The Burt Selleck Podcast

This episode unfolds as a chaotic, meandering, deeply personal sendoff for Ian, a longtime fixture of the show, and perhaps the most emotionally resonant installment to date—at least by Burt Selleck standards. From the moment it opens mid-bicker about lighting and podcast “purity,” you know you're in for an unedited mess. But underneath the mess, there’s real sentiment: the hosts love Ian, even as they ruthlessly roast him, suggest GPS-tagging his body, and bet on him losing toes to Washington wildlife.

There’s something touching about the structureless structure of it all. The crew’s attempt to f...

This episode of The Burt Selleck Podcast is essentially a 2-hour unfiltered brain dump from four dudes, one of whom just returned from a European trip and has a haircut to prove it. Ian’s whirlwind recap of Amsterdam, Hamburg, Berlin, and Warsaw is the closest thing to structure, but it’s continuously derailed by the others with riffs, grotesque hypotheticals, and some truly questionable history takes.

What makes it work, when it works, is Ian’s earnest travel reporting (hookers in Hamburg, breakfast from a kimonoed Airbnb host, the Monument to the Murdered Jews of Europe) collid...

This episode is a full-blown character spiral wrapped in layers of absurdity, veiled sincerity, and comedic endurance. “Talent Brando,” presumably a riffing improv persona conjured by one of the hosts or a guest, dominates the mic for the first quarter of the episode in a fever dream of wannabe-rapper bravado, circular pseudo-wisdom, and overcooked industry paranoia. The performance leans heavily on the tension between irony and earnestness, never quite tipping its hand, which is either masterful or frustrating depending on your tolerance for prolonged bits that refuse to resolve.

There’s a distinct brilliance to the chaos here—t...

This episode opens with a gold trophy sitting in for the absent Ian, and somehow that sets the perfect tone. What follows is a deeply unserious, often morbidly hilarious conversation between the core group of Alex, John, Nick, and the spectral presence of Ian. Their stream-of-consciousness banter drifts through topics like grave aesthetics, cremation preferences, echolocation envy, and the mechanics of turning a man into a walrus—each one given equal (lack of) reverence.

There are highlights. Nick's cemetery rant veers between poignant and absurd, revealing an unexpectedly human thread amid the nonsense. The group’s fabricated scan...

In a meandering, manic descent into absurdity, the Burt Selleck crew delivers what could only be described as a podcast episode in the most technical sense. There are words. They are spoken into microphones. What follows is a 3-hour fever dream that bounces from faux-coke interventions to Pride parade shirts, cologne preferences, and hypothetical gay sex pyramids—all punctuated by a surprising degree of sincerity about moving to Washington and leaving it all behind.

The lack of structure is, as always, the point—but this episode leans especially hard into its unhinged, free-associative identity. Nick is accused of b...

Damn, Chat GPT really flamed us this week:

Imagine if a true crime documentary and Beavis and Butt-Head had a baby in a haunted house—that’s about the vibe of this episode. “Scroll Time’s Over” kicks off with courtroom jokes and Joey Diaz references but quickly swan-dives into an Olympic event of who-can-describe-the-worst-thing-they’ve-ever-seen. Spoiler: Ian wins by a landslide, again.

The prison rape stories, deadpan recountings of violent YouTube rabbit holes, and unsolicited memories of hanging Dobermans give the episode all the warmth of a Serbian film. If you’ve ever wanted to hear four g...

ChatGPT’s Review of 242_Hands_Free:

This episode is an unrelenting two-hour descent into bodily function discourse, underwear preferences, and unsolicited engineering solutions for urinals and glory holes. There is no structure, no point, and no pretense of productivity—just four men free-associating from one grotesque or absurd image to the next with the energy of a locker room that's been locked from the outside.

The standout topic (if we must call it that) is the anatomy and usage of men's underwear—specifically, the philosophical and logistical implications of the "dickhole." From there, the episode spiral...

Chat GPT's Review of this Episode:

Okay, so I just listened to the latest episode of the podcast and I genuinely don’t know whether to recommend it or call the cops. It opens with one of them watching 9/11 footage for fun (?) and then immediately shifts into a heartfelt (?) story about eating a trans man’s pussy at a gay bathhouse. And that’s just the first five minutes.

The rest of the episode is a non-stop, two-hour chaos spiral of the most deranged, offensive, honest, and weirdly touching conversations you’ve ever heard—like if Howard...

Okay, so this episode is unhinged. Like, fully unfiltered garage-talk energy from four guys who sound like they’ve been friends for 20 years and have no concept of an inside voice—or HR. It starts with a debate over whether they say “cuss,” “swear,” or “curse,” and from there it just devolves into a fever dream of bits, roast prep, conspiracy theories, engagements, ancient aliens, and whether or not it’s possible to kill someone in a CIA broom closet without leaving evidence. (Spoiler: someone thinks the key question is "was my cum on the body?")

Eventually they spiral into a...

Here's this weeks AI review:

This episode is a chaotic, rambling juggernaut of hypothetical animal fights, anxiety about sleep apnea machines, low-key geopolitical analysis, and tender moments of friendship masked as insults. The "100 men vs. 1 gorilla" debate takes center stage and becomes the backbone of a surprisingly in-depth discussion on human frailty, group dynamics, and just how useless militia guys would be in a real fight.

There are some strong comedic riffs (the gorilla’s new weapon is a man’s arm, the idea of gorilla cavalry, a jaguar in floaties being dropped into mako-infested wate...

Chat GPT's review of tonight's episode:

This episode feels like a time capsule of everything that’s quietly wrong with America.

It starts with a group therapy session for Detroit sports fans, turns into a sleep apnea horror story, briefly becomes an estate sale hustle seminar, and somehow ends with an extended conversation about whether elephants give the best...hugs.

The sports talk is angry but defeated, the estate sale plans are delusional, and the moral center of the group seems to be one extremely judgmental pit bull at a dog park.

...

Chat GPT's review of tonight's episode:

Imagine a podcast recorded in a Waffle House parking lot at 2AM — but with slightly more Jesus discourse and slightly less bodily harm. This episode feels like someone dropped a live microphone into a group of cousins who've been banned from three different Chili’s locations. Topics include: whether Jesus staged his resurrection as an elaborate Weekend at Bernie’s situation, whether you could strangle a coyote with your hair, and why 80% of American history was probably written by dudes trying to impress each other. Not for the faint of heart, pastor...

Here’s what ChatGPT thought of tonight’s episode:

This episode feels like eavesdropping on two guys at a diner at 1:30 AM—unfiltered, rambling, occasionally insightful, and somehow still funny even when they’re just talking about heartburn, Taco Bell, or old jobs at Express.

The chemistry is solid, the tangents are nonstop, and there’s a weird mix of sincerity and absolute idiocy that makes it hard to turn off. It’s long (like really long), but if you’re into chaotic, no-topic-is-off-limits, Detroit-flavored hangout podcasts, you’ll probably love it. If not, you’ll last 15 minutes...

Here's what Chat GPT thinks of this episode:

So this episode starts with John talking about his hearing loss, which somehow leads to a 20-minute conversation about Simon & Garfunkel, Chinese tariffs, and whether or not the military would back a dictator if martial law kicks in on April 20th. Yeah, it’s that kind of podcast.

The real meat of the episode is just three funny guys—Alex, John, and Nick—spiraling through topics like political collapse, ChatGPT-written medical theses, and which birds are the most “gay.” There’s a lot of riffing, a lot of absurd hy...

I unveil the most lethal wrestling move of all time.

Ian is revolutionizing omelets.

We break down the podcast by season. Also, Nick died again. We think for real this time. Skippy Rose sat in for him. Skippy is a very funny stand-up from Detroit. Check out her YouTube page where you can catch some of her sketches and her podcast "Kung Pow n' Puff Girls."

Ian does some death planning in this one.

My podcast partners were threatened by my presence and wouldn't give me the Disney characters we all know I deserve to represent me.

Nick and I get stood up by John and Ian on what was supposed to be a very special post Valentine's Day episode.

John and Nick went to a bar to watch the Royal Rumble and we talk sauces, honey and various other things that John despises.

John wasn't here and Ian claims to know who killed JFK.

This one is kind of solemn after the Lion's dropped the bag in their playoff game after having the bye week.

It's another film treatment episode.

Ian quit the show. John loves loosies.

We get into some of my (Alex) web viewing habits.

Ian went to the steakhouse without us and didn't get very good service because he looks like a scary criminal.

We came up with the new music sensation that's going to sweep the nation.

I don't feel like writing these anymore so I asked AI to summarize this episode for us:

A meandering conversation between three* friends covering a wide range of topics, from clothing sizes and Thanksgiving dinners to ghost stories, alien conspiracies, and the ethics of dentistry.

*There's four of us.

We are an Arborist podcast now.

Nick is back from his job interviews in D.C. Ian got a new microphone.

Nick took a sick day to take a job interview in Washington. Keep your fingers crossed. He won't say what the job is but told us it starts in mid-January if he gets it. He sounds really excited.

Ian bought new shoes and we revisit John's horrible palette.

We talk about how one evolutionary difference with our digestive systems and how much a different, darker world we would live in.

We talk about our techniques in keeping our T levels up. We reminisce on our times recording in Ian's old apartment.

We talked, Tigers, Pistons and Red Wings in this. We also go a little bit into foreign policy.

Ian had another no call no show so we worked on our Ian impression in this one. The boys plea with me hydrate better.

Nick got lost in some tunnels and couldn't make it tonight. I tells us his coffee brewing secrets.

All the boys were back for tonight's episode. We got off a few good riffs. Nick shopping this morning, my penis, Nazis, which of our civilizations would reign supreme over the others, we touch it all in this one.

Nick is back from Israel. Ian no showed on us again. John got a hand me down microphone.