The Clopen Effect

Here's the rundown of this week's show:

Home Invasions / Residential Burglaries

Store Robberies / Retail Theft

Car Break-i...

Hey friends! Before we share this week's episode, a quick note:

Every week, The Clopen Effect is full of jokes, absurd retail stories, and general chaos. You know, our usual nonsense.

Today, since it’s spooky season, we’re taking a small detour. We’re covering two very serious events: the disappearances of Adam Walsh from a Sears in 1981 and Ann Gotlib from Bashford Manor Mall in 1983. Not all the details are provided here, so please conduct your own online research if you'd like to learn more about these cases.

These cases are tragic...

We had a great time with the Rockstar of Retail - our friend Tim! We were listening to the Cubbies win, so the recording fades in and out a bit, but oh well (they won!). In this episode, we chat about Tim’s bands and run through the top scary movie quotes. Stick around until the end to hear a song titled Deviant!

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We kick things off with a hilarious story from our co-worker who carried 100 balloons for 1.5 miles from the store to an office party (yes, people stared). Then it’s all about GERMS — the gross, sneaky, everyday kind that hide where you least expect them. Fun, funny, and a little bit ewww - this episode has it all!

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From hot dogs at Coney Island to lamingtons in Australia, competitive eating contests are one of the strangest - and most fascinating - traditions around the world. Today, we’re talking about the wild history, the training secrets, and even the dangers of this stomach-stretching sport.

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Wowee, we do love to laugh at ourselves! This episode is no different! We talk about road trips and rest stops, snacks and car ride games. Thanks for being here! We are really having a great time with all of you!

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This week, we talk about classic wives' tales, we read some great ones from our listeners, and get a little depressed about zoos. Oops. Anyway - enjoy this week's episode!

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🟢 30 Days to Building R...

Food festivals are so fun! We love them and talk about the most popular, iconic, largest, quirkiest, weirdest, and longest-running. We talk about our local ribfest and the Bristol Renaissance Faire (Kenosha, WI).

All The Clopen Links: https://linktr.ee/theclopeneffect

$2/month keeps us recording and bringing you all the laughs! https://the-clopen-effect.captivate.fm/support

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🟢 30...

ROY G. BIV

Colors don’t just look good in a store, they actually do something to our bodies.

When our eyes see a color, the signal travels to our brain, and that can change how we feel, even how fast our heart beats.

Red makes your heart beat faster. That’s why stores use it for clearance tags and sales—it screams buy me now!

Yellow is like sunshine. It makes your brain feel happy and alert. That’s why you’ll see yellow on bananas, mustard, or bright sale signs.

Gree...

In this episode, we chat the world of bread and the math behind it (sort of), with our special guest, Jason!

Guests: Mama Brianna & Baby Daisy 🌼

This week, we welcome the sweetest guests, Mama Brianna and her 9-month-old daughter, Daisy! We explore the origin of the name Daisy, its meaning (“day’s eye”), and why it's the perfect fit for such a bright little soul.

We also give a shoutout to Dented Gate Flower Garden in Woodstock, IL, a local gem filled with natural charm.

Then, we slightly dive into the growing world of thrift shopping:

🛒 Surprising stats on how much people are really spending.

🌍 Why thrifting is trending with Gen Z and millennials...

We ket AI write this recap, Lol:

In this laugh-out-loud episode of The Clopen Effect: A Funny Retail Podcast, Cass shares a wild story about a customer who stood directly in her way — and refused to budge. We break down the awkwardness, the tension, and the hilarity that happens when retail workers are just trying to do their job… and shoppers are just trying to pretend they don’t see you.

Then, we dive into 20ish different types of shoppers we all know and love. Whether you’ve worked retail or you’re just a curious custo...

She’s back! In Part 3 of our Secret Squirrel series, our favorite AP expert returns to talk about the people who take a chance at stealing and how often they get caught. We explore the quick decisions, bold moves, and bizarre attempts that happen every day in retail. We also play the '"Have You Ever?" game for some fast and fun AP confessions. Be sure to stick around until the end when Secret Squirrel shares one of her most unforgettable stories yet.

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Cancer is not funny. Let’s be clear about that. But sometimes the situations we find ourselves in as retail workers leave us so stunned, all we can do is laugh or cry.

In this episode, Cassandra shares one of those moments. A customer casually dropped a very personal and medically graphic detail mid-conversation, leaving her wondering, “What do I even say to that?”

We unpack why this happens, why customers share so much with retail workers, how we’ve unintentionally become emotional support humans, and why nothing really shocks us anymore.

And honestly...

Cassandra survives a sizzling Vegas heatwave and finally sees her first Elvis impersonator. Meanwhile, Meredith has a moment: she thought she saw a woman with no arms… but it was just a cold-shoulder shirt. Laugh with us this week! It's a good one!

All The Clopen Links:

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$2/month keeps us recording and bringing you all the laughs!

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We chat about how much time we actually spend in our cars, from sitting at red lights and waiting to turn left, to crawling through construction traffic and waiting in drive-thru lines. We also talk about how those minutes add up to days each year. We discuss coffee creamers and how we plan to make millions real soon.

$2/month keeps us recording and bringing you all the laughs! PLUS, you receive early episode releases and fun gifts!

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One of us now knows the danger of Dry Ice in a closed vehicle. Dry ice is solid carbon dioxide (CO₂). When it “melts,” it doesn’t become a liquid; it sublimates directly into a gas. That means it turns into carbon dioxide gas, which displaces oxygen in the air.

All The Clopen Links:

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$2/month keeps us recording and bringing you all the laughs!

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What the heck is a WigglyBush!? We dug into America’s $176B landscaping obsession, wild HOA rules (no red mulch?!), and Cass’s yard glow-up thanks to Johnny. From mulch math to HOA drama, we laughed, learned, and maybe judged a lawn or two. Cass even aced the landscaping quiz, and Meredith learned about helicopter seeds. 🌱🎙️

All The Clopen Links:

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$2/month keeps us recording and bringing you all the laughs!

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Can Cassandra guess all the grocery words before time runs out? PLUS, we dish on Costco culture and share some real talk about surgery recovery (yes, even the parts no one warns you about).

All The Clopen Links:

https://linktr.ee/theclopeneffect

$2/month keeps us recording and bringing you all the laughs!

https://the-clopen-effect.captivate.fm/support

👕 Buy Our Cool Merch:

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💩 Check Out Our Other Podcast – Anxiety Makes Me Poop:

Available wherever you listen!

🟢 30...

Happy 200th Episode to The Clopen Effect! Let's talk about mattresses.

Helpful Links:

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Support the Show & Keep Us Recording: https://the-clopen-effect.captivate.fm/support

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💩 Check Out Our Other Podcast – Anxiety Makes Me Poop: Available wherever you listen!

🟢 30 Days to Building Resilience in the Workplace:

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All material, unless otherwise stated, wr...

In this episode, Meredith and Julia talk pizza, pasta, and the Pope while traveling in Italy. Cassandra brings the sunny (and sometimes chaotic) energy of Florida. No deep dives here, just funny moments, quirky details, and the little differences we noticed between these two worlds. It’s all about enjoying the stories, sharing some smiles, and maybe leaving you craving a slice of pizza or a beach chair by the end.

🟢 30 Days to Building Resilience in the Workplace:

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🔗 Helpful Links:

Kristen, owner of Aeon Gallery in Richmond, IL. joined us for laughs and a sneak peek into her Absinthe Lounge’s incredible upcoming vendor event, Spring Awakening, on April 27th! We chatted about her haunted photo book and the mysterious forces that knocked Moscow Mule mugs off the hooks. Good vibes, great art, and maybe a ghost or two - just how we like it. (Well, Cass is really only a fan of drinking spirits, not talking to them!)

🟢 30 Days to Building Resilience in the Workplace:

https://www.udemy.com/course/buildingresilienceatwork_in30days/?referralCode=BD92C36502...

Many choose Retail as a fast-paced, people-driven career for the energy, flexibility, and growth opportunities (sort of). It’s not always easy, but it builds strong skills, opens doors, and can even lead to big money at the top. We’ve also got some hilarious retail-themed movie quotes and titles to share because if you’ve worked retail, you know it’s basically a comedy show!

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Ever wonder how credit cards went from old-school charge plates (cha-ching!) to the tap-to-pay magic we use today? In this episode, we take a fun look at the history of credit cards, their quirks, and how they’ve been hilariously portrayed in cartoons. From the first Diners Club card to Marge Simpson maxing out her limit, we cover the good, the bad, and the overdrawn. No finance degree is required. Just laughs and swipes!

🔹 Who invented the credit card?

🔹 What did people use before plastic?

🔹 Cartoons featuring credit cards!

Listen now and avoid that "in...

Let’s be honest: We’ve all been on some questionable virtual calls. From camera etiquette to knowing when (and when not) to unmute, we’re breaking down the dos and don’ts that make meetings smoother, more productive, and way less awkward. Whether you’re guilty of talking on mute, multitasking a little too hard, or enduring never-ending silences, this one’s for you!

Listen in, take notes (or don’t, we won’t know), and let’s make virtual meetings suck a little less!

All the Clopen links: https://linktr.ee/theclopeneffect

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In this episode, we explore the history of cheese, including how it's been around for 7,000 years and how the largest cheese wheel ever made weighed 57,000 pounds! We also touched on fun cheese facts like the cheese cave in Missouri and the (gross) world of maggot cheese.

Plus, we celebrated 10 and 25-year wedding anniversaries!

All the Clopen links: https://linktr.ee/theclopeneffect

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All material...

Here's a quick recap of the history of chocolate. And correct, Meredith never knows how to pronounce anything. It's all good:

Ancient Origins

Chocolate’s history dates back over 3,000 years to Mesoamerica (modern-day Mexico and Central America). The Olmecs (1500-400 BCE) were likely the first to cultivate cacao and use it for ceremonial drinks. Later, the Mayans and Aztecs adopted cacao, turning it into a bitter, spiced beverage called “xocoatl,” often mixed with chili, vanilla, and honey. The Aztecs valued cacao so highly that they used cacao beans as currency.

Chocolate Arrives in Europe

The five stages of grief... we mean, a retail work day. Also, pork shoulder butts, bad drivers and winter weather.

Building Resilience at Work - the certified course!

All the Clopen links: https://linktr.ee/theclopeneffect

Support us here to keep us recording: https://the-clopen-effect.captivate.fm/support

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All material, unless otherwise stated, written and performed by The Clopen Effect

Let's talk third shift! We’re talking about the realities of overnight work with Hannah - she knows the ins and outs of the night shift grind. Download this episode for insights, a fun chat, and a quiz about living the late-night schedule!

#ThirdShift #NightShiftLife #AClopenEffect #podcast

Building Resilience in the workplace - new course from Meredith! Use code YOUR30DAYJOURNEY to save money!

All the Clopen links: https://linktr.ee/theclopeneffect

Support us here to keep us recording: https://the-clopen-effect.captivate.fm/support

Buy merch here because it's co...

This week's episode is so fun! Here's a recap:

Funny Billboards – We've seen some of the wildest and cheesiest billboards, including lawyer ads and the infamous Brian Urlacher hair restoration billboards.

Hulk Hogan & Bret Michaels’ Bandana Hair Mystery – Why these guys love their headwear and how Bret Michaels keeps his rockstar look intact.

Every Rose Has Its Thorn – We had a mini rock nostalgia moment talking about Poison’s classic ballad.

How Much Does a Billboard Cost? – We discuss the pricing for renting a billboard and how farmers might lease their land for them.<...

Cassandra's sister is here! "Win for Life" and what we dream of having forever, like free coffee, concert tickets, or no more bills. We also laugh about funny TikToks, with Meredith admitting she'll miss the jewelry reveal videos that brought her so much entertainment. Along the way, we poke fun at ourselves for aging into phrases like “reels” and “books on tape.” Jenn reads off great responses from our followers about what they’d love to win for life, from free gas, crab legs, and steak to endless Amazon deliveries.

All the Clopen links: https://linktr.ee/theclopene...

This is, without a doubt, the FUNNIEST episode we’ve ever recorded! Meredith got a Roomba for Christmas and finally settled on the perfect name: Obi-Wan Cleanobi. But that’s not all - download the episode to hear the hilarious list of other name options. From clever puns to pop culture gold to Star Wars-themed, this episode will have you laughing out loud!

All the Clopen links: https://linktr.ee/theclopeneffect

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Meredith quizzes Cassandra on streaming services' taglines, and we uncover a couple of modern trends that people may regret in the next decade.

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All material, unless otherwise stated, written and performed by The Clopen Effect

From our other podcast, the book: Anxiety Makes Me Poop, Too: https://a.co/d/3eDNUzn

Surviving retail during the holidays can feel like navigating a battlefield of long lines, stressed-out customers, and the relentless demand for cheer. And a cheesy list of funny retail sayings to bring 'humor' to the holiday madness.

All the Clopen links: https://linktr.ee/theclopeneffect

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All material, unless otherwise stated, written and performed by The Clopen Effect

From our other podcast, the...

"Captain Obvious" moments are when someone points out the glaringly obvious, hilariously unnecessary, or overly stated facts of a situation. They’re funny because they take something so basic and spell it out, making everyone stop and think, “Well, duh!” In this episode, we chat about painfully clear observations, including Meredith’s classic moment when she told a pricing team member just how busy the baking aisle was — because it’s the baking aisle during the holidays! Duh!

All the Clopen links: https://linktr.ee/theclopeneffect

Support us here to keep us recording: https://the-clopen-effect.captivate.fm...

The besties are here! We talk about the history of Santa and take a quiz.

The Origins

From St. Nicholas to Sinterklaas to Santa

Modern Santa Takes Shape

Jen from Jenuine Coffee joined Meredith and Cassandra for this episode, adding her unique perspective to this funny discussion!

In this episode of Chewing the Fat, we take listeners on a journey into the origins of (mostly) food-related phrases, exploring their history, meanings, and cultural significance. The episode is filled with fascinating tidbits and plenty of laughs as the trio brews up lively discussions over a virtual "Cup O' Joe." And as always, Meredith accidentally mixes up her words, and we have a big laugh!

Find Jen here: https://jenuinecoffeeroasters.com/

Some Phrases fr...

It's DEER week! One of our husbands hit a deer last week, and a couple of our friends have too! We talk deer statistics, top road kill, and driving stories.

All the Clopen links: https://linktr.ee/theclopeneffect

Support us here to keep us recording: https://the-clopen-effect.captivate.fm/support

Buy merch here because it's cool: https://www.zazzle.com/the_clopen_effect_t_shirt-256038010043042814

All material, unless otherwise stated, written and performed by The Clopen Effect

From our other podcast, the book: Anxiety Makes Me Poop, Too: https...

Get ready for some pie talk! Top selling pies, what we think about everyone’s choice in pies, and Cass has a fantastic conversation with a customer!

All the Clopen links: https://linktr.ee/theclopeneffect

Support us here to keep us recording: https://the-clopen-effect.captivate.fm/support

Buy merch here because it's cool: https://www.zazzle.com/the_clopen_effect_t_shirt-256038010043042814

All material, unless otherwise stated, written and performed by The Clopen Effect

From our other podcast, the book: Anxiety Makes Me Poop, Too: https://a.co/d/3eD...

Why is it dark out already? We are already listening to Christmas music and watching Christmas movies on Hallmark. Also, from A&W to McDonald's, we explore the oldest franchises, clever branding, and secrets to staying relevant for generations.

All the Clopen links: https://linktr.ee/theclopeneffect

Support us here to keep us recording: https://the-clopen-effect.captivate.fm/support

Buy merch here because it's cool: https://www.zazzle.com/the_clopen_effect_t_shirt-256038010043042814

All material, unless otherwise stated, written and performed by The Clopen Effect

From our other...