Walk Beside Me

Today I'm sharing some recent reflections on perfectionism, a condition I've dealt with my whole life.

Becoming a parent has shown me the dangers of perfectionism. Yet I realized recently that pursuing perfection or excellence isn't the problem.

The problem is thinking you can make yourself perfect on your own, and letting your own (or the world's) definition of perfection guide you.

In this episode, I'm unpacking how we can let Christ perfect every moment, which will turn the pursuit of perfection from arduous...

In this episode, I'm discussing how the way Jesus addressed the woman caught in adultery is the PERFECT, grounding story to remember when we are parenting our own children in public.

Like Jesus, we can slow down and remember that impressing other people is never worth sacrificing our relationship with our kids.

Scripture References:

I’ve been thinking about the argument “but kids need structure!” for some time now. The mentality seems to be, “Yes kids can have some autonomy, BUT they need to be controlled a little bit too.”
I’ve come to the conclusion that kids DO need structure, but it’s not what most people think. It’s not a flawless bedtime routine, three perfect meals a day, or strictly delegated chores.

I’m not saying these things don’t work for some families
BUT the one “structure” that ALL kids truly NEED is a parent whose charac...

Today I'm challenging a popular paradigm in the world of faith-based leadership: the "high love, high expectations" framework.

High expectations can be detrimental. When we set an expectation, we make our emotions and reactions dependent on another person's behavior. Essentially, we say "I will only be happy with you if you do X."

A more scriptural approach is high "faith, hope, and charity." With faith, we always believe in the child's unseen potential. With hope, we always allow for repentance and change. With charity, we respond with kindness regardless...

Today's episode is a quick hitter on a topic that can be triggering for a lot of parents: tone.

Short story shorter, the best way we can help our kids speak in more "respectful" tones is to (1) dispel the fear, and (2) model what we want to hear.

Listen to the full episode for more.

Scripture References:

In this episode, I'm sharing how prayer is saving me from some of the most intense guilt I've ever felt in my life.

Since. I was very young, I've struggled with perfectionism and the crippling, sometimes physically painful guilt that comes along with it. Nowhere has this been more true that in my relationship with religion and God.

Until one day, a friend asked me a question that started to shift my view of how God sees my mistakes and how He wants me to see them.

<...

This episode is all about the most important skill you can develop as a parent: seeing correctly.

In a book I read recently, I learned that the difference between a good artist and a not-so-good one is not a lack of skill or talent. It's a fundamental difference in the way the two artists see.

The same is true in parenting.

If you can see your children accurately, you don't really need to worry about anything else. You will naturally say and do all...

This episode is for anyone who feels a bit of panic while noticing their old habits and weaknesses creep back into sight.

This is where I have been the past few weeks. But the panic has dissipated due to some scriptural truths and spirit-given analogies that are helping me as I regain strength. I'm understanding weakness in a way that is more empowering and hopeful than ever before in my life.

Resources Mentioned:

I'm so lucky to have my cousin Melissa and her husband, Lawrence, join my on the podcast today.

Melissa and Lawrence Stone have been through the gauntlet of grief: In 2012, they lost their oldest daughter Ethne in a car crash when she was 2 years old. A couple years later, their third son was born with a birth defect. And only a few years after that, their son Thomas was stillborn.

Miraculously, the Stones have taken these experiences and reaped from them blessings, both for themselves and for others. One...

Right after Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, God said to Eve, “I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception. In sorrow thou shalt bring forth children . . . .”

At first glance, this looks like a punishment. It looks like God making Eve (and all women) suffer for what she did.

But some personal spiritual experiences I’ve had recently make me wonder whether childbirth has to be framed as a punishment.

Instead, I’m starting to see it as a gift given to Eve to help...

The phrase "give yourself grace" has been on my mind a lot as I navigate the postpartum period following my second daughter's birth. We often use this phrase to reassure someone going through a difficult time that they deserve mercy because they are doing the best that they can given the circumstances.

I am all for extending mercy—this is the essence of Christ's mission.

But true GRACE—Christ's grace—goes even deeper. It's not just about forgiveness. It's also about empowerment.

Am I actual...

This episode is part 2 of Baby Bird #2’s birth story. I’m comparing my first daughter’s birth with this one, laying out all the practical tips and gospel principles that helped my second birth experience go SO much smoother than my first.

My biggest takeaway? Everything is a choice. The noises you make during labor are a choice. The way you think about pain is a choice. The way you treat your spouse during a contraction is a choice. And I want to choose Jesus Christ's way in every circumstance, unconditionally.

I am THRILLED to announce the birth of another sweet babe into our family!

This episode is a play by play of everything that went down to get our baby earthside. I couldn't have done it without the support of my husband, a.k.a. birth doula. So I decided I didn't want to do this episode without him, either.

Listen in to hear about shark fishing during early labor, our Mary and Joseph moment, and this baby's gender reveal.

In next week's episode...

In this episode, I'm discussing the power of welcoming our children's requests for the things they want, plus how we as parents and spouses can kindly make requests of our loved ones.

So many adults struggle to ask for help or go after the things they want in life. I'm confident that the fear of asking for the things we want is rooted in the way that adults responded to our expressions of desire when we were children.

Let's give our kids the confidence to ask for the things...

With a lot of new listeners out there recently, I wanted to use this episode to shed a little more light on who I am and why I'm doing what I'm doing.

I'm sharing my personal background, which includes a long history of perfectionism and high-achieving, but also a good dose of guilt and shame. All of which led me to be terrified of parenting. Not only because I was afraid of doing it imperfectly, but also because I didn't want to pass along my perfectionism to my children.

...

This past week I finished reading "The Outward Mindset," a book published by the Arbinger Institute.

Although this book is written primarily for leaders of business organizations, the principles it teaches are totally applicable to parents. Which makes sense, because parents are organizational leaders—the organization just happens to be called a family, and the people being led just happen to be small humans called children.

I love the mindsets taught in this book so much that I had to dedicate a whole episode to it. Join me as I...

About a month ago, I quit my job as an attorney and went full-time, stay-at-home-mom mode.

In this episode, I’m sharing the questions and principles that have guided me as I’ve navigated law school, working as a part-time lawyer, and (temporarily?) "retiring."

Questions for decision making:

The most stressful thing for me as a new parent was trying to figure out what the truth about parenting is. There is a LOT of noise out there, especially in today's world of social media and information overload.

In this episode, I'm sharing how I use 2 Timothy 1:7 (a.k.a. my favorite scripture verse of all time) as a framework to identify what advice is meant for me. This framework helps me decide whether the advice I'm receiving comes from a place of godly, eternal principles, or if it is merely "the philosophies...

For the first three years of my marriage, I struggled to see my husband's and my differences in a helpful light. I was quick to judge, condemn, accuse, and go into an emotional spiral.

While I am still actively letting go of these natural man tendencies, since becoming a mom I have gained some perspectives that have blessed me with an abundant supply of compassion and patience for ALL humans. Not just my kids, but also my husband and myself.

In this episode I'm sharing the three perspective shifts...

In this episode, I’m inviting you to throw out the one ingredient that will ruin parenting for you: FEAR.

I’m sure you’ve heard “faith over fear” a million times. But unfortunately, the world’s way of parenting is extremely fear-driven, which means it can be pretty counterintuitive to parent from a place of faith.

Join me in this episode as I address five common parenting fears:

This episode is part 2 of 2 in my series on punishment. In part 1 (episode 15), I discussed the practical and spiritual reasons that we don't need to use punishment in order to teach our kids.

If you haven't listened to part 1 yet, listen to it here:

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In this episode, I'm offering six alternatives to punishment: six ways that we can teach our kids without intentionally making them suffer for what they did:

This episode is part 1 of 2 in my series on punishment.

In this episode, I talk about the practical and spiritual reasons for why we don't need to use punishment in our parenting.

If our goal as parents is to teach our children, then it's time for us to start thinking deeply about the lessons that punishment is really teaching. Does it really teach kids self-discipline and morality? Or does it teach them that...

I almost didn't record an episode this week...

Moving to Florida has been challenging to say the least. My heart is heavy, mourning the life we left behind in California. My motivation and mood have been uncomfortably low.

In other words, I've been stuck in a rut.

But life has blessed me with two other "ruts" over the past eight months, so I'm starting to become a pro at navigating them. And despite the sadness I feel, I also feel very excited to share...

Mosiah 18:9 describes three commitments we make when we are baptized. And this verse is also the perfect formula for helping anyone—our kids, friends, spouses, or selves—through "big emotions."

In this episode, I'm walking through each step of this formula and why the order of these steps is so helpful for working through anger, fear, and sadness.

Long story short, we can't effectively witness of God or offer comfort/advice if we don't first mourn with those that mourn.

Resources Mentioned

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by M...

Y'all are in for a treat this week. And yes, I am taking the liberty of saying "y'all" because my family just moved to the South and I'm not going to live below my privileges.

For my very last episode filmed in California, I wanted to interview a dear friend and role model, Catina Haverlock. I have gotten to know Catina while serving the youth in our church together and am constantly in awe of her wisdom, accomplishments, and heart.

Catina's parenting journey looks a little different from most...

Trust God. It's one of the most common refrains in scripture. We hear it all the time. But are we taking this commandment seriously?

For some reason, I find it easier to trust God when there is a big change in my life. Moving across the country? God’s got a plan. Loved one passes away? They’re needed more on the other side. Lost my job? God’s got something better in store.

But crayon on the walls? Dinner burnt? Folded laundry knocked over? Husband home late? Toddler skippe...

I am thrilled to welcome Walk Beside Me's inaugural guest: my dear friend McKenzie Rucker.

McKenzie Rucker is many things: she is a graphic designer, web developer, wife, mother to 3 children, and passionate Jesus follower. I wanted her to join me on the podcast because she is one of those moms who radiates intentionality and joy with her children.

When I asked McKenzie what she wanted to talk about, she brought up the topic of nonverbal communication—its power in parenting and God's pattern of using it Himself. This ep...

Giving instructions can be stressful for some parents—especially those of us who are trying to be respectful and conscious in how we communicate with our kids. How can we clearly communicate what we want without being overly controlling or domineering? And how do we respond when our children don't immediately obey?

The good news is, God gives us an excellent example of how to give instructions clearly, directly, AND gently. He shows us that is possible to be straightforward and kind. He's the perfect example of teaching clearly AND respecting our agency.

...

How can you tell if you are successful as a parent? We might be tempted to measure our success by any of the following:

The problem is, none of these metrics are completely within your control.

God is the most successful parent—we know this because He is perfect. He is...

Where is the line between "spoiling" your child and simply being kind to them? Is there some kind of magical limit on the number of times we can give our children what they want before they become "spoiled"?

In this episode, I'm challenging traditional fears surrounding spoiling with five scripture-inspired principles:

This one is for the ladies.

Have you ever wondered whether Jesus really, really understands you? Especially when you're in the midst of periods, PMSing, pregnancy, miscarriage, infertility, postpartum, breastfeeding, singleness, or any other struggle that is uniquely female?

We know He felt every pain, sickness, and struggle when He performed the Atonement. But could He really get it if He never actually lived an earth life as a woman?

Today I'm opening up about a time when I struggled with this question. And...

Not only do our words reveal our thoughts, they also reinforce them. Whenever I catch myself using the words/phrases "can't," "don't have time," "feel like," "need," "have to," and "let me," I realize I am living in a scarcity mindset and victim mentality. I am living a lie. I have a spirit of fear inside of me.

But I want a spirit of power, love, and a sound mind. So I remember my agency. I shift my language. I take ownership for my choices and behavior. And then, always, a more empowered, loving...

When you hear the words “preach repentance,” what do you think of? Does it mean standing in the middle of the town square, telling everyone to shape up and stop sinning?

In this episode, I explore how preaching repentance can be as simple as helping your child clean up a mess. Forgiving your spouse immediately when they come home later than planned. Setting an example by learning from your own mistakes instead of hiding from them, beating yourself up for them, or blaming someone else for them.

By practicing grac...

Join me as I talk about the foundational topic of agency: where it comes from, why it's a gift, and what it means for our relationship with our children. Spoiler: influence is more powerful than control.

Resources I mention in the episode:

Terryl Givens Interview on the "Faith Matters" Podcast:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qlo3SAFY8JE

The Mellow Mama:

instagram.com/themellowmama

⁠youtube.com/themellowmama⁠

themellowmama.org

Tessa Rome...

If you ever feel “triggered” by your child’s behavior, you’re in the right place.

In this episode, I’m inviting you to view your children as guests from a foreign place that has different customs and culture. Our children are so new to this world—even if they’re multiple years old. It is our opportunity as their parents to help them accumulate to a healthy, loving, respectful culture.

Thinking about your relationship with your child in this way will cause you to question the ways society has taught us to teach and discipline our...

Meet Brooklyn and learn what "Walk Beside Me" is all about.

Check out the Mellow Mama (mentioned in the podcast):

IG - https://www.instagram.com/themellowmama/?hl=en

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mellow-mama-podcast/id1627338093