Pure Desire Podcast

In this powerful episode, we sit down with Josh and Avonlea Roy who vulnerably shares their journey of healing after infidelity and betrayal. From the pain of discovery to finding hope through the Pure Desire podcast in 2023, they recount the insights that helped them take their first steps toward restoration. Transitioning into group work with Betrayal & Beyond and Seven Pillars of Freedom, they discuss how these experiences deepened their healing and reshaped their faith. With honesty and encouragement, they reflect on pivotal moments that helped them rebuild trust, reconnect emotionally, and rediscover joy in their marriage. They also share...

In this episode, we sit down with Dr. Juli Slattery, who has spent 15 years helping Christians navigate the complex terrain of sexuality in light of faith. We explore why so many struggle to surrender their sexuality to God and why the traditional church approach often falls short in addressing the real-life challenges people face today. 

Juli dives into how unresolved sexual issues can create barriers in our relationship with God and explains why identity—rather than behavior—is the key starting point for true transformation. She uncovers four common identity traps—self-discovery, shame, performance, and relationship—that can derai...

In this eye-opening episode, we sit down with Tabitha Westbrook, an advocate and expert passionate about helping individuals recognize and address abuse within marriage. Tabitha unpacks the often-misunderstood signs of abuse—both obvious and subtle—and challenges the dangerous belief that “it’s not abuse unless it’s physical.” She sheds light on how emotional, verbal, and spiritual abuse can deeply impact relationships, and how these patterns often overlap with addiction, including sexual addiction.

We also explore the complex dynamics that arise when both abuse and addiction are present and how the church and recovery communities can respond with...

In this deeply moving episode, we sit down with Teresa Whiting, the author of the book Graced, to explore the powerful, often overlooked stories of women in Scripture—like Tamar and Bathsheba—whose experiences of brokenness and redemption reveal the heart of God in profound ways. She shares the personal and spiritual journey that led her to write a book she never intended to, and how God gently transformed her resistance into a calling. 

As she studied these women’s stories, Teresa discovered surprising truths about God’s tenderness, justice, and deep care for the hurting. Together, we unpack...

In this compelling episode, we sit down with Dr. Jill Manning, a leading expert in betrayal trauma whose groundbreaking research has brought critical awareness to the emotional toll of pornography use within intimate relationships. She shares her journey into this deeply personal and often misunderstood field, shedding light on the unique dynamics of betrayal trauma and its profound impact on partners and marriages. 

We’ll discuss valuable insights into the most important findings from her work, common misconceptions that hinder healing, and the often-overlooked emotional responses betrayed partners experience. We explore therapeutic separation, cycles of distrust, and pra...

In this essential episode, we dive into a candid conversation about the role of pastors and church leaders in responding to sexual addiction and betrayal trauma within their communities. Many leaders feel illequipped—or even fearful—of “getting it wrong” when someone discloses their pain. 

Our guest, Dr. Barbara Steffens, offers practical wisdom on how pastors can take meaningful first steps, create shame-free environments, and offer spiritual care without needing to be counselors or experts. We explore common missteps leaders make, how to respond with grace when harmful advice is being given, and what it means to walk in b...

In this episode, we sit down with Pastor Ken Krueger to explore what it truly means to cultivate a culture of grace within the church. Pastor Ken shares his personal journey, the heart behind his ministry, and what inspired him to lead his congregation toward greater authenticity and healing. 

Together, we talk about the challenges of shifting from performance-driven or shame-based models to a grace-filled approach that emphasizes wholeness. He reflects on the role of Pure Desire groups in fostering deeper community, the practical rhythms his church has implemented to support both leaders and members, and powerful s...

In this honest and compassionate conversation, we explore the hidden struggles pastors often face—and why many suffer in silence. Our guest, Cal Rychener, unpacks the key barriers that keep church leaders from seeking help, including fear, shame, and unrealistic expectations. We look at the dangerous impact unaddressed struggles can have on both the pastor and the church, and the steps leadership can take to build a culture of proactive care and support. 

Through real-life stories of pastors who finally reached out, we see the power of grace, community, and trusted resources—like those from Pure Desire—to brin...

In this special episode, Nick Stumbo and Ashley Jameson sit down to share the heart behind their new book, Hope, Healing, and Freedom. Written from their own journeys through pornography addiction and betrayal trauma, this book offers a deeply personal yet practical roadmap toward lasting recovery.

They discuss why telling their story together matters, the reasons pornography has become such a widespread issue—even in the church—and how common misconceptions continue to keep people stuck in silence. Nick and Ashley unpack key concepts like connection vs. sobriety, the impact of betrayal trauma, and why quitting porn requ...

In this vital and eye-opening episode, we speak with Hannah Ashwell from QuitPorn Faith about the complex, often misunderstood topic of sex addiction within the Church—especially when it involves individuals who have offended or are at risk of offending. Hannah shares the most common misconceptions churches hold and how these can hinder true healing and safety.

We explore how faith communities can create cultures of openness and accountability while implementing essential safeguarding protocols to protect everyone. Drawing from real-world experience, Hannah offers insight into how churches can balance grace with responsibility, and restoration with necessary boundaries. Fr...

In the raw aftermath of betrayal, survival mode often takes over—leaving clarity and stability out of reach. In this episode, Eileen Fagan shares the three critical tools every betrayed spouse needs to integrate quickly in the early days post-discovery. We explore why these tools matter, what “integration” looks like when trauma is fresh, and how they can offer safety and emotional grounding even when everything feels shattered. 

Eileen addresses common misunderstandings about a betrayed partner’s immediate needs and gently walks us through how these tools can shift someone from panic or paralysis to empowerment and self-regu...

The day of discovery—when a partner finds out their spouse has been viewing porn—can feel like emotional devastation. In this powerful episode, we dive into the six most important steps betrayed partners should take in the aftermath, including reaching out for support, setting healthy boundaries, and allowing space for emotional chaos. 

Our guest, Heather Kolb, sheds light on why the pain of discovery runs so deep, how to create a Safety Action Plan, and how betrayed partners can seek truth and healing without falling into shame or isolation. We also explore why rushing to reconciliation may d...

The first 60 days after discovery or disclosure are some of the most overwhelming—and critical—moments in the recovery journey. In this episode, we unpack why this window matters so much and how to navigate it with clarity and purpose. 

Our guest and clinician for Pure Desire, Josh Andrew, shares the top three tools every individual should begin using right away: the Recovery Action Plan, the Escape Plan, and the Three Circles. You'll learn how these tools help calm the chaos, provide direction, and interrupt destructive patterns before they take over. We walk through practical first steps for e...

Getting caught looking at porn can be an emotionally overwhelming experience, filled with shame, confusion, and fear. In this episode, we sit down with Jason Karsten to explore the six most crucial steps someone should take immediately after discovery—from seeking support and establishing boundaries to giving themselves grace and beginning the healing process. Jason shares practical advice on taking responsibility without being consumed by shame, the importance of honesty and transparency, and how to shift the focus from just managing behavior to pursuing true inner transformation. We also discuss the power of creating healthy boundaries that foster growth ra...

In this episode, Debby Flanagan shares valuable insight into what comes after the first year of recovery—a season often marked by both growth and new challenges. As the initial intensity of group begins to settle, many wonder: What’s next? Debby offers guidance on how to discern the right next step—whether it’s repeating a group, starting a new workbook, or stepping into leadership. She unpacks what it means to have a long-term vision for recovery while remaining grounded in the present moment. 

You’ll hear about the shifting dynamics of recovery in Year 2 and beyond, the...

In this insightful episode, Tyler Chinchen unpacks the importance of knowing when group alone isn’t enough—and how seeking additional support can actually deepen the healing process. While recovery groups offer connection, structure, and hope, some seasons call for more personalized help.

Tyler shares the key signs that someone might benefit from working with a counselor, coach, spiritual director, or mentor—and breaks down the unique role each plays in the journey toward freedom. We also explore how to avoid becoming overly dependent on advice and instead take ownership of our healing. If you’ve ever felt ash...

In this honest and hope-filled episode, Ashley Jameson shares wisdom from her own recovery journey and years of walking with others through the group process. Together, we explore the reality that healing in a group isn’t a straight line—it’s filled with both highs and lows. 

Ashley highlights the moments that bring encouragement and motivation, as well as the common challenges that can cause doubt or discouragement. She offers practical insight for staying engaged when things feel slow, painful, or uncertain—and reminds us why honesty and consistency are so essential to long-term growth. Through powerful...

In this episode of our series, The Ideal Group Member, Rich Moore joins us to talk about what it really means to “start group well”—and why those first few weeks can make all the difference in the healing journey. He unpacks the key mindsets and attitudes that help set the tone for lasting growth, along with common mistakes to avoid when beginning a Pure Desire group. 

From the importance of consistency to the challenge of building trust with strangers, Rich offers practical wisdom for both new members and seasoned leaders. Whether you’re feeling excited, nervous, or skepti...

In this transformative episode, Harry Flanagan unpacks the vital role of a spiritual growth plan in long-term healing and freedom. He shares why a clear, intentional path isn’t just helpful—it’s essential, especially for those navigating recovery. What does a spiritual growth plan actually look like? Is there a rhythm that fosters consistency without becoming rigid? Harry addresses common gaps in spiritual development, particularly when someone feels disconnected from God or has experienced spiritual trauma. You’ll also hear how practices like Scripture reading, prayer, and worship impact the brain, body, and soul—offering holistic support in the healin...

In this episode of the Foundations of Freedom series, Heather Kolb joins us as we dive deep into the battlefield of the mind—where true healing begins. From a neuroscience perspective, we explore how the brain processes sexual brokenness and trauma, and why understanding this is key to lasting transformation. Many people believe they’re just “wired this way,” but what if you could actually retrain your brain? 

Heather unpacks the difference between wiring and training, how shame keeps us stuck, and why triggers and relapse are often rooted in brain function—not failure. With practical tools and powerfu...

Sobriety isn’t just about stopping a behavior—it’s about building a new way of living. In this powerful episode, Stuart Blade dives into what it truly means to establish sobriety and not just temporarily abstain. He shares practical steps for protecting your progress, limiting the damage of past behaviors, and preventing future setbacks. 

For those just starting out, Stuart offers insight into the mental and emotional hurdles of early recovery—and how to face them with strength and clarity. We also explore how to rebuild trust, embrace accountability, and shift from behavior management to identity transform...

In this episode, Kelly Johnston, the Women’s Groups Lead at Pure Desire, shares her profound insights on the healing journey and the importance of “surrendering to the process.” We explore how trust and vulnerability play key roles in surrendering control and embracing God’s timing, despite the fear and resistance many women face. 

Kelly discusses common obstacles in recovery and how to navigate the “messiness” of the process without becoming discouraged. She offers practical steps for staying committed when the journey feels long and challenging, while emphasizing the power of slow, intentional healing. 

With encouragement...

In this episode, we are joined by Sam Jolman. He is the author of, The Sex Talk You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality, and an expert in the field of sexual health and addiction recovery. Today we’re going to dive deep into the complexities of pornography use, compulsive sexual behavior, and the path to healing. Sam shares insights into how these behaviors can become addictive, offering a compassionate look at what it means to face down these struggles. Together, we explore how early relational wounds impact sexuality and intimacy, and how understanding one's full story of...

In this powerful kickoff to our Foundations of Freedom series, we sit down with John Begeman to explore why breaking free from denial is the critical first step in the healing journey. Often masked as a form of protection, denial can quietly keep us stuck—especially in the face of sexual brokenness or betrayal trauma. 

John unpacks the subtle ways people remain unaware of their pain and the emotional and spiritual toll it takes over time. He shares how radical honesty, guided by grace, can pave the way to freedom, even when facing truth feels overwhelming. You'll hea...

Register for the 2025 Summit Now!

In today’s episode, Bob Vander Meer and Heather Kolb join us to preview the upcoming Pure Desire Summit, sharing their excitement and insights about this year’s event. With the theme "Anchored in Hope," they discuss how the Summit aims to foster connection, growth, and healing for attendees from all walks of life. We reflect on what sets the Pure Desire Summit apart from other events and discuss what we hope attendees will walk away with—both personally and professionally.

They dive into how the theme of hope resonates with t...

In this insightful episode, Dr. Jake Porter shares his expertise on sex addiction and betrayal trauma through the powerful lens of the theme Anchored in Hope. 

Drawing from neuroscience, attachment theory, and spiritual truth, Dr. Jake unpacks how understanding the brain's role in addiction and trauma can offer a renewed sense of hope to those feeling stuck in cycles of pain. He explores how couples can begin to rebuild trust after betrayal, and how healing attachment wounds leads to healthier, more secure relationships. Dr. Jake emphasizes the importance of integrating psychology, spirituality, and neuroscience for a holistic r...

In this episode, Dr. Adrian Hickmon, founder of Capstone Treatment Center, shares his deep insights into the transformative power of hope in recovery, particularly for those struggling with addiction and trauma. Drawing on his firsthand experience, he explores how hope anchors individuals, helping them rediscover purpose and faith amidst emotional pain. 

Adrian sheds light on how people can break free from the shame and guilt tied to their struggles, offering a path to healing and lasting change. He also tackles common misconceptions about recovery and emphasizes the importance of a holistic approach that integrates faith, emotional healing, a...

In this powerful and deeply compassionate episode, Dr. Sheri Denham Keffer joins us to explore the theme Anchored in Hope—a lifeline for those navigating the stormy waters of sexual betrayal, trauma, and addiction. With wisdom drawn from years of walking alongside individuals in pain, Dr. Sheri unpacks how rediscovering our true identity in Christ fosters self-awareness, ignites healing, and grounds us in a hope that endures—even when it feels out of reach.

We dive into practical steps for reconnecting with hope during the darkest moments, how to support loved ones in their recovery without minimizing thei...

In this episode, we dive into the world of neurodivergence and its unique connection to addiction and recovery. Our guest, Jenna Riemersma, shares insights into what neurodivergence means and offers examples of behaviors that may be seen in neurodivergent individuals. 

We explore the specific challenges they face when dealing with addiction and recovery, and how mental health stigma can impact their journey. We also discuss the concept of self-regulation and its relationship to addictive behaviors, as well as the importance of neurodiversity education in addiction recovery settings. We provide practical strategies for managing recovery and how family a...

In this episode, we delve deep into the intersection of mental health, trauma, and unwanted sexual behavior, exploring how our past experiences shape our present struggles. Our guest, Jay Stringer, shares powerful insights into the connection between unresolved wounds and their impact on mental health, offering practical guidance on how to approach healing with curiosity instead of self-condemnation. We discuss the importance of understanding our stories, how attachment theory influences our relationships and mental health, and how faith can play a pivotal role in the healing process.

We’ll explore why it's crucial to focus on the "wh...

In this episode, we dig into the intersection of pornography use, social media, and mental health, exploring how these modern influences are shaping our perceptions of intimacy, relationships, and self-worth. We discuss how most people's journey with porn typically begins, early signs that it’s negatively affecting mental health, and how social media plays a significant role in fueling these behaviors.

Our conversation addresses common mental health challenges linked to problematic porn and social media use, such as anxiety, depression, and self-esteem issues. We explore how these habits can distort a person’s understanding of relationships and sexu...

In this episode, we explore the intersection of faith and mental health with Dr. Carol Tanksley who has dedicated their life to helping others heal from fear, anxiety, grief, and more. We’ll talk about the Church’s role in addressing mental health struggles, unpack common misconceptions Christians hold about anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges, and discuss how believers can distinguish between spiritual battles and mental health issues. 

This conversation highlights the importance of creating safe spaces within the Church for those struggling with mental health, the role of community in the healing process, and offer...

In this episode, we dive into the topic of biblical sexuality with Rodney Wright. We discuss his passion for addressing this often-overlooked issue and why the conversation around biblical sexuality is “dead” in many churches today. Exploring beyond the simple “sex is for marriage” approach, we discuss how we can recover a more holistic, biblical understanding of human sexuality in a modern context. 

Rodney shares insights on balancing sexual holiness with compassion for those struggling with brokenness, the role of marriage in God’s design, and how the resurrection of Jesus brings renewal to both our sexuality and communi...

In this episode, we dig into the often overlooked intersection of singleness and sexuality, exploring how we can resurrect a healthier, more holistic view of both. We discuss the importance of stewarding sexual desire with integrity, especially in a culture that promotes instant gratification and casual relationships. 

Our guests share their personal stories of God’s redemptive work in their sexuality during their single years and offer insights on how the church can better support and value singles. We also explore the difference between sexuality and sensuality and how to hold space for both desire and disappointment wit...

Description

In this raw and vulnerable episode, Mike and Megan Ramirez share their powerful journey of rediscovering hope and redemption in their marriage after hitting rock bottom. They take us back to the moment of discovery, revealing how a devastating truth almost ended it all. Through heartache, denial, and moments of deep despair, they walk us through their process of healing, the critical steps they took to save their marriage, and the people who played pivotal roles in their transformation.

They reveal how God turned their darkest days into milestones of redemption, transforming what was...

In today’s episode, we sit down with Dr. Curt Thompson to explore the complex relationship between anxiety, trauma, and the stories we tell ourselves. We discuss how feelings of anxiety and aloneness are intertwined, how trauma affects the brain, and the powerful role of secure relationships and community in healing. 

Dr. Thompson also shares practical steps for understanding and moving through anxiety, breaking free from isolation, and reconnecting with others and with God. Plus, we dive into the impact of spiritual practices like prayer and Scripture meditation in calming the mind and grounding us in peace. Don...

In this impactful episode, we sit down with Pastor Andrew Rothrock of Riverbend Church in Bend, Oregon, to explore what it means to create a church culture that actively supports sexual health and healing. Riverbend is setting a powerful example by making recovery from compulsive sexual behavior and betrayal trauma a visible and valued part of their ministry.

We talk with Andrew about why their church made sexual wholeness a key discipleship focus, how they’ve integrated Pure Desire groups into the life of their community, and the incredible transformation they’re seeing in both individuals and marr...

In this powerful episode, we sit down with Jasmine Marino, Founder and Director of Jasmine Grace Outreach, to discuss their life-changing work helping survivors escape sex trafficking and begin their recovery journey. From providing tailored recovery support groups to offering essential mentoring and coaching, Jasmine Grace Outreach goes above and beyond to empower individuals who have experienced both sexual exploitation and addiction. 

We dive into the challenges the organization faces, the unique needs of survivors, and how they work to raise awareness about the links between addiction, pornography, and trafficking.

Resources:

Jasmine Grace O...

In this eye-opening episode, we’re joined by Lisa Thompson, Vice President of the National Center on Sexual Exploitation’s Research Institute. We delve into the complex and often misunderstood connection between pornography and sexual exploitation. We explore how the consumption of porn fuels industries that profit from human trafficking and exploitation, and the psychological, relational, and societal consequences of widespread pornography use. We discuss the legal gaps that allow these harms to persist, and what policies need to change to protect vulnerable individuals.

We also tackle the role of social media and mainstream platforms in spreading expl...

In this eye-opening episode, we dig into the complexities of the adult entertainment industry, shedding light on the personal stories often hidden behind its glitzy façade. Rey Jordan, a counselor with experience working with individuals in the industry, shares her insights on the real-life struggles that lead people to seek counseling and the trauma that shapes their experiences.

We discuss the pathways many women take into the adult industry, the societal narratives that fail to reflect their true stories, and the ways in which pain and trauma shape their journeys. This conversation challenges the popular belief t...