Solving Disconnection & Creating Connected Relationships (for Couples & Parents)
Is it possible to solve the disconnection issues in your relationship? This podcast will explore how to solve it, but here's a hint: it takes ongoing work. The good news is that when we know how to have a harmonious and connected relationship, it feels good and can motivate us to keep doing it. This podcast is for couples and parents. We explore how to help you have a strong relationship with your partner and your kids if you have them. Jason A. Polk is a relationship therapist and a Clini-Coach® based in Denver, CO. He loves helping couples have more...
74: Retaliation: The Disconnection Dance and Losing Strategy
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Couples Therapist and coach Jason Polk explains how retaliation in relationships—making a partner feel bad because they made you feel bad—creates a negative pattern that keeps couples disconnected.
He argues retaliation doesn’t build closeness, protect from hurt, or effectively teach, and can instead foster resentment, fear, and lead to controlling dynamics such as an “authoritarian dictator” stance met by a passive, submissive, or resistant rebel stance, increasing stress and disconnection.
Polk notes retaliation may be learned in childhood from retaliating parents and urges listeners to recognize it as a refl...
73: Communication Tools Every Couple Needs (Part 1)
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Every couple disagrees — the real question is how you handle it.
In this episode, therapist and relationship coach Jason Polk shares practical communication tools he's developed over 10+ years of working exclusively with couples, drawing on the work of Terry Real and Stan Tatkin.
In this episode, you'll learn:
Why self-regulation is the single most important communication skillThe difference between speaking from your anger vs. as a representative of itHow to stay on your side of the street and avoid triggering defensivenessWhy requests work better than criticism — and h...72: Discernment Counseling for Couples on the Brink w/ Lana Isaacson
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Discernment Counseling: Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Solving Disconnection Podcast with Jason Polk
Guest: Lana Isaacson, Licensed Couples Therapist (CO & MA), Certified EFT Therapist
Episode Summary
Jason and Lana explore discernment counseling — a short-term, evidence-based process designed for couples on the brink of divorce or separation, where one partner is "leaning out" and the other is "leaning in."
Timestamps
0:00 — Introduction & guest overview2:20 — What is discernment counseling?2:33 — The leaning out vs. leaning in dynamic4...71: Navigating High-Conflict Divorce: What's Best for the Kids?
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Guest: Athena McCullough, LPC, LMFT
When families are caught in high-conflict divorce—battling in courtrooms and struggling to communicate—Athena McCullough steps in. She's a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in the complex intersection of family therapy and the legal system.
What We Cover
In this conversation, Athena shares her expertise on helping families navigate high-conflict divorce, the real impact of parental conflict on children, and practical strategies for maintaining healthy relationships during difficult times.
...
70: 5 Habits Healthy Couples Avoid
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Summary:
Jason shares five habits healthy couples avoid to maintain strong, connected relationships.
The Five Habits to Avoid:
Waking each other up to talk when upset—sleep first, discuss later.Assuming your partner is trying to upset you—differences aren’t disrespect.Expecting your partner to fix your anxiety—self-regulation is key.Using distance or avoidance to calm anxiety—space is healthy only if it leads to reconnection.Feeling entitled to sex—focus on intimacy, not demands.Final Thought:
Healthy couples are intentio...
69: 6 Signs You Need to See A Couples Therapist
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Episode Summary: In this episode, Jason Polk, a couples therapist with over 10 years of experience, shares the six key signs that indicate it might be time to seek couples therapy. He explains why seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness, and offers practical examples and personal insights.
Six Signs It's Time for Couples Therapy:
Constant Fighting: Recurring arguments over both small and big issues, often with deeper cycles beneath the surface.Constant Avoidance: Lack of communication and emotional distance, which...68: Can marriage counseling work with a narcissist?
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Show Notes: Understanding Narcissism in Relationships
Host: Jason Polk, Couples Therapist & Agency Owner
Episode Overview: In this episode, Jason Polk explores the complex topic of narcissism and its impact on relationships. He breaks down what it means to be a narcissist, the origins of narcissistic behavior, and how these patterns affect both partners and families.
Key Topics Covered:
Jason's definition of narcissismQuote on shame and false empowerment in the development of narcissistic traitsHow narcissists respond to feedback and...67: Therapeutic Journeys: Brandon on RLT and Relationship Dynamics
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Jason Polk, a seasoned therapist specializing in couples therapy, hosts Brandon Schwartz, LCSW, from Colorado Relationship Recovery on the podcast.
Brandon shares his journey of becoming a therapist, influenced by overcoming bullying, depression, and a transformative experience with his own therapist in middle school.
He discusses his educational path, shifting from a desire to join the Marines to pursuing psychology, eventually finding his passion in couples therapy.
The conversation touches on the modalities of Relational Life Therapy (RLT) and its differences from other therapies, the concept of gra...
66: Repair, what it means and why it's so hard
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In this episode of 'Solving Disconnection and Creating Connected Relationships for Couples and Parents,' therapist and coach Jason Polk delves into the importance of repair in relationships, why it's challenging, and how to effectively navigate it. Polk explains the concept of repair as restoring relationships after conflicts and discusses two main barriers: ego and lack of skills. He shares personal insights and strategies, including the importance of repairing in the moment and post-conflict methods like offering a sincere apology and sharing vulnerability. He emphasizes that repair is vital for healthy relationships and...
65: Marriage Counseling Vs Divorce
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In this episode of 'Solving Disconnection and Creating Connected Relationships for Couples and Parents,' Jason Polk, a therapist and coach with over 10 years of experience, discusses the financial and emotional costs of marriage counseling versus divorce.
Jason highlights the expense and emotional toll of contested divorces, which can range from $10,000 to $15,000, compared to the relatively lower cost of marriage counseling.
He explains how counseling can help either salvage a relationship or make the separation process more compassionate and dignified. Jason states that counseling can be valuable in creating he...
64: What is cheating?
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Understanding Cheating: Definitions, Impacts, and Pathways to Healing
In this episode of 'Solving Disconnection and Creating Connected Relationships for Couples and Parents,' therapist and coach Jason Polk explores the complex topic of cheating.
He delves into the different forms of infidelity, including financial and emotional cheating, and emphasizes the importance of explicit agreements between partners.
Polk also discusses the synonyms and antonyms of cheating and provides insights into how a lack of openness can create a breeding ground for infidelity.
Key takeaways include the cri...
63: What Is the Purpose of Marriage?
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Jason explores the purpose of marriage beyond initial infatuation and love chemicals.
He explains that marriage is an essential emotional refuge and economic partnership, providing a place for vulnerability, acceptance, and the sharing of resources.
Jason discusses typical relationship dynamics like the pursue-withdraw cycle and how past experiences shape our partner interactions.
He emphasizes the importance of prioritizing the relationship to foster connection and joy. Through understanding and intentional effort, marriage can bring resilience and confidence. By succeeding as a team, it can make life more enjoyable and...
62: 10 Tips to Fix Your Relationship and Get Back on the Right Track
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In this episode, Jason shares ten actionable tips to help couples maintain harmony, reduce disharmony, and effectively repair their relationships.
The tips are structured within a framework that includes understanding the phases of harmony, disharmony, and repair.
Key points include connecting with your partner through daily gestures, understanding and navigating attachment dynamics, using timeouts to prevent conflicts, making effective apologies, showing vulnerability, using communication tools like the feedback wheel, and taking things less personally.
The goal is to foster more connection and less conflict in relationships.
61: Relationship lessons from Dr. Laura Louis
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In this episode, Dr. Laura Louis, a seasoned couples therapist, shares her insights and experiences from her 20-year career.
She discusses the challenges and joys of working with couples, the importance of effective communication, and how vulnerability and emotional intimacy play crucial roles in relationships.
Dr. Laura also discusses common issues such as the negative sentiment override, the impact of family of origin, and practical strategies for improving relational dynamics.
Introduction
Dr. Laura's Background
Challenges of Couples Therapy
Creating Connection in Relationships
Men and F...
60: From Emotional to Sexual Intimacy: A Guide for Males (and Couples)
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Sex can be a powerful way to connect, but for many men, it's often the only way they're taught to access vulnerability and emotional closeness.
This can create a rub, especially when partners need emotional intimacy to feel open to physical intimacy.
In this blog, we break down the dynamics of intimacy using the metaphor of a wedding cake.
Couples thrive when they intentionally build each layer tier of the cake.
Listen to discover how to strengthen your relationship, deepen intimacy, and foster connection beyond se...
59: How to Fall Back in Love With Your Partner
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Do you two feel like roommates? Or cost-sharing-associates?
Have you and your partner drifted into feeling more like roommates than lovers?
Just co-parents?
Or “cost-sharing-associates?”
It’s easy for the initial spark to dim as time passes, but rekindling it is possible.
This quick episode talks about how to reconnect and feel love again.
I also share why you two have drifted apart, how to break the cycle of disconnection, and how couples therapists help couples do just that.
One of...
58: What are psychological boundaries and what do they mean for you?
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This episode discusses functional, psychological boundaries and what is not.
What are not functional boundaries? They are if we are behind walls or boundaryless.
We will define that and what physiological boundary violations are.
This will also encourage you to reflect on your boundaries as well.
Here's the link to the chart I mentioned.
You can learn more about our couples therapy practice.
57: Let's talk about mess, do you think your partner is sloppy?
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Mess is one of the content issues that come up in couples therapy.
If this is an issue for you, you can check out what you can do on your side of the relationship and what you two can do as a team.
Link to the Fair Play Card Deck.
Click here to read the blog this episode was inspired by: Couples Counseling and Your Messy Partner.
56: 4 Things That Can Save Your Marriage
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Is your marriage or relationship on the brink?
Here are four things you can do to save your marriage.
Essentially, there needs to be something different and not more of the same.
These four things are usually the most common complaints partners have.
Check it out!
Click to learn more about our couples therapy agency in Denver, Colorado.
55: What is a Couples Intensive aka Marriage Retreat?
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This episode might be of interest to those of you who may be on the brink of divorce or breakup, for those who don't have a lot of time, and for those who harbor a lot of resentment.
In this episode, I share how I define couples' intensives and why they are popular in my practice.
Click here for more information about couples intensives.
Click here to set up a free couples intensive consult.
54: What Does It Mean To Date Forever? Interview with Sammi & Nate Jaeger
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It means being intentional about connection and collaboration.Sammi and Nate share their framework for staying connected and the eight domains they work on together.
They share what they’ve learned from over 190 episodes of their Date Forever podcast and over 15 years of being together.
Also, they are a lovely couple!
Listen to the Date Forever podcast.
Work with Sammi to create a fueled-up life: https://www.sammijaeger.com/
Have their goal-setting guide: https://www.sammijaeger.com/agp
53: Let's Talk About Sex, Substance Abuse, and Safety. Interview With Matt Salis
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Matt Salis shares his knowledge of sexual health and how it interacts with addiction.
We also talk about sexual desire discrepancies and what you can do about them.
And what’s something that can get you more sex?
The Untoxicated Podcast.
Echos of Recovery & Shout Sobriety
52: You Can Be Right, Or You Can Be Married
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What are the problems with needing to be right?
And what are the issues with holding on to "objective truth."
This episode will help you know what to do to fix that. To help you embrace more subjective truth in your relationship. Because relationships are two subjective truths navigating life together.
Visit my couples therapy practice website.
51: Having More Sex: Acceptance Vs Control
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What’s an effective way to go about having more sex when there are desire discrepancies?
I’ll also share what I mean by my acceptance vs control.
I’ll address these questions in the context of a recent couples session I had.
To learn more about my couples therapy practice, click here:
https://coloradorelationshiprecovery.com
50: What is the first and second consciousness in your relationship? With Kayla Crane, LMFT
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Kayla Crane and I are trained in the same school of thought.
Kayla shares the critical idea of taking space in your relationship – literally and in your head to create peace.
She also shares her experience with couples therapy, her meditation journey, and why she still meditates.
In this episode, find out how meditation helps cultivate second consciousness and what that means.
You can find Kayla here: southdenvertherapy.com
Learn more about Jason here: coloradorelationshiprecovery.com
49: A Quick Exercise for Cultivating Appreciation and Gratitude
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Here are the questions for the exercise:
What have I received from my partner?What have I given to my partner?What troubles and difficulties have I caused my partner?For more about Jason's therapy practice, visit here: https://coloradorelationshiprecovery.com/
48: What is a foundational relationship tool, that’s not really a tool?
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I teach every couple one crucial thing, especially those who fight a lot.
It's not quite a relationship tool, but you need to practice it for relationship tools to work.
We have a Door A and a Door B and you want to go through Door B.
Find out what exactly that is in this episode.
More about Jason's couples therapy practice.
Follow Jason on TikTok & Instagram
47: What is Playful Parenting & How You Can Have More Fun Being a Parent? With Meghan Englert
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Meghan Englert is a therapist and a Playful Parenting Coach and she’ll share what playful parenting is. Her tagline is, "Bond more battle less!"
You will learn how to incorporate play into your parenting and why getting on the same page as parents is so powerful.
Meghan shares stories and her journey towards a more peaceful family.
You can find her at: MeghanEnglert.com
Her Facebook Group: Judgement Free Parent Zone
Follow her on Instagram & Facebook
46: 4 Things To Do When Your Relationship Is Falling Apart
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If you’re in a period of disconnection, or there’s been a big fight recently, listen to this episode and do each of the four things.
I’d be lying to you if I said my current relationship has never felt like it was falling apart. In this episode, I’m sharing my experience implementing these four things.
Click here to learn more about Jason's Couples Therapy Practice.
The 4 Things:
1) Put your ego aside
2) Request to talk
3) Share vulnerability
4) G...
45: A Tool For Couples That Fight A Lot
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The purpose of this tool is to create awareness of the Core Negative Image (CNI) you have of your partner.
It also helps if your partner does this exercise as well.
Here, you'll learn to stop when "CNI triggered" and how to behave in a way that helps your partner feel at ease.
Here's the CNI Handout I went through.
44: How Does Self-Intimacy Help With Sexual Desire Discrepancies? With Nicole Colleen
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This episode explores sex with sex and intimacy coach Nicole Colleen.
We discuss self-intimacy and how that can help you with the desire discrepancy often found between parents.
We also discuss how you may have stories associated with sex you tell yourself, and what is a good sex life?
Find out in this episode.
Nicole's Instagram
Nicole's let's talk sex free guide.
43: What kills love? How can you repair that? with Cheri Timko
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First question: What kills love?
Second question: How can you repair that?
Third question: Should we let our kids have every resource of ours?
This episode is some highlights from a talk I had with Cheri Timko. Cheri is a Couples Relationship Coach who helps couples thrive in their marriages. She is the owner of Synergy Coaching.
Cheri has the ability to make complex things like how to have a healthy relationship simple.
See highlights from the podcast on TikTok & Instagram
42: Parenting Kids With Special Needs with Anouk Briere-Godbout
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How do you manage kids with special needs and your relationship?
Why is looking at your expectations of a parent an important thing to do?
We will discuss these topics in today's episode with Anouk Briere-Godbout, as well as grieving and understanding why it's important to know where your partner may be.
Anouk is a mentor and support for parents of "emotionally intense kids" for whom nothing in the “general parenting advice” seemed to work.
She helps parents quit feeling like you’re failing at parenting...
41: What is the Easiest and Best Thing You Can Do For Your Relationship?
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If you're a parent and married or living together. You don’t have a lot of time. Here I’ll share the easy and best thing you can do for your relationship.
I’ll share the basic frame I use with all the couples I work with. And we’ll start at the most fun – more harmony.
Appreciation Reflections:
· What are some of my partner’s unique positive traits?
· How have I benefited from those positive traits?
· How has my partner made me a better person?
· ...
40: Finding Time For the Relationship, Is That Possible?
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This is one of the biggest complaints for parents.
Our time is devoted to kids, work, exercise, then maybe the relationship…
Where do we find time for the relationship?
But... You will feel better if you two move the relationship up in your priorities. You will be a better parent, live longer, and have improved memory. You are also modeling a good relationship for your kids.
Here's a link to the State of the Union meetings John Gottman developed.
Here's a link to Ja...
39: Agreements, Resentment & Sex: A conversation with Kara Hoppe, author of Baby Bomb!
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This is a replay of an episode I recorded with Kara Hoppe over a year ago.
She's co-authored the book Baby Bomb: A Relationship Survival Guide For Parents with Stan Tatkin.
We tackle some big topics here—agreements, Resentment, and Having more sex.
Kara's website & link to her book.
38: Get Your Eyeballs Off Your Partner and Put Them On Yourself: Inner Child Work
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What can we do when were triggered by our partner?
There’s a quote by Pia Mellody, “Being a functional adult is taking care of our wounding, instead of letting it loose on others…”
How do we do this?
If we can, we will be better partners and parents.
Jason A Polk is a couples therapist and relationship coach. He's worked with couples for over nine years.
Click here to learn more about his couples counseling practice!
37: How Can We Have More Sex (with our partner)? With Janelle Washburne
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This is a very common issue for us parents. Usually, we’ve had way more sex before the arrival of our kids. How do we regain that passion and intimacy?
Janelle helps us with practical and tactical information to help us have more sex in our relationship.
She shares the analogy of a warm pot of water and concepts such as sexual brakes and accelerators.
Her website is: https://janellewashburne.com/ and she offers intensives to help you transform your relationship!
36: My Wife and Kids Don't Make Me Angry... I Do? With Maryse Giroux
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Coach Maryse shares how our thoughts control our emotions and thus our life. And, how we can become aware of our thoughts to create the life we want.
We also learn how our brain works, and Maryse and I share personal struggles with raising kids. We also learn how her model can help us be better parents and partners with on-the-spot coaching where I'm the client!
Find her on Instagram: @coachmaryse/
Coach Maryse's Website
35: My Wife and I Need To Go Back To Couples Therapy
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Questions: Does this mean we’re doing something wrong, or we’re flawed as humans?
Jason also shares some of the recent disconnection he’s had with his wife.
Learn more about Jason’s coaching practice at: RelationshipFixed.com & Jason's therapy practice here: Colorado Relationship Recovery
