outcomes. Good outcomes and bad outcomes tend to travel together—and complementarianism travels with the bad stuff! Hear about all our new data from our new book The Marriage You Want!
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Episode 267: Why Evangelical Marriage Advice Often Backfires
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In our research looking at marital and sexual satisfaction among evangelicals, we’ve found that over and over again our best-selling books, and our megachurch pastors, teach things that are shown to lead to worse outcomes. Why? What’s going on? In today’s podcast we share the faulty premise that is at the heart of evangelical marriage advice, and the four toxic teachings that flow from that false premise. But when we fix that first premise—then our advice can finally get healthy (and Jesus-centered!)
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Episode 266: Demolishing the Love and Respect Dichotomy Definitively (with Data)
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The idea that men need respect while women need love has been treated as gospel truth in the evangelical world. Best-sellers have been written based on it; it informs almost every marriage sermon. What if it’s not true? Using data from our marriage survey of 7000 people, we show how reality is very different—and what this means for how we should talk about marriage!
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Episode 265: Culture Wars vs. Jesus: How to Not Get Sucked in To Toxic Teachings
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So many of us got sucked into believing toxic stuff about marriage and sex in the evangelical church! But unless we figured out WHY we believed that, we’re likely to get suckered in again to toxic stuff—just DIFFERENT toxic stuff. So today, Rebecca and I are doing a postmortem, looking at what it is about church that leaves us vulnerable to believing things that are toxic and rather easy to see through. Let’s become critical thinkers, so we don’t get sucked in again!
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Episode 264: It’s the Peer Reviewed Celebration! Plus a Plea to Respect Science
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Our big announcement: We’re peer-reviewed! Our dataset for The Great Sex Rescue has now appeared in the November 2024 Sociology of Religion Journal. So let’s talk about what we found, but also ask: why are evangelicals so quick to dismiss science, but at the same time cling to bad interpretations of data if it suits their agenda? Can we become better critical thinkers?
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Episode 263: Even After Everything—Loving Anyway, Despite the Risks
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Advent is normally a time of hopeful expectation. But what does it mean when our hopes have been dashed in the past? Stephanie Duncan Smith shares her stories of miscarriages and losses—as well as great celebrations, and what it means to embrace a life that is really messy. And we look at how we can celebrate the Incarnation by being Jesus’ hands and feet, seeing the work fighting sex trafficking that The Well House is doing. It’s the Christmas season, everyone!
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Episode 262: Problems with Marriage on the Rock by Jimmy Evans
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Jimmy Evans started XO Marriage over 30 years ago, and his book Marriage on the Rock became a best-seller. He leads marriage conferences around the country. But for years he also Mark Driscoll on his leadership team. He got his start at Gateway Church under Robert Morris, who has been accused of grooming and sexually abusing a teen girl, starting when she was 12. And more recently audio of Evans’ bullying behavior has dropped. So let’s examine his book Marriage on the Rock—and we’ll find that he stresses one-sided sex as obligation; says dan...
Episode 261: Her Rites: The 6 Rites of Passage in a Woman’s Life feat. Christy Bauman
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Ever feel like your body is a stranger to you? Like you’re plagued with insecurity, can’t find peace in your relationships? What if it’s because we’re running away from part of who we are, and we haven’t been able to honor who God made us to be? Christy Bauman, a licensed therapist, noticed in her counseling that her clients often didn’t have a clear identity or were able to articulate who they were. So she invites us on a journey of recovering rites of passage—where we honor sacred m...
Episode 260: Shame Must Switch Sides: It’s Not Shameful to NOT Want Pornified Sex
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Gisele Pelicot famously said that "shame must switch sides"--and I think that applies to the evangelical church! Over and over again over the last few years ,when male teachers have presented a pornified view of sex and women have said "no", women have been accused of being prudes. But it is okay to reject objectification. A close look at Josh Butler, Gary Thomas coercing women into sending nude photos, and more--all of whom called us ashamed of sex for saying no.
SPECIAL: The Great Sex Rescue is on...
Episode 259: Avoiding Power Struggles with Your Kids (Plus are you an unintentionally permissive parent?)
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Do you find yourself in constant power struggles with your kids? Do you feel like your kids too often set the terms of their cooperation? Or are you worried that you are too hard and demanding on them?
Well today I talk with Wendy Snyder, a positive parenting coach, as we get into the nitty gritty of how to find that balance between being authoritarian and overly permissive. Cut the drama, cut the power struggles, and learn how to thrive as a family!
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Episode 258: They’re Coming After Bluey Now? What’s Wrong with Involved Fathers?
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Why are writers for The Gospel Coalition coming after the dad in the cartoon series Bluey? He’s an involved dad who loves his kids. Why are they so offended? Rick Pidcock joins Rebecca and Connor Lindenbach for a deep dive—and then Rebecca and Connor talk more about our anemic view of fatherhood.
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Episode 257: Little Girls in Church Parking Lots in BaptistLand
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Christa Brown was sexually assaulted dozens of times by her youth pastor when she was 15. She was made to repent and apologize to his wife. The pastor just got moved around from church to church for decades. When Christa’s daughter reached the same age Christa was when she was assaulted, she went public—and started the movement to push the SBC towards accountability for the sexual abuse crisis in their midst. She’s written a memoir called BaptistLand, and today we talk about Christa’s fight—and how SBC megachurch pastors today are still...
