Strangers on the Internet

In this episode, Irina welcomes writer and professor Kelly Foster Lundquist who recently published the book "Beard: A Memoir of a Marriage." Raised as a pastor's daughter in Mississippi, little did Kelly know that the man with whom she fell in love as fellow counselors at a Christian camp would deceive her and himself about his sexuality. Their story largely unfolds in Chicago, while Kelly is--of all things--a PhD student in queer studies. Suspicious events begin piling up, including with Kelly finding suspicious pictures of men on her husband Devin's computer. Subjected to conversion "therapy" when younger, Devin becomes...

Irina welcomes on this episode Natalie Licini, a photographer and business owner whose rags-to-riches story will make your head spin. Natalie grew up poor and at times on food stamps in Staten Island, where she sometimes lacked a coat in winter and physical fights in school were the norm. Taking on every odd job she could find from flipping burgers to running a manicure operation from her dorm room, Natalie hustled her way through high school and the five colleges she attended. While it took her nine years to finish her bachelor's degree at NYU due to all that...

On this episode, Irina talks with employment attorney Laura Koistinen from the Law Office of Kevin Mintzer, which has taken on Harvey Weinstein, Andrew Cuomo, and FoxNews, among others. Named a Rising Star by Super Lawyers since 2020, Laura has challenged problematic employers from her early days as a junior attorney in Portland, Oregon to today in New York City. She is part of the team representing actor Julia Ormond against Weinstein, CAA, and Disney, and explains why victims are afraid to come forward whether they face sexual harassment, employment discrimination, or both. Laura shares the many legal obstacles facing...

Irina and Michelle have the pleasure of welcoming Wharton professor and economist Dr. Corinne Low, the author of the new book (out September 23, 2025) "Having It All: What Data Tells Us About Women's Lives and Getting the Most Out of Yours." Part autobiography and part comprehensive economic analysis, the book is chock-full of eye-opening practical advice on how to examine and lead one's life in a way that maximizes so-called personal utility. What is the economic cost to women of picking a problematic romantic partner or of experiencing sexual discrimination or harassment in their jobs? Do women really need to...

What are boundaries and how do you enforce them? Irina and Michelle delve into why these questions aren't as simple as they may appear. People who weren't taught to draw boundaries as children (or in fact had them disregarded) often struggle to deny requests in adulthood and stand their ground without guilt. How can you learn to respect yourself and make sure others respect you as well or get out of your life? The Dating Professors work through every step of the struggle and share what kind of line drawing doesn't come easily to them.

SOTI...

A recent op-ed in the New York Times by Rachel Drucker asked "Men, Where Have You Gone?", followed by reader responses from men. Drucker lamented men withdrawing from the romantic public sphere and seeking stimulation over connection. At best, according to Drucker, single men would be willing to entertain situationships rather than relationships. Irina and Michelle discuss in this episode whether they think Drucker is right and what they make of the reader responses. Are respondents right that expectations for men have just gotten too confusing? Or that it makes sense for them to withdraw from dating if otherwise...

Irina and Michelle have the pleasure on this episode to talk to newlyweds Monica and Will. The academic mom and enrollment manager dad blended their families after a magical year-ish together. Find out how Monica used a dating consultant to make the best choices and Will finally escaped some confusing vegetable emoji games. Did their solar eclipse date seal the deal for these two romantics that buy matching shirts and broke all their own rules about not getting married or moving in together with a new partner? Join us for an unbearably cute episode about love that overcomes grief, skepticism...

The Dating Professors continue their conversation with Hollywood darlings Chris Peckover and Shannon Short. You better get the tissues ready for this part as Irina and Michelle learn how both Chris and Shannon escaped the Grim Reaper in quick succession. Between dramatic car rides to the hospital and emergency surgeries, these true partners refused to leave each other's side throughout. Listen also to how--long before meeting Chris--Shannon had married his best friend Christine (!) after trying to "pray the gay away" via conversion therapy, and how she was the one who ultimately set him free. This episode is one heartwarming...

Happy Pride! This episode follows the epic love story of filmmaker (and Irina's friend from college) Chris Peckover and costume designer Shannon Short. Hear how Chris randomly contacted Shannon based on a cute Facebook picture and then drove from L.A. to San Diego for a date before Shannon had to embark on a cruise ship for a six-week work trip. Did Chris really go from being a pre-med swimmer at Yale to making one of the most popular Christmas-themed horror movies of all times? And did Branson-born Shannon journey from being homeless in his car in Texas to...

Irina and Michelle continue their conversation with Southern attorney Kate, which traces the aftermath of her discovery of Doug's true identity. Just how dangerous was Doug? How did Kate unmask him and get away relatively quickly? And how did his cat blow Doug's cover when he was trying to run an empathy scam on one of his sugar babies?? For all that and more on the denouement of a supervillain's tale and Kate's exit from it, tune into part 2 of this caper!

SOTI ep. 82: The Comic Con Artist with Kate (Part 1)

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Irina and Michelle have on this episode the wild tale of Kate, a successful lawyer and mom in her 50s in the Southern United States, and the same-aged man she met on Feeld while traveling, Doug (both pseudonyms). Doug seemed like the perfect boyfriend in many respects, and Kate dated him for three months long distance while he lived in a different Southern state. Doug claimed to be working at sci-fi conventions and concert venues, yet he somehow hardly seemed to leave his home and was constantly broke. Nothing could have prepared Kate, however, for the revelations of a group...

What makes for a happy moment in a romantic relationship? Irina and Michelle walk down memory lane to share some of their favorites. Travel, rain, cupcakes, protests, and discussions of "body counts" all make an appearance in this episode. Escape dreariness for a bit with the Dating Professors as you remember some of your own special past moments upon hearing theirs!

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As the Wall Street Journal and other sources have discussed recently, more and more women in the United States are stopping their search for a man to marry. Why is this happening? Irina and Michelle talk about what the average woman feels like she is (and isn't) getting in heterosexual marriage today, including in this economy. The Dating Professors analyze what happens when women are the higher earners, how young women now view marriage, as well as how children affect the labor dynamic in couples and why expectations often don't end up meeting reality. Pull up a chair and...

On this special episode, Irina and Michelle speak with Portland-based creator Mike Schneider whose balloon art and other works have gone viral. Now with over 800K Instagram followers and a full-time career as an artist inspiring, delighting, and sometimes provoking with quotations displayed in balloon letters on colorful walls or in other formats, Mike shares his thoughts. He talks all things dating, grief, mental health, politics, creative process, and books (the second of which will be published shortly!). Come join us for a heartening conversation with one of social media's top art darlings!

Mike Schneider’s IG...

Irina and Michelle host trauma expert and NYC-based therapist Dr. Karen Dwyer-Tesoriero on this episode. She explains what distinguishes complex post-traumatic stress disorder (c-PTSD) from other types of trauma and how it may express itself in romantic and other relationships. How do people with c-PTSD become activated, and how can they settle down and practice self-care? What happens when both partners in a relationship have c-PTSD? For a conversation about these questions and much more, tune in!

Karen A. Dwyer-Tesoriero’s website

Karen's self-care guide

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How can you stop yourself and conversations from blowing up? In this episode, Irina and Michelle talk about bringing down the temperature, especially when it comes to conflict within romantic relationships. The Dating Professors discuss how to use breaks effectively in arguments, muddle through if a break is infeasible, and distinguish between expecting respect and tone policing. Let's talk about creating peace and accountability!

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A month into the new presidency, many couples are facing existential questions. Perhaps one person lost their federal job, or the couple disagrees on just how unsafe the country has gotten. We discuss how to handle questions such as whether to leave the United States, especially if both people in the couple are not on the same page. Irina and Michelle also go over how to try and maintain balance in an imbalanced world, and how to handle people who either cause national misery or at least downplay its existence.

Amanda Ripley's book "High Conflict"

How do workplaces support or undermine people's personal lives, and especially romantic relationships and family lives? What happens when toxicity in the form of poor pay or other bad treatment affects workers' wellbeing even once home? Irina and Michelle discuss the difficulties of workplaces regarding benefits and flexibility, and who all loses out in the end. Come join the conversation about life-work balance!

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It is a tale as old as time: someone enters into a romantic relationship, and they let their friendships drift away or even suddenly cut them off. Irina and Michelle discuss why this keeps happening to people and what to do about it. What are reasonable expectations regarding one's own friendships and those of one's partner? What roles do jealousy, narcissism, and co-dependence play in making demands in this area? Join the chat as the Dating Professors share their experiences and explore how to make it all work!

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A lot of women are angry today. As the United States inaugurates Trump as president (again), women feel like equality is slipping away in the personal, professional, and political arenas. Why is female anger so reviled and denied? Come hear how Michelle and Irina have dealt with men commenting on their clothes and eating habits, plus what they think underlies statements about women needing to calm down or being hormonal. They also discuss why old-fashioned value systems have not necessarily helped men thrive and why psychologists often refer to anger as a secondary emotion. Check out an explosive conversation!<...

Viral cartoonist and writer of VulgaDrawings fame Lily O'Farrell returns to kick off our fourth season of the podcast! With Irina and Michelle, she dissects the international political landscape in the aftermath of the 2024 U.S. presidential election. Where do Europe versus the United States stand on women's rights? What has been the response to the story of Gisele Pelicot, whose husband enabled her being sexually assaulted by dozens of men? We discuss all that, the South Korean 4B movement, the Taliban's prohibition on windows in spaces containing women, and much more in this explosive start to 2025 - come...

On the day before the U.S. presidential election of 2024, Irina and Michelle examine the impact of this event on relationships. First and foremost, what happens if two romantic partners disagree on their choice of presidential candidate? The Dating Professors also discuss questions such as what if a partner neglects household duties to engage in political news consumption or wants to put up a political sign that may raise safety issues. This episode takes on election anxiety and disappointment during one of the most charged times in American history. Join the conversation!

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On this episode, Irina and Michelle dissect the new Netflix hit show "Nobody Wants This," a tale of a non-religious woman who falls in love with a rabbi and of the mayhem that ensues. The Dating Professors then go on to discuss interfaith dating generally. What are the things to watch out for? In what ways are religious beliefs likely to affect romantic relationships and child-rearing much beyond debates over what services to attend or holidays to celebrate? Hypothetically, would Michelle and Irina date much outside their beliefs again (and why does only one of them say yes to...

Irina speaks with dispute resolution specialist Steven Wolhandler, who uses his dual background in law and psychology to help people handle emotional predators. The author of "Protecting Yourself from Emotional Predators: Neutralize the Users, Abusers, and Manipulators Hidden Among Us," Steven dispenses practical advice on how to recognize, avoid, and if need be defuse personality-disordered individuals at work and in the private sphere. Whether you have to raise a child with an emotional predator or are trying not to date such individuals in the first place, this episode will guide you through recognizing destructive pathologies and throwing off predators...

On this episode, Irina speaks with psychologist Justena Kavanagh who specializes in helping people to overcome coercive control and other narcissistic abuse. Justena talks about the different insidious forms that narcissism can take, including relational narcissism. She explains why these behavior types are so difficult to uncover and combat. Justena and Irina discuss what people need to understand about narcissists and their victims, and how both therapists and legal professionals need to catch up in their conceptions. As someone who has treated both narcissists and those they have hurt, Justena provides a unique perspective on this major societal problem. Take...

Irina's special guest on this episode is no other than her husband (and "Strangers on the Internet" sound editor) Carlos Farini. They discuss the beginning of their relationship, from Bumble to exclusivity in three dates. Carlos also explains what he would say to men who do not value relationships and/or do not wish to date smart women. Come find out how things almost fell apart after their second meeting due to the vagaries of NYC dating, and why you should resist the temptation of the paradox of choice!

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In this episode, Irina discusses all things interracial dating with Prof. Solangel Maldonado of the Seton Hall University School of Law. Solangel introduces listeners to her new book "The Architecture of Desire: How the Law Shapes Interracial Intimacy and Perpetuates Inequality." How have not only anti-miscegenation laws but also laws related to property and other matters, including zoning-related regulations, led to lower levels of interracial coupling to this day? Have racial filters on dating apps exacerbated the state of things? And how can we have conversations with individuals about their dating preferences without their getting defensive? For all that...

Dr. Rebecca Davis, the Miller Family Early Career professor at the University of Delaware, recently completed the first major account of the history of sex and sexuality in America in three decades. She talks with Irina and Michelle about her new book "Fierce Desires," which complicates our understanding of how issues such as gender identity and sexual orientation have evolved between the early colonial period and today. From the societal treatment of nonconforming individuals to recent Supreme Court decisions on reproductive choice and to the upcoming presidential election, Rebecca covers it all in this fascinating episode filled with surprising...

On this episode, Irina speaks with clinician Dr. Christine Cocchiola and divorce coach Amy Polacko about their new book "Framed: Women in the Family Court Underworld." These coauthors describe the devastating consequences that many women experience when they try to leave their abusers and to protect their children during and after divorce. The podcast guests explain how courts often let coercive controllers run loose and what victims can do to stand up to physical, emotional, financial, legal, and other forms of abuse. The conversation delves into both the need for education on coercive control and legislative change to address...

In the fifth part of this coverage of the sexual misconduct allegations against ex-George Mason University (GMU) law professor and former FTC Commissioner Joshua Wright, Irina invites back Dilan Esper, an experienced litigator in areas that include defamation law and the First Amendment. Together, they analyze the most recent legal developments in two lawsuits that Josh has launched. The first is his defamation lawsuit against two of the women who accused Josh of misconduct--Elyse Dorsey and Angela Landry--where the judge allowed the lawsuit to proceed past a successful motion to dismiss after Josh amended his complaint. The second is a...

What are the neurobiological underpinnings of relationships? Irina and Michelle delve into that question and its implications with St. Louis University professor and director of SLU's relationships and brain sciences research laboratory Dr. Dixie Meyer. She explains how couples co-regulate their emotions and what can go awry in the process, whether the phrase "happy wife, happy life" has empirical backing, and how the pandemic has affected romantic relationships and women's societal roles. Come nerd out with your favorite hosts and another awesome guest!

Dixie Meyer’s profile

Dixie’s research

Dixi...

One of the chief complaints of dating app users (and especially straight women) is that commitment phobia abounds in those they meet. Can people with commitment phobia ever change? And if so, can they ever be nudged into such change? What happens when someone commits out of fear of losing the other person? Irina and Michelle discuss all that and more on this episode, so listen up!

Show notes

bell hooks's book "All About Love: New Visions"

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On this episode, Arkansas State University philosophy professor Michele Merritt joins us from Tennessee with her engineer husband Paul Hiebing. The couple discusses meeting online and navigating life from dating in Florida to getting married, moving states twice, and adding both kids and pets. How have they weathered mental health challenges, including ones resulting from Michele being adopted and reconnecting with her biological relatives? The couple opens up about depression, suicidality, emotional labor, and the integration of their busy lives. Come check it out!

Michele Merritt's website

Michele's faculty profile

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According to recent data and media reports, Gen Z has some enthusiasm for dating in the workplace. Is that a good idea, however? Irina and Michelle dissect the pros and cons of finding a significant other at work. What happens if things fall apart and people have to keep collaborating after a break-up? And how might scenarios play out if there is an uneven power dynamic between the individuals involved? The Dating Professors take a look at the issues involved from regular dating situations to extramarital affairs. You won't believe what happened when Michelle worked at Blockbuster Video and later...

On this episode, Irina and Michelle chat with psychotherapist and sex addiction specialist D.J. Burr. In recovery from sex addiction himself, D.J. explains the condition and the path toward improvement. He discusses how trauma connects to addiction, how dating apps cause special problems for those with addiction, and why he thinks porn can never be used in healthy ways. D.J. also describes the therapy process involved in recovery and the importance of addressing the issue of shame. Check out this episode filled with information and vulnerability.

D.J. Burr's website

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"Opposites attract," the old adage goes. Is that really true, however? Irina and Michelle delve into the ways that disparities are a drawback versus advantage in relationships. What are some of the Dating Professors' personal habits and preferences that they think would cause conflict if a mate was diametrically different? Come listen to an exploration of the role of athletic commitment, love of or distaste for going out, and the clash between early birds and night owls.

Plus don't forget to check out our "Strangers on the Internet" Facebook page for a bonus relationship exercise mentioned...

On this episode, Irina and Michelle talk to German visual artist Sebastian, whom Irina met on a long train ride in Europe over a decade ago. He is a photographer, comic artist, graphic designer, illustrator, silk-screen printer, painter, and musician who has lived as a digital nomad for some time. From photographing Iggy Pop to having his work appear in the New York Times, and from living in Germany to England, Brazil, the United States, and Japan, Sebastian has seen it all. He opens up about why he finds dating difficult and how he does not want to use a...

When and how should you intervene in loved ones' romantic relationships? The Dating Professors address the issue in this episode. Irina and Michelle talk about the things that make them uncomfortable to watch in other couples, and discuss various attempts to help. How did Michelle react when a friend butted in as she was preparing to enter a real estate arrangement with a romantic partner? And would some people really rather cut off a BFF than hear hard truths? All that and more in this podcast conversation!

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Cassie, a NYC professional in her 40s, did not see her live-in partner's cheating coming. She tells Irina and Michelle about the way her 49-year-old boyfriend--whom she met in a physical therapist's office at the start of the pandemic--betrayed Cassie with a 27-year-old mutual friend! Find out how Cassie's dog played a key role in sniffing out the situation. Cassie also talks about how she is rebuilding her life with the support of her family and friends, and dipping her toes back into the pool of the dating apps. You will not want to miss this inspiring story of overcoming...

Is there hope for finding love late in life, including after being widowed or divorced? The Dating Professors explore in this episode the stereotypes and true challenges--but also advantages--of looking for a match in one's later years. Irina and Michelle discuss the higher degree of self-knowledge present in one's senior years, the complications that might arise from relatives unhappy about one's new dating endeavors, and much more. Pull up a (rocking?) chair for this episode about golden times!

ABC's "The Golden Bachelor"

New York Times article "Dating After 60: A Lot of Roses, Some...