Finding Traction: Recovery from Porn

When a lot of us started out on this porn recovery journey we had a very limited view of what it was to be porn free?  In this episode Vern talks about the expanding understanding that he underwent and that a lot of guys go through as they move toward greater freedom in their life.

If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the following link to get started.  if you are using a mobile device signup using the lin...

When a lot of us started out on this porn recovery journey we had a very limited view of what it was to be porn free?  In this episode Vern talks about the expanding understanding that he underwent and that a lot of guys go through as they move toward greater freedom in their life.

If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the following link to get started.  if you are using a mobile device signup using the lin...

Passion is good - purpose is better.  In this episode Vern talks about a change he has made to how people checkin their weeks and why connecting people with their purpose is a better metric than helping (often unsuccessfully) men find something they are passionate about.

If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the following link to get started.  if you are using a mobile device signup using the link on your web browser BEFORE you  download the circ...

In this episode, Vern is joined by his Australian buddy Matt who talks about inside out recovery.

In a desire for a wholistic model of behavior change, it is necessary to recognize that the most sustainable version of change comes from a deep sense of belonging which informs our beliefs.  Out of that core, comes deep lasting change that can stand the test of time.


If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the following link to...

There is a lot written these days about the role of dopamine in our addictive struggle with porn.  One of the books "Dopamnine Nation" talks a lot about dopamine and seems to give some fairly straightword system to hack the system of recovery.  In this episode we talk about how this book and a pure "dopamine approach" can be helpful in our recovery and where it presents an incomplete picture in regards to the process of recovery.

If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Ve...

Last week we popped the baloon that said that the recovery journey is simple or quick.  We spoke about how long it takes to break a habit in a sustained way.  Today we talk about some of the highlights we will experience on a guided tour away from porn.  This guided tour explains the roadblocks we need to overcome, what are the challenges we face, and what are the benefits we will experience along the way.

If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Cir...

There are a lot of claims on the internet about helping you quite porn in just a few weeks.  Sounds great - right?  In this episode Vern takes a bit of a deeper dive into the real issues (and the amount of time) that is usually needed to quit a compulsive embedded behavior such as porn.

If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the following link to get started.  if you are using a mobile device signup using the...

One of the things I have noticed in working with guys who struggle with porn is - - they also struggle with procrastination.  In this episode we look at this connection and discuss some simple strategies to overcome compulsive procrastination!

If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the following link to get started.  if you are using a mobile device signup using the link on your web browser BEFORE you  download the circle app) - (white circle on a bl...

The metaphor of war is used a lot in recovery for the reason that it often feels like we are in a battle!! In this episode Vern talks about principles of warfare and applies them to our recovery battle.

If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the following link to get started.  if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circle app) - (white circle on a blue background)

https://bandofbrothers-care.circle.so/join?in...

One of the forerunners of the porn recovery field is Nate Larken.  His book - Samson and the Pirate Monks is a classic read for anybody starting out on this journey.  Today I am pleased to have Nate on the podcast as he talks about his recovery journey, missteps along the way, and how he wants the end of his recovery journey to be remembered.  He also shares information on the Samson societies that he has started around the world to give men a safe place to come and talk about their struggles.

To find out more about the...

A relapse is always possible but never inevitable.  There are inescapable ripples that follow a relapse but how do we prevent a slip from becoming a slide!  In this episode we discuss how to get back on track when we fall off the wagon!

If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the following link to get started.  if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circle app) - (white circle on a blue background)

http...

In this third and final episode of Marriage Hacks - Vern explores some of the ways to explore why you hit a wall on certain topics with you partner as well as the idea of recognizing when you have a filter on that you need to communicate with your spouse.  Your marriage is not your recovery but working towards a better marriage can help in reducing the stress and friction in your daily life that often leads you to want to act our or use escape behaviors.

If you want to get access to a host of free r...

It seems that deep fakes are everywhere these days. My question for you is this - are you a deep fake?  Are you a person with a deep disconnect between the public and private you.  In this Episode I talk about how that happens and how to experience the benefits of living a life of integrity.

Todays episode is summarized in a diagram that you can find on the Circle learning platform. So...

If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle le...

In a recent television episode of The Paper the new boss teaches his employers what it takes to be a local report.  Toward that end he talks about the classic rules for reporting called the 5 W's.  In this episode Vern talks about this in helping us learn to be better reporters of our relapse events.

If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the following link to get started.  if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circ...

Women Please Note:  This episode is not mean to shame you if you are struggling with the after effects of the disclosure of your husbands porn use.  It is meant to encourage you not remain stuck in your pain, anger and grief and get the help to see your marriage restored to the dream you had when you walked down the aisle.  If you are a woman looking for a great organization to help you process the reality of being married to a recovering porn user - check out https://apsats.org/


Men Please Note:  This podcast is n...

We had so much fun last time I thought we would do it again.  Actually I realized there was a number of marriage tips and hacks that didn't make the last episode so I thought we would do a part 2!  Heres to having a great marriage relationship!

If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the following link to get started.  if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circle app) - (white circle on a blue back...

Relationships can be hard work - especially maintaining a marriage over the long haul.  In this episode Vern shares 5 marriage hacks that can make that challenge be a little bit easier!

If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the following link to get started.  if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circle app) - (white circle on a blue background)

https://bandofbrothers-care.circle.so/join?invitation_token=84c412c67f81c7a9fa2da0...

What should I tell my girlfriend about my porn history (or other sexual history).  Should I hide it?  What if honesty will end the relationship?  In this episode I talk about why it is important to be honest but also nuance when and how this could be done.

If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the following link to get started.  if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circle app) - (white circle on a blue...

So how did your summer go?  Vern has been away for the last month and shares somes up and downs from his summer holidays including a recovery lesson that he is working at integrating into his life.

If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the following link to get started.  if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circle app) - (white circle on a blue background)

https://bandofbrothers-care.circle.so/join?invitation_token=84c41...

It's fun to talk to people outside your circles who dont' necessarily share your experience or assumptions.  The following is a conversation I did with Jeremy Longpre from the North Star Podcast around men's health and problematic porn use.

The following is a link to the North Star Podcast

https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/north-star-podcast/id1660393769


If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the following link to get started.  if you are using a mob...

Back in Episode 73 I introduced the idea of the Acting Out Cycle using the picture of a Stopwatch.  In looking back I felt I could give a more robust explanation of how to actually stop ourselves from just repeating the same cycle over and over.  To do this I add a new step - PREEMPT - and share from some of my recent examples how to put this into practice.

If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the following link to...

It is not uncommon in our early recovery to feel anxious that a next relapse is just around the corner.  Is there a way to grow in our confidence as we start out on this journey?

If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the following link to get started.  if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circle app) - (white circle on a blue background)

https://bandofbrothers-care.circle.so/join?invitation_token=84c412c67f81c7a...

One of the reasons we are unsuccessful long term in porn recovery is because of some of the ways of thinking we practice.  One problematic thing that guys tell themselves is that "they are good" or 'they are strong" which is experientially true at the time. The probem is that we are good (until we are not!)


If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the following link to get started.  if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the...

What is the difference between real sex and our porn binges?  The differences might explain why some people confess that real sex is hard and less exciting than our porn world.  In this episode Vern explores that uncomfortable question and how we can grow towards real intimacy with a real person.

If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the following link to get started.  if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circle app) - (white circle on a bl...

What if positive feelings toward your wife were a powerful motivator to move away from porn.  In this episode Vern builds on a recent book he read called  "Cherish" by Gary Thomas.

If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the following link to get started.  if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circle app) - (white circle on a blue background)

https://bandofbrothers-care.circle.so/join?invitation_token=84c412c67f81c7a9fa2da045d969...

Country songs are known for their - "if only I knew then what I know now" regret songs.

In this episode we ask a sobering question - is the door to your marriage closing and share a principle that Vern has practiced and taught for 40 years.

If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the following link to get started.  if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circle app) - (white circle on a blue background)

Have you ever wondered what set you up for your struggle with porn?  In this interview Vern talks with Tim Fletcher who is an extremely popular Youtube expert on the subject all things trauma and attachement.

In addition to Tim Fletchers Youtube Channel you can find some of his helpful information on his website  https://www.timfletcher.ca/

If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the following link to get started.  if you are using a mobile device FIRS...

When porn use is disclosed (or found out)  in a relationships it often comes with a thudding crash.  In this episode expert Barbara Steffens talks through the impact this can have on a woman and steps that both men and women can take in their navigating a path forward.

What can we learn from a relapse?  In this episode one of Vern's coaching clients bravely shares what he learned from a recent relapse in the hopes that it can also be instructive to other listeners.  The song at the end can be downloaded in the circle learning platform belo...

What can we learn from a relapse?  In this episode one of Vern's coaching clients bravely shares what he learned from a recent relapse in the hopes that it can also be instructive to other listeners.  The song at the end can be downloaded in the circle learning platform below...


If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.

This is how sign up for the free circle learning resources Vern has to offer.  If privacy is of concern to you - s...

In this episode Vern goes back to the topic of dealing with a wave of temptation and craving.  In this episode he argues that we need to strengthen our understanding of connection and also introduces a couple of "Go To's" that he uses when he is in the middle of experience a Wave.

The first reading is based on the Bible App (Psalm 119 - the Message)

The second reading can be found here:

A Liturgy for One Battling a Destructive Desire (read by Doug McKelvey)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQ_o...

Do you ever feel that craving hits you like a big wave?  In this episode Vern provides hope that the next big wave doesn't need to overwhelm you!

If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.

This is how sign up for the free circle learning resources Vern has to offer.  If privacy is of concern to you - simply use your first name and last initial (like Vern T.) Your email will remain hidden from other users.  The following link wil...

Most of us are tempted to think that our porn use is free.  Sure we may not be "paying" for porn but you are paying in ways you many not even realize it.  Today we talk about the "hidden costs" of our porn use.

If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.

This is how sign up for the free circle learning resources Vern has to offer.  If privacy is of concern to you - simply use your first name and las...

Did you ever start a day feeling "off".  Today's podcast is all about "dialling your day" in to maximize the chance of the day going well.

If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.

This is how sign up for the free circle learning resources Vern has to offer.  If privacy is of concern to you - simply use your first name and last initial (like Vern T.) Your email will remain hidden from other users.  The following link will get you...

This episode is a bit different.  One of the benefits of recovery from constantly battling with porn is that you can now start to think more clearly about how you want your life to go.  In this episode Vern shares 10 principles he has landed on to guide his thoughts and actions.

A summary of these principles is found on the circle learning platform under Free Resources.

This is how sign up for the free circle learning resources Vern has to offer.  If privacy is of concern to you - simply use your first name and last ini...

One of the biggest challenges that is new in the porn recovery area is the new pattern of staying away from porn but engaging in all sorts of porn adjacent behaviors.  Sure its not porn but it is just a perpetuation of the same sort of addictive behavior with the same sort of negative results.  In this episode Vern challenges us to change the way we look at some of our online behaviors.

If you would like to get access to a number of free resources that I have I encourage you to sign up for my free ci...

We spend a lot of time trying to block ourselves from external threats using content filters, removing problematic apps etc.  The peskier problem, however, has to do with our emotions.  Wherever we go there we are.  In this episode Vern unpackages what those problematic emotions are, the way porn promises to meet those emotions and how we can transtion to meeting those real emotional needs in healthier ways.

If you would like to get access to a number of free resources that I have I encourage you to sign up for my free circle learning platform.  If privacy is o...

What is the actual problems that porn causes men?  Wtihout needing to take on the porn industry - I walk through as succintly as I can some of the common side effects that are proving so problematic with porn.  So here's to avoiding a punch in the face!

A summary of this article is found on my free circle platform.

If you would like to get access to a number of free resources that I have I encourage you to sign up for my free circle learning platform.  If privacy is of concern to you - sim...

We are starting a brand new group for 2025!  This group will consist of 5-7 men who want to journey together throught the finding traction course.  Our next group will be starting January 2025 on Wednesdays at 9 pm. Eastern.  If you want more information on how to become part of one of these groups reach out to me at bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com. 

To access my website - go to https://bandofbrothers.care

If you would like to get access to a number of free resources that I have I encourage you to sign up for my free circ...

Today It is my priviledge to introduce a fellow recovery coach.  Sathiya Sam has an inspiring story of how to walk free from porn and move towards a larger vision for one's life.

Sathiya Sam's podcast is called "Man Within" and his recovery resources can be accessed at https://www.sathiyasam.com/

We are starting new groups all the time for 5-7 men who want to journey together throught the finding traction course.  Our next group will be starting on Wednesdays at 9 pm. Eastern.  If you want more information on how to become part of...

As we get ready for Christmas - I thought I'd fill our stockings with some random recovery ideas.  Yes they are random - but in them hopefully you can find something to avoid being nice (not naughty) this holiday season!


We are starting new groups all the time for 5-7 men who want to journey together throught the finding traction course.  Our next group will be starting on Wednesdays at 9 pm. Eastern.  If you want more information on how to become part of one of these groups reach out to me at bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com