Behind the SchƎmƎs

40 Episodes

By: Behind The Sch3m3s

You can't spell the New Abnormal w/o NWO

S01E129: What's A Sun Dawg?
Last Tuesday at 7:56 AM

Welcome To My Mangrove

Bat Sushi


I'm Your Uncle

Take a ride on the Manitoba Swirl with special guest Ablekirby of Rare Encounter fame. Join us for a late late night as we rip rails with the bear of them, open the box of mama, and root for the OG heel! Pour one out for the so-called visionaries. Was this recent crypto bro death Alphabet Soup, or was it the rip tide that done him in? Listen and let the Pleroma fill you.

It's Called...Penetration Pay Baby<...

S01E128: Mr. Man, Listen

Pleasant Observer
Agape Irene
No, Molecule
Rock ‘n Roll Dressing Rooms

Ripped apart at the seams, we observe a mysterious case of the famous official charged with a strange crime. The Taxman cometh! to Build Back Better! The intermission serves sandwiches hot with stuff. Merriam-Webster reminds us we're all being gaslit. Jerry Only wanted to play along, but The Misfits took Macho's girl!

It's Like Every Metroid Game Ever


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S01E127: Finnegan's Woke


Gray-Water Hook-Up

This Is Pre-AI, My Friend

Petabytes of Raw Text

Lard Satin wants. Lavish sails to the Bahamas where there's more than tokens being exchanged. It's a Polyamorous Power Struggle! We reminisce of tacos long gone. In my day, it only cost a quarter! One Cadillac of which you owe me. After an educational intermission, we broaden our minds with a Selection of Joyce. Lap up the lover's fat mickey!

Hate Has A Home Here



S01E126: The King Can Attack Now?

Filtered Filtered Filtered
Kevin Bacon Tremors
2020 Christmas Run

The Six of Wands brings no justice for the little white marbles. Vivaldi plays, and simple abominations play chess. Callers ask for the King on King. During the break, we play abstract music. Sick of Crypto? Bitcoin? Exchanges? The Bankman's got you covered, him and his sultry wood nymph will bring it all down. Checkmate.

‘Til It's Not


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S01E125: Delete System 32

Rip Rip
Genital Lice
You Shouldn't Be Here

Pure Brainwashing! Crabs run rampant in the Holy Land. Avoid the pits! In the Hall of China, they throw out the old bag! These French kids crossed the Alps and reclaimed Jerusalem! We dust off intermission, and meet Journo Royalty! Witness his fall from the ivory towers of the Upper West Side to the dark, unpoliced Fediverse. Where's this guy from anyway?

These Discordant Notes of Our Lives


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S01E124: I Don't Wanna See Angels In My Haunted House

Two Birds One Chair

Inverse Ovation

Bleeding Edge If You Will

Fast Than The Mist

Spook me bitch! It's Halloween night in the green room, join Boo-Bury and LiteBrite for attractions so thrilling and chilling you may pass out! Life like wax models! Eerie lighting! "Fake" blood galore! You'll need to sign a waver. Take a tour thru gigs past to villages lit by dichroic glass! It's so spoopy!

They don't teach this in college.


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S01E123: Eat The Goddess, The Ecstasy Of Drinking Blood

Ol' Venus
Nun Mask
Pot or Taxes
Cult Business

Rake in Hallow's Eve with a post-NA Mischief Night Special! You are cordially invited to the elite Hellfire Club, where respected men get disrespectful behind closed doors. It costs Zero Grand! We ride a spooky intermission to the remote depths of Mexico, where the Goddess demands a sacrifice. They worship the dead all over the world!

Casper, Brought To You By Pf…


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S01E122: The Greenroom Goat Massacre

Stunning Parallels
River Tender
Preferably Not Alive

Put on your blood boots! Tonight we enter the Golden Coffin, and search the Old American Archives for lead-cased queens and gilded pharaohs. The new BitchCoin. After a bloody good intermission, we are led by the Moth to the Chattahoochee River, where drug lords dump headless goats into the water by the truckload.



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S01E121: Marching Noises!!

Fus Roh Dah!

Blah Blah Blah!

People Don't Use Minidisc

Girthworm Jim

Solo Show! Lavish steers the ship to Russia, where Madame Blavatsky teaches plebs all about her fake experiences. Great artists steal, even if they were rejected from Austrain Art College. What a Great War! The Subconcious sings to you. Next we sail to Babylon, where we ponder the clay, worship the Goddess, follow the Eastern Star. If you get lost, summon a succubus to ask for directions.

I Think Bunker 2 Is The Best


S01E120: Everywhere Is Graveyard Dirt


CO Brown Stain

International Harvester

My Name is Bauxite

Check your water supply, Vermont! Lavish runs off to a time before fluoridation, when industrial titans walked the earth. The Dow used to manufacture, but nowadays markets are inflatable tanks. After Danzig poetry, the Mothman flies to Southeast Asia, where the Huk engage in astrological warfare against American Aswang. Have you read Ed Lansdale's book?

How Senseless. Too Late, Too Late.


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S01E119: 100% Genuine Leather Mistakes

Nobody Should Perform This Ceremony

Never Has Bread Been More Satany

I Live With Satin

Name Three Episodes

But Feather, Boo-bury takes off like a Led Zeppelin, illuminating the origins of Jimmy Page's symbols and Crowley obsession. After a spacey intermission from Lavish, we discuss Coolio and his Gangsta's Paradise Lost. We're gonna have to do some math on this one, do you have stage fright?

Ask Me About My Misfits Sweater.


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S01E118: Caesar, You've Lowered Your Targeting Computer. Is Everything OK?

Oh Uncle Father

That's A Lotta Corn



We see the Goods, we read your boosts. Lavish surveys the corn fields of America, and wonders who spreads the seed. After the folks enjoy intermission, Boo-Bury takes a Soulful Journey to Dimension 99, where Soulaire sells wings and Hope. Alert the Affiliates!

What Is A Moth But A Miserable Pile of Secrets?


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S01E117: Simple Jack By Skynyrd

Tight Binding


Booth Babes

Big Fan Of Ham

Buckle up! Lavish hits the road and visits the Minneocalypse, where Boo-Bury knows all the best karaoke dives. We take your live calls… maybe you're having a spooky day at work? Lavish brings some bereft coast with him from North Hollywood, the bank robbery capital of the world. What's In A Name? Boo-Bury divulges into Nature in Bondage and the Magic of Names. Quite the Riot in Carowinds.

Sit In The Corner Like A Bad Boy



S01E116: Germany > Science > Wife

Cheshire Cat Styled Grin

This Is Not The Math Episode

The Them And The Theys

World War Yawn

The Greenroom glows with the arrival of LiteBrite! Get your brushes ready as we paint the undark away. Wow! It really pops on these clothes! Keep an ear out for the rattle, the dew of death hangs thick. Grab your arms, it's time to race! Now stand up, wipe the lung off your lips, and let's get em!

She Took The Wrong Life



S01E115: Radium Lips And Orange Dreams



Word Is

Shadow's Cast

It's a major dump tonight of 'member way back when? You'll get hosed down in glow dust! Everything is gonna turn red! It'll be safer in 7 to 11 years, don't worry about it. It's what's necessary. Come take a plunge in the underground pool if you're rich enough. There's round the clock guards, as long as we can keep them paid. Wanna watch a movie? There's this great one over here on this laptop.

Follow The Trail Of New Death


S01E114: OMG, You Can't Get Mad It's On The Ceiling!

White Picket Productions

Suck The Egg

It Ain't Old

Showing Up

Grab your cameras, we're hittin' the big time! We do stunts! We do drugs! We do auditions! We do hotels! We got hacksaws! You're so much better than that person, you're gonna be a star!

I Broke The Circle


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S01E113: DINO

Mad Goat Disease

Dive Shallow

Locked in The Boiler Room

Oh, Unicorns!?

It's a Sondaze Special edition of BTS! The code is cracked, and the outrage is REAL! Dangerous haxxors plague the Spooderman, and if you want new panties? Might we suggest you swing by you local Prison Co-Op. It's big business! Second 2nd takes us back maaaaan, way back to Woodstock 69, and the carbon lights the way. The candles will finish the job!

You Sure You Wanna Do This? Fuck yeah!



S01E112: They Weren't Very Tender In The Beginning

Crack Hotel

Ice Cold

Cthulhu-sized Bad Day

Sweet Embrace of the Other Side

Enjoying the sturgeon moon? Boo-Bury steps into the arena at AEW's Quake by the Lake, and finds himself awakened. The next day, he is carted to the Roof Garden Ballroom, where back-braced roadies find themselves stuck in the mud. After a presidential intermission, Lavish takes us to faraway Afghanistan where they say Giants live in caves and prey on men.

… and then they invented dynamite.


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S01E111: Two In The Fink

Black Pyramid
Black D20
Black Monday
Dark Money Philanthropy

Tonight lavish does a dive into BlackRock's powerful and little-known founder, Larry “The Fink” Fink. After scream-mails and music, Boo-bury has Sam Tripoli explain why our leaders were making deals with aliens in Antarctica after WW2. Finally, we ponder MaryKateUltra's astronomical question: Do we actually live in the Age of Aquarius?

Take My MotherFinkin' Hand!


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S01E110: That Man Is Me

Constructed Of You

Mercury Dime Glass

Lysergic Acid Wash

Typical End Of Dayz

Explode into a lower atmosphere with Bill Gates as we commemorate ashes in chemtrails. Wave your wands, learn the woods, and gather...uhhh..."materials" for the homunculus per Man Myth's instructions. Be sure to have a shot prepped for Second Second of Half of Show!

Muh Tinsel!


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S01E109: 'Sblood Shall Be The Yolk Of The Law

Captain's Sex Log
Points to Polaris
Got The Morbs?
Be A Part of the Slaughter

From One Center Stone to another, peek Polaris through the rock. Whelp! Cursing will take you from a Building of Books to Satan's Arena, Cacafuego. This Is BTS. They're no Sid Vicious. That's How Dead You've Made Me Inside.

Don't be Anti-Zombie, bro.


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S01E108: Intermission Rewind!

Join Lavish as he guides you thru a retrospective journey for the evening thru highlights from the Behind The Sch3m3s Intermissions. Fix yourself a drink, find a comfy spot to kick back in the Green Room, and take a load of deep R&R.


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S01E107: Less Galivanting, More Gardening

It's A Forever Thing

The Spook Conference

It's A Learned Thing

The Copper King Of Russia

Midnight Mike from Our Big Dumb Mouth joins this edition of BTS. From the Game of Coops, playing in bands, to women's basketball it's all happening! The Freaks of Hazard also have a lot of fun getting Alex Jones and Jim Jones to talk to each other on the show.

Don't Make Light Of Anything


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S01E106: Stand Up For The Sick Shit

The Path Must Be Violence

Put The Claw In The Palm Of My Hand

Damn, Somebody Turn On The Lights!

Waiting For The Good Part will witness an end to Behind The Sch3m3s! TECHNO DESTRUCTO, SCUMDOG OF THE UNIVERSE, is here to remove by force what little brains we have left! It's awesome! Be there! Be There! Be There!

Card Subject To Change.


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S01E105: Parachemistry and the Bye Bye Baby

Calling U Last Tuesday

Please, No I

Basil Valetine

The Apollo

For this evening, you are cordially invited to join the Mothman as we drink fine wine and study the lead! With the gold transformation, you'll see a wonderous display of protection! If that lube runs out, just toss it here in this wastebasket. That'll be a 10% tithe. Totally present for that!

They Did It To Humiliate Me!


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S01E104: Missionary Where Eye Contact Is Prominent

Bless Your Spine

Love For Hire

This? Impassable

Desire For Desire

Whoop Whoop, get behind these sch3m3s, and join our church! Not a cult! That House of Prayer tho, totally a cult. Praise be the Jezebel Spirit! You can hang the robes here with this hanger, and there's even a spot you can stash your peg leg if need be!

Go us!


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S01E103: They Woke Up And Chose Violence

More Interesting Than Getting Laid


Murder Murder Murder

Ding Dong and Shanghai

It's a real live wet one with goat blood flying everywhere tonight! You haven't even seen me at my full anointed self-righteousness! LMOA! There's a new horrible mix tape we drop with "Beats To Goat By"! Is it Ukraine money in Ohio, or Ohio money in Ukraine. Last call for catfishing.

Press G To Spit.


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S01E102: The Elvis of Bondage

Goat Local 88

Pharma Party

Overstand It?


The "If They Tried To Black Bag Me" Special, all because of my First Porn Boost. You're glowing, she's glowing, we all glow down here. Speaking of down, everything's down! Not a joke! We're being sincere! You have to Creem to believe it! Also, the A.I. is very...very aware of it all. That is very spooky.

No, yellow.


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S01E101: Alt-Fright

All Scissors

The Law of Identity



Dave Jones from Podcasting 2.0 joins the Green Room! It's a conversation that touches it all, from the Evil Index to Federated Networks! Wanna know who shreds? Tune in to find an answer more magickal than you'd expect…

You Thought of Aboutness?


ZOSO'S CORNER (Show Notes)

S01E100: BLAMO! ZAP! Am I The Problem?

Bring Your Own Hose!

Hail the Sun!


For our 100th episode, we make sure everyone has Goats for the Road. Gematria Boosts, Tarp-less Sacrifices, none of it approved by GOSHA. Despite the rain of Blood Soakers, Boo-Bury breaks down GWAR's latest album, The New Dark Ages. We take live calls and ask them what supernatural topic they wish to Rectalfy. Dude, Don't Do That. Instead, follow Lavish on the Food Chain Reaction, the surge in food plant devastation. Don't go to Heifer Ranch in Arkansas, you never know which of Clinton's / Epstein's...

S01E99: I Am The Chemicals

Help Jack Up

Mommy, What's Thermite?

Galcit 53

Groovy Girls

It's a special edition of BTS with special guest, the good Reverend Doctor Phifer! He takes us on a journey thru the saga of one the most mystical men of the 20th century, none other than Jack Parsons! Expect big explosions, and even bigger ritualistic sex orgies. The man learned from Crowley for crying out loud, it's not rocket science.

Rockets?! We're Doin Science Here Buddy.


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S01E98: T.A.R.P.A.

Seedy Cereal

A Lot of Red

Zombie Zealot

All Hail Megaton

Prepare thyself for a night of the funky supernatural, it's gonna get red. Feel the apprehension build as the livestock drops from the skies! If your breath gets taken too fast, be sure to stop in for a heal-all complimentary white mage visit. You'll thank yourself for it.



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S01E97: A Gothic Play

Adore Thee

This Life

231 For Conspira

Blackened By Scandal

Past tripping the night away, prepare thyself for a production of magick! Antiquity! Ivory! Listen for the satany dulcet tones of Wagner while we admire this 45' tall statue of Zeus! Press F in the chats for Weaver. When your kid ask what degree they should go for? Tell them they're gonna glow far as a Conspiracy Theory Theorist. There's a lot of schemes out there.

(See The New Templars)



S01E96: Recovering Journo

Beyond Five Generations

Mouse House

From The Streets

Grape Package

Greetings greetings fellow freaks, what a pleasure to be experienced tonight. Our guest is the illustrious Melodious Owls, and it's time to get swimmin' in the lake. For second second half of show, we go exploring thru encyclopedias, and get a glance of the Podfather's tarot! The gimp wasn't the only one who enjoyed themselves tonight!

I'm no Frank Sinatra.


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S01E95: Love, Benjamin Franklin

Way Back In The Vatican

We Bred Raptors

Mac Tonight

Black Moan Daze

It's so fucking t h i c c on BTS tonight! Oh wow! Oh my goodness! The market titillates traders with a close call of the collapse, and strap yourself in. We got the science. Does this smell like lead to you? During 2nd Second of Half our brains thaw out, and yowza! Spook alert! Spook alert! A dead man is found in the school halls!

Forget About The Sex



S01E94: THE

Sum Tzu

Lips '83

Mother Mary's Bazooka

It's All Spooky

Tjunta clutches our Bitcoin on this episode of BTS, as he joins us for the first second half of show. You know the one. It's about food factory fires, and smokin hot weapons of love/war! Going once, going twice, you got the best button in the world! The President likes it weird in the cluck dungeon.

It's All About Blood.


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S01E93: Boost Cherry

Vlad The Mower

Our Air Smells Like Shit

The Mighty Gunghis

Make That Thing Talk

BTS brings all things weird, for it's a great night for the End of Times. 50 ways we learned how to say I told you so, and buckle up for part two of the infamous Kyle Odom Manifesto. You may know how to crucify, but do you know why? Take a leisure break down at the temple but mind the crocodiles; it's a battle royale at the coliseum!

Please, I need to drink water. The...

S01E92: I Have Become Ruin, The Only Toolbox I Need

Sister Sister

88 Kelvin

A Humble Brag

Double or Triple Mummy

Tonight was the biggest episode of BTS his/herstory! We are joined by the one and only Stephen Spielburg! It was so nice for him to join us and tell us almost nothing about Ready Player 100. Does this manifesto smell weird to you? Later, SirSeatSitter makes an appearance for some pure Mystery Babylon. Amun-Ra, and Awoman.

Just have fun, it'll be fun.


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S01E91: Crow A Towin'

The Path Between

The Original Stoic

Shadow of the Triumphant

Little Banana Man

Check our papers, we're LIT. Winter will soon loosen it's grasp, and there will be time to breath in right before the whole thing goes up. Until then tho, let Behind The Sch3m3s entertain you with glowing movie reviews and a tale of a scientist pulling the trigger. Look into the Eye of the Sahara, see the shared the outcome. It's comes full circle.

I think we're outta time.


S01E90: Access Evil

City of Darkness

Echo of the Scream

Slumnation Under State

If You Need The Pull

It's a Special Edition Post No Agenda Sunday Broadcast that's LIT baby. Live item tag in hand, we go exploring the history of Hong Kong. Get lost in the maze of the Walled City. Tune in for an honest chat about good, evil, and everything you got inside yourself. Manson's got a gun on loan from the President.

It's gonna get primal.