The Resilient Caregiver Podcast

With all of the negative, and often untrue, headlines that surround foster care and adoption, it's refreshing to read a story that uplifts and brings hope. 

That's exactly what this week's podcast guest is on a mission to do. Dagmara Sitek is a children's book author, who is turning tragedy into hope and bringing encouragement and empowerment to children in foster care, and their caregivers, all over the world. 

A Little More About Dagmara...

Dagmara Sitek is a Canada-based mother of two, who is committed to children's education and emotional well-being. Originally from Po...

If you're anything like us, last year was a really difficult year. We stepped out of it, into 2024, feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and fearful that the New Year would turn out just like the old year. The biggest aspect of this journey to take a hit was our mental health. 

Anyone out there with us on that one? 

But, it doesn't have to be this way. There are practical steps we can take as caregivers, to drastically improve, even transform, our mental health. It begins by creating a Mental Health Decree. 

This past week, we...

Happy New Year! We're kicking off the 31st season of The Resilient Caregiver Podcast and this is episode 299. We are absolutely BLOWN away that we have produced 31 seasons of this show since October, 2015! Thank you for being part of this amazing journey. 

We're kicking off the brand new season with an amazing interview with our good friend Rob Scheer from Comfort Cases and author of A Forever Family: Fostering Change One Child At A Time.

A Little More About Rob...

Rob entered the foster care system as a child who had lost both p...

2023 was a combination of fulfilling, overwhelming, sometimes defeating, but most importantly, a year of growing for us. We learned so many important things this past year. 

As we bring this year to a close, we take a moment to look back and discuss the important things we learned as caregivers. 

These include...

Pull up a c...

Once we've aligned our expectations, and leveled them to a manageable place, we need to establish boundaries with our children. This is not an easy task, especially if you're parenting children who become triggered easily. And sometimes the boundaries will be very hard to explain. 

How do you do this? 

In this episode of The Resilient Caregiver Podcast we dive into a conversation around boundaries, what they may need to be, how to set them and, most importantly, how to maintain them. 

Also On The Show....

In the words of Ellen Griswold (from Christmas Vacation), "I know how you build things up in your mind, Sparky. You set standards that no family event can live up to." 

That might not fully be the case for you, but we often do struggle with our expectations. Especially when it involves the Holidays and situations that can go south quickly with meltdowns, triggered behaviors, overstimulation, and more. 

How do we navigate through this?  More importantly, how do we set expectations that don't set us, or our families, up for failure? 

That's what we'r...

For caregivers of a multi-racial families, hair care can be stressful and overwhelming. How do you provide the best care for your daughter or know what products to use?

If you've had these questions, or felt overwhelmed and defeated by this topic, we have good news. Tony Award Nominated Acress Shalita Grant from the shows NCIS: New Orleans and You most recently, joins our show to discuss her new brand, Four Naturals Hair and provides a TON of hope and insight for caregivers just like you!

About Shalita...

Shalita Grant was raised in...

Diversity is a central aspect of the foster and adoption journey. But often, it's overlooked or taken for granted. That's precisely why we have crucial guests like our good friend Maria Hansen-Quine. 

She's a wealth of knowledge and expertise, particularly when it comes to the celebration of diversity in foster care and adoption. 

A Little More About Maria...

Maria passionately believes in the value of children. So much so that she has devoted the past 22 years to working with children, currently working as a school counselor in a beautiful inner city community.   Maria has...

We're excited to welcome Marna Pacheco from CapeAble Weighted Products to The Resilient Caregiver Podcast to discuss how weighted products (blankets, vests, wraps, etc) can help your children who have sensory needs.

Through their patented Smart Weight Technology, CapeAble Weighted Products is changing the game in the weighted products field. And good news...the products she shares are NOT just for children. Adults can benefit too! (Just ask Kristin...😉).

Check out the CapeAble Weighted Product store here. 

Also on the show...

It leaves us baffled. We're having a good day, doing something they wanted to do, and suddenly they reject us, respond negatively, or become defensive. We could simply ask our child a question and the claws come out. It leaves us confused, defeated, and bewildered. 

And we often don't see it coming. How do we make sense of the metldowns, outbursts, and push-backs? 

In this episode we discuss our child's defense system, what causes them, and how to make sense of what we're seeing. 

Also On The Show....

You may be thinking, "Wait, they're talking about the holidays already?" That's right! 

We're entering the season known as the holiday vortex- From Halloween through New Years it's a season of overstimulation, grief-magnified, and loss-intensified for our children. 

How in the world can we nagivate this season and live to tell about it? If you're a caregiver who's wondering this, we have good news. Deborah Gray joins the podcast for an amazing throwback episode all about helping our children through the holiday season (Halloween through New Years!). 

A little more about Deborah...

...

Most caregivers step into the parenting journey with dreams, ideals, and a certain vision of how parenting is going to unfold. We have dreams of what our children will be like when they grow older. We envision positive, warm relationships, that are worthy of a Hallmark Movie. Sounds ridiculous, right? But that's what we do. That can set us and our children up for failure. 

In this episode we discuss re-adjusting your expectations to help you and your children achieve success. 

In this episode we talk about...

For a lot of caregivers, hands-on parenting won't end when their child graduates from high school. We'll be involved in some what, shape, or form with our children as they move into adulthood. But that doesn't mean that our lives, or their lives, will be restricted. Quite the opposite. Resiliency as you continue to parent into adulthood IS possible.

In this episode, we welcome Sue Badeau, who knows a thing or two about building resiliency long Into parenting adult children. She and her husband Hector are currently involved in several of their adult children's lives. 

A...

Being a dad on the foster and adoptive caregiver journey is no easy task. Resiliency, let alone our sanity, seems like climbing Mt. Everest without oxygen. But, it doesn't need to be this way. There is hope. In this episode Mike has an open conversation with two dads about how to build resiliency! 

We talk about vulnerability, the importance of community and connection, a little bit about what happens at Road Trip (our unique experience in the mountains of Colorado for foster and adoptive dads) and so much more. 

Also On The Show...

In the heat of the moment, when your child is melting down, you're on display, or you're just overwhelmed and exhausted, the question that is likely running through your head is "What's wrong with this child?" 

But, it's the wrong question to ask. It's okay if you've asked this before. We all have. Don't beat yourself up. It happens to all of us. You're not alone. 

In this episode we discuss this and what the RIGHT question actually is. And the right question has the power to change EVERYTHING- your response, your attachment to your ch...

Welcome to The Resilient Caregiver Podcast. We are sooooo excited to unveil the new name, new approach, new conversations, and (each week) new insights. 

This week, the two of us are talking through the heartbeat behind The Resilient Caregiver (our parentn company's name) and some insights into how to achieve resiliency. 

In this episode, we discuss....

Also o...

We've blown the lid clean off on a BIG secret we've been keeping for the past 8 months! 

On August 30th, our brand new initiative (and name), The Resilient Caregiver, will go live to the world. We're making this change for one big reason: We are passionate about and intensely focused on helping you, amazing caregiver, build resiliency through a deeper understanding of your child, in-depth and relevant education, and an insanely dedicated and understanding support community that helps you thrive! 

We're diving into all the amazing details of the new site in this final episode of...

In this episode, Mike shares some encouragement for foster and adoptive caregivers. Along with that, he also shares an exciting annoucement that you won't want to miss. 

Here are important links mentioned in this episode...

Thanks for stopping by this week :-) 

In 2016, sensing an urgency to create safe space where foster and adoptive dads could connect with one another, Mike Berry, Andrew Schneidler and Jason Morriss, created Road Trip: A Mountaintop Experience for Foster and Adoptive Dads. They had one goal: create safe space where men could be open, honest, and vulnerable in without fear of judgement or criticism. To date, more than 600 men have journeyed up the mountain. In this latest episode, they share openly what Road Trip is, why it's so transformational in men's lives, and how dads can find connection and camaraderie.

A Little More Abo...

One of the strongest emotions we'll experience on this journey is grief. How do you work through this so you better help your child? 

It's not easy. In fact, grief itself, is a journey. We experience this because this journey is hard, and we have lost a lot. So have our children. And helping them heal is a priority. But in order to better help our children heal and process their own grief, we must learn to process ours and arrive to a place of healing. 

Fortunately, we have amazing partners and leaders like Jessica Si...

As caregivers, we crave good resources. But they can be so hard to find. Fortunately, there are amazing human beings who help us succeed by sharing their amazing and powerful gifts with us.

In this episode, we spent some time with the amazing, and the the lovely Terria Roushun from the Hair Essentials Company. You will love this conversation as the crew discusses how to provide the best care possible for your child's hair.

A Little More About Terria...

Terria Roushun is the CEO and Director of The Hair Essentials Company. Terria has...

Gaelin Elmore found himself in 25 different foster homes, over 13 years as a youngster. Fortunately for him, a kind and caring football coach brought him into his home while he finished high school. Through that turn of events, he received the resources he needed to thrive as he transitioned into adulthood. But so many children do not have the same fortune as Gaelin did. Now, in his adult life, he's on a mission to speak truth into the foster care system, and enact change that will ultimately transform the lives of thousands of vulnerable foster youth.

A little...

Where can caregivers go to find connection, camaraderie, inspiration and hope? We're glad you asked!

Registration is open for one of our favorite in-person conference for caregivers, The Replanted Conference. It's happening October 12-14, 2023 in Naperville, Illinois and it's a must-attend event. 

We only endorse and recommend a handful of conferences each year and Replanted is one of them. This episode is a recording we did live during the 2022 Replanted Conference. 

Replanted Conference 2023 is open for registration...

The adoption and foster journey can be difficult for our children. Feelings of loss, grief and abandonment can move in and take up residence in their hearts and minds. Fortunately, there are voices of hope clearing the way for understanding and transformation. 

Don Brushaber is one of those voices. As an adult adoptee he had lived a lot of life before feelings of abandonment began to stir in him. Just a few short years ago he found himself in the middle of a nervous breakdown. But from that, he was able to come to terms with the l...

Behaviors can be so hard to handle. Especially when you are overwhelmed and tired. But behaviors are telling us an important story that can help us reframe our entire approach to our children. 

Where do we begin? 

The first step is to understand trauma's impact. The second is to learn how trauma's impact dictates present behavior. 

In this episode we're sharing the audio from our free workshop this week, The Trauma Knowledge Transformation (which you can still sign up for and catch the replays). 

Click Here to sign up for The Trau...

Sometimes it's hard to see past the behaviors and into the heart of what's really going on with your child. But once you discover this powerful parenting tool, your journey transforms! 

We get it. Trust us on this one. In our 20+ years of parenting, and parenting children with a trauma history, and special needs, the struggle has been real. We did a lot of things wrong in our parenting in the early days. One of those 'things' was often viewing behavior as simply 'bad behavior' from a child who just wanted to be bad, and not as a...

Saying no, not right now, setting boundaries, or emphasizing consequences are all part of the parenting journey. Even the foster and adoptive parenting journey. But there's one aspect of this that often stands at the forefront. 

It's a big question we receive all the time. "I say no to my child, set a boundary, and then the meltdown begins. What can I do?"

It's tricky. No doubt about that. But there are ways to navigate this. In this episode we share Insights and strategies to help you effectively respond to your child when you set a...

At any given moment on the foster and adoption caregiver journey, we can find ourselves in crisis. How you respond, and the plan you put in place, can change everything! 

We in no way want to freak you out, but having a plan is crucial to successfully navigating these tricky waters. 

In this episode we share a recent session we taught on responding to, managing, and navigating through crisis in your home. 

Also On The Show...

Thanks for sto...

It's a tricky thing to deal with. Boundaries. Where's the balance between connected parenting and boundary setting? In this episode we have an open discussion around this. 

As caregivers we can often feel taken advantage of, walked on, and just plain used. Our children don't necessarily mean to do this, but, as a product of their trauma history, that "taking" nature is a survival tactic.

How do you set up, and maintain, healthy boundaries with a child who may, or may not, understand them? 

That's what we discuss in this episode! 

Tha...

Out of all the great resources we have at our disposal as caregivers, there are a few that stand out among the rest. We must learn to listen to them. 

Our children. Adult adoptees. Former foster youth. And birth parents. Those who have experienced the journey first hand have a wealth of knowledge to share with us, to help us become the best caregivers possible. 

The best thing we can do is open up our hearts, and minds, and ears, and listen deeply to their voices and hearts. In this episode, Kristin and Nicole explore wh...

There is so much unnecessary fears and misunderstandings surrounding birth parents and birth families. In this episode, we're working to clear it up.

Last week we were grateful and honored to have the amazing and wonderful Ashley Mitchell join us for Insight Virtual Conference 2023. The Q&A portion of her session was so moving and powerful that we knew we had to make it a stand-alone podcast episode. 

In this episode, Mike and Ashley spend time clearing up unwarranted fears, the truth about extended family, how to set up boundaries with birth parents who aren't i...

On the journey of healing and fostering healthy attachments, we must be tuned in to the needs our children have. But also our responsbility as caregivers. How do we pinpoint both? 

We're fortunate to be connected to brilliant minds, and hearts, like our good friend Deborah Gray, who is a licensed clinical social worker, and known worldwide as the attachment guru. 

In this episode we're sharing the replay of a session Deborah hosted during the 2021 Insight Virtual Conference (because the 2023 conference is coming THIS week!). 

A Little More About Deborah...

Deborah has...

Is there any way to successfully communicate my child's needs to a medical professional that helps me get results? Big question! 

Navigating our children's special needs on a daily basis is hard. But what makes the journey even harder is feeling unheard and unseen in a medical or therapeutic provider's office. We've all had that figurative (or maybe literal) door slammed in our face. We've felt dismissed, disregarded, and just plain stupid. 

What if we told you there was an effective, and practical, way to successufully communicate your child's needs to providers that got results? 

The title of this podcast episode likely prompts a reaction from anyone reading it. After all, the hardships of this journey take quite the toll on us. How do you find the strength and insight to regain compassion for your child? 

If you're asking these questions, you're not alone. In fact, this makes you normal. But there is hope. More importanly, there is a term for the loss of compassion: Blocked Care. 

On this episode, we've invited our two good friends, Lisa Qualls and Melissa Corkum, our go-to experts on this complex topic, to share in...

The FASD journey can be very defeating and very frustrating. Mostly because, we are constantly dismissed by providers, or made to feel like we're a bit crazy when we try to get answers. How do you break through this? 

We're glad you're here for this episode as we dive into the topic of advocacy, especially as it relates to parenting a child with a Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD). 

We're joined by Laura Hernandez, from Mama Systems, who is an adoptive mama, but also the caregiver to children on the spectrum. She knows first hand wh...

The caregiver journey is hard and full of challenges. We hear words like resiliency and we often get the wrong idea. What does that really mean? 

It's not what you think. Resiliency is not perfection, it's not about never failing, and on the days you don't feel like you're not resilient, it's not what defines you. 

So then, what does it mean to be resilient? 

In this latest episode of The Honestly Adoption Podcast, Mike explores what resiliency is and is NOT. 

Also on the show...

From the memorable quotes, to the "ah-ha" moments, to the tears, to the on-camera dancing....the dancing....oh the dancing! Insight Virtual Conference 2022 was one for the history books.

And now...we get to do it all over again! That's right...Insight Virtual Conference 2023 is open for registration and coming April 20th and 21st. 

In this special Honestly Adoption Podcast Episode, we are recapping the entire 2022 conference by sharing audio clips from just about everything that happened at the conference. The great news? It doesn't just have to stay in this podcast! Nope. You can ge...

As caregivers, we often carry around immense feelings of guilt from something we said, or did. How do we face these feelings, let alone overcome them?

It's a question all of us have had at one time or another. And what's even more difficult is that we have to keep on parenting and caring for our children, while carrying this burden. It's not like we can retreat away and find healing. 

In our latest episode, Mike shares some ideas and insights into this question from a place of honesty and vulnerablity. 

Also On Th...

While it may be hard to see and understand, our bodies are super computers that capture and hold data for years. This has never been more the case, then with our child's trauma history. 

You've probably found yourself scratching your head a time or two, or simply throwing your hands up in confusion, when the child who has been in your home for years is melting down for no apparent reason. Or, perhaps you've been caught off guard by a season where your child, who seemed fine for a long time, suddenly begins to act out, or b...

One of the most confusing and overwhelming aspects of the foster and adoption journey, is trying to make sense of behaviors that come from trauma. Where do you even begin? 

Let's be honest...

Trying to make sense of our child's behavior, let alone manage it (or stop it), is like climbing Mt Everest!

Nearly impossible....or so it seems!

What if we told you there was a simple, effective way to understand and respond to your child's behaviors in a way that brings calm in the middle of chaos?

I...